Oneironaut Posted November 16, 2010 Share Posted November 16, 2010 I think my ex has become an online sex addict. Brief history - we were together for a year and a half, and broke up 3 months ago. It was a long distance relationship, so other than the one time I flew to his city and met him, we were celibate. He told me he had no problem with that, and I didn't, either. He told me early on that he was bipolar, though I've come to believe he may actually be borderline, because his mood swings were faster than bipolars usually experience. Earlier this year, he began pressuring me to cyber with him on webcam more and more. He also encouraged me to go out and find random guys to have sex with, and to take pictures to send him. Of course I refused, and at first he was OK, then he started getting angry at me. He broke up with me in June, saying he needed to flirt with other women, then asked me back 2 weeks later. However, I could tell his heart was no longer in it, and he dumped me for the final time on August 7. He asked me to be "friends with online benefits", and I agreed, because despite the emotional abuse, I wanted him back and figured the only way that might happen is if I stayed in his life. About a month ago, he discovered IMVU, an online 3D chatting program, and invited me to join with him, which I agreed to do. Basically, he spends almost all his free time there (which is considerable, since he works part time and has few friends), and he is engaging in MASSIVE amounts of online sex with multiple women. He told me just last week that he didn't believe in love anymore, only lust, and that these women are nothing more than a means to an end for him. He uses them, gets bored, and finds more. He claims that he has one woman whom he ordered to go out last weekend and have sex 10 times with random guys, and another who allows her 2 male roommates to use her on webcam for him. He is also telling people that he has been single for the last 7 years. He has numerous taboo fetishes, including domination/submission, beastiality, incest, and rape. He visits porn sites pretty much every day, when he's not cybering with these females on IMVU. I have no problem with fetishes, but he has taken it beyond that. He is trying to make them reality. He has become utterly obsessed with online sex, and with his fetishes. We aren't really speaking anymore, but when we did, almost all our conversations were centered around sex in some manner. Even as I type this, he is sitting in his IMVU chatroom with 5 females, 2 of whom he calls "pets". He has been there since I got home from work, 10 hours ago. I have no doubt that they are having a massive online orgy of some sort, and that he is feeling like a VERY big man, despite the fact that he is a bipolar who is largely unemployed, lives in his little brother's basement, owes people massive amounts of money, and has made a career of gaming and cybering. Also, a week or so ago, we were hanging out together in my IMVU chatroom, and suddenly he types, "Unzips his pants.." I asked him what he was doing, and he said he was getting comfortable. I said OK, make yourself as comfy as you like, and his next reply was, "Pulls it out.." I asked if this was his way of telling me he wanted to cyber, and he said, "Nope, just relaxing.." I was stunned, to be honest...he'd never done anything like that before, and even though we've been intimate and so on, it almost seemed like he was simply...exposing himself to me in an online way. It was truly bizarre, even for him. The sad part of all this is, he pretends like all he needs now is physical satisfaction, refusing to admit that he has emotional needs, as well...but when he wants support of some sort, he comes to me. He just doesn't even recognize it. Does this sound to you guys like someone who has developed a sexual addiction? Is it possible that it's a manic phase, and that when he comes down, his obsession will fade away? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rally Posted November 16, 2010 Share Posted November 16, 2010 Wow... I have no good advice for this one.. It just sounds so... messed up.. Why are you still into this guy? Tell him he needs help.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
allendr06 Posted November 16, 2010 Share Posted November 16, 2010 I would say be glad you're not dating him anymore. He obviously has issues. You are probably paying attention and talking to him because the break-up is still recent, but you will forget about him soon, especially if he keeps up this weird behavior. Just try to talk to him less and less till eventually you don't talk anymore, unless you want to talk to him and remain friends, then I have no advice for you other than he needs a new hobby Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Staple Posted November 16, 2010 Share Posted November 16, 2010 Someone should tell him that its probably not "women" he's having online sex with, LOL. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
greywolf Posted November 16, 2010 Share Posted November 16, 2010 Whatever his reasons for behaving like he is now, it is no longer your concern. I really think you should just cut this guy loose. You're wasting your time on him. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Oneironaut Posted November 16, 2010 Author Share Posted November 16, 2010 Thanks for the replies. I guess I was just trying to figure out if his behavior is "normal". Like a lot of women in or coming out of an abusive relationship, I seem to have lost any sense of what "normal" is anymore. His behavior over the final months became increasingly bizarre and demanding and verbally violent, and the excuses I made for his behavior were outlandish...that much I have come to realize. When I first began posting my history with him on boards like these, the reaction I got was surprising to me...pretty much the same as you guys are saying, lol. People were shocked and appalled, frankly, many saying they'd never heard of anything like this. The general consensus has been that he is VERY messed up. And the sad part is, what I posted here was barely scratching the surface of what I have dealt with from him. Hmm...I guess I still love the person he used to be. I don't even recognize this man, nor is he someone I would hook up with, if we were just meeting now. But, I guess there's still a part of me that thinks my love can fix him. I know it's dumb, and something I need to work on, but, the feeling is there, nonetheless. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hrtlsngl7 Posted November 16, 2010 Share Posted November 16, 2010 3 words 4 him. Sex Addicts Anonymous. It's AA but for Sex Addicts. Encourage him to go there. Here's the website link removed. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PaintWithLight Posted November 16, 2010 Share Posted November 16, 2010 It sounds like he has no further interest in you other than demeaning you. If you do not want to be one of his "pets" then leave. He seems to have retreated into a completely virtual world. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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