Finding love in later age

[Lady Rashomon]

I just got home from the wedding of a good friend of mine. She's 55 years old and is so completely in love--it's amazing to see. I was talking to her and inquiring as to whether or not she ever thought she'd get married again (she was married for ten years between 26 and 36 years old, then got divorced). She admitted that when she was divorced, she had consigned herself to permanent singledom because the end of that relationship was so traumatic--and because she had so many people in her life telling her that at her age, the odds were not in her favor. She had a couple LTRs before finally meeting the man she married at the age of 50. According to her, she is happier now than she has ever been in her life and feels that she is finally with the man of her dreams.

 

I'm curious: how many people on this board met the love of their life at a later age than normal? Do you feel that your relationship with this person is more solid than it would have been had you met when you were younger?

[dancingcolors]

I am 58, and got my heartbroken the most severely I ever had, and hurt the most, and the most worse relationship, 2 years ago. He is my age exactly. Alot of guys in their 50's and 60's are really jaded about relationships. Too many bad experiences, that they didn't grow from. I haven't given up though. There is always hope, and you never know. My most solid relationship was for 8 years, thru my 20's. I think younger people haven't been so hurt by life yet, and actually have a better outlook, more healthy. I am glad for your friend.

[Lady Rashomon]

I'm sorry to hear, dancingcolors. I hope you'll heal from your experience and find love. My friend's husband was a widower at age 42 and it took him several years to recover from the loss of his first wife--he, too, thought he'd never be able to get past the experience and open his heart to love. They're both wonderful people, and honestly, I don't think I've ever seen two people MORE in love with each other. They've been together for over five years, too, so they're not exactly in the honeymoon phase.

 

It's interesting that you say you feel people in their twenties aren't as hurt by life. On the contrary, I felt that my emotional life was MUCH more turbulent when I was in my twenties because I was just beginning to deal with adulthood, defining myself and my path, and dealing with the traumas of domestic violence and childhood abuse. Now that I have a bit of distance from the pain of my early years, I feel more equipped to make solid decisions for myself and determine the kind of life I am going to create for myself. I was with my husband from the age of 22 until recently (I'll be 31 soon), and in retrospect, it was an extremely turbulent and difficult relationship. I want to spend some time being alone and healing for a while, but I've never doubted that when the time is right, I'll find love again.

[itsallgrand]

I love stories like this, and I believe that love can come at any age. Very strongly. In fact, I'm quite sure it's coming my way in my future.

 

I relate to what you have described, Lady Rashomon. I too feel much more prepared and ready for love, and more willing to put in the work (also better judgment nowadays) than I did in my 20s. My teenage and twenties were very difficult for me, emotionally and otherwise, and I feel so much clearer and open to life and love at this point in my life. I am 31 too, never married though, but did have a few long term relationships that were quite turbulent and difficult. I learned from my mistakes, I have taken time to heal myself - not just from previous relationships, but childhood trauma and abuse as well - and it like starting life afresh. Only, with so much more gratitude and ability to appreciate all the good things that I previously either took for granted, or, couldn't see.

 

Like I said, I love stories like your friends! It's very uplifting.

[ReneinDC]

I agree with Itsallgrand this is a very uplifting story! I'm 45, and keep going back and forth with "I know I'll find love" to "I'm going to die alone with just my cats" This certainly gives me hope! Congratulations to your friend

[Fudgie]

My boyfriend is with me and he's 58.

 

He was married for 14 years many years ago but was really unhappy for the most of it. He had some security/trust issues afterward but worked on them. Now he's with me and he's awesome. We trust each other, no "checking up" and we believe in our relationship. He gives 100% and is loving but never smothers. I'm very in love with him.

 

People in their 20s (myself included) haven't been through a lot yet and have a lot to learn about relationships. What better time is there to fall in love when you are older, mature, and have it together?

 

Love is not just for the young. My boyfriend tells me I make him feel better than he did in his 20s, dating women his age, having sex, going out to the drive in and just fooling around. Times are different now but he trusts me and knows that I will stick by. He also told me he never wishes to be young again. This is it.

 

Love happens at any age.

[truegrit]

I met my husband at 56 married him at 57. I had previously been married for 25 years and my husband passed away. He was actually the first person I even dated after his death!

 

It to me was the strongest love I have ever felt way crazy!!!! We have now been married almost 6 years he is 3 years older and had been married before but had been a bachelor for 17 years before we met.

 

We have talked about if we would have been a match if we'd met say 20 years before. No, I don't think we would have been at that time. We both have changed a lot since then plus we could have never raised children together as our parenting ways are MUCH different. I would have pulled my hair out, LOL!

 

But, for this time of my life he is exactly what I wanted. Timing, Timing, Timing..........

[Sparkly Eyes]

I don't personally know anyone who found love at a later age (40+) as far as I can remember. But then again, almost all people I know at that age are already married. I do know a few older guys who got girls because of their money, but I wouldn't call that love.

[trezz]

i know a few people who got married at 40+. they all have been married for 5+ years and are happy.

i think there are many advantages. we know who we are and have learnt from our mistakes. i dont make guesses anymore i have learnt to be direct and if in doubt ask. i am equal to anyone and in a relationship i will be an equal. all lessons i have learnt that can only be a benefit.

we are free to have fun.

for me the children are teenagers and ready to leave home in a few years. i am looking forward to being responsible only for my self.

if a long term relationship happens that's cool but i am not in a hurry. i would like to think there will be someone special in my future, if not i have been single by choice for 12 years!

looking forward to the future.

happy for your friends i hope their marriage stays happy and loving.

[dancingcolors]

Well, I hope I find love still, and I am 58. I don't want to spend the rest of my life alone. Bad enough I had to experience the disappointment and betrayal of a broken heart.

[Circe]

I dont have any doubt that you can find love at any age. I have a friend in his early 50s whose currently found someone and is really happy with her. The only thing that could stop you is a closed heart, I think. Although it can be very hard to open up after many years of hurt.

[BriarRose]

I'm middle aged and it never happened for me. I find people are usually in relationships most of their life or they are alone most of their life. Like your friend - she was divorced by 36, had several LTR's after that, and met her husband at 50. So in retrospect, she was alone for how long? It's still a nice story, though, as she did meet him later in life.

[Lady Rashomon]

Actually, she only had two LTRs--one for two years (38-40) and another for two years (42-44). So she was alone for a couple years between those relationships and six years before she met her husband. She's never been one for casual dating and I think she was fine with being on her own, as well. My point is that out of the four relationships she's had in her life, she feels that this one is the healthiest and the strongest. I think you can find love at any age, but to say that the love of your life was someone you found in middle age is pretty remarkable, especially since the romance myth tends to pivot around youth.

[LightbulbSun]

There is someone I know who met the love of her life at age 39, got married for the first time, and is now 70 and is still married and with kids. I also know someone who didn't kiss anybody or have sex with anybody until he was 39, and had his first kiss and lost his virginity at that age. Now he's happily married.

 

Love can come at any age. And sometimes people fall madly in lust, and mistake it for love. It's only when you meet someone that you click with on every level, that you realize that you've fallen in love, and not just lust.

[BriarRose]

I want to know where all these old goats (like myself) are meeting all these people, lol!

[Lady Rashomon]

BriarRose, I know that my friend has never consciously sought out ways to meet men. She's never been into online dating and she has never actively tried to be in a relationship--she's always been of the mindset that if something is meant to happen, it will (which isn't to say that she's passive--if she meets somebody and feels a connection, she will pursue it). Her life is rich and full. She's an artist, she's actively involved in her community, and she's the sort of person who is so full of love and generosity of spirit that people naturally gravitate to her. She's magnetic and completely unassuming at the same time. Men have always been drawn to her (it helps that she's gorgeous, also). So I don't know--perhaps she's just lucky, LOL.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

I'm middle aged and it never happened for me. I find people are usually in relationships most of their life or they are alone most of their life. Like your friend - she was divorced by 36, had several LTR's after that, and met her husband at 50. So in retrospect, she was alone for how long? It's still a nice story, though, as she did meet him later in life.

 

Yeah, I agree with you. I have never found love either and have spent most of my life alone, rather than bouncing in and out of relationships. I always find it amusing to hear people talk about how they love being single when for most of their life they were either married or in one relationship or another. Sure, during the times they were not married they were technically single...but to me really being single means not being in a relationship.

[Lady Rashomon]

Yeah, I agree with you. I have never found love either and have spent most of my life alone, rather than bouncing in and out of relationships. I always find it amusing to hear people talk about how they love being single when for most of their life they were either married or in one relationship or another. Sure, during the times they were not married they were technically single...but to me really being single means not being in a relationship.

 

Actually, for most of her life she was NOT in a relationship. Her first relationship was at the age of 26, with the man she married. She was in a PhD program before that and had never even dated at all. I guess if you add up all four of her relationships, that's 19 years of her life, which isn't that much, considering that she's 55.

 

Also, why is "I love being single" mutually exclusive with "I love being in a relationship"? Some people are fine exactly where they are in their lives. I knew her when she was single, and she was happy back then too.

[BriarRose]

Actually, for most of her life she was NOT in a relationship. Her first relationship was at the age of 26, with the man she married. She was in a PhD program before that and had never even dated at all. I guess if you add up all four of her relationships, that's 19 years of her life, which isn't that much, considering that she's 55.

 

Also, why is "I love being single" mutually exclusive with "I love being in a relationship"? Some people are fine exactly where they are in their lives. I knew her when she was single, and she was happy back then too.

 

From your prior post, seems the longest she was alone in her entire life was 6 years. Still a happy ending, though.

[Lady Rashomon]

From your prior post, seems the longest she was alone in her entire life was 6 years. Still a happy ending, though.

 

Age 0 to 26 doesn't count? Most people I know were in their first serious relationships between 16 and 18.

[BriarRose]

Yeah, I agree with you. I have never found love either and have spent most of my life alone, rather than bouncing in and out of relationships. I always find it amusing to hear people talk about how they love being single when for most of their life they were either married or in one relationship or another. Sure, during the times they were not married they were technically single...but to me really being single means not being in a relationship.

 

I agree. Single means not in a relationship, period. And the ones who talk about how awesome it is to be single are usually very young and/or they haven't been single for a long time (or at least what I would consider a long time, which is a couple of years).