tinkerbellkj Posted November 8, 2010 Share Posted November 8, 2010 Fertility decreases VERY early, I want to say 25ish? And some people just aren't fertile to begin with and will have just as hard a time conceiving at 21 as they would at 36. That was always a fear of mine that I would not be fertile, but I never based that on age (I was 25 when I got pregnant), just my own body. There have been many, many women who have had children well into their 30's and 40's and they have been healthy babies. There have been many, many women who have had unhealthy babies at 22 or 23. Any time you get or try to get pregnant their are risks. It is a scary time. I am pregnant now and have been terrified from day one that something could happen, not because I have had any signs of this (you don't always get signs) but because I realize I am not invincible to things. It is very hard to pin point age as being a huge factor, because really, sometimes it's just the woman's body and her ability to carry a pregnancy. It's very difficult to compare someone to themselves, especially if they did not start trying until they were older. It would be easier to say it's just their age, when in reality, how could they know for absolute sure they would not have run into the same issues at 24? And I agree, it goes way beyond your body when you are getting pregnant, my body was ready after I hit puberty, but my mind was barely ready when I actually got pregnant at 25. So I have a hard time agreeing with the idea that it is better to have children younger. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lostnscared Posted November 8, 2010 Share Posted November 8, 2010 They say your fertility hits it's peak at 24, and then steadily decreases from there. But they also say that the twenties is still a better time(fertility wise) than the thirties. I've never read that having a child after 30 is risky. What I've read is that it's AFTER 35 where it becomes risky and where your fertility is almost 50% less than what it was a decade earlier. All in all, yes, the older you are, the more risks, the more fertility issues you may be develop, and the more complications that can occur pre-labor or post-labor. BUT there are several woman that have no issue getting pregnant or having healthy babies after 35. Really any woman(that is older than 35) should see their gyno, do all the necessary "testing", and be in good "health". And it should be fine. I think like Tinker has indicated, having a child in your twenties probably isn't the best for a significant portion population. Most of us twenty-somethings are not emotionally or mentally or financially prepared for a child. A lot of us have bad eating habits(I plead the fifth lol), and a lot of us just aren't ready to be selfless. This isn't to say that thirty or forty-somethings are more capable, but that on "average" it's far more normal to find an older woman that is much more equipped to handle a child than it is to meet a woman under 26 that is prepared to raise a child. They say that physically having a baby between 18-27 is probably for the best. But emotionally, and financially they say the thirties and forties are probably the best ages to have children. In the end it's really about just doing what is right for you... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
newwave Posted November 8, 2010 Share Posted November 8, 2010 You hit on the right answer, and that is that it varies from every woman. Some are very fertile and some just aren't. Some can have babies into their 50's and some stop in their 20's. I really do think the best thing is to check with the doctor and see each individual person. Personally I often wonder if I am even fertile or ever was just because there are times I could have gotten pregnant but didn't (not by trying just happening). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted November 8, 2010 Share Posted November 8, 2010 I think it's important to check with the doctor first. I know my doctor mentioned that there are several pre tests you can take to see if it's ok. My biggest fear about this is that I'll find out after I get pregnant that I am high risk so I'd rather check beforehand. You're right it does vary with each woman. I've known women in their 20's who are infertile and women in their 50's who get pregnant. These are extremes though. Well, you are considered high risk after 40 no matter what. I knew about the pre-tests but got pregnant before I got around to taking them so I never did. I had my HCG levels checked 4 days after finding out I was pregnant since I had a little spotting (all normal). I don't think the pre-tests are definitive, anyway. I spent much of my pregnancy worried that something would go wrong even though there were no complications. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
newwave Posted November 8, 2010 Share Posted November 8, 2010 Well, you are considered high risk after 40 no matter what. I knew about the pre-tests but got pregnant before I got around to taking them so I never did. I had my HCG levels checked 4 days after finding out I was pregnant since I had a little spotting (all normal). I don't think the pre-tests are definitive, anyway. I spent much of my pregnancy worried that something would go wrong even though there were no complications. And of course the tests don't mean anything until one is pregnant. I've heard though that many of the tests that show Downs are in fact wrong. That's kind of creepy aborting a child with Downs only to find it was healthy. I guess the best thing is to take care of one's self before trying to conceive. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BellaDonna Posted November 8, 2010 Share Posted November 8, 2010 ^The test that is usually wrong and mis-diagnose an abnormality is usually the triple screen test link removed It can give "false positives" or "false sense of increased risk" If any abnormalities are suspected from the triple screen the next step is usually amniocentisis (if the parents opt for it) along with a more detailed unltrasound to look for "soft markers". Amnio is extremely accurate. Many parents will opt for amnio, not just regarding a decision whether to continue the pregnancy but also if they have the baby they want to ensure that the proper medical professionals/specialists are on hand when it is born for an optimal response team to give the baby the best chance. For instance, if you know you are having a baby with Down's Syndrome it will help if a pediatric cardiologist is on site when the baby is born because heart issues are a concern. Even though I was in my 20's when I was pregnant I opted for the prenatal screenings. It is a personal decision made among families with the help of their doctors. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tinkerbellkj Posted November 8, 2010 Share Posted November 8, 2010 I also had the triple screen done. I knew I would not abort my child no matter what, however, I would like to at least feel like I am prepared for things. My nuchal screen was 1.7 which is considered normal, however, there have been people with "abnormal" nuchals and had normal babies. I got my combined test results this morning that said everything was normal. I am also aware that these tests are not always right (however, there appear to be more false positives than false negatives) and that there could be problems with my baby. I pray that this is not the case, but this is my child and I love him no matter what. The Amino IS very accurate and I believe is a 2% miscarriage rate, if my tests had come back abnormal I am not sure if I would have done it or not. I think I would have, just so that I would be prepared, like you said Bella. My friend had abnormal results and opted to have the amino which came back normal and she said she was so happy she did it because it gave her peace of mind. Anyway, I am rambling, but yes, my doctor made it VERY clear that no tests are conclusive, and screenings can miss things as well as over estimate things at time. Being pregnant is a scary ride, I gotta say! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted November 9, 2010 Share Posted November 9, 2010 The miscarriage rate we were given for amnios was far higher than 2%. If the triple screen is the latest test available, we did that and got great results (the older test- from 4 or so years ago- had far more inaccurate results than what we did). We opted not to have an amnio which our doctors fully supported given our test results. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Elaine Marley Posted November 9, 2010 Share Posted November 9, 2010 how many women on this board were first-time moms in their late 30s/early 40s? Was it easy or difficult to conceive? Are you glad you waited that long before having children? And did your feelings about wanting to be pregnant change from your late 20s/early 30s to your late 30s/early 40s? I got pregnant when I was 37, had my baby at 38. It was easy for me to conceive -- about three months after going off birth control. I am glad that I waited -- I was with the right person. My feelings about being pregnant drastically changed between my 20s and 30s. I didn't want children in my 20s and I was afraid of childbirth. In my 30s I began to warm to the idea and then I wanted one and decided I wasn't going to worry about the giving-birth part. (It wasn't nearly as bad as I thought it would be!) My pregnancy was perfect, no complications, and I went into labor a few days after my due date. My son is healthy and perfect! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
trezz Posted November 9, 2010 Share Posted November 9, 2010 the age of the father is a factor as well. mens sperm is less healthy as they get older. a friend of mine was asked by her doctor if her 2nd child had a different father to her first child as the pregnancy was so different (yes the same father can also result in different symptoms just saying as earlier the point was made that different fathers can affect the pregnancy). her doctor completely backed that view point. i was 28,32,34 when my children were born. all healthy pregnancys and quick. no drugs or intervention. lol by the time i screamed at the midwife to bring lots of drugs the babies were nearly on the way out so too late...i was told i couldn't have children (medical complications from earlier surgery).......since i have been told that caffine (cant think how to spell it) should be avoided if trying to get pregnant......by coincidence i had stopped drinking buckets of coffee a few months before getting pregnant.... i think my children benifitted from my being older as i was very stupid in my 20's. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lostnscared Posted November 9, 2010 Share Posted November 9, 2010 I can honestly admit that right now at 23 I wouldn't be a good mom(or as good as I would want to be). I'm not sure when I would be, but I honestly believe that having a child at my age wouldn't be good for me or the child. I like to tell myself that maybe in a few years I'll be ready. Three years ago the thought of having a child made me panic. Last year I just started "warming up" to it, each year I find myself growing more and more to the point where I get "that much" closer to feeling prepared to have a child. While I believe the older you are the more financial and career benefits you have(which is important), I also feel that if I was older I'd also have emotional maturity and more wisdom. I've always pictured myself having kids in my mid-to-late twenties and if things continue as they have and I work out some of the internal issues I have, I think that still would be the case. But even if I had to wait until my late twenties-early thirties, I still don't think it's old or dangerous. I do however feel that getting pregnant any later than 35 is not something I'd find desirable for myself, BUT if that was the only option I had to have kids I would take it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sparkly Eyes Posted November 9, 2010 Share Posted November 9, 2010 yep, I once searched for the effects of male age and I saw a lot of studies (many of which are new) that said age of the guy (above 40) is a very important factor that contributes to infertility specially for women in their late thirties and up. Even for younger women, being with an older man will decrease their chances of conceiving. It's also an important factor for genetic disorders such as atheism and schizophrenia and the down syndrome. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
trezz Posted November 9, 2010 Share Posted November 9, 2010 yep, I once searched for the effects of male age and I saw a lot of studies (many of which are new) that said age of the guy (above 40) is a very important factor that contributes to infertility specially for women in their late thirties and up. Even for younger women, being with an older man will decrease their chances of conceiving. It's also an important factor for genetic disorders such as atheism and schizophrenia and the down syndrome. er no religious debates>>>>>?????????????? could not resist silly genes are dominent as are cant spell genes......atheism swop for autism prehaps.........best laugh ever may quote religiously...... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sparkly Eyes Posted November 9, 2010 Share Posted November 9, 2010 er no religious debates>>>>>?????????????? could not resist silly genes are dominent as are cant spell genes......atheism swop for autism prehaps.........best laugh ever may quote religiously...... omg, autism is what I meant. I guess I typed it wrong and chose the first correction, LOL. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
newwave Posted November 9, 2010 Share Posted November 9, 2010 I know someone who just found out she's pregnant. She's 40 or so and here's the strange part she's doing the natural childbirth with a midwife thing. Though personally I think that's dangerous at that age, I find it interesting that many midwives take patients up to 45. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OptomisticGirl Posted November 9, 2010 Share Posted November 9, 2010 It's a personal preference really. God my sister was told from the beginning she couldn't birth naturally because of her size and she was still wanting to friggin do it until her placenta started tearing and she had to have an emergency c section. She's 19, btw. I think at any age pregnancy is a risk but there def. precautions as you get older you have to take. I personally feel I'm ready to be a mom now and I know that's strange coming from a 22 year old, but it's the truth. I know what I can give our kids and am as ready as one can be (because lets face it, you are never prepared for parenthood). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Elaine Marley Posted November 10, 2010 Share Posted November 10, 2010 yep, I once searched for the effects of male age and I saw a lot of studies (many of which are new) that said age of the guy (above 40) is a very important factor that contributes to infertility specially for women in their late thirties and up. Even for younger women, being with an older man will decrease their chances of conceiving. It's also an important factor for genetic disorders such as atheism and schizophrenia and the down syndrome. This was brought up in another thread and I found it interesting. My H is in his 20s and I was 37 when we conceived (very quickly too). The atheism typo made me laugh, though. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sweetpea03 Posted November 10, 2010 Share Posted November 10, 2010 the age of the father is a factor as well. mens sperm is less healthy as they get older. a friend of mine was asked by her doctor if her 2nd child had a different father to her first child as the pregnancy was so different (yes the same father can also result in different symptoms just saying as earlier the point was made that different fathers can affect the pregnancy). her doctor completely backed that view point. Well just because one pregnancy feels a certain way, doesn't mean the second pregnancy will feel the same. Just like each women has different feelings/symptoms during pregnancy, each pregnancy has different feelings/symptoms.(and this is with the same father) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lady Rashomon Posted November 19, 2010 Author Share Posted November 19, 2010 Wow, thanks for all the responses! For the record, I'll be 31 in a couple weeks and I have no desire to have children, BUT I also know that many women change their minds about this, so I'm open to that possibility. I would want to be in a stable relationship with someone I was deeply in love with before even thinking about kids, however. My STBX husband wanted children, but I never felt the drive to have children with him and never felt that I wanted to be connected to him in that way. Many of the women in my family have had children without difficulty post-35, which may be an indication of the ease with which I might be able to conceive (or maybe not). But even if I wanted children and couldn't conceive, I wouldn't be too worried. I could always adopt. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
newwave Posted November 19, 2010 Share Posted November 19, 2010 Wow, thanks for all the responses! For the record, I'll be 31 in a couple weeks and I have no desire to have children, BUT I also know that many women change their minds about this, so I'm open to that possibility. I would want to be in a stable relationship with someone I was deeply in love with before even thinking about kids, however. My STBX husband wanted children, but I never felt the drive to have children with him and never felt that I wanted to be connected to him in that way. Many of the women in my family have had children without difficulty post-35, which may be an indication of the ease with which I might be able to conceive (or maybe not). But even if I wanted children and couldn't conceive, I wouldn't be too worried. I could always adopt. Agree with you. I've heard family history is a good indication of whether you are fertile and in my case many female relatives had babies and got menstrual cycles later in life. You never know you could change. I know until 35 I was staunchly anti having children now I want a baby. However now is a bad time between financial issues and relationship troubles (I want a guy who as of now doesn't want a relationship and because of my financial issue not looking for anyone else). Once everything settles one way of another (job, whether I get a boyfriend, etc) then I'll consider. Could be 6 months, could be longer. Could be too long where iI go through menopause at which case I'll adopt. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
froggyday Posted November 29, 2010 Share Posted November 29, 2010 I am currently pregnant and am 36. I too had no desire for kids earlier, but I do wish that we would have started a little sooner. It took a couple of years to conceve, we tried drugs which didn't help, then finally we quit them, and all of a sudden I was pregnant. Everything has been going good, I just wish we would have started when I was around 30. A friend of mine tried for 10 years before they had one, so it may take a little longer, so be prepared for it taking a little longer than you expect since you are older. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lostnscared Posted November 29, 2010 Share Posted November 29, 2010 I am currently pregnant and am 36. I too had no desire for kids earlier, but I do wish that we would have started a little sooner. It took a couple of years to conceve, we tried drugs which didn't help, then finally we quit them, and all of a sudden I was pregnant. Everything has been going good, I just wish we would have started when I was around 30. A friend of mine tried for 10 years before they had one, so it may take a little longer, so be prepared for it taking a little longer than you expect since you are older. I think that the time it takes to conceive can vary depending on the person, even with age(though I'm sure the older you are the longer it may take). My boyfriend's cousin's wife is trying for her fourth baby, she is 27. She had all three of her children(taking 2 year spaces in between) very soon after trying each time, but for some reason, with this last child they are trying for it is taking a while to conceive. They have been trying since June, and it now almost December, and still NO luck with getting pregnant. I'd say that as long as the OP acknowledges that it may take a year--if not longer- to conceive and is okay with that, then she will be fine. I do wonder--though--if age is a factor in how quickly one conceive. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted November 29, 2010 Share Posted November 29, 2010 I think that the time it takes to conceive can vary depending on the person, even with age(though I'm sure the older you are the longer it may take). My boyfriend's cousin's wife is trying for her fourth baby, she is 27. She had all three of her children(taking 2 year spaces in between) very soon after trying each time, but for some reason, with this last child they are trying for it is taking a while to conceive. They have been trying since June, and it now almost December, and still NO luck with getting pregnant. I'd say that as long as the OP acknowledges that it may take a year--if not longer- to conceive and is okay with that, then she will be fine. I do wonder--though--if age is a factor in how quickly one conceive. Sometimes it can and sometimes not- my 39 year old friend took a month and same with other friends in their late 30s. Another friend needed IVF at 28. Another friend needed fertility drugs in her 20s but not in her 30s (4 kids). Not sure how long it took us when I was 40-41 because we were long distance and couldn't always try at the "right time". I got pregnant one year and three months after we decided to start trying. No drugs, no ovulation monitors. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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