lostgirlaus Posted October 28, 2010 Share Posted October 28, 2010 My boyfriend and I were together for 6 months when things started to get rocky. We could have worked things out but along came a girl and they began flirting. He broke up with me but they never got together. Fast forward 6 weeks and he turns up on my door step saying how sorry he was and he'll never do it again. I take him back and we are perfect for 2 months. But for the past 2 weeks all we have been doing is fighting. Also he is back to flirting with that same girl who he promised he wouldn't talk to anymore. It seems like it's always me who is chasing him to fix things, I'm the one doing all the work in this relationship etc. I think I'm about to break up with him. It's SO hard, I feel like my heart is being ripped out of my chest. It's so hard to start all over again, all the memories. We have a trip planned in 2 months for our 1 year. I don't know how to do this... Is it wishful thinking if I think he will come back again? Even though I'm the dumper I can't go back to him, he should come back to me since he's at fault, right? It's so much harder since he was pretty much my first everything... Link to comment
ToF Posted October 28, 2010 Share Posted October 28, 2010 Is it wishful thinking if I think he will come back again? Why would you want him to? If you're okay with always being second best to this other girl, then stick with him. If not, ditch the guy and don't look back. He came back the first time because he was lonely, not because he had actually changed. Link to comment
lostgirlaus Posted October 28, 2010 Author Share Posted October 28, 2010 I don't want to be second best, but I keep hoping maybe he will change... But if he didn't the first time around, he never will Link to comment
C_Unknown2005 Posted October 28, 2010 Share Posted October 28, 2010 Been there done that three times over with my ex g/f and i'm a wreck right now. It's really really REALLY hard to let go of someone you that you fell deeply for. I fought for her and chased her and to the extent of being 2nd best for a while it sucks I advise you to not do it because if they did it once there is a possibility they would do it again (I learned the hard way) . You said that he was your first for everything, well make this your first stepping stone (i'm on many). Don't chase him since you called it off. If he comes around and wants you back then I would have a honest heart to heart conversation with him about what you both want in the relationship. 6 months is very fresh in a relationship so just be thankful it wasn't years. Link to comment
Binoo Posted October 28, 2010 Share Posted October 28, 2010 The longer you wait, the harder it will be. And it's just going to damage you further emotionally if you keep putting it off. I understand how you feel as I'm going through something similar. But remember, you had a life before him, you'll have one after. It's not fair that you should play second fiddle to some other girl. Link to comment
ToF Posted October 28, 2010 Share Posted October 28, 2010 I don't want to be second best, but I keep hoping maybe he will change... But if he didn't the first time around, he never will You already knew what you have to do before you came on here, and I think this just reinforces that. I know it's hard, but you are not benefitting from this relationship at all. Let him go ... Link to comment
lostgirlaus Posted October 28, 2010 Author Share Posted October 28, 2010 I was so ready to break up with him yesterday, I even prepared myself for it. I spoke to him yesterday on msn about the issue and how I didn't like it, he didn't reply for 2 hours. I went out and then awhile later I texted him asking if we weren't talking anymore. He replied saying that he never said we weren't, I love you etc. I replied back saying that he hadn't replied for 2 hours so I left. He then called me saying he didn't want to fight. I melted I'm not sure why I do this to myself.. I know I deserve better and can do so much better yet I still stick around putting up with all that he throws at me... Link to comment
ToF Posted October 29, 2010 Share Posted October 29, 2010 Well, listen to what you're saying. Hopefully you'll suck it up and do it before it comes to him doing something terrible that you have no choice, you know? Link to comment
theartofruin Posted October 29, 2010 Share Posted October 29, 2010 I'm so sorry you are going through this, but I promise you many of us have been there or are going through it right now. That horrible feeling of knowing it is for the best, but afraid of going through with it because of the pain. Ugh. I'm going through it right now so I can completely relate. I also understand that horrible feeling of 'future plans' being broken. For me, that it was one the worst things, probably as bad as throwing the memories. But we have to learn that we shouldn't cling to somebody just because of sentiment or plans. Try to be positive -- instead of going on holiday for an anniversary, you will be free and can do whatever you want. Go on holiday by yourself and have a blast! (That's something I have done a few times in the past, and it was a great form of therapy). If his reaction everytime you have problems is to run off getting attention from other girls, instead of trying to sort things out with his girlfriend, then he really isn't worth your energy anymore. I'd always say give people breaks and second chances, but eventually you just have to accept it isn't going to work. Link to comment
pokefan Posted October 30, 2010 Share Posted October 30, 2010 Yes it would be best to break up considering how you are hurt by this other girl. It's not fair to you that you even have to worry about her. You shouldn't settle for someone like that. You should have a guy that is crazy about you that wants you and doesn't want any other girl. It's normal for people to flirt but if he can't respect that you are hurt by his flirting with this other girl he obviously doesn't care about you as much as he should. You will be fine. Link to comment
lostgirlaus Posted October 30, 2010 Author Share Posted October 30, 2010 I just randomly had an epiphany while watching bride wars. I'm doing it. I'm finally going to go through with breaking up with him, once and for all. I'm not scared anymore. I deserve better, a guy who is crazy in love with me just the way I am with him, one who cares about my feelings and doesn't walk all over me. I'll be upset of course, but I'll live. People break up everyday, it's not the end of the world... People get married and then get divorced after years. I'll be fine... Right? Now I need to decide what to do about the trip at the end of the year. I'm not sure if I should see if I can sell it, or go on it with a friend. I don't know if I'll be healed enough in two months to go on the trip that was supposed to be for our one year but then a crazy week with a friend sounds awesome... Link to comment
ToF Posted October 30, 2010 Share Posted October 30, 2010 I'm glad that you've made a decision that feels right to you. It's a good feeling to finally have a plan. Now your job is to stick to it, and follow through. Good luck, and you always have support here if you need it. Link to comment
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