For those remarried with kids....

[floridagirlal]

As I think more and more about my bf and I getting married, I start to feel guilty for divorcing their dad and I wonder how them living with another man will affect them. Even if I wasn't considering marriage right now, I wouldn't be back with their dad so that wouldn't change.

 

I guess I'm just wanting to hear from those that have been there/done that and how did you feel about blending families and step parents, etc?

[livnlife]

I'm re married have three kids from first marriage and inherited three step kids with the second marriage. Blending families can be both difficult and rewarding. Whats important is keeping clear boundaries with the new spouses, the old spouses and with the children. My second wife and I have been together for now almost five years. We decided and agreed at the beginning that there would be zero discussion ofthe other parents in front of the kids unless it was positive or the child asked for advice relating to the other side.

We are fortunate that the six kids all get along and have developed good relations. This did however at times take some coaching.

Also I set a personal goal to build relationships with the step kids and to encourage their relationship with their natural father. We as a couple spent family time with the kids and I worked on earning their trust so when we did move in together the kids were for it and this minimized the amount of discomfort that they would naturally feel when mom moved in with a new man.

Kids will naturally test and try the new relationship it is there way checking out how secure their future is with a new person in the mix. The more familiar they are with the potential step parent the better chances of success the blend will have.

It is important that the children are compatible with the new step parent so if the new step parent can't earn the trust and respect of the kids then there will be certain strains on the marriage as well. The other day my 18 year old step son called after being away for a few days and he would have hung up without speaking to his mom, then the next day my 13 step daughter said "bye I love you" on her way out with freinds. These two incidents so close together made me realize wow I have found my way into their hearts. Awesome eh!

[floridagirlal]

My girls are all very accepting of my bf and his son is accepting of me. We spend our weekends together with the kids and we are really a family unit without living together. We spend holidays together, celebrate birthdays together, everything. All of the kids are as close as real siblings...laughing together and fighting with each other! Just because my ex and I divorced doesn't mean that I don't still want the best for my kids. I want them to feel secure and loved and I just don't want to feel selfish for wanting to marry this man. I want it to be a decision that is good for everyone...not just for me.