Something that has helped me during NC

[jboptop]

Let me start by saying I am certainly no expert, as this go round of NC has been less than 1 week, but I thought I would share something that has helped me..

 

Even though most of us in fresh break ups in some way are thinking about our ex's all the time, usually there is something that triggers you that makes the pain unbearable for a few minutes or an hour. Hearing a song, seeing a show, being reminded of a moment with them is often it. For this, I don't have a solution, just feel the pain, and move on.

 

But I noticed that the triggers often had nothing to do with the ex! For example, yesterday I was planning on hanging out with friends, and the plans got messed up. I had spent the whole day alone reading, writing, and watching tv. For some reason, it being Saturday night and having nothing to do triggered those bad emotions of serious pain and "needing" to call her. I started repeating to myself over and over "this has nothing to do with her!". It is so true, and it did help. That problem was mine, and had nothing to do with her. It is true she could have helped in being with me, but we need to handle problems on our own- "this has nothing to do with her".

 

Same goes for good situations- I had a great job interview and right after I was overwhelmed by sadness when I thought of how in the past I would always call her to tell her something good like this, and how bad it hurt that I couldn't even tell her my potentially life changing news. But again, "this has nothing to do with her!". It has helped me realize that even though it feels like everything is about them, we have our own lives now.

[BlueAngle]

Yes this is so true. The reason we are sad sometimes because we can't have our own lives. Start blaming on yourself instead of depending on her for your happiness. When you start to blame yourself, and that is when you start to take charge and create your own happiness.

[lia86]

I like this. I totally understand the triggers, too. I've had a couple job interviews since the BU and have spilled tears after both of them. Like I don't cry all the time anyway...

 

This has nothing to do with them. I like that mantra and I will use it!

[jboptop]

I am glad you like it Lia. Today though, I can't stop thinking about things that do have to do with her... Still no way of beating that