How do I get past wanting him back?

[Oneironaut]

This is so insane, lol...I cannot understand why I still want him back.

 

We had a long-distance relationship for a year and a half...as seems to happen in these situations a lot, we started out incredibly intense. We met online, and the chemistry was instant. Within a week, we were writing passionate emails to each other, him declaring that we were twin souls, we were meant to be, that he'd never felt anything like this before...although, to give him credit, I don't think he actually ever had. He's only 28, and had had very few relationships, having been single for 6 years before hooking up with me.

 

Then little things started happening...I wrote him an email one day, can't even remember what I said, but his reply was vicious, and he told me to go to hell...later he wrote and apologized, saying he'd just awakened and had misunderstood me.

 

Then, three weeks after we became an "official" online couple, I made a joke on the phone one night and he flew into a rage. Broke up with me in an incredibly malicious manner, saying cruel and hurtful things. I was devastated. And after telling me for 2 months at that point how irreplaceable I was, he has replaced me within a few weeks. And within 2 weeks of hooking up with his rebound, was back telling me he loved me again.

 

Fast forward 4 months...she dumps him, we hook up again. Everything was awesome at first...then the minor rages started again. A little bit of name-calling here and there..."worthless c-word" was the first one. He would laugh them off, saying he was just joking, but I could tell he wasn't.

 

Other bizarre things began to happen...he told me he had a demon living inside of him, and one night, that supposed "demon" came out...started talking about women in the most incredibly degrading way, and saying they should all die. This "demon" said if he and I ever met, it would make him kill me...why I stayed at this point is truly beyond me, but, I did.

 

Fast forward 2 months...I spend $1500 to go meet him. He contributed nothing...he was unemployed, as he is most of the year. That being said, though, our time together was incredible. The sex was passionate, the snuggling was awesome...he looked me in the eye and swore we were meant to be as he asked me to marry him. I honestly thought I had found the love of my life, and that despite all the "craziness", we would be happy together.

 

For 2 months after my return, everything was darn near perfect. No fights, we got along great. Then, in December, things started going bad again.

 

The name-calling picked up in intensity, and I couldn't do anything right. Everything that went wrong in the relationship was my fault...nothing was every his fault, and IF he admitted to a mistake, he immediately took the position that he was a worthless piece of garbage and couldn't do anything right. If I ever tried to talk about our relationship, he became defensive and accused me of nagging him. I found myself carefully weighing each word, and being very careful about what I said, lest it anger him. If I did stand up for myself, I was hung up on and given the silent treatment for days.

 

But between all of this, he was incredibly sweet and loving. He made me feel beautiful and special...told me repeatedly that no matter how angry he got, no matter how many times he left, he would always come back, that we were bound together forever, that he needed no one but me.

 

Somehow, though, things really started deteriorating, and I felt as if all of it was my fault, probably because I was told so on a regular basis. The name-calling got worse, until I was afraid to even talk to him on the phone anymore. He started spending less time with me online, and started disappearing more and more often. During this past May, I really felt things slipping away...and in fact, just yesterday I found a personals ad he had placed in his local paper during that month, stating that he was a "lonely guy" looking for "sexual encounters". And yet, I was being told that I smothered him.

 

Anyhow...he dumped me in June, saying he wanted to flirt with other women and didn't want to cheat on me. He asked me back two weeks later. But I could tell his heart was no longer in it. This caused me to cling to him even more, and he finally dumped me, for the 5th time, on August 7. We have been broken up ever since.

 

We stayed "friends with cyber-benefits" for about 2 months. Then I declared NC on October 3, and stayed that way for 5 days before breaking it. After I broke it, he almost seemed relieved, and it was obvious he had missed me. For the next 5 or so days, he was glued to my cyber-side, texting me constantly from morning until night, calling me pet names again, talking to me very affectionately.

 

Then, he found IMVU...and obviously, began meeting females. This past Saturday night, the 16th, he asked me for help with something...I tried to help him, then got told to quit bugging him. I haven't heard from him since, though I saw that he managed to find the time to log onto IMVU and tell someone else that he had reached his bandwidth limit for the month. I've not heard a word from him in 4 days.

 

So...I'm not a stupid woman. Logically speaking, I know this relationship is entirely toxic for me. He has reduced me to having practically no self-esteem and no sense of self-worth anymore. I feel that if =I= had just done better, he would still be mine. And frankly, I know he'll come back at some point, because as a friend recently told me, he needs me to feed his desire to abuse someone, and apparently, finding someone else to take his rage out upon isn't that easy.

 

And that's the crazy part...as much as I KNOW this relationship is horrible and I need to move on, I actually find myself daydreaming about the day he writes me again.

 

How in the world do I stop the cravings? How do I move past this? I used to be a strong, independent woman...now I am needy and clingy and feel as if I will never love again unless I have him back. Part of me is so jealous of the next woman he reels in, but part of me pities her immensely. And yet, I want him back so badly.

 

I have no experience in overcoming addiction, and it's obvious that I am addicted to this guy. Advice would be helpful, other than, "Get over it." It's just not that easy, and I'm envious of anyone for whom it is. But it ain't for me. As I said, I'm a fairly intelligent person, and I've always been strong and independent. For reasons I don't understand, I changed for him, and not for the better.

 

In summary...he is a mostly-unemployed bipolar narcissist who lives in his little brother's basement making a career of playing video games and surfing the Internet, he has no motivation whatsoever to better himself, he blames all his problems on anyone but himself, he is verbally abusive and has a deep and abiding hatred of women, he loathes himself to the Nth degree, and is the kind of person who spreads his poison to everyone who gets involved with him.

 

On the plus side, he's incredibly good-looking, extremely intelligent, and unbelievably charming...but none of that makes up for his abusive personality and his utter lack of ambition.

 

I need to figure out how to get to a point where I don't WANT him back...and I don't even know how to begin. 8(

[cruzer]

if after all that you still want him, something is wrong with you.

 

i also would not classify such a person as "extremely intelligent". Such a person would know that the things he does, and the way he treated u were wrong.

 

you know u can do better, and you know you should move on. why you refuse to move on is beyond me. perhaps afraid u wont find someone else? whatever reason, no reason is enough to justify liking, or caring for such an individual

[Oneironaut]

if after all that you still want him, something is wrong with you.

 

Yes, I rather gathered that, but thank you. 8)

 

i also would not classify such a person as "extremely intelligent". Such a person would know that the things he does, and the way he treated u were wrong.

 

I have to respectfully disagree with this...some of the most criminal masterminds in history were extremely intelligent individuals. Being smart doesn't necessarily lead to making good choices.

 

I guess I should be a bit more specific...

 

I doubt I'm the ONLY person in history who is coming out of an abusive relationship and inexplicably finding myself wanting my abuser back. Has anyone else here found themselves in my position, and/or does anyone have any insight into why the "victim" still often craves the abuser?

[cruzer]

I would never consider a criminal intelligent. They were not smart enough to realize you can have and do whatever without doing it the wrong way.

 

For example, if a criminal robs a bank and gets away with it, and lives rest of his life as a rich man. He did it the wrong way.

 

An intelligent person, would know right from wrong, and would become rich the correct way. One in which it would require more intelligence to become rich.

 

Sure the criminal may be smart enough to get away with robing the bank, but he wasnt intelligent enough to do it the harder way, the legal way, the way that required most intelligence.

 

 

Anyways, back on topic. The reason people want the abuser back, is because they love the abuser. They dont love the abuse, but they love the person. The real question is, how can you love someone that 1. abuses you, 2. does not love you. (in my opinion, if u love someone, u dont abuse them, hence if they abuse you, they dont love you.)

 

Off the top of my head, i cannot see how anyone could answer that question with a logical answer. This is how u get over them, or as you worded it, past it. You, yourself cannot explain why you love them, why you want them. which means u can move on now, u have figured it out. you have figured out u dont need them, want them.

[spandora]

Uh, cruzer, that's a little mean to say "something is wrong with you."

 

You've obviously never been in an abusive relationship. I have- abusers can easily brainwash you so that you start to feel you can't function without them.

 

I am happy to say that 3 yrs after breaking up with an abusive narcissist, I am well over him. In fact, a month after leaving him, it was like a weight left my shoulders. I was always walking on eggshells with the guy- he would blow up at me for the dumbest things. It was all verbal abuse, but it still damaged me nonetheless. What helped me get away, and to unlock from the brainwashing enough to see reality how it truly was, was therapy. You can't even imagine how the verbal threats, and the name-calling...all that has damaged your self-esteem. That's how he got you locked into him, was making you feel sh**te about yourself. Therapy is the only thing that can help you get back on your feet again, and to a point where you can kiss him off for good. Right now you probably have PTSD.

 

if after all that you still want him, something is wrong with you.

 

i also would not classify such a person as "extremely intelligent". Such a person would know that the things he does, and the way he treated u were wrong.

 

you know u can do better, and you know you should move on. why you refuse to move on is beyond me. perhaps afraid u wont find someone else? whatever reason, no reason is enough to justify liking, or caring for such an individual

[spandora]

I would think it's because the abuser is an addiction.

 

People know that heroin is bad for them. Still, heroin addicts crave it.

 

Also, I know that the times I tried to break away from my ex, I started feeling depressed out of loneliness. It might help you, not to be alone much right now...try to go out and do things with friends. Get out as much as possible so you don't have to feel alone. Many of us go back to bad relationships because they seem better than being alone, but they're really not.

 

Yes, I rather gathered that, but thank you. 8)

 

 

 

I have to respectfully disagree with this...some of the most criminal masterminds in history were extremely intelligent individuals. Being smart doesn't necessarily lead to making good choices.

 

I guess I should be a bit more specific...

 

I doubt I'm the ONLY person in history who is coming out of an abusive relationship and inexplicably finding myself wanting my abuser back. Has anyone else here found themselves in my position, and/or does anyone have any insight into why the "victim" still often craves the abuser?

[cruzer]

Uh, cruzer, that's a little mean to say "something is wrong with you."

 

You've obviously never been in an abusive relationship. I have- abusers can easily brainwash you so that you start to feel you can't function without them.

 

i said that "mean" comment, just to try and help her see that this is silly and she should move on. I do not, and did not mean any harm or "mean" towards her.

 

And no i have not been in an abusive relationship. my gf hit me once. i said do it again and you will never see me again. she was so close to never seeing me after that one.

 

 

To the OP. you know that abuse is wrong right? you know that someone who does it, has problems right? So why would u want someone who has problems, and does bad things, not to mention physically hurting you, in your life?

 

How can u believe that they love you? How can you love them? Do you not ache? Do you not bruise? Those are signs your body tells you that things are not right. Your brain is telling you its not right, but it is up to you to tell your heart it is not right. do yourself the favor.

[emma j]

Hi there.

Wow do I know how you feel. I am currently 6 months broken up with my 3 years on and off bi polar bf. I am also at a point where I have all the same feelings that you have and all the same thoughts of why on earth am I feeling this, it's crazy. I do believe that in some way I'm addicted to him and I've seen other post by people who have gone out with bi polar people say the say. Don't know what it is about them but they have this charm that just draws you in.

I'm an intelligent person to. Currently studying my degree but we just fell in love with very clever people who knew what to say. How to say it and when to say it. They are artist in manipulation, controlling and above all else making us feel like it's all our fault when in fact that couldn't be further from the truth.

My relationship also turned abusive. Verbal, emotional and mental. It never got physical but he did square up to be once or twice and frighten me. He was however found of smashing things.

When he wasnt this other person he was simply amazing. Best I could have asked for, organising to move in together and looking t engagement rings and while I know the relationship was toxic I still think of these and want them.

We are lucky. We are out of all that now and we are lucky that eve tuat we can move on and heel. There stuck with this. They can't ever leave.

My adiice is to delete him from everything because he will come back and he will say all the things you want to hear but you and I know this is tempary. We where in unhealthy toxic abusive relationships. So run run now while you can.

Good luck.

[Oneironaut]

I agree with your second sentence wholeheartedly...I almost feel like I can't function without him in my life.

 

Yes, I was constantly on eggshells, and we were long-distance...it became so that I was scared to even talk on the phone, because ANYTHING I said could be used against me somehow. When I told him this, that maybe I should just sit there quietly, he would laugh and say yeah, that's exactly what I should do. Sometimes he would get into modes of simply saying, "Shut up" every time I would try to talk. I don't know why I endured this, but, I did.

 

I wish I could afford therapy, but I am barely making ends meet and I have no insurance. If I can, though, I will. Your post gave me hope that someday, hopefully soon, I'll be glad he's out of my life. Thank you.

 

 

 

Exactly!! When he wasn't being abusive, he was...the perfect boyfriend. We got along fantastically, the passion was incredible...I'd never felt anything like it. When we talked on Skype with our webcams on, he would sometimes interrupt every once in a while just to tell me how effing "hot" I was. He told me my eyes were the most beautiful shade of green he'd ever seen, that he loved my body, that I could make him smile and laugh like no one ever could...that is powerful stuff to ANYONE with an ego.

 

Yeah, bipolars do seem to have a charm...I feel bad for them, but I can honestly say that if I ever meet a man and he tells me he has BPD, I will run the other way. I never, ever want to endure this again.

 

Sadly, I also find myself making excuses for him because of his BPD. That's what worries me...that when this latest phase is over, he'll come back and say everything I want to hear. So what I'm trying to do now is remember the bad times, and NOT the good times. If I find myself thinking about a good time we had together, I immediately try to replace it with a memory of how I would sit there on Skype and listen to him say the most bizarre and disgusting things I've ever had the misfortune of hearing. I also printed out a page of the detrimental effects of emotional abuse, which I read regularly, and most of all, I sat down and made up a list of Pros and Cons. There were 9 items on the Pros side...24 on the Cons. So I simply deleted the pros and re-read the Cons every day to remember why I need to get away from this.

 

Thanks, guys, for letting me know I'm not alone in this. I'd almost rather have been beaten, to be honest...being called an effing retard and a worthless c-word is going to take a lot longer to get over than if I'd been slapped around.

 

P.S. Cruzer, unfortunately, you didn't start out on a good foot by telling me something was wrong with me...more flies with honey than vinegar and all that. If I walked into a therapist's office and that's how they started their first session with me, I would turn around and walk back out. It wasn't constructive nor helpful, and rendered everything else you said irrelevant, especially since you've never been in an abusive relationship, but thank you anyhow for offering your opinion.

[truegrit]

Believe me in abuse cases it is hard for people to give advice or understand unless they've been there!

I can guarantee if you've been badly abused by a man in your life and you ever relate your story to people who have not experienced it they will say how nuts you were/are to stay in that situation. My favorite line that I have heard over and over is "I would never allow someone to do that to me" I then usually just change the subject because you can never make them understand.

 

I DO understand.........

[Oneironaut]

Believe me in abuse cases it is hard for people to give advice or understand unless they've been there!

I can guarantee if you've been badly abused by a man in your life and you ever relate your story to people who have not experienced it they will say how nuts you were/are to stay in that situation. My favorite line that I have heard over and over is "I would never allow someone to do that to me" I then usually just change the subject because you can never make them understand.

 

I DO understand.........

 

I know what you mean, because I used to be one of those people. I can remember watching Oprah one day with my mom many years ago, and the subject was abused women...in the arrogance of my youth, I turned to my mom and said, "Pfft, those women are dumb. I'd NEVER let myself be treated like that!" She just sighed and said she hoped that was true...now I see those women, and my heart goes out to them. There are psychological issues at play here that people who have never been in the situation simply cannot understand. Cruzer has never been in an abusive relationship, so he has no concept of the dynamics.

 

And frankly, coming onto an Abuse and Violence forum and telling Abusees that there is "something wrong" with them is borderline trolling, rather like going to a Depression forum and telling the people there to quit being such failures and "just get over it". It's not worth my time to respond any further.

 

Thank you for your understanding. 8)

[emma j]

Ok my first bold bit, i completely agree. If i ever meet anyone again and they tell me there bi-polar i will run till my legs can't carry me any further. I know this sounds bad but really the after effects i'm having from him just aren't worth it.

 

Second bold piece. I to find myself saying, but its his bi-polar. when he's not this person he's so nice.. and he knowsd exactly what to say to me.. I've blocked him on my mail because he used that so effectively to get me again and i've not heard from him by txt.. he's probably off occupying himself with some other girl but i know when she's gone he'll come crawling back. I really really have to just be strong and ignore him and remember all the times i've cried, been sick, had my nerves shot to peices and my anxiety up the walls oh yeah and when he dumped me during my exams. it helps.

 

ok my last bold bit. I to would rather have had a slap around the place.. bruises fade but having been emotionally, mentally and verballly abused has made is so that its me that needs help. Me thats completley messed up from it.. things he's said and done won't fade.. oh and its seems the c word maybe a favourite!!!

 

 

I am lucky that i am going to see my couseller in college.. its free. can you find anyone that will except like a donation or something.

 

Pm me if you need to.. seems we're both right in the same place.

[aussielis]

yes its not nice i got called all sorts on here for the way i reacted to my abuse

[Oneironaut]

yes its not nice i got called all sorts on here for the way i reacted to my abuse

 

It's sad when we come here to an Abuse and Violence forum for support, and receive that kind of negative feedback. I admit, when I saw that the first comment to my post last night was saying something was "wrong" with me, I almost didn't come back. But I'm glad I did, since that type seems to be in the minority. 8)

 

I've blocked him on my mail because he used that so effectively to get me again and i've not heard from him by txt.. he's probably off occupying himself with some other girl but i know when she's gone he'll come crawling back. I really really have to just be strong and ignore him and remember all the times i've cried, been sick, had my nerves shot to peices and my anxiety up the walls oh yeah and when he dumped me during my exams. it helps.

 

I'm working hard to gather the strength to block him...I have in the past, but it never lasts. Yeah, I think he's preoccupying himself with another female right now, and like you, I strongly suspect that when he's done with her he'll come back to his good old standby...the one who lets him get away with things other females never would. A friend of mine thinks he actually needs more more than I need him, because I feed his ego and supply him with an outlet for his emotional abuse. This friend and I have an agreement that if/when he does write or call, I'll contact my friend before I answer.

 

Thanks again for the constructive support, everyone. Every little bit of help counts right now.

[mominmaine]

Hi Oneironaut,

 

Wow, I'm sorry your first comment was so uninformed. I was a little shocked when I read that.

 

So here's the thing. You are 100% correct. What you are experiencing is addiction. I've been through this, I'm still going through it, so do as I say, not as I do.

 

When I am doing well and staying strong, the thing that helps me the most is to recognize that I am going through WITHDRAWAL. I don't miss the person, I am actually experiencing withdrawal. In fact, it was more clear to me this time than ever before. During the first month, I had all the physical symptoms of withdrawal from a drug. Couldn't keep any food down. Had insane intestinal "distress" where I had to take Immodium every day. Couldn't sleep at all. I was a mess.

 

The thing is, in a relationship like this, we form something called a trauma bond. It is the behavior that you describe that hooks us. If he were mean ALL the time, the bond wouldn't form. It's bizarre, I still don't understand it, but it's real.

 

There are a few books out there on the subject of breaking an addiction to a person. In the meantime, try to be good to yourself. (easier said than done I know) Get enough sleep, eat well, go for walks, reconnect with old friends or old hobbies you may have let go. Focus on YOU and your healing. Treat yourself as if you are recovering from a bad accident.

 

Hang in there. It's not easy, but it can be done. Sending hugs, strength and courage.

[Oneironaut]

When I am doing well and staying strong, the thing that helps me the most is to recognize that I am going through WITHDRAWAL. I don't miss the person, I am actually experiencing withdrawal. In fact, it was more clear to me this time than ever before. During the first month, I had all the physical symptoms of withdrawal from a drug. Couldn't keep any food down. Had insane intestinal "distress" where I had to take Immodium every day. Couldn't sleep at all. I was a mess.

 

Wow, how fascinating...I'd never thought of it that way, but you're right, it is very much like withdrawal symptoms. I also realize that I don't really miss HIM, I miss the companionship and company and intelligent conversation that he was capable of providing, so I'm trying to fill those areas with friends. He hasn't contacted me in almost 6 days now, and I have to admit, they have been the most drama-free 6 days I've experienced in a while, lol...and yet, I still miss the rotten jerk on some level. That's the addiction part, isn't it? 8(

 

I will look up more info on a "trauma bond" when I get off work tonight, I'm very interested in that.

 

Thank you for your support, it makes me feel better. 8)

[pyropinup]

Going through the same thing here.. I found this online article to be very interesting...

link removed

It continues on several pages. Hopefully you may find some knowledge to steel yourself as you work through this. Best wishes.

[mominmaine]

That's a great article Pyropinup. Thank you for suggesting it!

[Oneironaut]

I have bookmarked your link, there's a lot there for me to peruse. Thank you.

 

Well, after 5 days of ignoring me, he wrote me last night on IMVU, thanking me for a gift I had sent him a few days ago...I never answered, so today, he texted me, saying, "In case you didn't get my message, wanted to thank you for the gift."

 

He knows darn well that of course I got the message...where else would it go? This was just his way of forcing an answer...and like a fool, I did answer and said, "You're welcome."

 

I am too nice for my own good, lol...

 

He replied with, "Well, I'll let you return to things.. Just wanted to say thank you."

 

After almost 2 years, I recognized this for what it was...an attempt to get me to say no, I'm not busy, I'll be happy to talk to you!!

 

But for once, I didn't...I just said, "Not a problem, enjoy."

 

And of course he didn't let it rest at that...I wasn't playing The Game right, so he had to try a little harder to draw me in. He texted me again, telling me he won't be able to enjoy it until next month, because he has reached his bandwidth limit for this month. I just said, "Wow...what a bummer." He said, "Indeed"....and, that was that. I never said anything else, and he never wrote back.

 

Today has been a struggle...my best friend from whom I have been getting a lot of support will be gone for 5 days and unable to communicate at all...I am flat broke and unable to do anything except basically, go to work and come home. I have been missing him hard today, so instead of texting him, which I have been thinking about doing, I came here instead, and I'm going to read the link now. Thank you for sending it, the timing is excellent.

[trezz]

er maybe i can serve as a warning.........?

i married in 1983 age 20

he cried every time i tried to leave

i was made to feel guilty enough that i did not leave until 1998.

i left with 3 very small children we were homeless.

my only terror was that he would find us.

because we have children he is still in my life...it is a veeerrrryyyyy long time.

over 27 years.

if you can find no other reason then think of yourself in 27 years time still trying to get away.

anyone scared at that prospect?

if it needs to be ended sooner is so much better then 27 years of trying to untangle yourself and the effects on children.

ugghh my life is a warning to others.

i have a well developed sense of humour,it's not a problem, i hope you all develop tatics to continue with happy lives away from these abusers, wishing everyone strength and happiness.

ps i did leave and got a divorce in 2006 but he still is in my life because of the children.

final advice,,run away..stay away..cut all links..do it before children arrive or you too could be writting a similar message in 2037.

[emma j]

That link that was posted.. wow.. really made me think. To be honest there wasn't much on that site that didn't relate to me.. I could have ticked nearly everything on it that he did.. wow.. so lucky to be rid of him.

 

To the above.. yeah i've been here before.. when they realise or she's not plaing, she's not giving in. then they pursue harder.. Well done for what you have done.. But again think hard about cutting out all these ties.. because i promise you won't move on..

[trezz]

hi emma j

i'm sure we have all been in the position of what we have written/read being misunderstood

i dont get what you mean about not moving on if i cut ties?

i haven't cut ties with my children, is that what you took from my post.

i was advising people to cut ties with the abuser before they get pregnant and then aren't able to completely cut ties due to the abuser now being a father.

maybe i picked you up wrong?

[emma j]

sorry. i was refereing to the op becuase she still communicates somehow over the internet.. so i was recommending cutting ties.. i think when i said to teh above it might have looked like you the above poster but i meant my above quote!!!

[Oneironaut]

I'm sorry you have gone through so much fear and misery. I read posts like yours, and I try to remember that this could have been me...he and I had talked very seriously about him moving in with me. In hindsight, I have no doubt that physical abuse would have become involved...he is a rather violent person, both emotionally and physically. I try to remember that maybe, I actually dodged quite a bullet.

 

That being said, I'm still struggling with wanting to hear from him...I haven't since he texted me yesterday for that dumb reason, and the good news is that on some level, I'm actually relieved. Hearing from him yesterday set me back a bit, I was quite depressed at work today. I'm feeling a bit better tonight, though barely...mostly thanks to the private messages I have been receiving, and the support I've been getting. You guys are awesome.

[trezz]

emma j

i thought you could be refferring to either one of us just wanted to be sure as sometimes misunderstandings occur and grow. thanks for clearing it i can be a bit slow sometimes so now if in doubt i ask as i find it saves unnecessary worry.

Oneironaut

i think even though it is a break up from an abusive relationship it is still a break up.

yes be relieved it is ending but it is still the loss of a relationship so there are bound to be low days.

it can be difficult but staying free means giving room for someone good to come into your life. i think you deserve someone good so keep your eyes open for new possibilites.