jboptop Posted October 20, 2010 Share Posted October 20, 2010 It has been about 6 weeks since my ex broke up with me. I just started reading this forum, but I worked on the "no contact" thing on my own (mostly unsuccessfully). Well, the issue that I have been struggling with is where does hope fit into this? I understand that I need to try to get over my ex-gf, but I also know that I still want her back. I made several attempts over the past weeks, and all of them were shut down, so I know I really need to stop contacting her. But despite her telling me its over again and again, as a rational personal, I cannot deny that is it possible that she will change her mind and take me back. So if you are doing "no contact", it is supposed to be permanent (or at least semi-permanent), and you are supposed to not want to speak with them in any manner, so where does that hope fit into all of this? This is something I had been thinking about a lot, anyone else deal with this? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The_Seeker Posted October 20, 2010 Share Posted October 20, 2010 For me, I personally took permanent NC because I saw how my guy friends treated their ex-girlfriends when it comes to remaining friends. It's basically a joke. Those ex-girlfriends that didn't end up being their friends, my guy friends ending up chasing them and wanting to reconcile. Some moved on and some didn't. I've been 3 months of permanent NC. I don't know waht your ex is thinking. It's your life. You gotta make something for yourself and build it with or without your ex. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The_Seeker Posted October 20, 2010 Share Posted October 20, 2010 Double post Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AutumnBorn Posted October 20, 2010 Share Posted October 20, 2010 Here's where hope fits in: You move on, go NC, and do positive things for yourself. You grow and learn, become a fascinating man. You do everything it takes to look your best, feel successful, become the sort of man your ex and women like her would not only be attracted to, but would find irresistible. You do those things day in and day out until the day you either run into her and she is able to see the new you or you meet someone who makes you forget her name. Either way, you win. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
star111 Posted October 20, 2010 Share Posted October 20, 2010 I agree with Autumn. Coming from a situation of desperately wanting to be in contact but knowing he didn't want it I finally moved on for my own sanity. No other reason than I saw I was wasting too much energy on 'him' who wasn't even in my life anymore. I got a new job, new friends, and I'm not going to lie.....I thought about him daily- driving in the car mostly.....sometimes before i would go to bed, and sometimes in the mornings. And it got to a point where i was ok with those thoughts...knowing we were done and i was finally getting on with myself. It became a dull pain...that maybe I was holding onto. Still super lonely, but more at peace than ever. Then of course....when I was ok with him not ever knowing where I had gone, he shows up. Said he had to know where my life has gone, etc etc. Thank god i spent enough time of no contact to feel that feeling of being over. Because when you remain obsessed with getting them back, it never quite is for the right reason. they come back- and its never quite the same. I saw this time around when he came back he isnt really who i want to be with. it was only my moments of desperation i thought he was the only one.... post here instead of contacting. i swear it got me further than i would be. no contact. dont even focus on day by day...do it week by week.....you can get through this. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jboptop Posted October 20, 2010 Author Share Posted October 20, 2010 Thanks guys. Over the past 6 weeks I have been doing most of the "right things" one does after a break up. The only exception, was during or right after contacting her, when I would sink into drinking too much at night, and laying around during the day. The last time that happened was Monday, which is what finally made me break and come on here. The contact was awful, I couldn't control myself and ended up pushing her way too hard, then finally stooped to begging her to talk to me. The contact seemed like I was escaping, like an addict relapsing. Anyway, I am back to the real world. I quit my job today (I have been working my job from home that I had from were living together), and I am going to really focus on getting a new job, something right in the city instead of my house. I also started going to the gym, reading, and writing. Its tough though, sometimes I really don't see how I am actually going to get passed this, but something inside me knows I eventually will. Thanks for the encouraging words guys, it really did help! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jboptop Posted October 21, 2010 Author Share Posted October 21, 2010 I am only on day 2 of NC and its getting difficult. I just cannot give this girl up. Everything I do I still think as if she will one day hear it, I think about pretty much all day long. I have an important job interview tomorrow- I know I will be able to do the interview normally, it just feels so wrong getting ready for it without her, and not being able to talk to her after. It feels like I have never done anything (anything good anyway) without her. Its so tough, because the truth is I have not entirely given up hope that she will be able to forgive me. So how am I supposed to handle these feelings? I can't stop thinking about her, I can't give up. I do not know how I am going to live like this. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thekid55 Posted October 21, 2010 Share Posted October 21, 2010 One minute at a time. Realize that you are ok. Realize that everything will be alright. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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