So How Am I Supposed to Move On If I Cant Even Go Out?

[Philabonia]

Ive posted a few times. Long story short, she left me 4 months ago, and its been a roller coaster. I spent the immediate week after being a bumbling mess, the rest of the month with NC as I traveled and impersonated Casanova, and then another two weeks of heartfelt emails and texts to try to win her back. It failed. Now, I have not spoken to her of our 2 year relationship since July. Unfortunately, I have to talk to her sparingly bc of some fiduciary obligations, but that hasnt been for over a week. We never had closure, and we never spoke of what happened after the initial break-up call. She literally moved on without explaining a thing after she moved away.

 

Now, I feel stuck. I am in law school, and I have no free time (other than 2am to write on message boards about my messed up ticker). The women in school are those super-narcissistic types that make me lose faith in the other sex, and I do not have the time to go out and meet women in casual settings. I go out with friends maybe one night a week to the local bars, but it seems that the women here do not have a taste for me. Its not that I'm unattractive; I was a mens fitness model for two years before I started school. It just seems that my personality does not mesh here. I am far from home, know almost no one, and am single for the first time in my adult life (I have been in relationships since I was 15). I honestly work better in a relationship; I enjoy making another person happy, and sharing intimate moments with just one other person. I have been unable to find such a person here, and it has really been weighing on me. It hurts, partially because I am lonely, but also because I wish I could be ok by myself. I mean, I can function under this heavy workload just fine, but I dont feel like myself. I want to be with someone, share something with someone outside of talking about contracts and judicial restrictions.

 

Dating websites are not an option - I have tried it, and every women I meet is either an extreme narcissist or has some mental deficiency. It just makes me miss my ex more, and makes me feel more guilty for having things end the way they did.

 

So, what to do? Go to the bars, and waste $60 a night to end up at home upset and alone, or just focus on school, wondering what I might be missing by staying home on a Friday night? I'm young, I should be out living and having fun, but I've already quarantined myself so much by going to law school that if I try to cut myself off even more by "trying to find myself" and "learn to be alone," that I might go nuts. I need some human contact, and I feel like I am doomed to be alone for the next 3 years.

 

Damn.

[nopressure]

Try a dance class, they're reasonably priced and surprisingly fun.

[AutumnBorn]

I knew you were an attorney or in law school as soon as I saw the word "fiduciary".

 

Dance class is a great idea. Here are a few others:

 

Book club (nearly always women only)

Volunteer for an organization where a woman you'd like to meet would be volunteering (link removed would be a good starting place)

Join a co-ed sports team

Find a meetup group (link removed)

 

Have you read Uncoupling? I highly recommend it. It changed my life.

[Edmund Exley]

Use the time alone to your advantage. I'm sure school keeps you quite busy. There's nothing wrong with being single sometimes.

[LarsWB]

Something else - 'moving on' starts in one place....your mind. It HAS to start there in order to help your heart heal. Everything else falls into place. It's difficult though, as the mind is sometimes your worst enemy and will torture you into tears. Learn to control it, learn not to listen to it...learn to fill it with other thoughts and distractions. Then, no matter where you are or what you're doing - and even when you find yourself alone, stuck....you'll still feel ok being alone with yourself.

Good luck to you - and hang in there.