dude69 Posted October 4, 2010 Share Posted October 4, 2010 how come is it that nowadays its so hard to meet real new people? I meet someone we exchange numbers and then she txts me or she will add me on facebook and write to me on facebook... why is it so hard for women to just hang out and spend real time with someone and make memories and real connections instead of txting/im'ing/facebook ? i am getting more and more frustrated because when i txt someone i can re-read what i have written 20 times before actually sending it.. so i can make the txt sound perfect.. but when im in person.. though my heart is still in the same place i come off different. This has gotten many girls asking me why i seem shy in person but not so shy over txt.... When i have gotten to know someone more over txting and im'ing.. it feels weird when i meet them in person... Do i need to adjust to our new times? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sunday2010 Posted October 4, 2010 Share Posted October 4, 2010 If You're 23 and finding it hard try somebody like me born in 1974 and 36! the whole txt crap are you on facebook crap is driving me round the bend!!!!! good luck to you because its rampant everywhere thats all people do... no wonder i'm still single five months after a BU... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
red_sky_girl Posted October 4, 2010 Share Posted October 4, 2010 well in fact many people ask the same question as you, i too prefer the direct aproach with people in many cases , than online talking or through texting, specially when it comes to dating or meting new people... people are getting distant and cold day by day and this is sad really...thats why there is a lot of depression, thats why there are people starving and dieing... people seem to not care that much for each other nourdays unfortunately...they seem to be more egoistical than ever... or this is my impression Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
red_sky_girl Posted October 4, 2010 Share Posted October 4, 2010 If You're 23 and finding it hard try somebody like me born in 1974 and 36! the whole txt crap are you on facebook crap is driving me round the bend!!!!! good luck to you because its rampant everywhere thats all people do... no wonder i'm still single five months after a BU... texting and online talking is becoming more and more like an adiction to lots of people...it has become for me to since i can find easier the people i know on facebook for example than in the real life, its really sad ....but im trying to quit this habit and spend more time on reading and going out , be that even on my own... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
turnera Posted October 4, 2010 Share Posted October 4, 2010 What's up is that people your age have spent most your life hiding behind texts and internet conversations, instead of dealing with people - benefits AND consequences - in real life. Once you have to actually spend REAL time with a person, half of you don't know how to cope. Just start with being honest. Be yourself. If the person can't deal with that, move on. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fish1121 Posted October 4, 2010 Share Posted October 4, 2010 Ummmmmmmm TBH.............. I'm really skeptical about meeting people online and there's a certain amount of time I want to talk online or through text before meeting them. Six months. And even after six months, I met someone and got in a horrible situation. Sorry, for women, especially at 23, there is a lot of risk involved when meeting someone in real life. And watch it, especially if you invite someone right over to your house ---- bad idea. I pretty much stop talking there. Can't believe people in this thread are blaming the generation and technology... LMAO... Safety. It's not that difficult...... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dude69 Posted October 4, 2010 Author Share Posted October 4, 2010 im not going to lie.. i am very very tech savvy.. i mean i work in computers... but after spending all day working on them and emailing and iming and all that awesome stuff.. the last thing i want to do is continue doing that after work.. i want to get out and see the world and share experiences that will be memorable with people.. I usually tell everyone i meet that i really dislike txting that i rather the true one on one but they all seem to be unable to get over it. I have even gone as far as to deleting facebook.. a recent study i did for one of my clients.. he asked me how many hours a week his clients were going on facebook (during and off business hours) and most of them was close to around 1-2 hours a day.. which make up for about 10 hours a week... and thats without knowing if they go home and go on facebook at night.. since ive deleted facebook i have found myself full of free time but alone.. if atleast.. give me a call instead of txting me your whole day!.. argh Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dude69 Posted October 4, 2010 Author Share Posted October 4, 2010 Ummmmmmmm TBH.............. I'm really skeptical about meeting people online and there's a certain amount of time I want to talk online or through text before meeting them. Six months. And even after six months, I met someone and got in a horrible situation. Sorry, for women, especially at 23, there is a lot of risk involved when meeting someone in real life. And watch it, especially if you invite someone right over to your house ---- bad idea. I pretty much stop talking there. im not talking about people i meet over the internet... i for one dislike meeting people over the internet.. i dont find it... natural?... im talking about i meet some girl at a party or someone introduces me to some girl and we exchange numbers and before u know it she is txting me or trying to add me on facebook?!??! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fish1121 Posted October 4, 2010 Share Posted October 4, 2010 Can't blame technology for people's malfunctions. If it's not facebook, it's going to be television, or anything else... It's not about "getting over" anything -- Texting and facebook are a way to speed up communications, like e-mail, but more instantaneous. Ask his clients how much time they spend watching TV? I'd wager 3-6 hours a night! Same difference. In other words, Yes you need to get your facebook back and adjust to the times.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dude69 Posted October 4, 2010 Author Share Posted October 4, 2010 Can't blame technology for people's malfunctions. If it's not facebook, it's going to be television, or anything else... It's not about "getting over" anything -- Texting and facebook are a way to speed up communications, like e-mail, but more instantaneous. Ask his clients how much time they spend watching TV? I'd wager 3-6 hours a night! Same difference. When it comes to meeting someone online it is much safer to speak over distance for a time period. i usually give in and go through the txting crap until i feel like its enough.. i try go get her to just do something.. could be anything like hang out with friends.. play sports.. go boating... go to the beach.. anything really and thats when they suddenly get scared off for some reason.. is there such a thing as affection through txt ?.. maybe they are just using me for how i make them feel over txt but dont want to have anything to do with me? but why waste both our times? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fish1121 Posted October 4, 2010 Share Posted October 4, 2010 Um, using you for how you make them feel over text? What exactly are you saying to them? Maybe you're scaring them off. Sounds like they may be interested at first, but the things you say deter them. And you possibly think too hard about the texts your sending and add too much info in. I bet you keep erasing the text, trying to get it "right".... be natural Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bluegradient Posted October 4, 2010 Share Posted October 4, 2010 It's like others have said, people today are growing up with it and it can be addictive. Electronic communication is the easy road. It's convenient, people use it like a safety bubble (getting to talk to someone before meeting them, etc.). But it's leading to a lack of actual communication and personal connections. People are missing some of the experience of dealing with other people. I'm hoping we'll eventually snap out of it but who knows how many generations will be dumbed down by it before the bubble bursts. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dude69 Posted October 4, 2010 Author Share Posted October 4, 2010 It's like others have said, people today are growing up with it and it can be addictive. Electronic communication is the easy road. It's convenient, people use it like a safety bubble (getting to talk to someone before meeting them, etc.). But it's leading to a lack of actual communication and personal connections. People are missing some of the experience of dealing with other people. I'm hoping we'll eventually snap out of it but who knows how many generations will be dumbed down by it before the bubble bursts. we shall find a way to burst this bubble Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
turnera Posted October 4, 2010 Share Posted October 4, 2010 It's like others have said, people today are growing up with it and it can be addictive. Electronic communication is the easy road. It's convenient, people use it like a safety bubble (getting to talk to someone before meeting them, etc.). But it's leading to a lack of actual communication and personal connections. People are missing some of the experience of dealing with other people. I'm hoping we'll eventually snap out of it but who knows how many generations will be dumbed down by it before the bubble bursts. lol, I was just thinking this morning about how I wanted to tell my husband something. I don't call him (he's always too busy to take the call), I usually email him. But this morning, it occurred to me I should just text him. Then I thought...oh no! I'm turning into them! lol I've watched my 20 year old daughter and all her friends become virtual slaves of their phones and laptops. Not that they can't get away from it, but that it's the only way 95% of their friends will communicate. DD20 used to try to get her friends to call, and actually speak to each other, but they won't! Literally won't! She finally gave in, and now I'm the only person she ever speaks to on the phone. Just because it's now the 'accepted' way doesn't make it the best way. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PetiteGirl Posted October 9, 2010 Share Posted October 9, 2010 @fish1121 Really? I doubt it's really all the guy's fault that the girls aren't interested in doing "real life" stuff with him. He made the effort to ask them out, but they're just not that interested. Sounds to me the girls only like the guy's attention and make him their text buddy even though they're not that into him. They might not have reached that level of maturity to want to do some face-to-face interactions with someone real. we shall find a way to burst this bubble Seriously, I'm 23 and most of my friends around my age only text. I have a few friends that would talk on the phone, but I did 95% of the calling. I have my texting plan completely blocked out 3 years ago due to a very bad personal experience. I don't miss it at all. Sure it may scared off some people from interacting with me, but sometimes I think it's a good people filter if I want to select someone who's willing to step up and try actual communication. Since my texting function is disabled, many times I have to step out of my comfort zone (I'm a shy person) and actually talk to someone. Overtime I learned how to make (hopefully) half-decent phone conversations. The awkwardness that comes with calling/meeting someone - what's the big deal anyway? If younglings like us put efforts into making personal connections, I think it would make a big difference in terms of gaining experience of dealing with people. All these IM'ing, texting might hinder the growth of our emotionally intelligence. Personally I would like to see the reaction of some people if they can't text anymore. Burst that bubble and they'll think it's the end of the world. Tsk! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
turnera Posted October 10, 2010 Share Posted October 10, 2010 Very well said. I'm going to tell my DD20 that you cut off your texting, and see what she thinks. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
xxNPxx Posted October 10, 2010 Share Posted October 10, 2010 At some point young people I hear, used to go to social mixers to meet people. There were many of these per week. However when women realized that they could just have sex without marriage, bars became more popular and eventually mixers disappeared. That was one of the many ways social interaction has decreased. There's no place for single men and women to get together with the specific purpose of talking to each other. Once a few players and * * * * s jump in the crowd gets tainted. The problem is that since the 50's there's been no inclination have a place to chat with unknown people. Parties are not that replacement. People go to parties,clubs,bars to chat with their friends, not with new people. You rarely see one guy or one girl by themselves. Men are pretty much expected to any girl that walks accross their path. In a very hit and miss fashion until a girl decides they are interested. Many girls will get offended, or very sad if guys don't conform to this idea. On top of this, the guy usually has a lot of things working against him. The world is a fairly safe place, in most places crime rates drop every year. Yet girls won't trust to meet a guy from the internet, or a guy at a bar, and sometimes just the random guy on the street as a fear he might be a serial rapist or murderer. This is compounded by the effect that women do find guys interesting but will show their interest in ways that are mostly indistinguishable from everyday movements. Guys are expected to know that the difference between a 1 sec stare and a 2.5 sec stare denotes some kind of attraction. Or that a smile which can just as easily be confused with simple friendliness is another "large" signal of attraction. So women end up getting hit on by guys who mistake friendliness for attraction, and maybe a stare at an ugly guys face as a means of saying "I want to talk to you." Much of society could be solved if women more more direct, everyone stops believe that guys who can't talk to you in person first must be the next Jeffry Dahmer, and men or women should start clubs exclusively for dating with soft music and reasons to talk to people. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sweetpea03 Posted October 11, 2010 Share Posted October 11, 2010 texting and online talking is becoming more and more like an adiction to lots of people...it has become for me to since i can find easier the people i know on facebook for example than in the real life, its really sad ....but im trying to quit this habit and spend more time on reading and going out , be that even on my own... texting and talking online has become very popular. I'm one who used to do it a lot, but have now come to not like it. There have been a number of instances where I misinterpreted what my boyfriend wrote or vice versa and it started an argument. I'd much rather be with him talking and see his facial expressions and body language. I can then know what he means by what he says and not be guessing. Plus it all just feels more personal. I think people hide behind technology, thinking it's easier to open up, but really it doesn't help that much. They have to learn to allow themselves to be vulnerable. Texting every once in a while is fine, but I'd rather be in person with someone. There are others who feel the same, just have to find that person. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LightbulbSun Posted October 11, 2010 Share Posted October 11, 2010 I enjoy posting on forums, but hate chatting. To me, I have more time to articulate what I want to say on a forum; with chatting, I don't really have the time to really write out a good response. And then people are asking, "where did you go, man?" Texting takes too much time, personally. I'd rather pick up the phone and TALK to someone. Same with skype, I'd rather talk via webcam than use the instant messenger. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jetta Posted October 12, 2010 Share Posted October 12, 2010 Well I'm 36 also born in 1974 and have nothing to do with facebook. I don't want to reconnect with people from my past (okay 1 friend by that didn't pan out so why reopen it). Disconnect yourself. Force yourself to be an in person person. Or tell a girl your interested in that you'll meet her for coffee or something but prefer not to facebook new people. Took me a while to get up to texting and well it's ok, but phone calls are much nicer. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stay_home Posted November 17, 2010 Share Posted November 17, 2010 To be honest with you, it's not you. It's just the way this whole dating/relationship world works out. I know sometimes I think it's something that I'm doing but really it's just the nature of a beast that has yet to be tamed. And when you're looking for something genuine and charming, it takes that much longer. But once you find it, if ever you do you appreciate it that much more. Because when it comes easy, we appreciate it a little less than we do when we have to work for it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LightbulbSun Posted November 18, 2010 Share Posted November 18, 2010 It's times like this that I'm thankful that I'm not in a relationship. Because that whole texting crap would drive me up the wall. I need an old fashioned girl, someone who doesn't skype or text or email. Just prefers talking on the phone. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mgirl Posted November 18, 2010 Share Posted November 18, 2010 It's like others have said, people today are growing up with it and it can be addictive. Electronic communication is the easy road. It's convenient, people use it like a safety bubble (getting to talk to someone before meeting them, etc.). But it's leading to a lack of actual communication and personal connections. People are missing some of the experience of dealing with other people. I'm hoping we'll eventually snap out of it but who knows how many generations will be dumbed down by it before the bubble bursts. Try telling fish1211 that, who seems intent on that "it's not technology". Well, you wouldn't have to practice safety if you decided to meet in a public place, and NEVER in my teens or early 20s, did i feel threatened or "unsafe". Maybe it's the technology that brings all the creeps out. You should never get to know somebody by text, how sad and immature. The best way to get to know somebody is by face to face, or voice to voice contact. Taht way, you can get to know their face, their smile, the intonation of their voice, their vibe, their energy, all things that are important to any relationship, whether it be romantic or otherwise. I agree with bluegradient. We are already facing a generation who does not know how to communicate. The biggest mistake we can make is to believe there is "always somebody better out there". Give yourself a chance to relate, to connect. When you study Psychology, there are these things called Pheremones. I believe they play a big part in who we're attracted to. In fact, i'd say this is the primary indicator for attraction as it underlies the non-verbal and mystical attraction that we all desire. Seriously, you can can get no pheramones over a mobile, on text message, or via IM, or whatever it's called. Pheramones are like hormones that we unconsciously sniff. Sorry, if this has been a rant, but i'd really like to see the human race connect again, instead of wondering around blind, wondering when the next "miracle", or magic is going to happen Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mgirl Posted November 18, 2010 Share Posted November 18, 2010 lol, I was just thinking this morning about how I wanted to tell my husband something. I don't call him (he's always too busy to take the call), I usually email him. But this morning, it occurred to me I should just text him. Then I thought...oh no! I'm turning into them! lol I've watched my 20 year old daughter and all her friends become virtual slaves of their phones and laptops. Not that they can't get away from it, but that it's the only way 95% of their friends will communicate. DD20 used to try to get her friends to call, and actually speak to each other, but they won't! Literally won't! She finally gave in, and now I'm the only person she ever speaks to on the phone. Just because it's now the 'accepted' way doesn't make it the best way. Omg, don't become one of them, lol. I just realised how hypocritical that is that i said "lol", but it really is pathetic when you think about it. How are people going to relate in the future? I like technology for forums, but i'd say all this stuff in real life if i could meet half of the people here. The only thing that keeps me from doing so is distance. Btw, i've got a friend who only texts. Why can't he pick up the phone? I've told him this numerous times... We hold entire conversatiosn about where to meet etc. via text. Why doesn't he call? He's only 27. I told him this the other day, i fear that he is one of those people who doesn't have those communication skills. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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