Breaking off a "rebound" relation

[marquis]

I am back after a long time, almost 5 years... this time with a totally different situation.. Its amazing how life moves on and we meet different people along the way.

 

Anyway, I just started dating a girl about a month ago who had just ended a 1.5 years relationship with her bf. (just ended means about 2 weeks prior).

We had a great time together as always with any new relationships, texted a lot and she even slept over at my place.

By the end of 3 week, I kind of realized that we were too engrossed in texting each other everyday and it was probably getting too much. At one point, she mentioned her ex has started to contact her and has made her confused, since they have been on and off in the past. I knew from the beginning that I am most probably entering into a rebound relationship with her, but I had decided to play along, since she was a nice girl and try and see where it goes.

Now, after the 3rd week she has not been initiative of any future dates. When I asked her out, she did not seem interested but did not decline outright. However, on the day I said I was waiting for her, she said she will take a rain check. I was angry and disappointed, and the problem is that I had started to invest emotionally and developed feelings for her.

On the same day, I left for west coast for few days. I told her that something came up all of a sudden and had to leave all of a sudden. She was shocked, and has been trying to call and text me but I shut my phone off. I got some of the text asking what had happened and is making her worried. Then I called her back after 2 days told her that something had happened but I am OK, and would talk to her after I return.

 

Now... what should I do? Just keep quite and disappear, take a step back? or just come outright and tell her I how feel about her?

[smurfy1988]

what i would do is just cut all ties, she clearly still has emotional feelings for her ex and if he gives her the chance to come back into his life, she would. any relationship that involves and ex usually does not turn out good. that's what i would say, but hopefully other people can give their in site on this

[ch91780]

Totally agree with smurfy. And I had to learn this lesson the hard way and now I am still hurting from it. Just cut your losses when you are still not too deep into it.

[marquis]

Well... heres whats happening now..

I txted her saying I am back... and trying to call her, but she did not pick up the phone. Well... it was all over then and kept my calm. For the last time, I texted her saying goodbye and that I will remember the short-lived friendship.

She then txt me back, saying my sudden leaving was a little weird and that she was little preoccupied lately. I apologized for not telling her prior to leaving. She then called me, and we talked for about 20 minutes and said she is not mad anymore, and she can hang out with me coming weekend. However, I have to leave the town this weekend for a work trip and I reminded her, and said we can figure out some other day.

Today, I said if we can hang out on weekend, I can come back early from the trip on saturday, but she says she already has plans with a girlfriend.

We have not seen each other for 2 weeks now, and I don't see any plans for furture too.....

Is she trying to avoid me? I am confused...

[Ms Darcy]

Basically, you said 'we're done.' And then when she called you and protested, you caved in. She realized she has you back on the string and will continue stringing you along. Nothing confusing about that I'm afraid, my friend.

[ch91780]

Yes, just ignore her and move on.

[marquis]

OK... here is the update... guys, please help me..

 

The next day, I told her that she has been quite preoccupied and asked if everything was OK. And also asked her if she is still upto helping me with a work. (I had asked her for a help when we were on good terms). She replied saying she feels she needs more space, and that we should take a break from each other and she wants to figure out what she is looking for. She also says her feelings towards me are no longer as strong as it was initially. It was infact my unannounced departure the prior weekend which was like a wake-up call for her, since I was not around all of a sudden for few days, without telling her. She did not expect me to go all of a sudden just because she called off a date on Friday. She also said earlier that she felt I was too available for her.

 

My really apologized for my actions of sudden leaving for that weekend and provided her with valid reasons and she says she no longer is mad at me, but she wants to take a break for few weeks. However, we will be seeing each other mid of this week for few hours because she says she will still help me out with the work, and that is probably the last time we would meet before the break.

 

I think this "break" thing is just an excuse for break-up, because ours is not a long-term relationship, and her feelings have evolved since the beginning of the relationship.

Should I just tell her to forget about helping me with the work and not see her, or should I go and see her and try to talk her out of the break? (the work is not that important). I am writing a letter to her, explaining my feelings and see how she responds and then decide? Is it a good idea?

 

Please anyone??