Lets Look at this situation logically

[Philabonia]

Ok, so I have been on this site for a few months now, and I have to say, its helped a lot. Just to feel not so...without hope and alone I guess. My story is typical - girl breaks up with guy out of the blue, guy is destroyed, guy goes through phases of disbelief, anger, etc. etc...

 

What I dont get is, how could she just literally step away, without another word? Girls, please give me some insight - how do you break up with a guy that you lived with, shared a life with for over 2 years, and simply never say another word??

 

Now, there are some different little factors that come into play. Looking back, I can see how and when she started pulling away and detaching from the relationship. I realize now that it was unhealthy, and probably had to end. She moved away at the end of college, and broke up with me 2 weeks later. It WAS literally out of the blue, though her email spoke of "a break," instead of an outright split; I, genius that I am, flipped, and she decided she wanted nothing more to do with me.

 

Ever since that point, we have barely spoken. We had a 15 minute conversation (mostly me blubbering in my disbelief), and then, sporadic contact initiated by me. I have not spoken with her on the topic of our relationship in over a month (I HAD to contact her last week, about our security deposit for our apt. together that the renter sent to her), and it does not seem like she cares at all, or has ever. Its like she just moved on without holding any memories. Now, I am old enough to know human beings, and to realize that that is not physically human or possible, outside of sociopaths; how, then, is she doing this?

 

I see so many stories of ex's still contacting, or trying to make contact for a while, and then slowly breaking it off after a downward trend of contact. But to NEVER contact the person, and simply not respond for anything other than $$ or business matters? Wow - it honestly has changed my perspective on the capabilities of a females a lot. I feel myself becoming very jaded, and at times, feel like im kicking a dead horse (ok, bludgeoning it...)

 

I have been feeling much better recently though; I can go out and not drink myself into oblivion, and actually have a good time. I can smile at women, instead of grimacing, or looking at the ground. I feel all around happier doing my work for school, and I can think of my life (her included) without trying to block things out. But still, the nights are hard sometimes.

 

So, ladies, please - how is one of you capable of this?? Its like an X-Men power...

[iggy320]

I'm not a woman, but I think you know as well as I do that she is feeling bad about this more than she's letting on. Some people do move on quite quickly and easily though. However, the amount she is suffering isn't going to help you heal any faster.

 

Focus on yourself! Keep up no contact and I'd like to say that there are nice women out there. A lot actually!

[Aurora11]

It's not a power that only women possess. My ex and I didn't live together, but when he wanted to break up, it was a VERY clean break.. and when I contacted him about his stupid cat and all the stuff that he left "temporarily" with me, he didn't even have the decency to reply.

 

In response to your question, though... there are two answers...

1) your ex stopped caring about you awhile ago.. but pretended to still be in love with you. She waited until the end b/c the end of school/moving away was the easiest way for her to break up with you. Then she woudn't see you all the time, wouldn't have to explain herself, etc. and she would feel less guilty

 

2) she still cares about you, but firmly believes that it won't work out.. therefore, NC will help you move on faster. If you stayed "friends" then you would still feel like you have a chance and it would take you even longer to get over her.