floridagirlal Posted September 16, 2010 Share Posted September 16, 2010 My bf of 2 years is apparently still seeking revenge on his ex-wife and I don't know how to deal with it. Last night, my bf found out that his ex wife's new bf is a porn freak and he sexually abused his own daughter. My bf is angry about this situation because he has a 17 yo daughter and a 12 yo son and he doesn't want the new bf around his kids. I understand and agree with that but he seems more interested in "getting" his ex wife than simply protecting his kids. Basically, he still wants some kind of revenge on her. Apparently, he has been asking around town about this new bf and seems to keep pretty close tabs on his ex's FB status and who she is dating, etc. I really don't understand this because I don't keep tabs on my ex at all. I don't care who he is with or where he is. I will admit that I trust his judgment on who he would have around my children. I'm just wondering if I should be worried that he is not over his ex. We have discussed marriage and I don't want to get into a situation where he is still hung up on her in some way. I do not believe that he wants her back on any level but why hold on to the anger? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DN Posted September 16, 2010 Share Posted September 16, 2010 Are you sure he is not just checking up to protect his children? If I thought my kids were in some sort of danger from an ex's new boyfriend I would want to keep tabs on what is happening too. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
floridagirlal Posted September 16, 2010 Author Share Posted September 16, 2010 I guess that's what i'm asking. Yes, I do believe that he is definitely concerned about his children but he specifically said last night, "I'm waiting on [ex wife] to mess up one more time and then I'm gonna be all over her." It just seems to me like it's more than just about his children but I'm looking for feedback to know if I'm over-reacting. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DN Posted September 16, 2010 Share Posted September 16, 2010 Well, I would also be negative about an ex who was endangering my kids. Who has primary custody? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
floridagirlal Posted September 16, 2010 Author Share Posted September 16, 2010 It's shared custody. One week with him, one week with her. I'm certainly not saying that he should ignore the situation. I'm just asking if it's normal to be checking up so much on an ex. I dont' check on mine. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DN Posted September 16, 2010 Share Posted September 16, 2010 No, but then you don't have the worry about your children that he does about his. There may be some sort of personal vendetta against her because in a previous thread you said it was not a good divorce. But even if that is true he still has good reason to check up on her and try to protect his children from possible abuse. If I were you I would support him in the latter motive and ignore the first - partly because it may not even be relevant and is driven by your desire to get married while he is against it at the moment. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
floridagirlal Posted September 16, 2010 Author Share Posted September 16, 2010 I totally agree DN....I think you hit the nail on the head. I'm wondering if I'm more sensitive to this BECAUSE I'm in a holding pattern with him at the moment. If he was committed to me with an engagement or marriage, I would probably not think much of it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DN Posted September 16, 2010 Share Posted September 16, 2010 I think it is important to separate the two issues. But do keep in mind it is because he was so burned the first time that he is reluctant to marry again. So if you make waves over stuff like this the less likely he is to want to try again. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jd1983 Posted September 16, 2010 Share Posted September 16, 2010 he specifically said last night, "I'm waiting on [ex wife] to mess up one more time and then I'm gonna be all over her." Perhaps he's trying to get full custody of his kids? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
floridagirlal Posted September 16, 2010 Author Share Posted September 16, 2010 Yes, he would like full custody of his son. His daughter is graduating this year and is actually his ex's child. He adopted her after they got married. He rarely sees her anymore and probably would not seek custody of her. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jd1983 Posted September 16, 2010 Share Posted September 16, 2010 Then that's probably what he meant when he said - I'm waiting for her to mess up one more time, and then I'm going to be all over her. I didn't get that thought that he meant that as, he wasn't over her. I got the thought that he meant that he's waiting for her to screw up, so he can be all up on her to fight for custody. You need to try to separate these two issues. I don't think this has anything to do with her per se, more of the fact that this is his child that he's concerned about. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
floridagirlal Posted September 16, 2010 Author Share Posted September 16, 2010 Ok. I appreciate your responses. I was hoping it was just concern. I'm not one to hold a grudge so it's difficult for me to understand when he holds on for SO LONG to get revenge. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jd1983 Posted September 16, 2010 Share Posted September 16, 2010 If the divorce was bitter, then it's very understandable that he would still hold some grudge towards her. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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