agreeing on an end to the distance

[kekep]

I've been in an LDR for a little over a year with a really wonderful guy. he lives 9 hours away. we talk everyday and see each other at least once a month. we've even talked about getting married down the line. both of us are in our late 20's and work. also i own a house with my sister here. anyway my problem is, on new years this year he told me he was going to move to my city (new orleans) by october. well, the october date has been pushed back to january b/c he's working on getting his pilot's license and has spent a lot of time and money on trying to get that. i'm starting to get the feeling that the january deadline won't happen though. not only b/c of the pilot's license, but combined with the fact that he hasn't even started looking for a job or an apt in my city. also, the last time i saw him he was on the phone with a friend he hadn't talked to in awhile and he said "i'm planning on moving to new orleans by spring of next year." he never mentioned anything about spring to me! so basically i feel like i'm in the dark about when he is going to be here...and i'm feeling like january probably won't happen...so my question is, shouldn't you have a set specific time for this distance thing to end? and if so do you have a right to be pissed if that date is pushed back or should you let it slide? not knowing the end date is really frustrating for me. i wish i could just have an exact date from him. i know everyone is going to say just talk to him about it, but how can i do that without seeming like a total nag? btw we have talked about it in the last couple of months and he told me he is definitely going to move here and will really try for january...

[OptomisticGirl]

It's a tricky subject.

 

My fiance and I are in a 4,000 mile LDR and when we were setting a date for the wedding and me moving over to England it changed about five times due to finances, his job, and other things. It's one of those things in a LDR you kind of have to roll with. If he has spent a lot of money to get his pilot's license while it may suck, it could be for the best that the plans were moved to Jan. You wouldn't want him to feel like he missed out on getting something he really wanted, do you? And one can plan to move any where in the world (be it 9 hours or 4,000 miles away) during a certain month but really, you never know what could come up. He could lose his job and not have the money or his car break down or any number of things. I agree you should have a tenative and as firm a date as you can but you also have to keep in mind that that date can change at any moment.