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sherryberrypie

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I think it is something in the air Sherry because you and I seem to feel this way in waves don't we? I know I was feeling kind down several weeks ago and then I thought ok, it's not a big deal I'm his girlfriend and he loves me and isn't going anywhere. Then he got sick and was in the hospital and everyone telling him what a great wife I was until I corrected them and said I was just his girfriend, then the feelings of wanting to get married hit me again. GAH....

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It's getting really hard hearing him be called my husband because it's not true. It's in the air because every other person is getting engaged and this is the one taboo subject between us. I hate it! I hate that he feels that he HAS to buy me a ring to be engaged. Stupid traditions.

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I just don't understand. Am I not good enough? Why do I have to watch others get together years after we have already been dating... and get married and start families... I hate feeling this way and I wish he understood how much he is hurting me.

 

 

I'm having a bad night.

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***hugs****

 

I can understand to a point. Yeah we are getting married but due to our relationship and the whole not starting work off right away - or at least, moving over without having a job lined up - we are having to put off starting a family for about a year and a half after I get a job, not that I move over, but I get a job. And yes, I made that stipulation and while it's a mature stipulation, I still can't help but sometimes feel down that everyone around me is getting pregnant and I'm not, that although we want it we have to wait for it. A girl at work tonight told me she was pregnant and I just felt this instant black cloud of misery. I was nice, congratulated her, asked all the questions... but on the inside I was crying.

 

And then there are times were it doesn't bother me. Someone announces a pregnancy and I could care less. We all have bad nights, especially when it's somethign we want. Try to look at what you guys do have, I usually do this to remind myself that even though we can't have a baby, we do have a lot of good stuff. You guys own your own home, live together, otherwise have a great relationship, two crazy but amazing cats, and your job situation is looking up. That's all I know, of course I"m sure you could come up with more yourself.

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I have a friend who is single, and probably just as baby-crazy as you. I know it's hard when she sees others having kids. She's determined for me to have a kid SOON LOL. Not happening. Yes there are lots of good things, but waiting really can make a girl feel like crap. It all comes back to "I must not be good enough." That attitude so isn't me, but that's how I get in these moods. I know it's hard waiting, especially when being a mom is your "dream job" so you doubly feel like you're waiting for your life to start.

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I just don't understand. Am I not good enough? Why do I have to watch others get together years after we have already been dating... and get married and start families... I hate feeling this way and I wish he understood how much he is hurting me.

 

 

I'm having a bad night.

 

Sigh......I can so relate to what you are saying about the not being good enough part.

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Oh met, these men are so silly. You are beyond "good enough" as am I, I suppose, but you can't help but get in that frame of mind sometimes.

 

Silly indeed. We as the girlfriends rock and they I know without a doubt that Alex and Jesse would never ever ever ever ever be able to find women as good as us. Not in this lifetime or the next three.

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No way at all.

 

Well I was sitting, waiting, wishing

You believed in superstitions

Then maybe you'd see the signs

 

The Lord knows that this world is cruel

I ain't the Lord, no I'm just a fool

Learning lovin' somebody don't make them love you

 

Must I always be waiting, waiting on you

Must I always be playing, playing your fool

 

I sang your songs, I danced your dance

I gave your friends all a chance

But putting up with them

Wasn't worth never having you

 

Maybe you've been through this before

But it's my first time so please ignore

The next few lines cause they're directed at you

 

I can't always be waiting, waiting on you

I can't always be playing, playing your fool

 

I keep playing your part

But it's not my scene

Want this plot to twist

I've had enough mystery

Keep building it up

Then shooting me down

But I'm already down

 

Just wait a minute

Just sitting, waiting

Just wait a minute

Just sitting, waiting

 

Well, if I was in your position

I'd put down all my ammunition

I'd wonder why'd it taken me so long

 

But Lord knows that I'm not you

And if I was, I wouldn't be so cruel

Cause waitin' on love aint so easy to do

 

Must I always be waiting, waiting on you

Must I always be playing, playing your fool

 

No, I can't I always be waiting, waiting on you

I can't always be playing, playing your fool

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God-damnit! Just when we were getting a bit ahead, student loans has to go and mess things up. I got home from a lovely day with my mom, sister and niece, to an angry Alex who blames me that our bank account ran out of money today. Turns out, student loans thinks I'm not a student anymore and withdrew almost $500 from our account. Then my gym pass was withdrawn. When I got home I was INTERROGATED about why I had bought this and that (a new book, a bootcamp pass, my niece's birthday gift) and he had gone through everything with a fine-tooth comb. Bye bye cushion of savings....

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