Circe Posted March 17, 2011 Share Posted March 17, 2011 Oh sherry - I'm thinking positive thoughts for Alex too - I hope it all resolves positively soon. xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sherryberrypie Posted March 17, 2011 Author Share Posted March 17, 2011 He's acting so strange and reclusive. Last night I was having serious doubts about our future. He'll talk to everyone else about it, but he's barely even talked to me. He's been going to his buddy's house every chance he gets and cancelling dates with me. If he doesn't feel like he can confide in me about his deepest darkest fears, then what are we? Feeling really down today. Was hard to get out of bed. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Circe Posted March 18, 2011 Share Posted March 18, 2011 Oh no - that's awful. Poor you and poor him. Is this something that happens all the time when he's going through something scary and stressful - or is this really the first time that he's avoided you during something stressful? If its the first time maybe it is the overwhelming stress of it thats causing this - and not his trust in you or the comfort he finds in you. I mean - these unique situations - I dont think you can draw big conclusions about the overall r'ship from them. You know? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sherryberrypie Posted March 18, 2011 Author Share Posted March 18, 2011 No it's not the first time. When his brother was enlisted to go to Afghanistan, he clammed up for a week. I only found out about it when he was telling his friends while we were out at dinner. I told him how awful that made me feel and he apologized. Since then he has been totally open, except for with this issue. The big "C" is on everybody's mind right now. We talked and he agreed that he will be truthful with me, and not try to protect me all the time. He said he figured I had enough on my plate right now. I told him that he is the most important thing ON my plate, and that I want him to confide in me. There was more blood today, but I'm glad that he told me. He said he wasn't sure if he should tell me or not, and I told him that he definitely should tell me these things. He admitted that he couldn't concentrate on his work, so I asked him to come home early from work because he was too stressed out. We pigged out on fried chicken and I DON'T care about the calories. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Circe Posted March 18, 2011 Share Posted March 18, 2011 What does he say when you tell him you feel like he is shutting you out and all you want is to be allowed to be there for him? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Circe Posted March 18, 2011 Share Posted March 18, 2011 Cross-posted - sorry - I'm really glad you guys had that conversation. God - the poor guy. I really hope you get those results soon. Do you have any idea when they are due? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sherryberrypie Posted March 18, 2011 Author Share Posted March 18, 2011 He said that he is sorry, he just doesn't want me to worry. I get that everyone deals in their own way. His has been to hang out with his buddies and to just be a bit of a recluse. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sherryberrypie Posted March 18, 2011 Author Share Posted March 18, 2011 He is waiting for the specialist to book a cat scan so we can have a better look at his chest and lungs. Finding out that he bled again today scared me, because now I can't pretend that it was just some fluke and that the x-ray was incorrect. He needs to be ok. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Circe Posted March 18, 2011 Share Posted March 18, 2011 He absolutely needs to be ok. No other options allowed. I'll have you both in my thoughts until you update us on how he is. Scares like this really puts love and time with loved ones into perspective huh? Nothing else matters a fraction as much. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sherryberrypie Posted March 18, 2011 Author Share Posted March 18, 2011 Thank you circe. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sherryberrypie Posted March 18, 2011 Author Share Posted March 18, 2011 Alex and I made banana bread tonight. It's still hot and it smells so good! I did some dishes and cleaned up a bunch of clutter. Our friend is giving us a dishwasher when he moves in May, so I'm trying to figure out where I'm going to put it. We're definitely going to grow out of this little house in 5 years Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OptomisticGirl Posted March 18, 2011 Share Posted March 18, 2011 Maybe by then it will be because of the pitter patter of little feet. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sherryberrypie Posted March 18, 2011 Author Share Posted March 18, 2011 Most likely. When we moved in we knew that we would only be here for about five years, but we do hope to be able to buy up the other side and rent it all out so we can keep it "in the family". We made DELICIOUS banana bread Today I ate: lunch 3 chicken strips, some potato wedges, and coleslaw with orange pop (we both emotionally ate) snack 1/2 atualfo mango dinner green salad with caesar dressing snack 2.5 slices banana bread Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
metrogirl Posted March 18, 2011 Share Posted March 18, 2011 I missed part of your journal and just read about Alex being sick. I'm so sorry and you must be worried sick. Sending you positive healing thoughts. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sherryberrypie Posted March 18, 2011 Author Share Posted March 18, 2011 Thank you metro. I'm sorry that we both have to worry about our men like this! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
metrogirl Posted March 18, 2011 Share Posted March 18, 2011 Thank you metro. I'm sorry that we both have to worry about our men like this! Yes, it's a horrible thing to have to worry about on top of trying to just get through our day to day lives. Well you know I have been doing this for a while now so if you need added support, feel free to vent or cry all you need. I completely understand what you are going through. Big hugs to you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sherryberrypie Posted March 18, 2011 Author Share Posted March 18, 2011 We're just impatiently waiting for his CT scan appointment. One thing that really concerns me today is that he went into work and moved a bunch of heavy barrels and said afterwards he felt like he ran a marathon, really exhausted and out of breath. This is his normal day to day thing (moving random large objects), so it should have been no big deal. His boss is home in a few days, so I really hope he'll just take the reins for awhile. Too much time spent at doctors' offices. I am now sick with a chest cold. At least I likely don't work today and I have a good dent in my homework. I stayed in bed until 11:30 trying to just rest it away. The university is STILL on strike and my friends and I have become hermits, so we're all going out for dinner tonight Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sherryberrypie Posted March 19, 2011 Author Share Posted March 19, 2011 Apparently I am not sick. I think I have too much cat dander flying around. I need to seriously vacumn and swiffer and lint-roll the living room and bedroom. Once I had a cup of tea and a hot bath the rattle in my chest went away. I drove a total of two hours in the pouring rain to go and pick up my necklace that I had left behind at the hotel. Loooong drive when you're by yourself and sleepy/bored. On the way there everyone was speeding so much, but on the way back traffic bottlenecked because there was an accident. A minivan had flipped into a ditch and it was completely smushed. I saw it in the news later and bad as it looked, the two people in the van only had minor injuries. So, slow down on the roads! I stopped and bought some flower/veg seeds and things on my way home. Tomorrow morning I am going to start the plants so they're ready for the garden. Going to have to do a lot of weeding. Next time I go back to the store I need to get an edger and a rake. I wish it would stop raining!! Tonight I went out for dinner with some friends and two of them (husband and wife) brought their 5 week old son. What a relaxed baby. We were there for about 2 hours and he never uttered a peep. We passed him around the table and took turn snuggling him and he was totally chill. He ate a ton though, a bottle an hour LOL. He's really a handsome little boy and you can totally see his parent's different traits in his face. After dinner two girlfriends and I went to see the King's Speech. I was surprised at how much I liked it. It was really well done, really well acted. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Circe Posted March 19, 2011 Share Posted March 19, 2011 Awww - how cute!! I'm really, really starting to look forward to the day we have kids too. I think they're going to be adorable and while its no doubt going to be really hard at times - I bet its going to feel really worth it too. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sherryberrypie Posted March 19, 2011 Author Share Posted March 19, 2011 Your time to start a family is getting closer and closer. I think you'll wonder why you waited/be glad that you did wait and travelled a bit and such first. I just think it's such a beautiful thing to watch new parents with their child. You can tell that my friend's husband is such a hands-on dad, and so in love with his son. I tried to sneak a couple of pics of him playing with baby, but the stupid flash sensor gave me away haha. I did get a couple that I think they'll like. Alex has never held a baby, but he's so kind and gentle that I think with a little coaching he could be super dad. I nearly melted when my big burly hair beast of a man friend was holding the new baby, some woman thing I guess hahaha. He asked me when I was going to have a bun in the oven and I pointed out that he is older That, and I like our five year plan. In bed last night Alex talked openly about his fears, and how he just cannot focus on anything else until he knows what's going on. I wish it wouldn't take them so long to get to this scan. Today we find out if 'we're' still on strike next week. I'm starting to embrace the time off and thinking that I could make next week about doing projects around the house and finishing my assignments Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
metrogirl Posted March 19, 2011 Share Posted March 19, 2011 Does he already have an appointment or are you waiting for them to contact you with an appointment? Sometimes I find being a pest can pay off. Call them everyday if you have to and ask if there have been any cancellations. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rocio Posted March 19, 2011 Share Posted March 19, 2011 Do you have an appointment to find out the results or are you simply waiting for them to call? I can understand why Alex's attention is on the results. How stressful. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alezia Posted March 19, 2011 Share Posted March 19, 2011 Definetly a stressful situation. I hate to be put on hold with anything concerning life changing decisions. Thinking of you, hope all goes well for the results. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sherryberrypie Posted March 20, 2011 Author Share Posted March 20, 2011 He has to wait for them to call with an appointment. There hasn't been any bleeding since Thurs, but if there is more we are going to stalk the clinics. Have some potential really good news though: Alex works as a green energy tech. He works for a startup company that is still floundering. Our city started their own green project in the same field last year. They're trying to recruit him, and while it's not guaranteed that he'd get a job with them for sure (has to apply and interview and all that paperwork), he has a leg up on everyone else because he is young and has actually been trained in that field. He would get benefits, almost double the pay, and work 9-4 M-F. There would be a LOT less having to run to the site in case of a problem, and if he did, he would be paid time and a half. It's a golden ticket but he is really struggling with it because this startup company and the city have something of a rivalry, and he is really loyal to his boss-- plus, he is the only employee there right now and he helped get it off the ground. As time goes on though, it's becoming apparent that his boss can't afford to pay him more, definitely can't unionize with two people and there are no benefits. So I know he knows the logical thing to do here, but he's struggling with the idea of moving to the other side. I can't tell anyone in real life yet, but I am so excited for this possibility! He was like, if he gets a job with benefits, he can replace his glasses, I can get my teeth fixed, we wouldn't be paycheque to paycheque... we could put larger payments towards the mortgage and student loans... it would just be so nice. Plus with this whole health scare and him not having insurance, the timing is just uncanny. Oh, and university is still on strike. Balls. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rocio Posted March 20, 2011 Share Posted March 20, 2011 That does sound nice. Good luck! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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