OptomisticGirl Posted February 11, 2011 Share Posted February 11, 2011 I don't think there is anything wrong with saving up for a ring together. As you said, you guys aren't traditional. CS and I aren't either. Remember for the first six months of our engagement my promise ring served as my e-ring (he wasn't too thrilled about it but oh well). I mean there are some GORGEOUS rings out there for under $1,000 but really it's not even about having 'the' ring, it's just the fact knowing this man wants to take this step with you that is important. But it's obviously important to him. If you have a certain style you have in mind I would def. drop hints (if you wanted only him to pick the ring out). Our ultimate e-ring (the expensive one we went against getting to have a smaller wedding) CS sent me a link to it and I always knew what it looked like, I okayed it... nothing wrong with that if you want to go that route. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sherryberrypie Posted February 11, 2011 Author Share Posted February 11, 2011 The ring is SO important to him. I think a lot of men worry about what people think. I've been in love with this one ring for years, even before I met him, but no way am I ballsy enough to just send him a pic. I think that's a bit cold... I only have one style that I really hate, so the odds are good for him if he chooses to go it alone. Rings are so silly hey? I'd like to just be an official, legal family without all the pomp and circumstance! But looking back in 20 years or so, I will probably be glad for that bit of glamour in my life Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sherryberrypie Posted February 11, 2011 Author Share Posted February 11, 2011 I've been awake for awhile, reading articles and thinking. I don't regret our house, persay... I regret my actions and my greed about wanting to have it all NOW. Vacations, marriage, new things. I figure these are all things I deserve, but they don't get handed over. I have to earn them. No, I'm not making much money right now, but I'm not sitting on my laurels either. I am working, and I am contributing. The problem is that I justify expenditures. I convince myself that I 'deserve it'. I am going to be more like my grandmother, who hardly ever spent anything and she played her cards right. She knew that the material things were't important and instead of going on trips and buying new furniture, her goal was to be able to provide for her children and grandchildren. I need to emulate her. So I have decided that 1. The silly spending needs to stop. 2. We will first build up savings for our own PROTECTION, not for frivolous things like trips. I've been so blind.... What if something disastrous happened and we had just spent that money on a weeklong trip to Mexico or something? What a waste! 3. Vacations and luxuries are off the table. 4. Once we have a set amount of savings achieved, then we can move on to other things. I think I'm just going to leave my debit card at home the majority of the time. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Circe Posted February 11, 2011 Share Posted February 11, 2011 Did the girl break it off or did the fiance? I have a friend (who started out as a work colleague) just like this. Same thing happened to her. Engagement ended - next thing - crazy party photos with boys all over FB. But for her she felt like she had to prove to everyone and her ex that she was out there having fun. He's the one who broke it off. Even if this girl is the one who broke it off - she probably still feels like she needs to validate the decision? Just know that if she's anything like my friend she isn't posting these photos just because she's oblivious. My friend had completely thought out (and you could argue - over thought out) every single thing she posted on the internet. It was all designed to send out a particular message. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Circe Posted February 11, 2011 Share Posted February 11, 2011 It's all so depressing and it's all my fault. Stupid school costing so much. Stupid impulse buys. Stupid ME. [/Quote] Don't say that.. you know you shouldn't be thinking like that. It's not your fault that school is expensive and school is something Alex wants you to do as well. Impulse buys you can prevent in the future .. choose not to take your credit/debit card with you when you go out. If you are grocery shopping only take the amount of money in cash that you budget for etc. And as for the gym - your in Canada so the weather probably makes outdoors exercise difficult but you could watch an exercise video on youtube and do 20 mins, 3 times a week of vigorous aerobics. If the purpose of the gym membership was to lose weight - honestly - cutting calories is the most effective way of doing that. Exercise generally makes you hungrier than the calories you burn. Less and healthier food is the quickest way to do it. And you don't need gym membership for that. What are your guys' opinions on saving up together for a ring (not having a ring isn't even an option to this guy) do you think this nullifies all other proposal tradition, eg. him picking out the ring, etc...? I'm curious. On the ring- sincerely - all the money is both of yours anyway. After you get married what you have belongs to both of you - so what difference is it really if you both save for the ring? I say you should both save for it. As long as he's happy with that. It's not worth upsetting him over if he does feel uncomfortable with that.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Circe Posted February 11, 2011 Share Posted February 11, 2011 I think I'm just going to leave my debit card at home the majority of the time. When we saw the financial planners, we were discussing our monthly expenses/spending - they said we wouldnt be able to accurately judge what we spend based on credit card bills because noone keeps track of cash withdrawals and that the best method was income less savings. We said that doesn't work for us because my H's income can vary significantly from month to month but that we did feel we could accurately guess expenditure because H withdraws the same amount in cash each week and I don't withdraw any because I don't remember the pin number to our joint account and can't be bothered getting the letter from the bank which has it (even though it's just downstairs in my filing system). So the planner laughed at that and said in response that he had a client who was a big impulse spender who actually froze his credit card up in an ice block and stuck it in the freezer so he'd never be able to just grab it on impulse and go buy something. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OptomisticGirl Posted February 11, 2011 Share Posted February 11, 2011 ^Reminds me of that movie, Shopaolic or whatever. Whenever I need to not spend money on something I just leave my cash or debit card at home. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sherryberrypie Posted February 11, 2011 Author Share Posted February 11, 2011 Circe and OG, I am so grateful to have you guys to talk to on here. Sometimes there are times/things that you just don't want to share with an entire group of friends, ya know. Especially friends who are mostly single and don't fully understand. So I really appreciate all the wonderful feedback from you both. I actually froze my debit card in the past, but it backfired because one day I REALLY needed the card (renter's insurance payment) so I was frantically de-thawing it! Not fun. The bank requires us to bring our cards for any transaction anyways, so that wouldn't work in this day and age. While I was reading I came accross some real horror stories and I realized that we're better off than a lot of people. We didn't go into debt to furnish the place. The only thing I bought were the couches. We have NO credit card balance whatsoever right now, and so we have the opportunity to build up a safety net. I'm going to discuss that with him today...how much would be ideal for us to have in emergency savings (isn't it something like 2 mos of living expenses?) The main expense has been tuition and books/software. I don't think I'm a shopaholic, but I do need to get over the attitude that "well I spent years of my life completely deprived, so I deserve it." I was completely deprived because my ex was a shopaholic/chronically unemployed... here I have this great guy who works SO hard, has a good job, and we have the opportunity to get ahead and not have to live paycheque to paycheque. I'm going to embrace that and get over the past. It's done. I'm not hard done by. You know how it goes... for months you resist because you have to, then you finally get some money and you permit yourself to get yourself something, and then there is a little something else you'd like, and everything was on sale of course, necessary at the time, but then you look at the totals and realize that those little things add up to a big thing and you're back with that feeling of panic in your gut. A couple of months before we started looking at houses, I created pie charts for each month, detailing expenditures so that we could see how uneven our spending was and we were quickly able to even things out, and it felt really good. I'm going to go back to doing that, even if the Jan chart is going to be really scary. As long as I have a visual, it's much easier to budget. I woke up this morning much more focused on security and I have come back down to earth quite a bit. Why would I want to spend all that money on a weeklong trip when we could be building for our future together. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Circe Posted February 12, 2011 Share Posted February 12, 2011 Aww.. thanks Sherry. And I agree - I'm really glad I have a place to either talk and seek opinions or vent that's away from your every day life.. Especially friends who are mostly single and don't fully understand. So I really appreciate all the wonderful feedback from you both. yeah.. I know what you mean. Some single friends (and I would describe all but one of the single friends I knew this way) don't really understand the desire to get married or the real issues that can delay that happening. Or they completely over-romanticise marriage/proposals/engagements (and thereby set rules as to how long you should be dating before you get engaged, whats the perfect engagement etc) or they undervalue it completely. You know how it goes... for months you resist because you have to, then you finally get some money and you permit yourself to get yourself something, and then there is a little something else you'd like, and everything was on sale of course, necessary at the time, but then you look at the totals and realize that those little things add up to a big thing and you're back with that feeling of panic in your gut. A couple of months before we started looking at houses, I created pie charts for each month, detailing expenditures so that we could see how uneven our spending was and we were quickly able to even things out, and it felt really good. I'm going to go back to doing that, even if the Jan chart is going to be really scary. As long as I have a visual, it's much easier to budget. I woke up this morning much more focused on security and I have come back down to earth quite a bit. Why would I want to spend all that money on a weeklong trip when we could be building for our future together. Yeah - its amazing how it all adds up, that's for sure. Sometimes I look at the things I bought when I first started working and I have sooooo many regrets - I'd love to turn them all back to the cash I spent on them at the click of my fingers. Also - you could just downsize holidays a bit. So instead of a week away - you could do a "weekend holiday" where you stay at home but plan the entire weekend out doing really fun stuff that you wouldn't otherwise do. That way you cut the cost of the whole week down to just two days - save on flights and accommodation - but still have some sort of "break" or something to look forward to. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OptomisticGirl Posted February 12, 2011 Share Posted February 12, 2011 Thanks Sherry. I agree... a lot I ramble about even my best friend would find boring, lol I hate credit cards. My ex left me with EVERY bill from the apartment. Every bill. And I (stupidly) only had my name on them (he was lazy and wouldn't go with me to get them turned on in both names so it was only in my name). >. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sherryberrypie Posted February 12, 2011 Author Share Posted February 12, 2011 ME TOO! We are twins for real! Yup, the idiot left me with thousands of dollars in debt. I managed to pay it off in a few years by working full-time and being incredibly frugal. But oh well OG, we've moved on to much greener pastures. Talked to my sister for over an hour tonight. She's still having seizures (one doc says they ARE seizures) and will be seeing a neuro again very soon. She's unhappy and frustrated, wishing she could get back to life, but she's dealing with it. She really just wants to know what exactly it is so she can focus on treatment, meds, etc... My Mom visited her for a couple of days, so I'm glad for that. Her bf is gone so much and went days without calling her, and she was worried that it all was getting to be too much for him. He promised he'd never abandon her- saw her every day in hospital, loves her lots. He had better NOT be like the last guy--- I'll personally kick his arse. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OptomisticGirl Posted February 12, 2011 Share Posted February 12, 2011 I'm telling you, you're my Canadian sister, lol. We have moved on. I"ll def. be working off that debt for a while but in the end, everything wll get cleared and I have an amazing fiance. Sorry to hear about your sister. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sherryberrypie Posted February 12, 2011 Author Share Posted February 12, 2011 I'm glad my debt is cleared-- terrifying to be 19 and thinking that you have to declare bankruptcy. I felt like a total failure. But, I managed to take care of it, and now it will just be 2-3 years before I can rebuild my credit rating. About my sister- it's just very frustrating! We all want answers. I woke up this morning feeling like I couldn't get out of bed...just no motivation too. Too much stress I guess. Anyways, I eventually forced myself to get up and I did some yoga. Feeling a bit more peaceful now, and very stretched out. My wrists can barely take some of the poses though, so I'm going to have to find ways to strengthen them. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Circe Posted February 13, 2011 Share Posted February 13, 2011 Wow I really hope the bf can be there for her - going a more than a day without calling her when she's having such a tough time isn't very cool. Hope he had a good reason for it. I really hope they figure out why its happening soon. You do Yoga! I took a handful of classes once but never took it further.. i should have, so many people swear by it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OptomisticGirl Posted February 13, 2011 Share Posted February 13, 2011 I tried Pilates a few years back. I liked it but I don't have the space to do it here. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sherryberrypie Posted February 13, 2011 Author Share Posted February 13, 2011 Going to quickly get my thoughts down before this morning's exercise. Work was kind of a pain. We get evaluated so much it's ridiculous, and after not having been there for a week, I was evaluated right away. I was so not in salesperson mode! After work a girlfriend came to pick up Alex and I (she lives nearby, so why drive two cars) and we went to this pub for what was supposed to be music trivia...except apparently Hockey Night in Canada trumps everything else. We still had a blast though, and by the end of it the others had shown up. We were all feeling extremely silly, Alex and I ate appies for supper and we all sang happy birthday to the other table-- wound up getting some birthday cake too LOL. And now, time for some pilates and yoga before work! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OptomisticGirl Posted February 13, 2011 Share Posted February 13, 2011 I got evaluated last week. Nerve wracking kind of. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sherryberrypie Posted February 14, 2011 Author Share Posted February 14, 2011 My foot hurts again. What on earth is going on?! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sherryberrypie Posted February 14, 2011 Author Share Posted February 14, 2011 To answer my own q...I'm pretty sure it's an inflamed tendon. I'm going to try icing it daily and not doing hard bouts of cardio...just weights and yoga. Three hours of being on my feet at work really aggravated it. I think I might need some better flats for work... I felt the workout that I did this morning (Self Bikini Body dvd) immediately afterwards. That's never happened before! I figure I have 4 mos to get a beach body that I'm proud of, and the only thing standing between that is ME. Combined with the summer boot camp, I'll be smokin'. I'm looking forward to Valentine's day tomorrow. Alex is making me a candle-lit dinner, I've got some fun things for us to do, and we're going to go see a movie (got free tickets in the cereal boxes today. Yay! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sherryberrypie Posted February 14, 2011 Author Share Posted February 14, 2011 oooh horrible horrible sleep last night. Woke up this morning after being up pretty much all night and my legs are stiff from that workout and my foot is still sore. Laaaame. I know i'm going to be fighting to stay awake in class all morning. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sherryberrypie Posted February 14, 2011 Author Share Posted February 14, 2011 I feel awful and emotional today. My whole lower half hurts and I can't move normally. Add the foot pain to it and I was stuck hobbling around campus in the pouring rain. I feel horrible for OG and CS (talk about being on ENA too much) and all I want to do is sleep. Luckily, Alex is out getting supplies to make me dinner tonight and then he is going to clean a bit. I really should pitch in but i just feel like crap. Nap then bath, then time to be productive. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OptomisticGirl Posted February 14, 2011 Share Posted February 14, 2011 lol, wait til you start having ENA dreams. What are you guys doing for V day? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sherryberrypie Posted February 14, 2011 Author Share Posted February 14, 2011 He's making me dinner (decided against going out) and we're going to do a movie. I got some cheesy valentine's things like a card game where you test your knowledge of each other, and some "sexy" lottery tickets. I need to get in an attractive/sexy mood stat! I should probably take some ibuprofen... pain is a pretty big libido blocker. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OptomisticGirl Posted February 15, 2011 Share Posted February 15, 2011 Oh that sounds fun! You doing a movie in or out? I think have some of those cards somewhere... go take a nice long, hot bubble bath. Always helps me feel sexy afterward and it may even help your foot! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sherryberrypie Posted February 15, 2011 Author Share Posted February 15, 2011 Going out. I'm being such a cheapskate that I only bought the cereal that came with free movie tickets bahaha. I balked because I wanted sugary cereal, but you only get kids' tickets with things like cinnamon toast crunch. So...we get Cheerios I really hope he is not out getting me a gift. I'll feel really bad. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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