sherryberrypie Posted January 31, 2011 Author Share Posted January 31, 2011 We've talked about it lots before. I'm tired of talking about it because he knows it's what I want and he insists that it's what he wants. He's just comfortable, and that's my fault. To add insult to injury, today I met the new girl at work, who was going on about her wedding coming up in June. It just stung a bit and I didn't contribute to the conversation. It's been so nice having extra money lately. I bought a pair of jeans from work and it will probably be my last buy for awhile. They're like nothing I would have ever worn before but I really like them. They're super tight, light-wash skinny jeans with no fly or button, just a waistband. I feel kinda cool in them LOL. Homework time. I have no idea what to do with this feature article. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OptomisticGirl Posted January 31, 2011 Share Posted January 31, 2011 I'm sorry Sherry. It's like me with the baby thing... everyone around me is having them and I just want to scream when is my time?! Even knowing my time is in 2-3 years... it still sucks. What will you do? If you aren't happy something has to happen, he has to step up or you have to step down. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
metrogirl Posted January 31, 2011 Share Posted January 31, 2011 Oh gosh, I can relate to what you are feeling. It's not a good feeling especially when it seems that everyone around you is getting married. I totally can relate. I hope you two are able to work it out. Every girl deserves to be married and happy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sherryberrypie Posted January 31, 2011 Author Share Posted January 31, 2011 We went out for ice cream and I steered conversation to how I feel like he doesn't have any motivation to get married when he's getting everything he wants now. He said that he's not getting everything he wants, and he is working towards getting us married-- "that's what I'm working towards right now." That made me feel a whole lot better. I know he wants to marry me and I'd never want to be without him anyways. It's all dependent on money in his mind, and that makes sense, it's just frustrating. Full of junk food and so sleepy. We've gotten into this show called the Guild and it's addictive. I need to fix this article but I don't wanna! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sweetpea03 Posted January 31, 2011 Share Posted January 31, 2011 I'm sure your time will come, just try to be patient. I've been talking about marriage with V for months now and supposedly he will propose soon, but I have no idea when. I'm trying not to think about it. lol. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
metrogirl Posted January 31, 2011 Share Posted January 31, 2011 Sometimes I want marriage and sometimes I don't. I think I feel that way because I'm not sure that he wants marriage. He always says that he doesn't want to marry someone and then she takes half of what he has during a divorce. He went from being married to being divorced in one breath! LOL He did give me a promise ring on my 40th birthday last year. It's actually an engagement ring but he doesn't call it that, he says it's a promise ring. I asked him what is he promising me and his answer was " I don't know, I just promise". wth So I have a pretty ring but I have no clue what happens next. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sherryberrypie Posted January 31, 2011 Author Share Posted January 31, 2011 That's got to be hard, when you don't even know what he wants. I'm torn between feeling like the promise ring is a cop-out and a really sweet gesture. I wonder if he has the idea that women just want the rock, so he figured if he gave you a nice ring, you wouldn't feel like you need to get engaged? I dunno, just throwing that out there. He should know by now that you wouldn't take half of a peanut from someone. LOL. I just need to have patience and forget about the fact that things aren't happening on my ideal timeline. That's life. It's all so silly too, because what is really going to change...not a whole lot, except my last name and our marital status will shift from common-law. But for some reason, some deep-seated reason, it's really important to me. I have no breakfast food in the house, so I ate a pear. Halfway through my first class, my tummy is gonna rumble lol. I didn't want to have to pick up lunch, but I totally spaced on making lunch last night. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sherryberrypie Posted January 31, 2011 Author Share Posted January 31, 2011 Argggghhh! I got an email back from one of the university admin staff, and ALL she said was "there has been no suspension." My whole article is based on the unlawful suspension of this instructor, and I have PROOF that he was suspended. He was unwillingly kept from work BY admin for weeks. These people are ridiculous. The uni spokeswoman had the nerve to say that she knew nothing about this, when she was a recipient on ALL of the emails that were sent out. I'm so unsure what to do now. The whole article is so one sided without quotes from admin. ^$%#. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OptomisticGirl Posted January 31, 2011 Share Posted January 31, 2011 CS gave me a promise ring but it was like a pre e-ring, a promise to get engaged. Has Alex given you one? I mean no life won't always happen on your timeline but this is it... it can't be just when he feels ready. It has to be a joint decision. Even if its to say okay, in a year we will get engaged and go from there on planning and saving. The perfect time to propose is... well, never. Something is always going to go wrong. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sherryberrypie Posted January 31, 2011 Author Share Posted January 31, 2011 My ex gave me a promise ring a month after we started dating, and we had plans to get married after just 2 years of dating/living together. But it was by no means a good relationship. You win some, you lose some. I don't have a promise ring from Alex because he doesn't want to buy me a small ring when that money could go towards a really nice engagement ring. That, and we're not teenagers and it seems to be a very teenager'ish trend. No offence to those who have promise rings, I just think it's silly to jump from one piece of jewelry to the next. I have a necklace he gave me for our first anniversary which I treasure. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OptomisticGirl Posted January 31, 2011 Share Posted January 31, 2011 You could have a promise necklace, lol my promise ring served as my e ring for five months but i can see why a lot of people don't like them. My ex refused to get a ring with any kind of promi@e attached to it. Should have been my first sign, lol Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sherryberrypie Posted January 31, 2011 Author Share Posted January 31, 2011 He did call it a promise necklace actually haha. Thought a ring was too obvious Yeah, the promise ring was supposed to be really good quality silver/cz... he bought one that I picked out. Well, a few months down the road the "silver" peeled off and the "CZ" (more like plastic rock) fell out. That should have been a warning sign of things to come hehehe Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OptomisticGirl Posted January 31, 2011 Share Posted January 31, 2011 You gotta have one bad one to apprectiate the good one. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Circe Posted January 31, 2011 Share Posted January 31, 2011 You know.. it's definitely not true that if they don't propose in 7 years they won't. I have two good friends who did it after 10 years. And you know, I feel pretty sure it felt really special for both the girls involved when it happened. I know for sure that one was over the moon - and those two owned a house together and had been living together for years. I cried at their wedding - her happiness was undeniable. She just glowed with it. So .. it doesn't have to be the way your manager or friend describes it and you can't equate your relationship with theirs or their opinions with Alex' thinking - his mind and your r'ship are unique. I wouldnt put too much weight on what others think, say or do - they are just a handful of opinions our of billions - and they are not you or him. That said - I completely agree that marriage should (or at least can) be a joint decision. It's not the "right" way if it isn't working for you, right? Have you spoken to him about how hurt this is making you feel after 7 years? And what is the reason for waiting? If you live together, it can't be a financial one, right? As your spending won't change after marriage. Maybe he's just afraid of the change? It might help to get him to admit to what he's really waiting for - what he's afraid of etc - because otherwise he could be fooling himself more than anything. Fooling himself that he's waiting for certain milestones or events when in reality he might just be a little scared and that might be something he can work through - it might be something that when he acknowledges it, he can realise it's unnecessary because you are right for each other. Marriage is a joint decision - you are ready, why is he not - after 7 years? I think it's ok to want some solid answers. I think you just have to be careful not to let it escalate into a fight or some conversation where you are both sounding bitter and unhappy. Which is probably just about near impossible not to do. He's obvsiouly a great guy and you obviously have a great thing together so you don't want to damage that .. when was the last time you sat him down to have this talk? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Circe Posted January 31, 2011 Share Posted January 31, 2011 Argggghhh! I got an email back from one of the university admin staff, and ALL she said was "there has been no suspension." My whole article is based on the unlawful suspension of this instructor, and I have PROOF that he was suspended. He was unwillingly kept from work BY admin for weeks. These people are ridiculous. The uni spokeswoman had the nerve to say that she knew nothing about this, when she was a recipient on ALL of the emails that were sent out. I'm so unsure what to do now. The whole article is so one sided without quotes from admin. ^$%#. WHAT? That's outrageous. Can you say in the article that admin denies having any knowledge of a suspension but all the evidence indicates otherwise? Esp if you have emails that admin were CC'd on - you can make it look like they are just covering it up? Or would that just not be a good thing to do politically? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sherryberrypie Posted January 31, 2011 Author Share Posted January 31, 2011 Thank you for your last little note on here. You always know just what to say. Yes it is crazy! I really want to put some snide remark in...but I have to be objective. I'm just going to say that admin declined to comment and leave it at that. Because they have. They pull this stuff all the time. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sherryberrypie Posted February 1, 2011 Author Share Posted February 1, 2011 Something always happens to put things in perspective. Alex and I were out for dinner with friends tonight and somehow they got into talking about old high school friends and what they're doing now. For some reason, one of them is on my facebook and so I was up to date on goings on, except that the girl and her fiance just broke up. It's really sad! They got engaged after maybe 6 months of dating/knowing each other,but they had bought a nice new house here, filled it with new everything and just seemed so in love (via pictures). That would be so hard. It made me so grateful for what I have. For the certainty that Alex and I will be together, that we have built this amazing foundation and while I may not have a rock on my finger yet, that's all this girl has now. I have a guy who plans with me, loves me unconditionally, and who is my partner in life. For all intents and purposes, we are married. The party will just be a bonus, a day to celebrate what we have in a public way. I can't really explain it. She doesn't have the guy, the promise of a life together, she's back to being single and divvying up the many expensive things they bought together. So I am feeling very sad for her and I hope that things go smoothly for them. During dinner I was browsing a real estate booklet and we were all checking out the dream homes. Alex started talking about how when I am done school, we'll be able to pay off our mortgage much faster. We both still want to be able to keep our place when we eventually upgrade to a big family home, and we want to own both halves of the duplex to rent out to students or seniors. I kind of feel like there is pressure on me to finish school, but he definitely felt that pressure too. For a modern woman, sometimes I have a really archaic view of things in that I figured that once he was working in his career, everything would be set. Turns out, he's waiting for me to get on with things as well. I stumbled accross this costume for babies earlier today when I was looking for a costume idea-- it was a squid and it was soo cute. I just had to show him, but he hated it hahaha. Said it was creepy. If I find it again, I'll post it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OptomisticGirl Posted February 1, 2011 Share Posted February 1, 2011 OH i Love baby costumes. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sherryberrypie Posted February 1, 2011 Author Share Posted February 1, 2011 Okay here is the costumelink removed Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OptomisticGirl Posted February 1, 2011 Share Posted February 1, 2011 Okay, I have to admit, it looks cute but creepy at the same time, hahaha. Something to do with the bottom of it... idk. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sherryberrypie Posted February 1, 2011 Author Share Posted February 1, 2011 Cats! Moe woke me up at 6:30 because he wanted outside, and after I got up to let him out, Java decided that she NEEDED attention and started meowing and scratching at the door. I opened it to let her in and she kept wandering away, so I finally just picked her up and set her on the bed, where she slept for the rest of the morning. It's 9 now and I am NOT feeling well rested. Blurg. Gotta go get prescriptions refilled, exchange a pair of pants, deal with paperwork for my directed study, and then I will be camped out at the office getting things ready for the next issue before class... then tonight, yoga with friends! I'm looking forward to Thursday. I'm going to sleep in and lounge about the house all day. Mmm sleep. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Circe Posted February 2, 2011 Share Posted February 2, 2011 OMG that is totally scary! LOL .. and kind of funny.. None of my friends or H's friends have gotten divorced .. and they're all in the early years like us .. I think 3 years into marriage is probably the longest - I think if I hear of one of them splitting up it's going to be awful. Divorce and broken engagements is a reality for many .. but like death.. you just don't want to be reminded that it can happen .. and happen to a couple that seemed so happy Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sherryberrypie Posted February 2, 2011 Author Share Posted February 2, 2011 I had a broken engagement, but he wasn't the right guy and it wasn't the right situation. It didn't even feel real anyhow. Student loans bureaus seem to be taking double payments this month. I checked the account today after guiltily buying a software suite for my mac (very much needed!) and was surprised to see how much the balance changed in a day. The money my dad sent is pretty much gone. Half to tuition, most of the other half to bills, and I admit I spent way too much. Small things over time add up and I always seem to forget that! Oops. For the next two months, I'm not buying anything but necessities and a new pass for boot camp. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OptomisticGirl Posted February 2, 2011 Share Posted February 2, 2011 It's hard not to buy a lot of little things, that's how I do myself in too. I talk to myself into 'oh, I have been wanting this so why not get it now?' and before I know it, I have dropped $60 when I only went in wanting to spend $20. I have gotten better. Most times I just leave my debit card at home, lol Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sherryberrypie Posted February 2, 2011 Author Share Posted February 2, 2011 It really is. The hard part right now has been that I haven't gone grocery shopping, so we haven't had food to put meals together. I'm so busy running around all day nearly every day that I haven't even had real time to make lunches. We keep eating veggie soup for dinner haha. Eating out really adds up quickly and every once in awhile we get stuck in that rut. I'm missing class this morning because I didn't substantively edit as much as I thought I did yesterday, so I'm playing catchup this morning and then I go to work at noon. I guess I shouldn't have gone out last night. Did yoga with the girls and then we went to the movies and saw The Rite. I really honestly thought I was in good shape though. Oh well, I won't miss any more class after this! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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