I'm having a tough time trying to come out

[Kindaconfus]

Ok to start off my life ahas been so freeking nothing more or less. Ok where to begin..... Ok

OK so, here I go. Im gay, pretty sure of it anyway. I have been gay ever since i could remember. As of right now im a closet gay. Deep inside I theres the feeling like its wrong to be gay, to think of other guys in bed. Im constantley at war with myself. Its like i dont even know myself anymore. And I dont.

Anyway, Im having a tough time altogether trying to come out and tell my sister (I live with her and her husband). And you can imagine how hard it is to come out to a guy. Tony (my sis's hubby) is cute, hes a great guy. I had a crush on him but it recentley fadded. But still.....Its wrong Isn't it??? I dont know I NEED HELP!

My entire life has been one big obsticle because ive been tourtured by others about being gay even before i know what a gay was!!!!I hated it and now I also dont trust anyone.....Thats a different story.

Anyway, i need help. can someone please help? SOMEONE nice. I need it......

[saltwatergirl]

My brother admitted to the family at the age of 30 that he was gay. You know what? We already knew. We just wondered why he took so long to accept it himself. Some were fine with it, others were hostile. But, he survived, and is happily living his life now, the way he was meant to live it.

 

You will be surprised at how much people close to you may already have deduced about you. However, that being said, you need to think about this. You have a short time on this earth. I see you are already in your 30's. Why are you not living your life yet? How long do you plan to wait to live your life? When do you get to become you? When you are 40? 50? 60?

 

You are who you are. Be happy and embrace yourself. Find your true love and happiness your own way,because nobody else will find it for you.

 

I say get out of your closet, and into your life. Whole new worlds will open up for you and are waiting for you to come and live them. So go live them. Stop waiting for permission to be you. And give permission to yourself. Then you will see how quickly happiness comes your way.

 

Everyone may not agree with you. Everyone may not accept you. But the one person who must accept you and love you, will do so, and that is you.

 

BTW, I am a heterosexual woman, but I saw your post on the main page and, felt I had something to say. I will leave you with a quote:

 

"Accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference."

 

Wishing you peace, strength, and wisdom,

Salt

[RayKay]

My younger brother came out 2 years ago when he was 18...but I already knew as did my younger sister. My mom was surprised (I don't know why!) but has been very supportive - she is in fact the first and only straight person on my city's local Pride committee and marches with my brother in the parades!

 

So it is likely people close to you already know, and won't be too surprised. And if they love you, they will be supportive.

 

There is nothing wrong with you, or how you feel. If you are struggling with it, go get counselling and start living your life

 

Best of luck.

[Swilza]

Hey there...

 

I read your posting and knew exactly what you're talking about. I'm 28 and have just come out with my folks... they've actually known for some time now, but have always thought that they can convert me (being Christian) and I could become a normal person again...

 

The problem here is that I let them 'convert' me, but I was never truly happy. I felt that I was living a lie and that I was continually hiding who I really am.

 

Recently, I decided to take a stand and tell them that I'm going to be involved with another guy (who I've known for just over a year). He's dedicated himself to me and is the most incredible guy ever.

 

I'm now the happiest that I've ever been and want to encourage you to take a stand for who you are... You know the feelings you have inside you. If you try fighting those feelings and try becoming someone who you're not, how happy are you really going to be?

 

Being a Christian, I've given my uncertainty over to the Father and trust Him to lead me and direct me in my relationship. If He shows me and my current partner that we're living in sin, then we'll will do our best to change our lifestyles. But for now, I've made peace with who I am and have decided to no longer live a life of confusion.

 

I encourage you too to search yourself... ask yourself what you really want and what you think is going to be the easiest for you without having to lie about who you are.

 

Coming out is basically you being honest with yourself and those around you... staying in the closet, you're living in deception and living a lie. Free yourself and be honest!

 

Good luck!

[Matt26]

I think I am truly bi sexual, I had to think about this and I think that I am, I am 26 and live with my parents.

 

I been talking to get guy for like a few days and it is going rather well, that I am not surprised on. We been talking and everything is going great, we are both loving people and knows some weaknesses and such but all will be out in the open. Some and plus my parents doesnt know this whatsoever, they have asked me if I was gay or something

 

I come to tell you if you are gay bu or trans no one needs to know or something it is your busniess unless if you want to come out

 

as for me I am a cloest person to, well even if I wasnt gay I would be anyways a closest peroson

[chunky_brownies]

I dont know if this will help or not, I am not gay, and the only thing I have close to understanding what you're talking about is three of my best guy friends having to come out to their parents.

 

Jeffrey, my first friend, fell in love with Craig, my other friend. They got together without anyone knowing, very few people knew Jeff was gay and nobody knew Craig was. Craigs parents supported him and he has manic depression so they sent him to a gay counselor to help him get better and get through his relationships.

 

Jeff was another story. He had a tough childhood and it made it harder for him to come out to his mother and step-mother. Now he isnt doing so well, his mother didnt take it well and he didnt tell me how his step-dad reacted.

 

Then my last friend Erik came out by accident. He was with his boyfriend doing...things...and his mother walked into the room. She didnt react very well to the news. Now he has pictures of provocitive women covering his walls so that his mother wont suspect anything. It's kind of sad...but anyway...

 

What I would maybe suggest is something I read in a story once. Make up a person, talk about them and how they are gay and see how your sister ad her husband react. If it's good or bad you have to let them know sometime but if they react badly then you should wait a little bit. Maybe save up some money in case they throw you out (hopefully it wont come to that but I've seen it happen and I dont want you to be a victim of it). If they react well you should tell them when you think the time is right.

 

Sit them down and say, "_________, _________ you've known me your whole life....I have to tell you something. I'm gay." or something like that.

 

It's very hard to tell someone you love something like that, I know...I'm sorry that you have to go through it. Many people dont except the fact that someone loves the same gender, but there are places you can go where people will even love you for it. Never give up hope.

 

Good luck!