oceanblue535 Posted August 23, 2010 Share Posted August 23, 2010 I dated someone for three and a half years. He left me for someone else and we've never spoken again. By the time he'd left me, he was completely done with me and checked out. He asked if we could be friends during the breakup and I said no. I still don't want to contact him even though I miss his friendship because of how poorly he went about the breakup. If he had been honest and upfront it we would be friends now. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
vertigoxo Posted August 23, 2010 Share Posted August 23, 2010 What sucks is I was the one that broke up with him. N he begged for another chance... But I don't want him back bc he has crossed the line one time too many. But there are times (every freakin day) where I wish I could just talk to him. He's not gonna talk to me anytime soon, bc I already told him I wasn't going to talk to him anymore) but it's just hard bc he meant so much to me. It's hard to let go of that. You wish you could talk to him but end up not doing so? Why? If you want to, talk to him and apologize how things ended. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sunday2010 Posted August 23, 2010 Share Posted August 23, 2010 I dated someone for three and a half years. He left me for someone else and we've never spoken again. By the time he'd left me, he was completely done with me and checked out. He asked if we could be friends during the breakup and I said no. I still don't want to contact him even though I miss his friendship because of how poorly he went about the breakup. If he had been honest and upfront it we would be friends now. wow this sounds like mine 3 years and ten months and heard zero after the B/U for three months .I asked ifwe could be friends and he didn't want to.i doubt i will get another phone call ever again.Mine went about it all poorly too i hope he suffers for along long time. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
oceanblue535 Posted August 23, 2010 Share Posted August 23, 2010 It took me about a year and a half to get over mine. He lied to me about why he broke up with me and had a girl he was already talking to why we were still together that he was with eight days later despite saying he was wanted to be single. he dug his own grave. if he had talked to me when he started to have doubts and we broke it off like mature adults it would have been way different. I don't care if I hear from him ever again, although I do miss the friendship even now. It's not worth letting him think it's okay what/how the breakup went. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mttens Posted August 23, 2010 Share Posted August 23, 2010 I think my ex is extremely happy now that he got rid of me. He even told me "I`m so pissed I have to stay here now and talk to you when all I wanna do is be with her" while breaking up with me. Like he couldn't spend one more second on me. Everything that happened that day was completely out of the blue for me. He faked the relationship till the last second. After this, he even said we`ll never in our lives be at least friends. In the next weeks I noticed that he was also meaning he doesn't want to at least say a hello. All these coming from someone who cheated behind my back and left me for that person; from someone who played the victim while breaking up, because he was the one and only in so much pain (the pain caused by his love for her). I gave everything I had to this relationship and he just didn't care. Left me feeling worthless and stupid. He was the only person I ever trusted, now for sure I cant trust anyone. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brad2723 Posted August 23, 2010 Share Posted August 23, 2010 I went through pretty similar situation. At trust me I understand how it feels. I am questioning it after 2 years... I know it's not healthy. But the question remains. For those that were dumped by someone who never looked back and moved on so quickly, I implore you to research Narcissism, and see if this was the relationship that you were just in. I was dumbfounded by the loss of my relationship without warning, and how I was taking it so hard, and why there was no healthy closure. I discovered that I was romanced and then devalued and discarded by my partner. A typical trait of the Narcissist. It was when I started to understand this personality disorder that the rest of my feeling both in and out of the relationship started to make sense. He is on a self-destructive hyper-sexual binge at the moment with lots of different partners, because they feel no compassion, empathy or ANYTHING for anyone other than themselves. They just know that their ego has suffered a loss of energy and supply so they go mad trying to fill it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wlh22 Posted August 23, 2010 Author Share Posted August 23, 2010 I don't think my ex was a narcissist (even when I look back)... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
vertigoxo Posted August 23, 2010 Share Posted August 23, 2010 Wow, if I knew him in real life, I wouldn't mind taking a good swing at him with a bat. Just kidding (maybe), but that sure sucks. What a jerk. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
QuirkyCute Posted August 23, 2010 Share Posted August 23, 2010 This happened to me, and it really, REALLY sucks. I didn't need to tell you that because you already knew, but just to bring the point home..... I think it means everything, nothing, and all that's in the middle. It could mean your ex is "done" (whatever that means), it could mean your ex is scared to get in touch (for whatever reason), it could mean your ex is just a coward putz. Really, it could be all three, it perhaps isn't any of those three, it may be a million different things. You'll never know what your ex is thinking about any of this because you won't ask (and I KNOW you won't break NC and he/she won't tell you. We can speculate ALL DAY LONG, and all we'll have is speculations and assumptions, both yours and those from people who don't know you, your ex, or what happened between you two. For that reason, (and also in the grand scheme of things) IT DOESN'T MATTER what your ex is thinking, or what it "means" that he/she isn't or hasn't contacted you. It JUST DOESN'T MATTER. All you know is (all I know is), the ex is gone now. It is far more important to figure out how all of this makes YOU FEEL. What do YOU think about your ex's actions? How do those actions make you feel about your ex? What are you going to do now? Those are the important questions, and THAT is what matters. SUCKS to that silent ex. He/she/they can go KICK. ROCKS. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hell_On_Heels Posted August 23, 2010 Share Posted August 23, 2010 or we can kick rocks at the ex! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
QuirkyCute Posted August 23, 2010 Share Posted August 23, 2010 Or we can hurl boulders at them. Whatever hurts the most! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
adamt Posted August 24, 2010 Share Posted August 24, 2010 It means they are over you and moving on. They don't want the emotional guilt in their life. It's actually better for you if they remain in NC. only spoke to my ex once since we broke up 14 months ago. that was in bar where there was goign to be an arkward moment so she came over and talked for a few minutes. i think she was just being nosey on how i was. when she broke up with me she said she hoped we could remain friends, funny no contact since then though. The longer i kept in NC the stronger i have become and more determined to stay in NC. well my heart would still have her back now but my head wouldnt. I jjust couldnt trust her to not break up with me and i would be wondering what she is doing when i'm not with her. it would never be the same again. she is at a point in her life where she doesnt want a boyfriend and just wants to be selfish. thank god i got the balls to take her of my facebook too! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mttens Posted September 1, 2010 Share Posted September 1, 2010 I recently started reading about narcissism and I`m amazed how well he fits the profile. I was skeptic at first, thinking people tend to believe the ex is crazy just to justify things. I tried in vain to rationalize his behavior. Until recently, all I could remember from our relationship were the good times. Then I started to remember the bad times, too; all the moments when I thought I was the crazy one, when I was feeling worthless despite everything good I was doing, I was fading, feeling there was no life left in me. Reading about narcissism brings so much light over the situation. Suddenly, everything that happened before and after the breakup makes sense. I even expect to see his picture on those websites describing narcissists. It`s amazing how much pain can they inflict on people and they`re not even aware of it, or care about it.. Close to 3 months since the breakup, everything feels so different, I somehow feel free and going back to life. It may be weird to thank him for leaving me, but he indeed made me a huge favor. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jimmajam Posted September 1, 2010 Share Posted September 1, 2010 My ex didn't talk to me for almost 7 months and I didn't talk to her because I had tried to reason with her and she wouldn't listen. Almost 7 months later I reach out and she tells me she didn't want to talk to me because she didn't know if I wanted to hear from her. It's all been said here ... she might be done, she might have full moved on, she doesn't want to hurt you, she might have someone else taking up all her time or she likes being single. Who knows and you won't know until the time is right when you can talk again. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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