wlh22 Posted August 22, 2010 Share Posted August 22, 2010 when the dumper doesn't want any contact with the dumpee (it's a one-sided breakup) and doesn't ever contact in the future... what does it mean?? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carus Posted August 22, 2010 Share Posted August 22, 2010 Means it's over and its time to go about rebuilding your new life without them... I'm surprised you have over 500 posts and need to ask that question......! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
laboheme Posted August 22, 2010 Share Posted August 22, 2010 It means that the dumper doesn't want any contact with the dumpee. I'm sorry that the dumper was so blunt about it, but this is actually a blessing in disguise. See all those threads about NC/No Contact on here? That's because it's much, much easier to get over someone when you're not trying to stay friends with him or her. The dumper is actually doing you a favor here by staying out of your life and impeding your healing process. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wlh22 Posted August 22, 2010 Author Share Posted August 22, 2010 Means it's over and its time to go about rebuilding your new life without them... I'm surprised you have over 500 posts and need to ask that question......! lol.... sorry... but had to ask... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WomanWriter Posted August 22, 2010 Share Posted August 22, 2010 You can't make a conclusion based on this. I know my ex fiance missed me when he didn't contact me, but it was too hard for him to be friends, so he couldn't talk to me. At the time, I thought it was because he didn't care, but I know otherwise now. Also, I am the dumper in my last relationship and I haven't (so far) reached out to my ex, but you have no idea how much I want to. I miss him and wish we could talk, but I can't do that because I'm afraid of rejection (I know, I'm the dumper, so I shouldn't care). My thought is...what if he wants to punish me for breaking up with him? What if he wants to reject me how I rejected him? What if it's too late and I just make a fool of myself? That's why I, as a dumper have not reached out. I imagine there must be other dumpers who still think about and miss their exes but are afraid they burned bridges and think their ex will resent them. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
peanutbutterandjelly Posted August 22, 2010 Share Posted August 22, 2010 this is one of the things im having the most trouble with 10 months out... it's still hard for me to fathom how everything could just appear perfectly fine and then BAM he's gone forever and he never looked back. I don't know how you can do that after living with someone for 3.5 years. Sometimes I still don't know what hit me because there were no warning signs. I guess it's because they either just don't care, or it's just easier for them to move on that way. That's how they heal. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nothisdoormat Posted August 22, 2010 Share Posted August 22, 2010 lol.... sorry... but had to ask... It means count your blessings because the dumper has clearly moved on and is graciously allowing you to do the same instead of seeking an ego-boost at the height of your pain. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wlh22 Posted August 22, 2010 Author Share Posted August 22, 2010 it means count your blessings because the dumper has clearly moved on and is graciously allowing you to do the same instead of seeking an ego-boost at the height of your pain. true....... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wlh22 Posted August 22, 2010 Author Share Posted August 22, 2010 this is one of the things im having the most trouble with 10 months out... it's still hard for me to fathom how everything could just appear perfectly fine and then BAM he's gone forever and he never looked back. I don't know how you can do that after living with someone for 3.5 years. Sometimes I still don't know what hit me because there were no warning signs. I guess it's because they either just don't care, or it's just easier for them to move on that way. That's how they heal. I went through pretty similar situation. At trust me I understand how it feels. I am questioning it after 2 years... I know it's not healthy. But the question remains. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carus Posted August 22, 2010 Share Posted August 22, 2010 Interesting post by WW*....^^^^ Good to get both perspectives on it..... As a Dumpee though, and as a warning to others, I wouldnt go reaching out or trying to see how they are if you are still affected by the BU.....Wait for the wound to heal properly first.... You have been warned.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lavenderdove Posted August 22, 2010 Share Posted August 22, 2010 The truth is that it doesn't so much matter the reason why, but it is a very strong signal that for whatever reason, they don't want you in their life right now (or maybe ever). They have your number, email, etc., and if they WANTED to contact you (or felt it was the right thing to do) they would. And sure, they may care about you still and still have some feelings about you, but they've made the choice to not be your partner and not to have you in their life, and that tells you what you need to know, that it is fruitless to keep hanging on at that point. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Philos Posted August 22, 2010 Share Posted August 22, 2010 this is one of the things im having the most trouble with 10 months out... it's still hard for me to fathom how everything could just appear perfectly fine and then BAM he's gone forever and he never looked back. I don't know how you can do that after living with someone for 3.5 years. Sometimes I still don't know what hit me because there were no warning signs. I guess it's because they either just don't care, or it's just easier for them to move on that way. That's how they heal. Ya.... I never got any warning signs from my ex either. Just have to know.... it's a grave betrayal of trust to do something like that. I just have to think about that and that she didn't care enough to even voice any concerns or communicate with me. It helps me hate her I guess, so I stop loving her. Hell, just this morning I had a dream where we were back together... I won't be healed until my body and my subconscious knows that it'll never happen, or that it even should. How do you forgive someone, the person who knew the most about you in the world, from completely rejecting you in such an abrupt and nasty manner? My heart still beats for them somehow though... Freaking crazy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hell_On_Heels Posted August 22, 2010 Share Posted August 22, 2010 Weird but true....when I was very young (many centuries ago) I dated a man and we ended up engaged. I loved him a lot - very passionate stuff. My first real love, first sexual relationship (and he was awesome). But, he had anger issues stemming from a violent childhood. I had to break it off with him, so I did. I dated and then married my first husband, we had kids, and all the time I still talked to my ex-boyfriend. He dated other people, sometimes introducing me to them...it was not a very healthy scenario in hindsight. After a few years, he met someone he wanted to marry. I felt that was the point we should quit talking, so I did. I don't know how he felt about it - we've never discussed it. We simply had no contact for roughly 20 years. He is my Facebook friend as of yesterday. So strange to see him now, but good. He's divorced and engaged again, and has a little daughter. She's very cute. I don't really feel anything except curiosity - but I imagine if we talked a lot, old sparks could fly. Obviously, we won't talk a lot out of respect for each other. The point is, as the dumper I first stayed friends with him at his request. We managed, but it did cause problems with his new relationships (not mine, oddly enough). I'm not sure if that's because we were engaged at one time and that caused jealousy, or what happened. But once he was serious about someone, we agreed I should never meet her or talk to her. It was only a short step from there to not talking at all - we'd could do NC or we could sneak around behind her back, which was a bad idea. Sometimes NC from the dumper is out of respect, and then in time (years later) NC needs to stay in place because you don't know who you might hurt by jumping into their lives again. (The Facebook friending was done via message, so we had the option of saying, "Yeah, not a good idea right now.") I still thought about him and wished him well over those years. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
peanutbutterandjelly Posted August 22, 2010 Share Posted August 22, 2010 Ya.... I never got any warning signs from my ex either. Just have to know.... it's a grave betrayal of trust to do something like that. I just have to think about that and that she didn't care enough to even voice any concerns or communicate with me. It helps me hate her I guess, so I stop loving her. Hell, just this morning I had a dream where we were back together... I won't be healed until my body and my subconscious knows that it'll never happen, or that it even should. How do you forgive someone, the person who knew the most about you in the world, from completely rejecting you in such an abrupt and nasty manner? My heart still beats for them somehow though... Freaking crazy. right now, most of the feelings i have toward my ex is anger. but for some reason, i still miss him, and if he begged me to come back, i still might consider it. i dont know how to move out of that mindset. He betrayed me so much, yet i still cant move on. as the days go on, it gets harder and harder to see myself ever forgiving him. That's usually opposite of how it works, so I dont konw what's wrong with me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
peanutbutterandjelly Posted August 22, 2010 Share Posted August 22, 2010 Sometimes NC from the dumper is out of respect, and then in time (years later) NC needs to stay in place because you don't know who you might hurt by jumping into their lives again. (The Facebook friending was done via message, so we had the option of saying, "Yeah, not a good idea right now.") I still thought about him and wished him well over those years. but you broke up with him for a legitimate reason.... your safety. I think it's a lot different when the dumper leaves you for another person and never looks back. It's definitely not out of respect in those types of situations. Maybe out of respect for the new person. ](*,) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hell_On_Heels Posted August 22, 2010 Share Posted August 22, 2010 M&H, you're right. I had a very legitimate reason to break up with him - but he didn't see it that way. He thought if I really loved him, I would stay and work it out with him. At any rate, that's why I said "sometimes NC from the dumper is out of respect"... I think when they leave you for someone else, NC is about their new life, their new relationshp, but also guilt. They know what they did isn't right - whether they want to admit it or not, somewhere inside they know...and they avoid it. The dumpee is a living breathing, reminder of what they did wrong, so they avoid the dumpee like the plague. Mine didn't leave for somebody else, but he knows what he did was wrong somewhere inside. He will never admit it. He has to avoid me because I remind him of it, sometimes verbally but usually just by being alive. He knew it was wrong as he was doing it - and created crazy stories about me to justify what he did. If it was the right thing to do, you don't need to justify it. You simply say why you are leaving... He knew it was wrong when he said we could always remarry someday. My resposne was, "Then why divorce in the first place?" He knew it was wrong when he admitted how miserable he was without me and wanted me back...but he still kept at it. They make up their minds and there is nothing you can do about it. They are gone, and if they don't have enough courage or respect to stay really gone, as in NC, then it falls to us to do that. Some run to someone else to reinforcce their decision. Some, like mine, use insane rage and accusations and threats of violence to reinforce their decision. Mostly, we have to really look at these people we were with. We have to untwist our minds and see clearly. If they have behaved this way - using rage or another person - then they aren't worth our spit. we have to stop letting them define us, and we need to start defining them. Does that makes sense? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
vertigoxo Posted August 22, 2010 Share Posted August 22, 2010 It's different for everyone. Here's a few reasons why dumpers never reach out: 1. They've moved on. 2. They met/are with someone else. 3. They are being respectable and don't want to contact you just to hurt you. 4. They miss you and want you back, but since they rejected you first, they are afraid of how their dumpees will react if they reached out, so they decide against it and wait for the dumpees to contact them first. Or, 5. They are enjoying the single life and don't want any distractions (basically, their dumpees) to get in the way. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
catfeeder Posted August 22, 2010 Share Posted August 22, 2010 It means they're done. If they ever want contact again, they know how to do that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
vertigoxo Posted August 22, 2010 Share Posted August 22, 2010 It means they're done. If they ever want contact again, they know how to do that. This times a thousand! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ryme Posted August 22, 2010 Share Posted August 22, 2010 How do you forgive someone, the person who knew the most about you in the world, from completely rejecting you in such an abrupt and nasty manner? My heart still beats for them somehow though... Freaking crazy. I'm trying to forgive my ex, but it's hard. I concentrate on the fact that even though he's the one who walked out, it must have been a hard decision for him to make and follow through. He was perhaps feeling just as traumatised as I was, and how it had affected me probably didn't even cross his mind. If I think of it like that, I feel mad at him for not having more consideration, but I realise that he probably didn't intentionally set out to hurt me. Also, it probably didn't seem abrupt to him, but was more of a gradual process. In my case, his rejection seemed out of the blue, but for him, it was something he'd been thinking about for ages. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bwhite00 Posted August 22, 2010 Share Posted August 22, 2010 They haven't forgotten. They're most likely scared of rejection or a nasty response... Or worse no-response. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
doiiiieeezie Posted August 22, 2010 Share Posted August 22, 2010 It simply means that they are done, and whatever the emotions they have towards you still will never be revealed. When I stop talking to someone that I was dating, it's simply that I have no desire to talk to them again. The one thing I can tell you is this: do not contact them... especially if you have tried many times. Keep your dignity, stand tall and understand that you are a loveable human being that deserves the best. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Starrgrl Posted August 23, 2010 Share Posted August 23, 2010 What sucks is I was the one that broke up with him. N he begged for another chance... But I don't want him back bc he has crossed the line one time too many. But there are times (every freakin day) where I wish I could just talk to him. He's not gonna talk to me anytime soon, bc I already told him I wasn't going to talk to him anymore) but it's just hard bc he meant so much to me. It's hard to let go of that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
d_lilah Posted August 23, 2010 Share Posted August 23, 2010 My ex hasn't bothered about me since the breakup, and i've just come to the decision that he does not care, and never truly cared when we were together. The breakup hurt, but feeling so insignificant is something I will never get over. It shattered my self confidence. And my trust in others. My ex told me to never contact him again, and I reacted very angrily. I sometimes wonder if my anger at this time prevented him to get in touch with me in fear of lingering hate, but it's something I can't change. I don't feel that way now, after months have passed, and would more than welcome contact, but I won't be the one to break the silence. In the end, I want someone who can show how much they care about me, not how much they don't. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sunday2010 Posted August 23, 2010 Share Posted August 23, 2010 My ex hasn't bothered about me since the breakup, and i've just come to the decision that he does not care, and never truly cared when we were together. The breakup hurt, but feeling so insignificant is something I will never get over. It shattered my self confidence. And my trust in others. My ex told me to never contact him again, and I reacted very angrily. I sometimes wonder if my anger at this time prevented him to get in touch with me in fear of lingering hate, but it's something I can't change. I don't feel that way now, after months have passed, and would more than welcome contact, but I won't be the one to break the silence. In the end, I want someone who can show how much they care about me, not how much they don't. Mine was going this way too I heard nothing for three months and bang a phone call came but ever since nothing that was two weeks back now.. i feel like you do though still the phone call wa spretty random and I really believe unless my mother hadn't left him anote he would never of rang.he thought something had happened to me.. but it doesn't really mean he reallycares its two weeks ago and i've heard nothing and he woudln't give me his number so he had no intentions of staying in contact after one lousy call.. I'm really sorry your r ex treated you like this... just know you're not alone. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.