Advise about writing email. Appreciate male advice

[Dusk66]

I’m in a crisis in a long distance relationship. Last time we saw each other was more than one year ago, needless to say how hard it is.

We had an argument on the phone last month, because of some issues and I became too upset, which I feel I pushed him away.

 

Then I found out he opened an account on Facebook saying that he was looking for a relationship.

I sent him a txt msg saying that either he stopped looking for other women and do something to see each other or it was over.

He removed the thing looking for a relationship but I never heard from him again.

 

But the trust and respect has been broken… and now I wonder how many women he must have been with…

 

On the other hand I feel guilty because I reacted emotionally nagging and threatening in the txt msg.

 

The thing is I love him, but obviously I don’t feel the same way that I used to feel for him.. I don’t want to loose him, but I fear that I have already lost him….

 

I wanted to ask for your advice, and I would appreciate yours guys..

 

I wanted to send him an email to try to make things up, but I don’t want to see too emotional or low myself… I don’t want to make things worse. (Knowing that maybe I would not hear from him again.

 

What do you thing of something like that:

 

I’m sorry that things have gone wrong between us.

I love you, but some things have damage what I felt for you.

The lost of the trust and respect has broken what was beautiful between us.

If there is anything to save?

I would like to.

x

[sidehop]

I feel you need to be realistic about your situation. Only seeing each other once a year and now he's broken your trust. Do you feel that this relationship is going anywhere even if you could see him in the future?

 

If not I wouldn't bother with the email and cut him loose.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

I agree you need to cut him loose. The fact that he was looking for others shows that he was not committed to the relationship...the fact that by you calling him out on his behaviour caused him to cease contact with you altogether clearly shows that he is not committed to you and is not worth your time. Walk away from this.

[lostnscared]

I agree with Sidehop. What is the point of your relationship right now? You haven't seen him in more than a year, there has no communication in a month, and then he was looking for a relationship on FB. I think and I suspect that he is either in the process of moving on, or he already has and that is why he ceased contact. I suspect that he is moving on outside of FB and since your LDR there is no way for you to know. I also suspect that he didn't cut lose ends because he wants to leave you on a backburner--for when you eventually see each other.

I would REALLY evaluate why you are in a relationship with someone that you haven't seen, and with someone who won't communicate with you. I would also really evaluate his actions thusfar and determine how much longer you want to be in this relationship and where the relationship is going in the future.

If you feel unsure and confused, then I'd take it as, it's time to just "end it". You can send him an email letting him know it's over, or you can do the same thing he did and just cease contact.

good luck.

[DN]

I’m sorry that things have gone wrong between us.

I love you, but some things have damage what I felt for you.

The lost of the trust and respect has broken what was beautiful between us.

If there is anything to save?

I would like to.

 

If you really want to send him a message don't send this. Just say you would like to talk about fixing the relationship.

[Dusk66]

Thank you everybody for your feedbacks.

 

I didn't choose to be in a situation that way, but things happened that way. I guess even if I don't believe in the distance, neither of us wanted to cut the ties. He was the one who was putting more effort.

 

But somehow things have changed with the time and distance.

For me it is hard.

I also was waiting for a job in his country, but I haven't got it. He is now working in another country he called me to fix things up and I blew up, but I didn't feel I was part of his present life plans...

 

Then he opened that account on facebook.... and another fight and disappeared...

 

I don't know if he has been playing me or if has just decided to delete me from his life... or both or I was too emotional... (which in a way I think I had reasons to be)

[Dusk66]

If you really want to send him a message don't send this. Just say you would like to talk about fixing the relationship.

 

Thanks.

 

Nice sentence for how the relationship can be fixed?? and can it be fixed?? What can be said?

 

The reason why I preferred to write an email, it was because I dont' want to become upset or emotional.. and it would be easy to express something...

 

I still love him, but is there a solution? I don't know

Do I deserve this? I don't think so

[DN]

"We seem to have got our communications and expectations of each other confused and it has led us somewhere I did not intend. Perhaps you did not intend it either and if that is the case - can we talk to get things back on track between us?"

[oldenoughtoknow]

I hate to say it, but I don't see any solution for this one. You haven't seen each other for a year. And now he's apparently dating?!? Do/did you ever have a plan to be together? Just from the fact that you haven't seen him for a year, this doesn't sound like a real, full-fledged relationship. You said you love him. I would really think about whether you love "him," or the thought of having a "him" in your life. I think you deserve much more than a phantom relationship.

[Dusk66]

I feel you need to be realistic about your situation. Only seeing each other once a year and now he's broken your trust. Do you feel that this relationship is going anywhere even if you could see him in the future?

 

If not I wouldn't bother with the email and cut him loose.

 

 

The questions that you are asking are the questions that started the fight, I was angry because I didn't feel he was being realistic...

 

From an outside point of view I would probably give that advise that person is far away, the trust is broken, there is no present... forget it...

 

And I wanted to forget him but for so long he kept me there he didn't let me go, and now I am hooked.

 

What to do with my emotions and feelings.

 

And in some ways I feel guilty because I feel I pushed him away and on the other side I feel I am trying to forgive too much and he doesn't even shows NOW that he cares...

 

On the other hand is a way of finding closeness and reparing my emotional reaction...

[Dusk66]

I hate to say it, but I don't see any solution for this one. You haven't seen each other for a year. And now he's apparently dating?!? Do/did you ever have a plan to be together? Just from the fact that you haven't seen him for a year, this doesn't sound like a real, full-fledged relationship. You said you love him. I would really think about whether you love "him," or the thought of having a "him" in your life. I think you deserve much more than a phantom relationship.

 

Haha you made me laugh! because that's what I told him once that I didn't want to have a phantom boyfriend and he asked to be patience and wait for the things to change, that he didn't want to loose me...

Now have changed he is in another country which is easier for me, and now is broken.....

 

And you are right about that love thing, we haven't seen each other for a longtime, and I wondered how would I feel if I see him? Something you cannot know in the distance....

[Dusk66]

Do you think that sending a short email for closeness is pointless??

[oldenoughtoknow]

I would hate to see you spend very much more time keeping your life on hold, wishing, waiting, wondering and longing.

 

I think being apart for a year and his listing himself as available is all the information I would need. A short email won't fix that. It will only serve to keep you on his hook.

 

Please don't sell yourself short...you really deserve so much better. You will find a man who will love you, who is right in your own backyard, who will be by your side, that you can build a real life with. No more dreams and phantoms.

[Dusk66]

I would hate to see you spend very much more time keeping your life on hold, wishing, waiting, wondering and longing.

 

I think being apart for a year and his listing himself as available is all the information I would need. A short email won't fix that. It will only serve to keep you on his hook.

 

Please don't sell yourself short...you really deserve so much better. You will find a man who will love you, who is right in your own backyard, who will be by your side, that you can build a real life with. No more dreams and phantoms.

 

I think I made a spelling mistake... I was considering also sending an email to him for closedness (for myself)

 

Because I think that it is too bad to end this way, but there is not a good way to accept that love is not there anymore.

 

And I don't think anything can be solve in the distance...

 

Thank you for your advice it is difficult when the emotions are involved...

 

But like you said I have spent enough time longing, wishing, waiting.... and I don't feel I am a priority in his life...

 

But that's somehitng I sould have also worked on it, because now I feel I should have done this, I should have done that and I feel guilty too

[sun]

 

What do you thing of something like that:

 

I’m sorry that things have gone wrong between us.

I love you, but some things have damage what I felt for you.

The lost of the trust and respect has broken what was beautiful between us.

If there is anything to save?

I would like to.

x

 

It seems like you love him but you are not happy because you feel his feelings are drifting and the distance make things even more difficult.

I think you fear that it is over and you don't want to loose him. But don't send that email, because it will only make things worst.