Facebook Challenge

[bart]

It doesn't count as breaking the challenge! You're still in!! And DO NOT REPLY. Hahah, read my message! Just don't reply to her!!

[scotsguy]

It doesn't count as breaking the challenge! You're still in!! And DO NOT REPLY. Hahah, read my message! Just don't reply to her!!

 

Thanks I haven't replied and don't intend to. It's clear that she just wants closure and I'm not going to make things easy for her at my own expense. Time is the best healer and she'll have plenty of that now. I'm glad I didn't completely crack and start looking at everything I could find about her. Makes me feel good that I was strong enough for that.

[littlegirlblue]

I'm back to having a bad 2 days since he sent me that text asking for his CVs...i got weak and i looked at their FB pages...her status is now changed to in a relationship with his name linked next to it. God...why does that hurt so much even though i knew before that that they are together? I'm trying to tell myself "so what?..." but it's hurting like hell. It's like that little sentence has cemented that he's not coming back this time. I know i only have myself to blame for looking...I was so weak today.

 

Drama Queen of the year me, i'm over analysing like hell again. He knows i will be able to see her page and see her status...so i start thinking is he doing it to hurt me. How sad am i?! Then I think wouldn't i change my status to "in a relationship" after seeing someone for 1 month?? All very sudden but then who am i to really question it.

 

I'm so angry at myself for looking again! Why can't i just stay away from it!

 

So, i'm off for a long cry and a stiff drink at the pub with some friends. FB pages now blocked again and hopefully for the foreseable future!

[scotsguy]

It hurts because it confirms what part of you wanted to deny. He isn't coming back this time - and I think a small part of you still hoped he would. I haven't seen my ex's facebook page recently but I'm pretty sure her status will say in a relationship with xxx. I already know she is, but it would still hurt like hell to see it in black and white.

 

Don't overanalyse, it only makes you feel worse. You have a tiny bit of information and in reality it probably doesn't mean much. It's almost certainly nothing to do with you. If I had to guess it's more likely to do with showing some sort of commitment to the new girl. Maybe she's worried he won't stick around and wants to make it official to the world. The fact is you don't know the reasoning behind it. Don't make it a bigger thing than it is.

 

Remember one thing and one thing only: if he wanted to be with you, he would be. Whatever you think of his relationship with the new girl, he isn't with you now. Thinking about that really helps me when I struggle to see why my ex is with her new BF. Personally I think she jumped in way too soon and I don't see them living happily ever after - but that doesn't change the fact that she decided she didn't want to be with me anymore. What she does with her life now is her business.

 

Keep FB blocked for as long as you possibly can. Looking at them just isn't worth it.

[littlegirlblue]

Well I've been out, had a little drink to calm down and talk to my friend about it. He basically said what you said Scotsguy. 1) It's nothing to do with me anymore...2) It's only a sentence on a website which doesn't tell me anything about what's really going on....3) at least i've got hit with the "status" update on FB and can hurt and move on from it now.

 

I have no idea what's happening with them...that's true. I don't really wish to find out. All i know is what he told me that saturday / sunday i last saw him...even then i don't know what's the truth and what's the lies. Does it really matter anymore? As you said if he wanted to be with me he would be with me...even though there's still a part of me that thinks he knows he's made a mistake but then, i can't and won't hold on to that thought anymore. I'm feeling a bit better than what I did earlier. Still looking forward to the new things i'm going to be doing in the next few coming weeks. This is just a wee bad patch again. I'll get through it.

[bart]

littlegirlblue, I love your cat picture! So precious.

[Nappyloxs]

Its probably been two weeks now since I lasted checked her status. Last time, I checked she hide her info. I mentioned some thing in my last letter to her, so she knew I could still check on her on FB.

 

I really haven't even though about it or noticed it until I came accross this thread. Luckily, I am not a big FB person anyway. NC for 3 weeks too.

 

Moving forward is actually going very well. Soon she will just be a memory/bad dream.

[bettybuk]

Im so glad that Im not the only one! I am joining this challenge too! I check his fb at least once a day, even though he hasn't done anything on there since May!

 

I also have another vice, which is consulting online tarot readings or the "yes no oracle". Its stupid, because I don't even believe in that stuff. I think I should put a moratorium on my use of those things too. heh.

[shorina]

i just started the NC rule, so i think agreeing to this,( even tho your a stranger, ill keep my word haha) will help heaps,

so ill join in

[scotsguy]

Im so glad that Im not the only one! I am joining this challenge too! I check his fb at least once a day, even though he hasn't done anything on there since May!

 

I also have another vice, which is consulting online tarot readings or the "yes no oracle". Its stupid, because I don't even believe in that stuff. I think I should put a moratorium on my use of those things too. heh.

 

i just started the NC rule, so i think agreeing to this,( even tho your a stranger, ill keep my word haha) will help heaps,

so ill join in

 

Well done for taking the first step! It isn't easy to stay off FB but it is worth the effort. Post here if you need any help / advice or if you're struggling with things. There's usually someone around

[littlegirlblue]

littlegirlblue, I love your cat picture! So precious.

 

Thank you They're my babies! lol...his cats really but I have them now. They are better off with me.

[little_buttercup]

The Facebook challenge is a great idea! I deleted my account a few days ago, instead of just de-activating it, but the date of the "official" deletion is Sept. 8th. It's been tempting to cancel the deletion, but I know that if I do that I'll go back to searching for my ex's Facebook and analyzing/getting upset over his profile picture. (I took him off my friends list after the breakup [April 25th]; after he e-mailed me on June 21st, he privatized most of his info.) Checking up on him was really addictive and unhealthy, so I made the right choice to close my account.

 

shorina -- I did/do the same thing with the tarot readings/oracles. I'll need to stop that, too.

 

My ex and I go to the same blog site (which is actually where we first met). Post-breakup I went to his blog constantly, reminiscing over times when we were happy and in love. I can't do that now because he privatized his blog 2 days ago. So I think it's a blessing he did that. One more reason to move forward.

 

Stay strong, fellow members!

 

littlegirlblue -- That is a cute profile picture!

[deff808]

Dammit!

I added her back when we work things out beginning of this month, but it ended... its been about 2 weeks of our break up.

She accepted it today... We been initiating LC, and we gonna meet this coming Monday...

 

Do i block her or remove her or just let it go?

 

She already text me "Wow your friends with this person huh..."

 

Errr! Its urking my brain already

[scotsguy]

Dammit!

I added her back when we work things out beginning of this month, but it ended... its been about 2 weeks of our break up.

She accepted it today... We been initiating LC, and we gonna meet this coming Monday...

 

Do i block her or remove her or just let it go?

 

She already text me "Wow your friends with this person huh..."

 

Errr! Its urking my brain already

 

First off ignore the texts, it's none of her business who is on your FB friends list. My advice is to wait for now and meet her on Monday. See what happens. If she shows no signs of genuinely wanting to try again I would take that as your cue to cut all ties. In order to heal you need to completely remove the thing that has caused you to be hurt - that means no contact. If anything happens before Monday tell us about it and we'll try to help. And definitely let us know what happens when you meet her.

[deff808]

She sent another text " i have to keep my eye on these trashy girls "

 

Shes very snoopy, when we was together, she always look at my fb, my phone, my emails, my text etc... I had nothing to hide, or never done nothing. So i didn't care...

I dont know if it was wrong or right...

 

My Thread-

 

 

 

Long story! ^

 

I gonna wait till Monday, judgement day!

[scotsguy]

deff808 I just read your thread. The impression I get is that she doesn't have much interest in reconciling. The circumstances that led her to end it are still there - nothing has changed. By all means go along on Monday with an open mind. Don't expect too much and definitely don't lay all your cards on the table until you know what she wants. My gut feeling is that you are going to be disappointed. I hope I'm wrong.

 

There's a lot of passive-aggressive behaviour going on. It's like she's trying to goad you with these texts. Please don't pay any attention to what she says. She has no interest in being in a relationship with you right now and as such she has no say in your personal life anymore. If I'm right about Monday then you need to cut her out of your life after that. She's messing with your head and (perhaps unintentionally) stringing you along.

[deff808]

Thanks scotguy

Very useful information

 

I just have to wait till Monday

 

Yes I agree, I gonna be dissapointed

I hope I'm ready of what's to come!

 

We pretty much just gonna hang out n a casual dinner.

 

I would rather talk in person over the phone.

 

 

 

From the response I getting is like she wants to be my friend but doesn't want me to move. Like stringing along

Bi bolar

Mix signals etc...

 

I want to avoid the relationship talk, I'm gonna just listen

And go from there without any conflict so I can feel confident on my next step, move on be completely no contact, block her on fb etc....

[deff808]

She text me again

 

" Look at with you all the new friends "

 

What the hell is going on!

 

My face book is killing her! Its also killing me, but i not sending these random messages to her.

 

Monday, monday, judgement day!

[bart]

Well it's been a month today since I posted this thread..so forever whoever is still doing the challenge, congrats for making it a month! Haha, yaaay!

[lvsthebeach]

I took the challenge 2 weeks ago and have not looked!! I blocked him! But did have to tell mutual friends not to tell me what he has been posting. I don't want to know!!

[bart]

I took the challenge 2 weeks ago and have not looked!! I blocked him! But did have to tell mutual friends not to tell me what he has been posting. I don't want to know!!

 

Haha good! Doesn't it feel better..not over analyzing every little thing on his FB?

[scotsguy]

I still struggle with disciplining myself at times. Like tonight I was on facebook and I suddenly thought about looking at her page. I didn't do it but I wanted to. I had to log out quickly before I got too tempted to look.

[PaleSeptember]

I kind of feel like I need to do this challenge myself, ha. Although, it's been three weeks now and I'm not checking it as much as each day goes by, it's naturally tapering off. I look because he still has our photos up, pictures of me and pictures of us. I would keep looking to see if he removed them, but I'm really just beginning to not check as much. If he did remove them, the what would it matter? Is that "normal", by the way, that he still has them up? He broke up with me.

[laceyjay]

I need to start this challenge, too. I've been obsessing over my ex's new girlfriend's wall, checking it every couple of hours for almost a week now. I know about all her friends and her life and all about her Mystery Eggs I've developed this pattern, I look to see what she's up to at FB, then I go check for her and his posts at another website, and interpret every word to death and drive myself crazy with helpless jealousy. It's worse if there are no new posts -- obviously that's proof they're off together doing something fun and wonderful. It's so masochistic and a huge waste of time. I need to be getting on with my own life!

 

Anyway I have to take this challenge... but I'm afraid curiosity is going to drive me nuts and make me fail at it. Although, what's the ultimate "horrible" thing I could find out? Nothing I haven't already imagined.

[laceyjay]

At FB in your account settings is "Account Security":

 

Add extra protection to your Facebook account.

 

Login Notifications

Get notified by SMS or email if a new computer or mobile device logs into your account.

 

Then it shows you your times and locations you've logged in to your own account. So does that mean if they look at this section they can see the time and location you checked their page from, like a webmaster can see on the logs? Or does it mean, you're notified if someone else actually logs in to your account?

 

Either way, I got so spooked by the first possibility that I instantly lost any interest in continuing to check. (Stalk.) I'm done with it.