Facebook Challenge

[stu1973]

I'm going to have to come off this bloody facebook nonesense.

 

Today, I was searching for someone, and someone with exactly the same name came up ( and entirely different person from who I was looking for ). They have 1 friend in common with me, I'll give you 3 guesses who....

 

I resisted, again!

[bart]

Hahah Stu, you're having quite the unlucky streak aren't you? Again..good job resisting! That takes some willpower.

[let_it_be]

This is a great idea.

 

I have half-heartedly tried to stop looking at my ex's facebook but have always end up succumbing to the urge only to find him tagged in new pictures or some other girl who wrote on his wall. It really does me no good to look at his page!

 

I think joining this challenge will give me the extra boost I need to REALLY stop looking at his facebook and hopefully, ultimately, MOVE ON.

[scotsguy]

This is a great idea.

 

I have half-heartedly tried to stop looking at my ex's facebook but have always end up succumbing to the urge only to find him tagged in new pictures or some other girl who wrote on his wall. It really does me no good to look at his page!

 

I think joining this challenge will give me the extra boost I need to REALLY stop looking at his facebook and hopefully, ultimately, MOVE ON.

 

Hi let it be, well done for taking the first step! I had a read through your post to find out your story and I'm going to put some comments over there in a minute. Have you blocked him from FB? Deleting him isn't enough, you need to block him too. Rest assured he isn't losing sleep wondering what you're doing night and day - don't waste your time and risk your sanity by finding out what he's up to. It only hurts when you do. I've done NC and no FB snooping for over two weeks and it's done wonders for me. NC is great, but when you start looking on FB it's a bit like stalking - you are in contact with him but he doesn't know it! Count this as day one and you're already on your way.

 

If you have any worries or weak moments you can post here and we'll do our best to cheer you up

[bart]

If you have any worries or weak moments you can post here and we'll do our best to cheer you up

 

Good post! We're very supportive here!

[bart]

Ohh my God, about 5 seconds ago I was browsing FB and there was a comment from him on a friend's page. It was just weird seeing his little display picture. It took alllll the strength I had to not click and go look at his page. I'm actually quite proud of myself. And now I'm off to bed..just in case I do get an urge, and can't fight it.

[scotsguy]

Ohh my God, about 5 seconds ago I was browsing FB and there was a comment from him on a friend's page. It was just weird seeing his little display picture. It took alllll the strength I had to not click and go look at his page. I'm actually quite proud of myself. And now I'm off to bed..just in case I do get an urge, and can't fight it.

 

Ooh well done! That must have been really difficult to do. Are u feeling okay after seeing his pic? I'm so glad me and my ex have no mutual friends haha.

[Philpo82]

Every time I'm tempted I just tell myself over and over 'There is nothing in there but pain' and this stops me from looking at her profile. I try to remember the last time I looked and how much it hurt and the rush of anxiety I got from looking all over her page and at the pics of her 'new life'.

 

I've also removed her and all her friends from my news feed so it appears she doesn't exist on my fb. I think I'm about 2 weeks now without checking, I'm not sure, I lost count

[let_it_be]

This is A LOT tougher than I thought.

I haven't deleted my ex off my facebook (I just can't do that yet) but I have the settings set so I don't see any of his updates. However, some of his close friends are also MY close friends that I would never delete or block so I've been dreading seeing a comment from my ex on their page.

 

I also know the password to a couple of my best friends' facebooks who have him as a friend, so I know that even if I deleted him I could access his page.

 

Well, I've been able to avoid looking at his page for a couple days now but I already have an urge to take a peek at it today. I'll try to stay strong, since nothing I see on there is really going to help me feel much better (and has the potential to really hurt).

[scotsguy]

Every time I'm tempted I just tell myself over and over 'There is nothing in there but pain' and this stops me from looking at her profile. I try to remember the last time I looked and how much it hurt and the rush of anxiety I got from looking all over her page and at the pics of her 'new life'.

 

I've also removed her and all her friends from my news feed so it appears she doesn't exist on my fb. I think I'm about 2 weeks now without checking, I'm not sure, I lost count

 

Good job, sounds like you're approaching this the right way keep it up.

 

This is A LOT tougher than I thought.

I haven't deleted my ex off my facebook (I just can't do that yet) but I have the settings set so I don't see any of his updates. However, some of his close friends are also MY close friends that I would never delete or block so I've been dreading seeing a comment from my ex on their page.

 

I also know the password to a couple of my best friends' facebooks who have him as a friend, so I know that even if I deleted him I could access his page.

 

Well, I've been able to avoid looking at his page for a couple days now but I already have an urge to take a peek at it today. I'll try to stay strong, since nothing I see on there is really going to help me feel much better (and has the potential to really hurt).

 

You have made a good start. Remember that at least 50% of it is self control. Sure you could look at his page whenever you wanted. But remember it's only going to cause you hurt. Use that as your motivation to avoid it. I know some of my ex's passwords for email etc but I know it would only hurt me if I snooped. If you do see a comment he's posted, close down fb straight away and take at least 5 minutes to consider what you want to do. In that short time try to remind yourself how you will feel if you break NC or look at his fb page. Seeing a comment through no fault of your own won't do you much harm...consciously looking at his page probably will. Stay strong and fight the temptation. Go out if it helps - keep yourself away from your computer as much as possible. You're doing well so far

[bart]

Ooh well done! That must have been really difficult to do. Are u feeling okay after seeing his pic? I'm so glad me and my ex have no mutual friends haha.

 

Hahah thank you, thank you. It was SO hard to not just click his name & go look..but you know what stopped me? THIS THREAD!! Hahah, I really thought to myself, "It's no big deal, just look, who will know?" then I thought about this thread..and I was like, no way, I cannot look at his FB..all my progress and time spent without checking will be gone!

 

So, yep, this thread saved me from checking. I guess it was partly because I'd feel guilty about coming on here and saying I looked. But hey, either way..I'm so grateful, because who knows what could have happened if I'd looked.

 

I felt fine seeing his picture, as he hasn't changed it in over a year, haha. If it had been a picture with his new gf or something..idk how I would have felt. But, it was a little shocking to see him on someone's page, I was ambushed sort of like Stu was, haha.

 

How are you doing? Still keeping off FB?!

[scotsguy]

Aww that's great, I'm so glad this thread is helping well done you for not giving in...if you had really wanted to you would have done, despite this thread. I'm happy we have each other for support on here.

 

What's new for me...well I'm still good on the fb front I think. The other night I went through my wall and deleted any posts, comments and likes from her. We didn't use fb much to communicate with each other so it was quite east. I do know what her profile pic is, because it appears beside the old posts too. It's the same as it has been for a few months. I'm pleased I did it anyway. It got rid of all the references to her that aren't valid anymore. Any thoughts on this? I don't feel set back at all

[bart]

Aww that's great, I'm so glad this thread is helping well done you for not giving in...if you had really wanted to you would have done, despite this thread. I'm happy we have each other for support on here.

 

What's new for me...well I'm still good on the fb front I think. The other night I went through my wall and deleted any posts, comments and likes from her. We didn't use fb much to communicate with each other so it was quite east. I do know what her profile pic is, because it appears beside the old posts too. It's the same as it has been for a few months. I'm pleased I did it anyway. It got rid of all the references to her that aren't valid anymore. Any thoughts on this? I don't feel set back at all

 

Yup, our support system is great! Haha definitely helps me out!

 

I think deleting basically any traces of her on your FB page was actually a good idea. Even though there weren't many, now you know for sure you won't have any setbacks in case you do see anything previously from her on your profile. It sounds like it was a good thing..especially since you don't feel set back at all! I kind of admire your willpower on this whole FB thing, haha you're doing great!

[scotsguy]

Yup, our support system is great! Haha definitely helps me out!

 

I think deleting basically any traces of her on your FB page was actually a good idea. Even though there weren't many, now you know for sure you won't have any setbacks in case you do see anything previously from her on your profile. It sounds like it was a good thing..especially since you don't feel set back at all! I kind of admire your willpower on this whole FB thing, haha you're doing great!

 

Oh man my post could have been so much worse. I was writing it last night on my phone in bed and think I started to fall asleep halfway through. Don't remember writing the last bit but it seems to make sense!

 

Yeah exactly that's what I thought. There wasn't anything meanigful on there since we saw each other so much and talked about most things face to face. It did sting a little as I saw each comment and deleted it. But it was more like ripping off a bandaid. You know it's gotta be done and it might sting a bit, but it's better to do it quickly and get it over with. Plus I can sorta see that the person who wrote those comments no longer exists. I'm just removing the last traces of her. Haha thanks I'm just working off past experience and I know how much it could hurt me if I start digging. You're doing great too, it's really good that we're both sticking at it

 

There was something else I tried to post last night but it came accross all wrong in my half-asleep state so I deleted it. I might PM you as it's off-topic. Hope that's okay

[scotsguy]

Haha I am nice to them! Just things like when a girl keeps commentating on every fb status and finds silly reasons to text me all day, I wonder if something is up.

 

Remember this girl I was talking about last week? I just found out - on facebook - that her brother passed away a week ago. I feel really bad now. I stopped contacting her the weekend before it happened. Why does stuff like that happen?

[bart]

Hahaha that's hilarious, don't worry, it made sense to me! And really well done with deleting her comments and such. I'm sort of a hoarder when it comes to things like that? Like texts, comments, voicemails from people. Haha, I can never delete them. But I deleted all the ones from my ex awhile ago, guess I knew it was what had to be done to heal!

 

 

 

 

This is sad. Don't worry, with this happening I'm sure she hasn't really noticed that you stopped contacting her. You could write to her if you want? And unfortunately, stuff like this seems to always happen at the wrong times..doesn't it? Of course there's never a right time for something like that, but still.

[scotsguy]

I'm wide awake tonight so this should be better!

 

Hahaha that's hilarious, don't worry, it made sense to me! And really well done with deleting her comments and such. I'm sort of a hoarder when it comes to things like that? Like texts, comments, voicemails from people. Haha, I can never delete them. But I deleted all the ones from my ex awhile ago, guess I knew it was what had to be done to heal!

 

I know what you mean. When we were together I used to keep any special texts or emails she would send me. Sometimes for months. Even when we broke up I kept them for a little while. Eventually I deleted them bit by bit. Texts, emails, documents on my computer. The photos went onto a removable hard disk last month, hopefully never to be looked at again.

 

This is sad. Don't worry, with this happening I'm sure she hasn't really noticed that you stopped contacting her. You could write to her if you want? And unfortunately, stuff like this seems to always happen at the wrong times..doesn't it? Of course there's never a right time for something like that, but still.

 

I could write to her, and I do feel really bad for her, but I don't want to risk becoming her emotional support. Does that sound really horrible? I'm kinda torn because on one hand I barely know her, only seen her a couple of times; but on the other hand I was probably a bit abrupt in my communication with her. I guess I would only be writing because of what has happened, and because I feel guilty. I don't know if that's a good enough reason. Sorry I sound like a terrible person. It's not an easy situation.

[mgirl]

Haha I understand, my ex has a new girlfriend as well, and I tried looking at her page but it was completely private..thank God! I think that helped me, because I probably would've looked at her pictures just as you did. But you've already looked and know that it only hurts you, so you won't do it again, you're on the right path now!

 

Bart, I don't understand why you don't just cancel it!

[bart]

I could write to her, and I do feel really bad for her, but I don't want to risk becoming her emotional support. Does that sound really horrible? I'm kinda torn because on one hand I barely know her, only seen her a couple of times; but on the other hand I was probably a bit abrupt in my communication with her. I guess I would only be writing because of what has happened, and because I feel guilty. I don't know if that's a good enough reason. Sorry I sound like a terrible person. It's not an easy situation.

 

Haha, aw you don't sound like a terrible person. You do bring up a good point though. Because you ended contact with her recently, randomly starting to contact her again at the time of this event might seem a little fishy. And she probably would use you for emotional support. Yeah, I don't know if writing to her out of guilt is a good enough reason. It might just be leading her on anyway? Haha, I don't know. I'm sure she'll be okay though..it will take time, but she'll be okay.

[bart]

Bart, I don't understand why you don't just cancel it!

 

Ahh, well I don't actually have a FB, I use my brother's. I have my ex's FB blocked, but when I really get the urge to check it..it's very easy to just 'unblock'. His profile is also public, so extremely accessible. Whether he's blocked or not, I usually still find a way to check.

 

Haha, but I haven't checked in 3 weeks..which is the longest I've ever gone, so woohoo for me!

[scotsguy]

Haha, aw you don't sound like a terrible person. You do bring up a good point though. Because you ended contact with her recently, randomly starting to contact her again at the time of this event might seem a little fishy. And she probably would use you for emotional support. Yeah, I don't know if writing to her out of guilt is a good enough reason. It might just be leading her on anyway? Haha, I don't know. I'm sure she'll be okay though..it will take time, but she'll be okay.

 

I'm going to keep my distance. It would seem weird if I got in touch now. And it might lead her on. I'm sure she has friends to support her through it. I wouldn't be much help anyway. It's not ideal but I think it's the better choice of the two.

 

How is everyone doing with facebook? I'm good. Actually don't think I've been on at all today. It's weird, before I joined this challenge I didn't think about including fb in nc. I knew that it wasn't good for me but I probably wouldn't have been disciplined enough to avoid looking at her and her friends completely. This has been good for me and I intend to keep it up long term. I don't need to know what she's up to and I don't want to.

[bart]

I'm going to keep my distance. It would seem weird if I got in touch now. And it might lead her on. I'm sure she has friends to support her through it. I wouldn't be much help anyway. It's not ideal but I think it's the better choice of the two.

 

How is everyone doing with facebook? I'm good. Actually don't think I've been on at all today. It's weird, before I joined this challenge I didn't think about including fb in nc. I knew that it wasn't good for me but I probably wouldn't have been disciplined enough to avoid looking at her and her friends completely. This has been good for me and I intend to keep it up long term. I don't need to know what she's up to and I don't want to.

 

Yup, I believe that is the more logical choice! No one else really responds on here, but I'm keeping off FB still. I'm surprised that I've managed to go this long, I really think it's the thread and having to post if I've gone on or not that's helping me. Before this I couldn't last 10 days, so it must have something to do with it!

[Ryme]

I deactivated my Facebook account three days ago. I'll go back on eventually, but not just yet. Interestingly, my ex asked me about it yesterday. He said he tried to look for my profile, but couldn't find it. At first, he thought I'd blocked him, but then he realised I wasn't on anyone else's list either.

 

He tried to encourage me to activate it again, but I said there were too many people on there that I didn't really want to be in contact with (my own fault - I'm too polite to ignore friends requests. On occasion, I've deleted people only to have them send me a second request!). He then suggested setting up a new account with a fake name - and hoped that if I did that, I'd add him.

 

Not sure what to make of that.

[bart]

He then suggested setting up a new account with a fake name - and hoped that if I did that, I'd add him.

 

Not sure what to make of that.

 

Haha yikes! Definitely sounds like he wants to keep tabs on you/keep in touch!

[scotsguy]

Well I'm not sure if this counts as breaking the challenge. She sent me a private message on facebook tonight. I had to read it. I won't go into detail on here but suffice to say there was nothing worth replying to. There was some small talk, a few regrets and some other stuff. Why don't they play fair? I asked her not to contact me but she won't respect that. If I don't reply I'm pretty sure this will be the last I hear from her. Please tell me not to reply. I don't intend to but it will help me be stronger if I hear it from you guys.

 

I guess I have failed this so back to day 1 tomorrow. In fairness I haven't tried to look at her page or any of her friends' pages so I'm not a complete failure and I think I'm still good with NC as long as I don't respond in any way.

 

Bart - you have a message coming your way. Sorry! 8-[