Will you shut up, now?

[Dixi]

To the OP: I think that notquitepsycho has given you some very sound advice here. I understand you being defensive but you are posting on an advice forum and therefore people will give you advice of which some (if not all) might not be what you want to hear, nobody here knows you or the girl in question but I think everyone has your interests at heart, what you do with that advice is up to you but you have been given advice and you should at least think about what has been said, it's in your own interests to try to look at it from all angles.

[maelstrom]

I can't see the point in being married if you're already deciding how to end it in a pre nup. If you have so little trust for the person that you have to ask for this, I question why you'd want to marry them to begin with. I would never ask for a pre nup or sign one, and in fact broke an engagement with a man who asked me to sign one. Even though he said forget about it, I could not get over his lack of trust in me and faith in the relationship.

[DN]

I can't see the point in being married if you're already deciding how to end it in a pre nup. If you have so little trust for the person that you have to ask for this, I question why you'd want to marry them to begin with. I would never ask for a pre nup or sign one, and in fact broke an engagement with a man who asked me to sign one. Even though he said forget about it, I could not get over his lack of trust in me and faith in the relationship.

Few people who get married expect to divorce - but the divorce rates are still very high.

[maelstrom]

Good point. One of the thoughts I'm having lately is what's the point of marriage, but since my relationships have all been so toxic that's not surprising.

 

Somewhere inside though, I still believe that if I can become a healthy person, I can find a healthy relationship someday.

[notquitepsycho]

Actually, since seeing the other post regarding the OP's situation that is currently closed, one thing that the OP is going to have to consider is whether or not he has the money to even sign the affidavit of support. There was a mention in that thread that the OP is not doing well financially, and you have to make a certain amount of money to sponsor an immigrant into the US.

 

While some get a relative or friend to co-sponsor the immigrant, that just means the responsibility falls on both the primary sponsor and the co-sponsor.

 

BTW: to the Original Poster:

 

I noticed you said that you didn't feel comfortable sending her money to assist with internet fees because that's a sign of a scammer. It would be a sign ONLY if she asked for it. If you choose to do it (and not in response to a "hint" like that she might not be able to talk to you, maybe like a week or two after this incident, etc) then it doesn't make her a scammer.

 

Next time you'd like her to watch a movie, etc, and it's something you suggest she do, it wouldn't hurt anything for you to pay for the internet access. It's when she asks or hints that she can't continue to talk to you without you sending cash that warning flags should go up.

[Fudgie]

I can't see the point in being married if you're already deciding how to end it in a pre nup. If you have so little trust for the person that you have to ask for this, I question why you'd want to marry them to begin with. I would never ask for a pre nup or sign one, and in fact broke an engagement with a man who asked me to sign one. Even though he said forget about it, I could not get over his lack of trust in me and faith in the relationship.

 

It's more like a "just in case" thing.

 

I plan to get a pre-nup for the first time I marry, no matter what. If me and my husband split, I'm not letting him get "half".

 

Most people who have not married before have your attitude: that's so unromantic, it's terrible to start a marriage with an end in mind. But those who have married and have lost a good amount of their money/assets DEFINITELY regret not taking precautions.

[mgirl]

Question: how and where did you meet her?

[mgirl]

Oh dear, i just read that you met online. I have a friend in the Phillipines (both western / white) and she says that when she and her husband go out, even for a meal, he becomes surrounded by 13-14 Phillipinos... I'm not saying anything, but i am saying, watch out.

 

They establish one person to move into a country, then they move the entire family in.

[Fudgie]

Oh dear, i just read that you met online. I have a friend in the Phillipines (both western / white) and she says that when she and her husband go out, even for a meal, he becomes surrounded by 13-14 Phillipinos... I'm not saying anything, but i am saying, watch out.

 

They establish one person to move into a country, then they move the entire family in.

 

wow, that's really rude that they would do that. Esp with his wife being right there.

 

Typically, they will either bring the family over but more often these days, the daughter will marry off to a man elsewhere and part of the marriage "agreement" is that he'll send money periodically to her family back in the home country. So she'll stay married to him and the family gets monthly checks and can live well.