Will you shut up, now?

[Fudgie]

Yeah I never saw anyone call the OP's gf a scammer. I don't know where he pulled that from.

 

It seems that most of the fuss is coming from me. Perhaps deep down, he FEELS that she's a scammer and is projecting that onto us, and thus has to convince "us" (really himself) that she's not a scammer?

 

Just a thought.

 

I just find that those who are most vocal/defensive about their beliefs are the ones who are actually doubting of them themselves. People who are secure about something don't go running around screaming at people.

[catfeeder]

[...] However, there is still a default mutual ownership of all personal property, and a default joint ownership of all real property, unless explicitly stated otherwise. John merely HANDLES the liquid assets.[...]

 

Hell, I'd sure be willing to sign that bogus thing in order to achieve 'default joint ownership' of all John's assets PLUS become legal in the country of my choice.

 

Piece of cake...

 

I'd be laughing all the way to the bank with every check I either earned on my own or 'borrowed' from the mutual pool as I sent it all back to my homeland...

[stebbinsd]

Yeah I never saw anyone call the OP's gf a scammer. I don't know where he pulled that from.

 

Ok, you guys really did call her a scammer, but the threads got deleted.

 

There, I have responded to that inquiry.

[annie24]

I think, before you marry her, you should really try to spend time together in person. I know that money and the distance between you two is hard, but i would definitely get to know her better, make sure you guys get along, before doing something as big as marriage.

[Fudgie]

Ok, you guys really did call her a scammer, but the threads got deleted.

 

There, I have responded to that inquiry.

 

Read the rest of my previous post and think. Think HARD.

[annie24]

I do see that some people suggested she might be a scammer. Expecting that he, as an american man, can support her and send her family some money. He said this isn't his financial situation though. You really don't know. She could be in this for the money, she could be scamming several men. Though I suppose if she was scamming him, she would have given up by now and gone onto other targets??

 

Regardless, I think it's still wise to meet and spend time together in person. though you never know. Just today, a woman posted on ENA saying that her live-in-boyfriend, she just found out, was still living with his ex-wife!! He lied to her and told her he was out of town for work, when he was really going back to his ex-wife. I mean, he was scamming her, and they lived together! you just never know sometimes.

 

Regardless, I would get an iron-clad prenup in place, no matter what. or at least, as iron-clad as you can get it.

[jazzykat]

Ok, you guys really did call her a scammer, but the threads got deleted.

 

There, I have responded to that inquiry.

 

 

Really?? Oh okay... too bad I can't read them.

 

In any case, Stepps -you really have nothing to prove to anyone. If you believe she isn't a scammer, then that's all that matters. I do believe the good folks would have probably been looking out for your welfare, rather than insulting you. But oh well..

[lavenderdove]

One thing a pre-nup can't protect against... she could stay with you for the requisite time needed to get a green card, then leave you. No pre-nup can stop that.

 

Also, child support cannot be determined as part of a pre-nup. So you have a few kids, she leaves you and hits you up for child support to support herself with.

 

Marriage is always a financial risk, and a pre-nup can protect you financially from certain things, but it cannot pre-determine child support payments nor stop her from marrying you in order to get a green card, then leaving once she has it.

 

That doesn't mean she'll do that, but it's a possibility and a very frequent scenario for men who start chatting up women in the Phillipines, which is an extremely poverty stricken country compared to the U.S., where people there will do anything to get out... this also applies to a lot of other countries, but the 'Phillipine bride' syndrome is a well known situation, where you have to be very cautious that someone isn't attempting to use you to get out of their poverty stricken situation and into the U.S. (or other country with better living conditions).

 

The marriage might be fine, but it might not, so i would suggest extreme caution in marrying anyone you hadn't spent a lot of face to face time with first, and are sure that the marriage will work on all levels, and that the person is who you think they are, not fabricated to entice you. I am telling you this because i know a couple people who this has happened to, where the women were sweet as pie until they had secured the marriage and green card, then the game drastically changed to the man's detriment.

[jmantra]

why do you want to rush into marriage? Have you even met this woman in person yet?

[stebbinsd]

I think, before you marry her, you should really try to spend time together in person.

That's what we'll do.

 

We HAVE to see each other in person, at least once, before the embassy will even ALLOW me to sponsor her for a fiance visa.

[Fudgie]

Pushing for marriage before even meeting is a definite red flag. If she isn't a scammer, she has serious emotional problems. I'm betting on the former.

[Ms Darcy]

Ok, you guys really did call her a scammer, but the threads got deleted.

 

Hmmm, I thought the mods cracked down on thread deletion.

 

Do you ever hear or perceive things that other people do not also hear or see?

[annie24]

Hmmm, I thought the mods cracked down on thread deletion.

 

Do you ever hear or perceive things that other people do not also hear or see?

 

that thread was removed by another mod. in the OP's defense, some people were suggesting his gf might be using him to gain entry to the US, or for cash.

[dramallama]

I was the one that responded to one of the initial threads that got deleted. Very defensive OP, by the way, and it was his ATTITUDE that got the thread deleted and the name calling. The only thing I did was suggest that it could be a possibility that she may be after something else and may be a scammer, but he basically blew up at the mere suggestion. But whatever, at this stage, as long as he's convinced he's right, then if he gets scammed in the end, I don't care. It'll be a big lesson, I guess.

[PussInBoots]

I was the one that responded to one of the initial threads that got deleted. Very defensive OP, by the way, and it was his ATTITUDE that got the thread deleted and the name calling. The only thing I did was suggest that it could be a possibility that she may be after something else and may be a scammer, but he basically blew up at the mere suggestion. But whatever, at this stage, as long as he's convinced he's right, then if he gets scammed in the end, I don't care. It'll be a big lesson, I guess.

 

Ide quite agree to each his own im not saying your gf is a con op but I will say ive seen a few documentaries of women in such countries that raises a eye brow at least! You do know that in these countries its seen as a great accomplishment for a local girl to marry a foreign husband?

 

It doesn't matter who said husband may be long as there from some were else thats just a fact. They also have bars were these women hang out in and pick up forin guys to both A work as prostitutes and B hopefully find a husband while doing so.

 

Sadly there are countless forin men who fall for this kinda stuff they don't want you for you they want you just because you can offer them a better life and if that falls thu then they will take bob or rob or mark it doesn't matter.

 

You can flame me all you like op its your life and I honestly don't care what you do I just wanted to share my knowledge of the subject in general...

[stebbinsd]

I was the one that responded to one of the initial threads that got deleted. Very defensive OP, by the way, and it was his ATTITUDE that got the thread deleted and the name calling. The only thing I did was suggest that it could be a possibility that she may be after something else and may be a scammer, but he basically blew up at the mere suggestion. But whatever, at this stage, as long as he's convinced he's right, then if he gets scammed in the end, I don't care. It'll be a big lesson, I guess.

 

The reason I became so defensive is because... don't you think I've already been confronted about that issue on previous boards?

 

It wasn't the suggestion that made me blow up. It was having to repeat myself that made me blow up. THAT is something I just can't stand.

[savignon]

Your anger is evident. Especially as you "hate repeating yourself" but decided to post an entirely different thread on the same topic, essentially repeating yourself (why bother if it frustrates you so much?).

Regardless, if you don't think she's a scammer, then who cares what anyone else thinks?? Really. Or, instead of thinking that people are insulting you, why not appreciate that you've posted on an adivce forum and they're giving you their two cents as is the idea of these forums? While people might have suggested you need to look out for yourself, I don't see how that would cause the rage in your tone.

Once you meet in person, you'll both have a better idea of whether or not marriage is something you want to persue in the future. Sign whatever document(s) you're comfortable with and don't worry what other people think.

Best wishes.

[Fudgie]

that thread was removed by another mod. in the OP's defense, some people were suggesting his gf might be using him to gain entry to the US, or for cash.

 

Can't really blame them for saying that. There have been MANY cases of that happening. He needs to consider the possibility and keep his eyes open.

[notquitepsycho]

Okay, I'd like to respond here, but please forgive me in advance since I have not read any of your other threads, just this one. I did wait to respond until I read the entire thread so hopefully you won't have to repeat yourself too much.

 

I have known several people who have married Filipino ladies, and they are all happily married. They did say, however, that their wives certainly have tempers and are not the kind to be walked all over -- dunno if that's true with all Filipino ladies, but it might not hurt to consider.

 

Please also be aware that the process to bring someone here to marry is actually more complicated than the Adjustment of Status process that I had to go through when I was helping my now-ex husband through the paperwork for (I met him while he was on a tourist visa, never heard of him until a friend introduced us). In either instance, the person sponsoring the immigrant is taking a very significant financial risk -- the Affidavit of Support.

 

I hope you've read up on your obligations under that agreement and haven't glossed over it thinking that it'll never come into play. I really didn't think about what I was agreeing to at the time, but it's sobering.

 

You are agreeing to support her at at least 125% of the poverty level until one of five things happen -- she gets naturalized, she works 10 years and earns 40 credits in the Social Security system, she leaves the country permanently (if she comes back and overstays, you're still responsible), she has to refile a petition for permanent residency using another sponsor, or she dies. Permanent residency means exactly that -- permanent. She could stay here as long as she wanted providing she was able to get the conditions removed from her permanent residence status (either by still being married to you or being able to show cause for not being married to you) without ever going through the process to become a citizen.

 

And really, being a citizen isn't really much more than simply being able to vote and serve on jury duty to a lot of people. What's that worth compared to the fact she could sue you and win for you to support her the rest of her life?

 

No prenuptial agreement can overrule the AoS. And under the VAWA provisions for immigration, if she can make people think you're abusing her she will get the conditional status removed well before the two years are up. Fortunately I didn't have to worry about that issue, but what happened with our case is very common -- he cheated before the two years were up and I left him, didn't go to the interview to have his conditional status removed, but he still got unconditional residence. Also, fortunately, my ex has been working steadily so within a few years my obligation will be over.

 

It's a very big responsibility to take, and you need to make sure you really think it's worth it before deciding that essentially a mail order bride will be the love of your life. As I said, I've known several who have had no problems.

 

There are certain provisions in the document that I am not sure could be enforced -- specifically, the ones about her behavior during the marriage. California has already ruled that a penalty for adultery is unenforceable, for example. I do not know about provisions for domestic violence. Additionally, if it can be argued that she signed under duress or without full disclosure -- too soon before the wedding, or perhaps even after she got here under the K1 visa and would have to go back home if she didn't sign. Never seen that argument used, but it's possible. It'd be a very good idea to have a lawyer look over it for you, and then get a lawyer who speaks her native language to assist her with making the decision of whether to sign it.

 

Wish you the best of luck.

[Ms Darcy]

I don't think she's a scammer. I think she's a smart girl. This is a good way to get out of poverty.

 

And if she leaves you, it doesn't mean it was a scam. It could just mean that she didn't like you upon meeting. Happens all the time with cyber relationships.

[OneEskimO]

I'm confused as to why you'd let some people online, whom you more than likely will never meet, get you this upset....

 

...unless deep down, even though you don't want to admit it, you may be or have been thinking the same things people have said. And you're using this as an outlet to convince yourself she is not out to use you.

 

I don't know you, I don't know her. I won't ever meet either of you. I don't wish any bad to anyone so in the end I hope that whatever does happen you two will be happy together. And if that doesn't happen I hope you will be happy in life as well no matter what you do or where you go.

[Minx2012]

I think it's erroneous and cruel for people to assume that just because your fiancee is from the Philippines, that she is a scammer. Most of them are, but not all, so it's sad that the ones who are not get the blame.

 

However, I am just curious as to why you have to prove so hard as to why this is a legit relationship, to strangers online? Could it be your conscience or fear that there might be a possibility that she COULD be a scammer? Is there something that she has done that you have not revealed to people for the fear of the " scammer " persona becoming a reality?

[Minx2012]

The reason I became so defensive is because... don't you think I've already been confronted about that issue on previous boards?

 

It wasn't the suggestion that made me blow up. It was having to repeat myself that made me blow up. THAT is something I just can't stand.

 

So why constantly go on forums to write out a thread? It takes a good few minutes of your life to write out a thread, and then a few days or even weeks to respond to people on the forum. So why do it? THAT is something we can't understand.

[Fudgie]

I think it's erroneous and cruel for people to assume that just because your fiancee is from the Philippines, that she is a scammer. Most of them are, but not all, so it's sad that the ones who are not get the blame.

 

However, I am just curious as to why you have to prove so hard as to why this is a legit relationship, to strangers online? Could it be your conscience or fear that there might be a possibility that she COULD be a scammer? Is there something that she has done that you have not revealed to people for the fear of the " scammer " persona becoming a reality?

 

Yep, I agree.

 

It wasn't until this thread that I started to think that the OP's gf could be a scammer. I wonder why he's getting all upset and I think he may suspect something deep down and that's why he's taking it out on us.

 

The fact that she is wanting to marry before they even have MET is a big red flag and makes me think that she may not be in this for the right reasons.

 

I know a couple people who are very happy with their Filipino women but they took it slow, met at least a couple times beforehand and had a courtship before the whole marriage/visa process took place.

[notquitepsycho]

I'm not suggesting she's a scammer either when I mentioned the Affidavit of Support.

 

But it *is* a significant responsibility, and if he hasn't thought about it when looking at the provisions for a prenuptial agreement, then he needs to seriously consider it. The law can be very funny at times. Usually if one clause in a prenup is considered to be unenforceable, the rest is still applicable. But it's possible that a judge could toss the whole thing out if it was in direct conflict with the contract he would have to sign with the government to support her if she comes here.

 

Especially if she is going to be a stay-at-home wife, he needs to consider just how long he might be obligated to support her. Divorce does *not* cancel the agreement.

 

She may not even know about the provisions of the Affidavit of Support now. But, say things don't work out. Maybe she is too hot-tempered. Maybe she wants more control over her life than simply being a stay-at-home mom who doesn't control finances. Maybe after awhile she realizes that she's unhappy, or she falls in love with someone else.

 

If I was a woman alone in a new country without a work history about to leave my husband, I would be looking for all of the financial support I could get, and I would talk to a lawyer. Any competent lawyer would know about the Affidavit of Support, and would tell her that she did not have to live in poverty if she leaves him. If circumstances were to become intolerable, even if she hated the thought of having to do it, she might have no other choice than to sue under the agreement for support. Needing to survive can make us make choices we'd never make unless we were backed into that corner.

 

I don't think my ex-husband was a scammer or was using me. I think things just didn't work out. But love isn't always predictable.