I don't know what to do! Lost Trust

[aloevera]

Well here is my situation; The other day, it was my boyfriends best friends bday...afterwards someone decided that we go to the strippers. I went out of respect.

 

I'll explain what kind of a guy my bf is;

He says he feels unattracted to girls who wear revealling clothing/stacks of make-up because he they are 'fake'. He respects women, he doesn't enjoy clubbing, he studies. The following was COMPLETELY OUT OF CHARACTER;

 

As soon as we stepped in the place he walks off. Eventually he sat down near me. The girls on stage were clothed, and he was watching them (I didn't mind). 1 of the strippers sits next to my boyfriend. He completely ignores me and is talking to this chick, all of a sudden 1 our friends SHOUTS HIM A LAP DANCE...this involes being taken into a private room, and them putting all their body parts in yo face! He asks the stripper to ask ME if thats ok or so he claims, coz when the girl came up to me she said 'Would you like to come in?' To which I replied 'No thank-you'. She grabbed his hand, he was wrapped! I got ditched and had to converse with his drunken friends. I went outside...when he came out, he had the biggest smile on his face, and didn't even pull me aside and tell me what happened, etc. BTW 3 of his DRUNKEN STRAIGHT SINGLE friends refused a lap dance!

 

On the way home (a little burst of anger) I said 'I'm going to tell your dad', to which he threatened to break up with me if I did. He also said he didn't regret it. The next day I was going through some major self image issues. Since I am very close to my bf, I felt lost, because he is the only person in this world I trust. I was upset, I cried etc...doubted this relationship.

 

My best friend completely agreed that I should be upset, on the other hand her bf said I'm over reacting, but he also acknowledged that it was really mean, considering my bf 'isn't that type of guy'...I also asked my other best friend (who's a guy) and he also agreed that I should be that upset...I think my best friends cannot be impartial...

 

I'm asking you guys, am I totally over reacting about this? I understand that people do it for their bucks night and everything, but my bf didn't even want to go in the first place.

If I'm NOT over reacting, how do I get over it? I feel really ugly, I feel like I've lost alot of trust in my relationship!

 

I would really appreciate any opions!

[Convict7]

I'm sorry but I always get lost in the simple solution to all of this which people tend to jump all over. Why not tell him "I don't think so" when he was going to get the dance? Or say "Cut it out and stop talking to her" when he was ignoring you and talking to the girl? I know, I know, people will say that it's controlling or overbearing. But if you're not happy with what he is doing why not say something as he is doing it so he can decide if it's worth hurting your feelings? You waited until after he had ignored you and after he had a lap dance and then voiced your displeasure. When you

came down on him he got defensive.

 

Then you say you threatened to break that trust you spoke of and tell on him to his father. And he threatened you right back with a breakup. Neither of you should be threatening the other, trust means you have each other's back no matter what.

 

So yes, he did wrong. But why not tell him to stop instead of watching him do wrong and then get mad? This may be a time to let it roll off your back and use it as a learning experience.

 

As far as feeling ugly. They were strippers. With clothes on they're likely very average looking women. Remember that he is with you because you're attractive to him AND because of who you are. A stripper shouldn't make you feel ugly, they are WORKING to attract men. You have caught one. Nothing to be jealous of there.

[aloevera]

Yeh, I understand that I should have said something, but the stipper only asked if I want to go into the room with them, to which I said no, then they went. And I should have told him to stop talking to her but I felt like I had no valid ground on which to do so because they were just talking at first...I had no idea how to react because I felt like I froze because it happened so quickly

I guess I could try to take it as a learing experience, I just feel betrayed because I would never do anything like that, I don't even 'perve' on any guys, and I have never previously seen him 'peerving' on girls.

[spearntime]

I think it was out of line for him to do esp. with you right there. I also think it was your responsibility to tell him when he was crossing the line so it was clear. I am sure you may have felt a bit threatened at the time to do that.

 

You can jokingly say, "Ok, that's enough! No, I don't think so...not while I'm here!" Light-hearted with a smile on your face. You could even tell the girl that you're not okay with it. They are there to make a living, not get slapped by a gf. This is in case there's a next time.

 

Right now you could just tell him that you really didn't feel comfortable with him going THAT far. That it affected you...

 

He should know better. Drunk/drinking or not...he needs to respect you

[aloevera]

Yeh your both right, I should have told him how I felt. And still feeling hurt at the moment, but I will be telling him how I truly feel when I cheer up a bit.

[Sweetkisses22]

He is sort of right but not entirely. Men do not like fake, plastic type, too much make up wearing women. They prefer natural women AS A GIRLFRIEND. Now even though they don't like those other type of women, they DO like them in a sexual fantasy type of way. Meaning they use them only for their bodies and looks, they want the sexual attention from them but they do not want to keep them permanently.

 

But regardless! He made a HUGGGE mistake by accepting a lap dance by one of these girls when you were with him. He should have declined out of respect for his girlfriend. He basically walked all over you because you let him do it. I really wonder what would have happened if you weren't with him.