OptomisticGirl Posted December 6, 2012 Author Share Posted December 6, 2012 I dreamed about my Nanny for about the second time since she passed last night. It was a weird dream too. I was back at the house I grew up in, my Nanny's house, and for some reason there were all these ghosts around the yard - not anyone I knew but just random ghosts and in the midst of them I saw Nanny. I remember feeling so happy and thrilled that I ran and gave her a hug and I woke up shortly after that. I got up to use the bathroom and blearily remembered looking over at the tv were I've sat two wooden camels she had been given from a friend (they were bought in Egypt) and noticing they were a little off from were I sat them. I don't believe in much but spirits I do, makes it feel like she's still here. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OptomisticGirl Posted December 7, 2012 Author Share Posted December 7, 2012 Back to work today, strangely ready to go back! Being off sick is a nice unexpected vacay but it's not really a vacay if you are sick to your stomach the whole time and battling a fever! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
annie24 Posted December 7, 2012 Share Posted December 7, 2012 You get sick a lot. Maybe it's because you work in a hospital? Do you always wear gloves? You have to be really careful not to touch your gloves to your face or hair or anything. Or even touch your face with your hands, or rub your eyes, even if you wash your hands. Do you regularly use an alcohol based hand sanitizer? I think you have to tear everything in the hospital like it has life threatening bacteria or viruses on it. I know I sound crazy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OptomisticGirl Posted December 7, 2012 Author Share Posted December 7, 2012 People who work in a hospital do tend to get more sick but (not counting the hivea issue) this is only the second time I can think of this year I've been sick with something that caused me to miss massive amounts of work. I have to wear gloves constantly since I work in the linen department and I'm one of the more anal ones about making sure my hands stay clean. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OptomisticGirl Posted December 7, 2012 Author Share Posted December 7, 2012 Seeing Firiel better herself and improve how she reacts to things has me wanting to do the same. I've always tried to curb my my-way-or-the-highway attitude since being with L (it's one of the lessons I took from my last relationship, the area I had done wrong in). L is very laid back and is okay with me taking the reigns and he is really good about standing up for himself when I over step the line and disrespect him as an equal so that area we are pretty good in. But how I react to negative things or how I act when I'm annoyed is not healthy. When I feel threatened (which it's never that I AM being threatened, that's how I perceive it) I react with anger first. Instead of taking a deep breath and coming at it calmly I instantly lash out with anger which only causes the other person to do the same. And when I feel overwhelmed or annoyed instead of breathing or having a code word to warn I'm about to blow, I just lose it - that is my Mad Cow moment. I remember our last in NY we were trying to find a KFC to eat at and we just couldn't find it via GPS. We were lugging both our luggage bags up and down a NY street and I was writing more and more annoyed at not being able to find this stupid place. L suggested we just eat some were else but no, I had to have KFC. I ended up bursting into tears in the middle of a subway and L got his first dose of Mad Cow. Just moments like that I want to try to control rather than always lose it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Seraphim Posted December 7, 2012 Share Posted December 7, 2012 People who have been abused often have a low threshold for frustration . The same thing happens to me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OptomisticGirl Posted December 7, 2012 Author Share Posted December 7, 2012 I think it also may have to do with my dad. He would react the same way, only he would lash out with abuse. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Seraphim Posted December 7, 2012 Share Posted December 7, 2012 I think it also may have to do with my dad. He would react the same way, only he would lash out with abuse. My dad too. I've been working too on thinking things through more logically and not getting frustrated or angry right away. I have to watch and be aware of what triggers me to get that way . Then I have to stop and think and consider if my husband has a valid point. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OptomisticGirl Posted December 7, 2012 Author Share Posted December 7, 2012 Yeah, for me it's always when I feel like he is attacking me (he obviously isn't) but I automatically take what he is saying as an attack when he is simply pointing something negative out in a calm manner. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Seraphim Posted December 7, 2012 Share Posted December 7, 2012 Yeah, for me it's always when I feel like he is attacking me (he obviously isn't) but I automatically take what he is saying as an attack when he is simply pointing something negative out in a calm manner. Yes I agree sometimes it feels like being attacked but when you think about it rationally realize that you will they were not doing that. I know for me I get very upset when events, holidays , or situations do not turn out how I would like. I like to control things. I feel very distressed if I can't . Then the distress comes out as anger. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OptomisticGirl Posted December 7, 2012 Author Share Posted December 7, 2012 Yes, very true. I react the same way if things don't work but not with everything, it's really select with me. Like right now we are behind in processing time for the first part of our visa. I don't feel distressed (if anything L is the one worrying!). But I am a huge control freak. I think the last time I got distressed was when I was still moving to England and te whole maybe they will change it, maybe they won't was going on. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
annie24 Posted December 8, 2012 Share Posted December 8, 2012 Do you think the hives could be from a new cleaner at the hospital? I love KFCs cole slaw. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
redrose85 Posted December 8, 2012 Share Posted December 8, 2012 I'm proud of you for trying to counteract mad-cow Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OptomisticGirl Posted December 8, 2012 Author Share Posted December 8, 2012 Do you think the hives could be from a new cleaner at the hospital? . No, we haven't introduced a new cleaner. The doctor seems to think they aren't related to an allergic reaction since they've lasted more than 6 weeks and when I have them it effects my joints, I could barely bend my knees Wednesday when I had to register for classes. I was literally walking stiff legged down the hallways because it hurt too much to just bend them. I looovveee their mashed potatoes and gravy. Oh lord. I will sometimes just order a few of those and no chicken! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OptomisticGirl Posted December 8, 2012 Author Share Posted December 8, 2012 I'm proud of you for trying to counteract mad-cow You know the funny part? I don't think L wants Mad Cow to completely go away. Less would make his life easier (and my husband is all about making his life as uncomplicated as possible ) but I think he likes the sparring matches with Mad Cow tbh. And the man knows what sets it off and yet continues to do those things... I think she spices his life up. lol Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Seraphim Posted December 8, 2012 Share Posted December 8, 2012 No, we haven't introduced a new cleaner. The doctor seems to think they aren't related to an allergic reaction since they've lasted more than 6 weeks and when I have them it effects my joints, I could barely bend my knees Wednesday when I had to register for classes. I was literally walking stiff legged down the hallways because it hurt too much to just bend them. I looovveee their mashed potatoes and gravy. Oh lord. I will sometimes just order a few of those and no chicken! It almost sounds like Lyme disease OG. Did they test you for that? Or maybe Lupus? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OptomisticGirl Posted December 8, 2012 Author Share Posted December 8, 2012 It almost sounds like Lyme disease OG. Did they test you for that? They took some blood and were going to run some tests, yeah. Check for like connective tissue stuff, infections, etc. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OptomisticGirl Posted December 8, 2012 Author Share Posted December 8, 2012 Well, had my first test keeping Mad Cow at bay just now. FaceTime is being a little witch today and L was holding up his fingers to see if I could properly see how many. He kept doing it and then saying 'No, wrong number.' I could feel my temper raising because I kept asking him to put his hand down and he wouldn't so when I felt my temper really start to slip I just started shouting WARNING! WARNING! He dissolved into a fit of giggles of course. May have to be what I do from now. That's going to be hilarious when she raises her head in the middle of a street... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OptomisticGirl Posted December 8, 2012 Author Share Posted December 8, 2012 Well, looks like I'm going to be an aunt again. Maybe. My sister called me this morning to tell me she found out she is 4 weeks pregnant. It's a bit complicated and I won't go into on my journal due to past experiences and respect for her but anyone is welcome to shoot me a PM, most of the frequent readers on my journal are on my contact list and should be able to PM me. She has had some sporting though and that is a million times worrisome for get because of Tyler's unexpected entrance into the world. She goes to the doctor Tues I believe and from what I understood if the bleeding continues they will take the baby. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Seraphim Posted December 8, 2012 Share Posted December 8, 2012 I hope your sister does okay OG. I know from my own experience bleeding early on is just not a good omen. I hope for your sake and their sake it turns out well. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
renaissancewoman101 Posted December 8, 2012 Share Posted December 8, 2012 Yes, good luck to your sister and hope everything turns out ok. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OptomisticGirl Posted December 8, 2012 Author Share Posted December 8, 2012 Thank you ladies. She hasn't had any problems since last night so so far so good. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OptomisticGirl Posted December 9, 2012 Author Share Posted December 9, 2012 I think one of the meds the doc has me on is making me sweat more. Whew! I'm almost always hot and although I almost never sweat I am pouring buckets. No hives yet so ill take sweating over that! I've been working in housekeeping this weekend, helping out since we are short staffed. Feels weird to be back on the floor, weird but familiar. Ready for my two days off this week come Wednesday and our department Christmas party Thursday! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OptomisticGirl Posted December 10, 2012 Author Share Posted December 10, 2012 Long day at work. Settling into bed with some hot chocolate and a religious documentary on Netflix! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OptomisticGirl Posted December 10, 2012 Author Share Posted December 10, 2012 New Year's Eve plans! Heading down to my uncle and his wife's! So excited!! I'm also ready to see the locket my husband bought me! lol Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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