sweetpea03 Posted January 2, 2011 Share Posted January 2, 2011 oh, no.. you're getting sick too. I had a bad sore throat for the past 2 days, but today seems a little better. I think I might have beat it and won't get a full blown cold. Or at least I really hope so. I don't want to jinx myself and wake up tomorrow being miserable. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OptomisticGirl Posted January 2, 2011 Author Share Posted January 2, 2011 Yeah, I took a nap this afternoon and it's bugging me. It'ls like I have something in my throat but I don't. Ugh. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OptomisticGirl Posted January 2, 2011 Author Share Posted January 2, 2011 I am a child of divorce and God was it an ugly divorce. My father cheated on my mother throughout their entire marriage, hit her, hit me... she stayed mostly because of us kids but in the end she did what she should have done from very early on: she made herself happy by leaving a cheating, abusive husband and giving her children a chance of normalcy. Life didn't turn out picture perfect but it was by far better than when they were together. But there are parents out there who are divorced who play games with their children. It's sad and pathetic to use an innocent life to get back at someone who hurt you. Children are very resilent. They are not these fragile creatures people think them to be. They are strong and bounce back, and they know more about their surrondings then most adults. They pick up on situations, they know when there is tension. To draw lines in the sand and expect your child to choose.... This rant isn't going anywere. I just had to get that thought out. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OptomisticGirl Posted January 2, 2011 Author Share Posted January 2, 2011 I also just read the best advice on marriage I have ever read: Don't ask for advice from people who are divorced, ask for advice on people who have been married 50 years. They know the true meaning of marriage. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sweetpea03 Posted January 2, 2011 Share Posted January 2, 2011 I also just read the best advice on marriage I have ever read: Don't ask for advice from people who are divorced, ask for advice on people who have been married 50 years. They know the true meaning of marriage. I like that. My boyfriend's grandparents give good advice and I like visiting them. They're in their 80s and still madly in love. It's sooo cute. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OptomisticGirl Posted January 2, 2011 Author Share Posted January 2, 2011 I like that. My boyfriend's grandparents give good advice and I like visiting them. They're in their 80s and still madly in love. It's sooo cute. CS's grandparents have been married for 50 some years I believe. CS jokes (although I think to some degree he isn't that he learned from his granddad what makes a successful marriage. It's two words. "Yes, dear." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sweetpea03 Posted January 2, 2011 Share Posted January 2, 2011 I can see my boyfriend saying some remark like that. Though he's good about fighting fair, if we even fight, so he can get his point accross without causing problems. I haven't had a fight with him in months really, so no need for the yes dear. lol. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fudgie Posted January 2, 2011 Share Posted January 2, 2011 My B already practices the "yes, dear" comment. I think it's mostly from him being a little more submissive than me. He loves it when I call the shots. I tend to be "fussy" and he just finds it better to go along because he's not too fussy himself...unless things are messy. haha. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OptomisticGirl Posted January 2, 2011 Author Share Posted January 2, 2011 I font think CS has said yes dear yet, lol. He does let me win because he is the laid back one but ue can be assertive when he wants. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sweetpea03 Posted January 2, 2011 Share Posted January 2, 2011 I think my boyfriend is more 'submissive' than me, too. I tend to be the one who gets my way, but I always push him to make sure he speaks up if he doesn't like something or doesn't want to do something. Which he does, for the most part. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OptomisticGirl Posted January 2, 2011 Author Share Posted January 2, 2011 Submissive isn't CS but i do get my way a lot. He will speak up though and isn't afraid to stand toe to toe with me in an argument, at all. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sweetpea03 Posted January 2, 2011 Share Posted January 2, 2011 My boyfriend and I are both laid back, so neither of us really push each other on an idea. We rarely ever argue and our "arguing" is really just us talking about stuff. lol. He usually lets me get my way though. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OptomisticGirl Posted January 2, 2011 Author Share Posted January 2, 2011 I'm aggresivly strong, he is laid back atrong. Makes for somw interesting coversations. he will reign me in when im getting too emotional and ill defend him when I think he isn't defending himself. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sweetpea03 Posted January 2, 2011 Share Posted January 2, 2011 I can see that making an interesting conversation. I can be defensive if someone is saying something about him, but I'm not real aggressive. I'd rather stand back and more observe than jump into an argument. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Circe Posted January 2, 2011 Share Posted January 2, 2011 and ill defend him when I think he isn't defending himself. Aww.. that's sweet. I love it when my H sticks up for me when I'm being too harsh on myself. I don't know which one of us gets our way - I think we both get too overly concerned about how the other actually feels about something to act, in my opinion. Luckily we agree a lot on many things (so it's unlikely we'd have a conversation like 'lets move to X country and live there'/'lets not') because we both feel we love where we live. We are unlikely to argue over restaurant choices.. because we both have foods we hate (which are different) but have so many foods we love in common that its not a problem .. and both just fell into an easy split of things (like chores) based on our strengths and preferences (e.g. I HATE bathroom cleaning - but bathroom cleaning was always his chore when he lived with his parents and he doesn't mind it at all... he cant cook and doesnt want to - I quite enjoy it etc). And with the things we dont feel the same about and someone needs to "win" - we both worry too much about not wanting the other to "lose" to act in any way at all! Its very silly Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OptomisticGirl Posted January 2, 2011 Author Share Posted January 2, 2011 We have never argued over small things like were to eat and what not (nothing like my ex and me who spent an hour trying to decide were to eat from), all our 'arguments' are, literally, over scenarios we have not yet been brought but are discussing (ie, if I were pregnant and he had to chose between me and the baby). Silly stuff like that, lol He's extremely laid back and lets things just roll off his back, he doesn't take insults too personally like I do. Then again, with his sarcastic nature he usually fires a well aimed retort that shuts someone up. Still. Sometimes I think he should defend himself with more than sarcasm, and when I feel that I'll do it. I woke up feelign even more horrible than yesterday. Yuck. Thankfully it's a weekend and the first part of work isn't that bad. But still. I'd much rather be sleeping right now then getting ready for work. Most def. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OptomisticGirl Posted January 3, 2011 Author Share Posted January 3, 2011 Another thread just reminded me of an incident that happened when CS was here in Oct. We were in Chili's waiting to have lunch with my best friend and her guy. I was sitting on the insided of the booth,near the window and CS was on the outside. our waitress was nice and sweet, and then CS opened his mouth and I guess she heard the accent. I told him he had to be careful about his accent around American women. So one minute we are sitting there, he and I, in mid conversation when the waitress sits down accross from him, grabs his hands and goes, "Oh! What does that mean?" (Meaning CS's wrist tattos) .....yeah. about the time I was going to open my mouth (no idea what I would have said,something along the lines of keep your grubby mits off my man) she got called away. CS just looked at me and said, "she was saved by the boss." Some women.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Circe Posted January 3, 2011 Share Posted January 3, 2011 Oh I totally agree!! I had a waitress flirt openly with my H right in front of me too - it made us both uncomfortable and it was at one of our favourite places. She was fired shortly after though (I guess she did it to too many people - and I know she was fired because the bar manager there is a good friend of my H). It's outrageous isnt it - when they are obviously there with their partners - how incredibly rude and demeaning (for herself!!) to act so desperate!! Ahhh - would you want him to pick the child? I feel a bit selfish now because if my H said "I'd pick the child" ... yeah, there would be problems Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OptomisticGirl Posted January 3, 2011 Author Share Posted January 3, 2011 It's just ridiculous. I saw more than one woman give him a second look if he was talking and the entire time I'm thinking 'come on! Go get your own bloke with an accent' My best friend told me she was shocked I didn't say anything to her. It really just caught me by surprise. There we were, in mid conversation, very apparently loving on each other and she flops down and grabs his hand. And then runs her finger over his tattoo. Oh H no. Yeah, I told him my wish was that if he had to pick between saving me and the baby to always chose the baby. He was honest with me and told me he didn't think he could. It started a tift (we argue over the silliest things, I"m telling you). In the end CS said there was no stronger instinct in the world than that of a mother to protect her child, even at the cost of her own life. And while the father loves the baby the same, it is different. The mother is only thinking of the child while the father is thinking of BOTH of them. And then what happens if choses wrong and loses them both? It was a heated discussion that we eventually left at he knows me wishes, knows what I would PREFER for him to do, but in that moment I leave that decision up to him. I trust him to make wahtever decision he does. Even if it's against what i want, I know that he would do it in my best interest. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Circe Posted January 3, 2011 Share Posted January 3, 2011 Wow.. see, I don't know what I'd want in that moment.. but .. have you put yourself in his shoes? Say for some reason, at the moment of child birth, you had to choose between his life and the baby's? I mean seriously imagine that.. It's one of those things so horrible I wouldnt even be able to imagine .. I just couldnt bring myself to pick the baby. I think in those circumstances, even if I wanted to pick the baby - I wouldnt be able to do it. As weird as that sounds. It wouldnt even come down to "whats best for him, whats best for the child etc" - it would just selfishly come down to "what decision can I live with". If he was shouting at me at that moment to pick the baby - Oh god.. that would be awful.. that might make a difference to my choice but I don't know that I could ever recover from it. Awful hey.. why do we put ourselves through these hypotheticals? Hey.. at least when your in the UK it will be you with the hot accent But it is horribly rude and I don't know how anyone can act that way but it does seem like there's a special breed of girl out there who seems to do it almost to spite the partner or because they feel they can.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Circe Posted January 3, 2011 Share Posted January 3, 2011 I just asked my H that question: Me: "if I were pregnant and I was giving birth and it came down to choosing between my life or the babies and you had to choose, which would you choose?" H: [no hestiation or thought] *points at Indigo* Me: "what if I insisted and really wanted you to choose the baby? H: [no hestiation or thought] *points at Indigo* I think it is different for men.. I can't imagine many men choosing the baby over the wife.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OptomisticGirl Posted January 3, 2011 Author Share Posted January 3, 2011 Oh I agree. Mothers may be the ones knocking on death's door when they give birth, but the father has the worst job during the pregnancy: he's the decision maker if anything goes wrong and that weight is on HIS shoulders if he picks wrong. I can' even begin to imagine how nerve racking that could be. I don't think it's weird that you would pick the baby... if men gave birth and it was me choosing between them, I can' be 100% certain I'd pick the baby. It's easy to see the fathe'r POV but I can only also imagine what the mother feels. She feels like she has to protect this child, even if it costs her her own life. It's that maternal instinct. God I even have it now with my niece and nephew. If anything were to ever happen to either of them, I'd move Heaven and Earth to safe them. I can only imagine how much of a mumma bear I'm going to be when I have kids. Exactly! That's me and CS... we argue over hypothetical situations we haven't gotten to or may never will! Like if we were to find out the child had an incurable disease while I was pregnant and all. Like I said, it's good to cover those scenarios in a 'what if' bases but it's one of those things you have to tread carefully. Even though I feel very strongly about me being willing to give my life for my child, I also trust CS completely to make the decision, even if it's against what I want. Because I know he would never do anything that would forever harm me, physically or emotionally. lol, that's what CS said, "I"ll be batting them off with a bat when they hear your Southern American accent." It is. And I admit, I can get jealous easily but there are lines you just do not cross. Standing next to us asking what his tattoos mean, fine. Grabbing my fiance's arm and caressing his tattoo: F no. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OptomisticGirl Posted January 3, 2011 Author Share Posted January 3, 2011 I just asked my H that question: Me: "if I were pregnant and I was giving birth and it came down to choosing between my life or the babies and you had to choose, which would you choose?" H: [no hestiation or thought] *points at Indigo* Me: "what if I insisted and really wanted you to choose the baby? H: [no hestiation or thought] *points at Indigo* I think it is different for men.. I can't imagine many men choosing the baby over the wife.. Exaclty. It's that whole different mindset. CS never wavered in his decision to chose me over the baby. A mother is always going to want to protect her child while the father will be thinking of both of them. Even my own MOTHER when I breached the subject with her told me she would want CS to pick me over the baby! I was like 'what? You are a mother!" She was like, "Exactly. You are my child. Your life will always come before anyone else's. You can have more children OG, there is only one of you." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OptomisticGirl Posted January 3, 2011 Author Share Posted January 3, 2011 I'm congested. It's like I skipped the sinus part and went straight to congestion. It hurts SO much when I cough and I can feel it collecting in my chest. Wonderful. Time to break out the Vix Vapor Rub! The resident I mentioned earlier in the week, the one who use to sing "Jesus Loves Me" at the top of her lungs, died that same night. I just found out today. In a way I guess it's a good thing, she had been holding on for so long. I also learned we lost another resident this weekend. He came to dinner fine, rolled himself in and everything. Afterward he apparently had a heart attack and died before they could get him to the ER. So sad.... Funny moment for the day between me and CS while talking on my lunch break: *We were talking about the Concord airplane--CS LOVES airplanes. I think almost as much as he loves me. No lie* CS: "They were a beautiful plane." OG: "What did I say about using that word on someone other than me?" CS: "Well it's either gorgeous or beautiful, take your pick." OG: "Neither?" CS: "It's actually very sexy." OG: "So I don't need to dress up as a sexy flight attendant, I just need to get a costum that looks like an airplane and that will rev your engines?" CS: "Oh yeah. Flight attendants do nothing for me. What they are in does." OG: ".... Uh huh." LOL. Only my fiance.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sweetpea03 Posted January 3, 2011 Share Posted January 3, 2011 Exaclty. It's that whole different mindset. CS never wavered in his decision to chose me over the baby. A mother is always going to want to protect her child while the father will be thinking of both of them. Even my own MOTHER when I breached the subject with her told me she would want CS to pick me over the baby! I was like 'what? You are a mother!" She was like, "Exactly. You are my child. Your life will always come before anyone else's. You can have more children OG, there is only one of you." V had no hesitation to pick me over the baby when I asked him. He said we can always have more children, but I can't get another you. I really don't know what I would want in that situation. I'm very protective and always want what is best for others, but I don't know. I guess I really won't know unless it happens and I pray it never does. Hope you feel better!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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