hers Posted April 27, 2012 Share Posted April 27, 2012 I feel like a jerk for even thinking it. I certainly don't wish it but even thinking about it makes me feel like an ass. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OptomisticGirl Posted April 27, 2012 Author Share Posted April 27, 2012 Don't feel like a jerk! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Seraphim Posted April 27, 2012 Share Posted April 27, 2012 That you would not mind distance so much or that you like your space? There is nothing wrong with wanting your space. There is also nothing wrong with being territorial when you have had space. It is entirely human nature. My husband is like a dip stick when he comes home too. Watching sports and leaving the seat up and cupboards open all over the house and barking orders because he lived with all men for so long. It took HIM a while too to be part of a family again not a guy who thinks he lives in a frat house. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fudgie Posted April 27, 2012 Share Posted April 27, 2012 I think it's normal and natural to want your space. N has come to visit me several times. He has had a few school breaks and was able to get a week free so guess what, he stayed up with me for a week. Times are hard on him at home, so I am fine with him travelling the distance to see me. And even in those conditions, I need my space! Lol, we are LD (only 200 miles though) a good portion of the time, but staying with someone for an entire week, in 10' by 8' room, on a bed only built for a single person...it can be a bit much. No biggie though. We took our "time" by just laying on the bed together with our respective laptops. I played some games by myself and we didn't say too much but we were near each other. That's enough for me. We are both BIG talkers so I definitely need that "breather" time, even for a couple hours each day. Nothing to feel bad or jerkish about. It's normal and healthy to have "me" time. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
redrose85 Posted April 27, 2012 Share Posted April 27, 2012 Right now I have plenty of “me” time during the day when he’s at work. I do enjoy it but around 3-4 pm everyday I get a little excited that he’ll be home soon Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
superfox Posted April 27, 2012 Share Posted April 27, 2012 Oh, you've been away from your husband for 24 hours? How hard. OG! You've gone and caught English sarcasm! That made me laugh! It's been only a week for me and he's only a train ride away (i'm going tonight, woohoo!) but every time i feel sorry for myself i think how amazing you're doing. Just goes to show how strong you two are together x An ex of mine would work 3 weeks away then home for 3 weeks. When he came home the first week was all exciting, the second week was all settled down and by the thrid week i'd be packing his bags for his next trip way ahead of time! Haha, never loved him though Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OptomisticGirl Posted April 27, 2012 Author Share Posted April 27, 2012 ^ lol, it was bound to rub off with my husband How long will you guys Be apart? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
redrose85 Posted April 27, 2012 Share Posted April 27, 2012 We’re terrible at being apart. I wonder if we’d do better now that we’re older... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OptomisticGirl Posted April 27, 2012 Author Share Posted April 27, 2012 I stayed up until about 4 am last night (a whole 24 hours). Had a blast with the pseudo family though! I so needed this time away from home and work. I miss my husband though. Coming here always gives me mixed emotions. On the one hand I'm glad for the break of work and everyday home life but on the other, since I've brought L here and spent time with him here, it always gives me a slight melancholy when I come and he's not with me. I guess it's just another thing were I realize if he were here he'd be coming with me and spending the time with me and he's not which is obvious because of the distance... just one of those things. My uncle, his wife, and a friend had to go to a funeral today so I volunteered to sweep, mop, and vacume while they were gone for the party tomorrow. Already got all that done and am now sat down playing around on the computer. Face Timed with L for a little bit before I cleaned. We are both just so ready to know what's going to happen and everything. I've actually been working on my novel some as well. Nothing new - just moving stuff from paper onto the laptop - but it always amazes me, for some reason, that I can go months and months without touching it but the second I do touch it I feel that passion to try to make it work. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OptomisticGirl Posted April 27, 2012 Author Share Posted April 27, 2012 We’re terrible at being apart. I wonder if we’d do better now that we’re older... I def. couldn't have done this apart time a few years ago. At all. I was in no way in the mindset to do so or emotionally ready. I mean, you are never emotionally ready but more emotionally mature I suppose. It is taxing. The first year of marriage is hard to begin with and then add the distance stresser PLUS the visa stress to us and it's a stressful first year. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OptomisticGirl Posted April 28, 2012 Author Share Posted April 28, 2012 I am so lucky to have my husband. I know he isn't perfect and he has his flaws but I really am lucky to have him. God knows I'm not perfect as well. Sometimes I can get so wrapped up in the negative - even one singular negative - that I forget all the positives. Must work on that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
redrose85 Posted April 28, 2012 Share Posted April 28, 2012 Definitely stressful. I’m toying with the idea of applying for a reporter position in the Yukon. It would be a new experience for me and some new scenery. As much as we want to avoid being apart, we’re starting to see that it could very well happen, and if it does, it will be okay. I’ve been thinking about going to work as a housekeeper at a nice resort on the west coast because it’s 40 hours a week and there is on-site living. I could spend my summer up there getting a breather and he could come and see me on weekends at the beach It’s not a bad option for now, really. It could be a lot of fun after-hours. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OptomisticGirl Posted April 30, 2012 Author Share Posted April 30, 2012 1 more month and hopefully this anxiety will be gone... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OptomisticGirl Posted May 1, 2012 Author Share Posted May 1, 2012 I go back to work tomorrow - poo. I so don't want to and on the other hand I do. I hate not having a structured work schedule so while the time off is great and well needed, I miss the daily ins and outs of the job. Knowing I have to do x, y, and z or fixing problems. I even miss the stress a little, lol. My next day off is Friday so not to bad! L and I were able to talk about him moving here without it bringing up my anxiety today on my 2 hour drive home. I've been working on that (the anxiety) because it truly is having a negative effect on us as a couple. I'm shorter than normal, more prone to temper... and while L is use to that the frequency and strength with which it's happening is not normal. We had a long hear to heart talk Friday afternoon and it really helped reground me. I've never really experienced anxiety before in my life and to be honest I'm not even sure what I'm experiencing IS anxiety but that's the best word I know to describe the emotions that come up. I know it's all tied into me being a control freak and our LD situation (all of which I talked to Sherry about the other night) - it's just a lot of variables that are together and I'm not doing as well as I normally do in picking each variable out, working on it, and then moving onto the next one. I'm trying to work on ALL of them at once and that's just adding to the stress and anxiety. I just need a recharge. I feel like if I could just see him or hug him I'd feel re-energized and get a second wind under me. Sept is still a ways away (132 days, actually) but it just goes all back to the many variables. I haven't written in here this week much because I've been trying to shift through those variables on my own (that and I haven't done much to write about, lol!). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
90_hour_sleep Posted May 1, 2012 Share Posted May 1, 2012 honestly...i don't know how you two do it. i spent six months apart from my one girlfriend. but that was after we'd been living together for 3 years. i can't even fathom the unexpected stresses that you must face with the distance. but then...i suppose that's a part of relating with someone...of marriage. bonds are meant to stretch...and bend. they gain strength that way! you should start smoking, OG. it's great for anxiety! ha. kidding of course. 132 days. it'll be here in no time. :S Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OptomisticGirl Posted May 1, 2012 Author Share Posted May 1, 2012 One day at a time pretty much, Sleep. I think the two biggest stresses for my anxiety are a) the fact we have no control over who gets to move were, other people are getting to decide that and it's going against EVERYTHING in me as a control freak and b) we've been married almost 7 months now. I see other people who have been married the same time we are get to truly start their lives together as a married couple and do all the things they want to do whereas we are kind of just stuck in limbo. I mean, it's obviously something I have dealt with our entire relationship being LD in seeing other couples together but it's different somehow now that we are married (seeing others do things we can't, I mean). I don't know why it's different but it is. It's more prevalant to me now than it was before. Before it never bothered me unless it was a holiday or a huge milestone and it was just kind of in my face that 'hey, you can't do this with your fiance!'. Nowadays it's like a constant thought stream. lol! If I had the money I'd buy me a Flute and pick playing it back up. Music - playing it, as least - always calmed me down. It will. It's only 4 more months until the trip which isn't long at all really. Just gotta put my head down and trudge on through! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
90_hour_sleep Posted May 1, 2012 Share Posted May 1, 2012 you've started your lives together. you just haven't done it in the most ordinary way. just another part of your story together! i remember being separated for long periods of time...and experiencing a sort of emptiness because of it. some sort of void...a longing almost. tough to stop looking around at others. there was always faith in the connection though. and in the end...there was a far greater appreciation for time spent together when the separations ended. there's always a silver lining. could it really be any other way? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OptomisticGirl Posted May 1, 2012 Author Share Posted May 1, 2012 We have in the emotoinal sense, yes. Physically we are limbo. It's def. going to be an interesting story to tell the kids and grandkids! Yes, emptiness and void describe it perfectly. And I def. do still have faith in us. Of anything in my life that's been the one, constant thing I've held faith in. I mean as much anxiety and stress as our situation is causing me, I wouldn't trade it for any other. Strange, isn't that? But I wouldn't. Because as you said, I know the time apart will help us apprectiate the time together more, will remind us not to take that time for granted. There is, and I'm always looking for them - hence the username. And I know the silver lining in this scenario. I suppose I'm just having a hard time accepting it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
90_hour_sleep Posted May 1, 2012 Share Posted May 1, 2012 I mean as much anxiety and stress as our situation is causing me, I wouldn't trade it for any other. Strange, isn't that? no...it's not strange at all. that's a bit of acceptance in itself. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OptomisticGirl Posted May 1, 2012 Author Share Posted May 1, 2012 no...it's not strange at all. that's a bit of acceptance in itself. Very true. Very wise Sleep. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OptomisticGirl Posted May 2, 2012 Author Share Posted May 2, 2012 First day back at work in a week went pretty good! Boss messed the schedule up and I had someone there with me tonight - which was strange since I'm use to working the shift alone! - but it made for an easy return. Watch tomorrow go to Hell and a hand basket! They had a little silver thing going on at work and I snagged two pieces of jewelry for $10, a light blue watch and dangling butterfly earrings: image removed image removed I was having the anxiety feelings again today but I talked it through with a friend and it helped. Gave me a small second wind and oddly enough reminded me of the Feb incident were I was trying to control when things happened and the Universe showed me it had other plans. I'll still worry about it - simply because that is who I am - but I just need to have faith. If in nothing else, in us. And really look deep into why I feel this way and so strongly. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HeartGoesOn Posted May 2, 2012 Share Posted May 2, 2012 I want those earrings, OG! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OptomisticGirl Posted May 2, 2012 Author Share Posted May 2, 2012 I want those earrings, OG! I love butterflies! I saw them and were like 'oh yeah, those are mine. $5? They are DEF mine!' lol! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Huntress0527 Posted May 2, 2012 Share Posted May 2, 2012 I love butterflies too! I was really into them and frogs when I was younger. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OptomisticGirl Posted May 2, 2012 Author Share Posted May 2, 2012 I love collecting butterfly decorations for spring time. Other then that I collect dolphines and fairies. I woke up with heart burn. Blah. Pretty sure pizza gives me heart burn now (as I woke up with it a few times while I was off when I had a few slices). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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