OptomisticGirl Posted March 29, 2012 Author Share Posted March 29, 2012 Something I have really wondered about in the ER is that you do have to take care of a lot of "bad" people. I mean, nasty people...people who abuse their kids...known local sex offenders/convicted rapists, etc. I admire my mom for taking care of them when she could just as easily say "f you" or give them subpar care that would give them pain later, pain that (let's admit it) they probably do deserve. But she doesn't. I really admire her for that. I've had to take care of some pretty crappy people in hospice and did just fine but not on the same level that she does, ya know? It must eat her up a little bit. I've never thought of it that way tbh. Hm. I don't know if I could do it tbh (working were you encounter those types of people and have their lives in your hand) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thejigsup Posted March 29, 2012 Share Posted March 29, 2012 It's just not done here. Gardeners are dirt cheap. For $50 per month, they mow your yard, rake the leaves, trim your hedges, etc.... When I was a kid, we kids were the gardeners. Not anymore. NO ONE does their own yard work anymore out here. Now some people have gardens and those some people take care of themselves. But run-of-the-mill yard work? Nope. About giving service to crappy people? Yeah, that's hard. When I was a legal secretary, being nice to rapists or unfaithful husbands was hard, but they were clients and I had to do be nice to them, it was part of my job, and not a fun part of it! One time and guy came in and dumped about 10 kilos of cocaine on the desk and asked if we would take that in trade for his legal fees. That time I was allowed to show the gentleman the door and tell him not to let it hit him where the Good Lord split him! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
renaissancewoman101 Posted March 29, 2012 Share Posted March 29, 2012 I think this is mostly a West Coast thing. When I lived in the Midwest, most people mowed their own lawns, shoveled their own driveways (in winter), even people who were wealthy. In CA, it seems everybody hires out their lawncare. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Circe Posted March 29, 2012 Share Posted March 29, 2012 Our birthdays are two days apart!!! Oh my god.. your card was amazing.. "but I also know this is it" - what a romantic ;-) I've always wanted one of those monster massive cards.. you lucky thing!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Circe Posted March 29, 2012 Share Posted March 29, 2012 Oh my gosh.. I am so sorry to hear about your grandmother OG. The circumstances make this so much more difficult than it would already be. I too had/have anger over how my grandfather died (the family wanted to turn the machine sustaining him REALLY, REALLY quickly and in the end - they'd scheduled it for 5pm so my uncle, his son could come from work to be there, but something happened and they said he officially died without us having to do anything about an hour before that scheduled time, before my uncle could come. I always felt like he somehow knew what everyone was saying/thinking and he wanted to save us the burden of doing it so he let go - obviously I can't know that's true and it seems weird but I FEEL that way and I'm sooo dissappointed and angry at how quick they were to give him up). Its very hard when people dont behave the way they should towards your loved ones in cases like this. Death is so final and there's nothing left to do but remember them and keep loving them in your heart and keep them alive in your heart. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Circe Posted March 29, 2012 Share Posted March 29, 2012 My sister is calling her doctor tomorrow and telling him what they told her (since they told her to her face). And that's the fact that makes me sick. They COULD afford her meds (she was on medicaid) they just refused to give them to her. They had her meds physically in their hands and was not giving her all of them. I felt like with my grandfather - they didnt WANT him to come back because it might have meant him coming back with a big disability and needing a lot of care and they would have preferred a clean death. I feel like that's what happened. It's a very, very, very hard thing to come to terms with - your parents thinking that way or thinking anything similar and not doing 100% of what they can. It's just now how love's meant to work is it? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OptomisticGirl Posted March 29, 2012 Author Share Posted March 29, 2012 Our birthdays are two days apart!!! Oh my god.. your card was amazing.. "but I also know this is it" - what a romantic ;-) I've always wanted one of those monster massive cards.. you lucky thing!! lol, we don't even sell them that big here - unless it's like a cheaper card. All English cards are massive for some reason! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OptomisticGirl Posted March 29, 2012 Author Share Posted March 29, 2012 I felt like with my grandfather - they didnt WANT him to come back because it might have meant him coming back with a big disability and needing a lot of care and they would have preferred a clean death. I feel like that's what happened. It's a very, very, very hard thing to come to terms with - your parents thinking that way or thinking anything similar and not doing 100% of what they can. It's just now how love's meant to work is it? No, it's not. Especially to a woman who went through so much in her life. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
redrose85 Posted March 29, 2012 Share Posted March 29, 2012 Is it wrong that I’m still bitter that Alex never signed my birthday card? LOL It’s one of those long sappy cards, but he never had time to sign it or write anything in it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thejigsup Posted March 29, 2012 Share Posted March 29, 2012 I don't bother with cards, so very few people get a card from me. I wouldn't be too upset. At least you got a card. None of my bf's have ever gotten one. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thejigsup Posted March 29, 2012 Share Posted March 29, 2012 I felt like with my grandfather - they didnt WANT him to come back because it might have meant him coming back with a big disability and needing a lot of care and they would have preferred a clean death. I feel like that's what happened. It's a very, very, very hard thing to come to terms with - your parents thinking that way or thinking anything similar and not doing 100% of what they can. It's just now how love's meant to work is it? Personally, I wouldn't want to come back with huge disabilities. There are some things worse than death in my book. I agree it was a bit quick, but the alternative might have been much worse. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fudgie Posted March 29, 2012 Share Posted March 29, 2012 Personally, I wouldn't want to come back with huge disabilities. There are some things worse than death in my book. I agree it was a bit quick, but the alternative might have been much worse. This is my grandparents both got DNRs at the age of 60+. and I know that I will do the same when/if I am that age someday. My grandma is DNR too. If she were to just stop breathing or go into cardiac arrest, we would not try to and save her. That is not what she wants and, thankfully, that's not what we want for her either. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OptomisticGirl Posted March 29, 2012 Author Share Posted March 29, 2012 Cards are a must for me. Even if we exchange no gifts, we get cards. I can see L having a DNR. I'm not sure if I would or not. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fudgie Posted March 29, 2012 Share Posted March 29, 2012 Cards are a must for me. Even if we exchange no gifts, we get cards. I can see L having a DNR. I'm not sure if I would or not. I wouldn't have one now due to age. When you're young and healthy, it's easy. You can be resuscitated and not have issues. I think I would get a DNR at around 55, esp if my bones seem to be brittle, if I am healthier, then def 60+, I would get one. Older people without DNRs who are resuscitated often do not bounce back. Many times, they have suffered broken ribs and problems from the actual resuscitation. They sometimes need feeding tubes and ventilators. so basically, it's very expensive, painful, they can't do anything, and they waste away. I would encourage all older folks to look into having DNRs because of the consequences of not having one and then having a horrible end as a result. At a huge expense to the family too. Is it worth to be alive for just a couple more months, drugged up and hooked up to machines, and then having the family stuck with the bill when you are gone? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OptomisticGirl Posted March 30, 2012 Author Share Posted March 30, 2012 Rant. There is a new guy at work. He's in his 50/60's. Really nice, does his job and does it well. No complaints about his job - however he does my biggest pet peeve EVER. Now, in my job we life some heavy butt bags. I mean the equal to having a dead body in them heavy and we have to pick them up and usually throw them into a bin that is taller than we are. Takes some strength (or a lot of grunting I suppose). Anyway, every time I've been picking those kinds of bags up (or doing ANYTHING other than moving a pen) this guy steps in, takes the bag from me, and finishes what I was doing. Now for most this would not be an issue but for me, it's a huge pet peeve. If you want to help me ask me. If I say no then leave me to it. If I say yes, obviously help. DO NOT just step in and take over when I'm doing something heavy simply because I have boobs and a vagina. Nothing irratates me more. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Seraphim Posted March 30, 2012 Share Posted March 30, 2012 I don't think he is doing it because of that OG. I think he is being kind. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OptomisticGirl Posted March 30, 2012 Author Share Posted March 30, 2012 I don't think he is doing it because of that OG. I think he is being kind. I understand that but he's being kind because I'm a WOMAN. Not because I physically can't do it or because I ask for help, simply because I'm a woman. There was a man helping us today and he never once stepped in and just helped that guy but did it to all the rest of us (who are women). I have nothing against kindness but I do have a problem with it when it's given to me only because of my gender. I don't even like men to hold doors open for me... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Seraphim Posted March 30, 2012 Share Posted March 30, 2012 Do not mistake kindness for sexism OG. It is not the same thing. Because women have become so in your face to men when they are kind men are now rude and a holish. It is not something I enjoy for sure. Accepting kindness takes nothing and it makes the day of both people. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fudgie Posted March 30, 2012 Share Posted March 30, 2012 Do you think he is doing it because of your gender though? I've known people to help out with heavy things if they see that the other person (regardless of gender) is struggling with the weight a little. It sounds like it's a difficult task and if he's muscular and quite strong, he may be more apt to help others with the bags REGARDLESS of the gender, because he may have an easier time with that task than others. I sometimes I have trouble picking up things and don't mind help, from males or females. Nothing wrong with having a guy get a door for you either, as long as you do it for him too. N gets doors for me very often, but I also get them for him. I say "thank you" when he gets the door for me and he just beams. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OptomisticGirl Posted March 30, 2012 Author Share Posted March 30, 2012 Do not mistake kindness for sexism OG. It is not the same thing. Because women have become so in your face to men when they are kind men are now rude and a holish. It is not something I enjoy for sure. Accepting kindness takes nothing and it makes the day of both people. I understand it's a thin line and many times I have to step back and rethink the events from another angle to make sure I'm not misthinking it. All he has to do is ask me if I need help. If I need it I'm more than willing to say yes (I'd rather not throw my back out and have asked for help before) but to just swoop in and literally take the bag out of my hand without ever saying a word automatically registers to me as sexism. Especially when a guy right next to me was lifting the same kinds of bags (and is actually older than our new guy) and the new guy never offered to help or never swooped in to help. I love kindness (I live in the South,, hospitality is in our blood) but there's a fine line. Do you think he is doing it because of your gender though? I've known people to help out with heavy things if they see that the other person (regardless of gender) is struggling with the weight a little. It sounds like it's a difficult task and if he's muscular and quite strong, he may be more apt to help others with the bags REGARDLESS of the gender, because he may have an easier time with that task than others. I would agree but he's not more muscular and he himself struggles with the bags more than I do - and I'm over weight and chugging these big heavers in. It's just a huge pet peeve of mine. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Seraphim Posted March 30, 2012 Share Posted March 30, 2012 I do not see a fine line at all between sexism and kindness. I can tell which is which very easily. I do know the more abrasive we become with men shoving their kindness back down their throats the more jerky they are going to become. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OptomisticGirl Posted March 30, 2012 Author Share Posted March 30, 2012 I do not see a fine line at all between sexism and kindness. I can tell which is which very easily. I do know the more abrasive we become with men shoving their kindness back down their throats the more jerky they are going to become. I agree, but all I'm asking is to ASK first. Not to ask before you literally rip the bag out of my hand comes accross as sexism when it properly isn't. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fudgie Posted March 30, 2012 Share Posted March 30, 2012 I do agree with you OG....perhaps it would be more tactful of him to ask you if he can help or just take half of the bag himself so you lift it together, rather than ripping it out of your hands. I do think he means well though, even though it's peeving you. Are you going to do anything? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OptomisticGirl Posted March 30, 2012 Author Share Posted March 30, 2012 I do agree with you OG....perhaps it would be more tactful of him to ask you if he can help or just take half of the bag himself so you lift it together, rather than ripping it out of your hands. I do think he means well though, even though it's peeving you. Are you going to do anything? It honestly wouldn't have bothered me if he had asked. I've walked up 3 flights of stiars to find one of our guys because I knew I couldn't lift one of those bags - it's just the whole taking it from me without a word irratates me. I think he does to (which is why I won't say anything), just bite my tongue and carry on. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OptomisticGirl Posted March 30, 2012 Author Share Posted March 30, 2012 I need to stop being a fat ass - I'm 23 (24 next Sunday, yikers!). Don't feel particularly like a hot and sexy wife at this point. Blah. I'm having a fat night. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.