Circe Posted March 16, 2012 Share Posted March 16, 2012 Oddly enough I don't feel guilty. Strange isn't it? I mean I'll miss her... I'm going to teach her how to use it before I move. she knew I wouldn't be able to come back so soon after moving - she still maintains a year after I move we will be back here - I had to gently tell her tonight that even if I were to want to, we couldn't afford to that soon after moving. Because that helps, right? Yeah.. I was going to say.. I thought I could remember you having this conversation with her before. Sounds like a lot of wishful thinking and not hearing what she doesn't want to hear on her part Oh well, probably can't blame her. I have no idea what it feels like to be a parent when your child flies the nest permanently into her own marriage but I'm sure it's very sad in many ways.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OptomisticGirl Posted March 16, 2012 Author Share Posted March 16, 2012 Yeah.. I was going to say.. I thought I could remember you having this conversation with her before. Sounds like a lot of wishful thinking and not hearing what she doesn't want to hear on her part Oh well, probably can't blame her. I have no idea what it feels like to be a parent when your child flies the nest permanently into her own marriage but I'm sure it's very sad in many ways.. I'm sure it is, especially since my brother graduates this year as well so it's like a two for one kill shot. I try to be sympathetic but she has to realize unless she's flying over there, I won't be back for about 3-4 years, if that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thejigsup Posted March 16, 2012 Share Posted March 16, 2012 I flew with my son cross country when he was about 11 months old. He had no problems, slept or played the whole way. Most babies are fine. It's the odd ones that make a fuss that get all the headlines. I still wouldn't do it. We were only in the air about 5-6 hours. I think it's just a little longer transatlantic. The older kids get, the more they HATE to sit still. I would not have flown when he was two, they just can't sit still at that age. I would wait until they are 5 or 6 and they can sit for longer periods of time. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
annie24 Posted March 16, 2012 Share Posted March 16, 2012 i think every child is different and you'll know from their temperament if they would behave on a long flight or not. I know some kids who are super chill and can fall asleep standing up. and then others who would probably get kicked off a flight. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
redrose85 Posted March 16, 2012 Share Posted March 16, 2012 ^ I was going to say. Certain kids are fine, others, no way. As a parent, you’ll know. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
civilservant Posted March 16, 2012 Share Posted March 16, 2012 Recycled air- bad food- and the fact that in any potential accident there's no way a body that size would survive a 100G stop. That an the fact that I've been flying all my life, and crying children on flights drive me crazy. Nope; the children are grounded until their 2nd birthday Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fudgie Posted March 16, 2012 Share Posted March 16, 2012 I agree with you on flying with children thing. I'd probably wait until they are a tad older. When they start to cry, it's hard because you can't GO anywhere. And yeah, the crying babies on airplanes drives me crazy too, esp when the flight is a long international one. At least when they are a bit older, they are more manageable and you can keep them entertained on a flight, versus an infant who is hard to distract and you're subject to his whims, lol. I think it's really up to your mother to come see you. I'd understand if she had a traumatic flight experience but she's NEVER flown at all. That's like saying "I hate vegetables but I've never, ever consumed one." I think she needs to just do it. It shouldn't be up to you to do all the traveling, especially in the beginning. That doesn't seem fair. She needs to understand that it's MORE expensive to fly over a family from the UK to see her, when she can be the courteous one and fly over alone to see you. Maybe she could look online into some "desensitization" sites for getting over phobias, like flying. Ending with a flight simulator online or something. She drives right? You're waaaay more likely to be killed in a car than in a plane. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OptomisticGirl Posted March 16, 2012 Author Share Posted March 16, 2012 Yeah, I've tried telling her the statistics - that your more likely to die in a car crash because the amount of time you are in a car, millions of flights take off around the world every day with only a hand full of accidents per year... she just refuses. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fudgie Posted March 16, 2012 Share Posted March 16, 2012 Maybe she will be forced to go once she knows that you're not wanting to make that trip back home. I mean, she wants to see her grandkids, right? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OptomisticGirl Posted March 16, 2012 Author Share Posted March 16, 2012 Yep, but to her her fear of flying is greater than that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fudgie Posted March 16, 2012 Share Posted March 16, 2012 Sad...kind of ticks me off that she wants you to be the one to have to haul the whole family back to see her. Granted, you're going to go visit the US sometime but it's expensive to fly 4+ versus 1. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OptomisticGirl Posted March 16, 2012 Author Share Posted March 16, 2012 Yeah. L and I have talked about it and there will def. be times (more often than not) when it's just me and the kids flying back because of the cost, especially if she doesn't fly over. And if someone dies, it'll only be me flying back over - but I won't fly over funerals so that doesn't have to happen right away. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OptomisticGirl Posted March 16, 2012 Author Share Posted March 16, 2012 So hot today... Looking forward to my little chicken pot pie today! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dangletsbang Posted March 16, 2012 Share Posted March 16, 2012 I've never flown but I doubt i'll ever fly with Hayden until he's like 10..even then i'm not sure. Hayden is THAT child that can make a easy situation into mission impossible. It's almost like he can sense that I'm hoping he doesn't have a tantrum or do that whole 'collapse every bone/muscle in my body thing so i'm dead weight for mommy' thing. Everyone on the flight would shut Hayden and I in a empty compartment or something. He's so dramatic..it would be terrible, lol. We went shopping last saturday at a big outlet mall..Hayden was fine in the first store..next store, he started getting a little whiney..next store, all hell broke loose..for no reason!! Crying, tantrums..he said "no, no, noooooooo!!!" probably 100 times. Finally I was like 'o...m....g..i'm going to sit in the truck with him.' and he was perfectly okay. I'm like "uh, do you just not want me do anything..?" lol! I see the pros and cons on both sides for younger kids vs. older. Babies sleep more, aren't as mobile, don't take much to be entertained..but the pressure changes and stuff would probably be very traumatizing to a baby..every kid is different though.. I'm glad I don't fly so I don't have to worry about that. Your mom will miss you, OG and will eventually come around/to terms with flying to visit you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
annie24 Posted March 16, 2012 Share Posted March 16, 2012 I feel like your mom hasn't always been there for you OG. I'm really sorry about that. It's really her own shortcoming. I know you will be a better mother. Sorry if this all sounds horribly harsh. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OptomisticGirl Posted March 16, 2012 Author Share Posted March 16, 2012 It's okay Annie. She's been there when I needed her... Except that one all important time, and I think that will always effect our relationship in some way or form. I mean... I dunno. I didn't have her in my teenager years (she moved out of state and dad ha primary custody) so she wasnt an active part so to speak. I couldn't just turn to her when I had a problem or anything female related, so I learned how to be without her physically there. Emotionally she's done pretty good about being there but I just got use to her not being there physically I don't need her physically there. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OptomisticGirl Posted March 16, 2012 Author Share Posted March 16, 2012 Dang - that is My nephew to a T, lol. He will break into tears over the smallest thing, I was shocked he remained silent and okay trough our wedding ceremony! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hers Posted March 16, 2012 Share Posted March 16, 2012 I feel like this is one of those times where people pleasing OG has come through for others so many times that they are still expecting it to happen when you move. So she can stay in her "phobia" long enough till you make the move to be the one to fly over. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OptomisticGirl Posted March 16, 2012 Author Share Posted March 16, 2012 That's actually How I felt. I even said 'we already have to put off starting a family for 2 years because of things we have to do, we'd like to start a family before L is 30.' I love my family but I am not putting off kids just to spend $2,000 to fly back. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hers Posted March 16, 2012 Share Posted March 16, 2012 Rem your kids bday parties. Let that be your driving force Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OptomisticGirl Posted March 16, 2012 Author Share Posted March 16, 2012 It's a nice driving force. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OptomisticGirl Posted March 17, 2012 Author Share Posted March 17, 2012 went to the gym after work, had a nice 30 minute treadmill work out. About half way through I had to take my hair down because i could feel a headache coming on, def made me sweat more. Got home and made spaghetti for dinner - mmmm! - and apparently after eating my headache has decided to return, blah. On the way home from work my mom told me she wanted me to get my baby book back from my dad. *groan* I'd really rather NOT talk to him every again but she's insistent that I get it, my original birth certificate and all my band awards before I move to England. I highly doubt the old man even knows were they are tbh or would even give them up without a fight. Just another encounter I really don't want to have... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hers Posted March 17, 2012 Share Posted March 17, 2012 Why can't she get it? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OptomisticGirl Posted March 17, 2012 Author Share Posted March 17, 2012 Because when I was a teenager (and though I knew everything) I asked her for the baby book which holds my origianl birth certificate (the long forum kind like I just had to pay to get again). Also has pictures and all that baby stuff info... so she gave it to me and then when I left home at 17 my dad refused to give it to me - among other things like my high school ring (which mom paid half of), my cap and gown (I had to borrow a friend's sister in order to graduate), my band awards, etc. So mom's theory is since i asked for it even though she told me not to because she knew what my dad would do with it (okay, I'll give her that one) I should be the one to get the stuff back. And I think some where she thinks I can still play on that 'daddy's little girl' card vs. her ex wife card. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Firiel Posted March 17, 2012 Share Posted March 17, 2012 I think it's unrealistic of your mom to expect you to visit your abusive father and ask for something he may not even give up. I don't think you should feel pressured to do it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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