OG's Random Ramblings

[OptomisticGirl]

Wow - drop dead gorgeous

 

Awwww, thank you Indigo!

[OptomisticGirl]

Oh! I also got a Christmas bonus from work! Woohooo! Almost $100 too. That was awesome. Means I can pay for my car repairs myself and I don't have to worry about running out of gas before Tues. I also have to get a co worker that I drew for secret Santa a gift before the department Christmas party Tues. I also picked up mom's gift, a pair of sweat pants and sweat shirt. Said it's what she wanted. I may try to pick her up another pair since the pants are shirt are $6 each, not bad. My brother I'm going to pay for his xbox subscription for a month. Figured he wouldn't mind. I also got to pick Chloe and Tyler something up, a few toys.

[Fudgie]

I love the tiara!!! wow, only 15 dollars? That's a steal!

 

OG, I wouldn't worry about the PCOS thing. Roughyl around 10% of women have it, or 1 in 10. I'm one of them. I only know 2 other people in my life who have it, although there may be a couple other women who have it.

 

PCOS has been documented since ancient Greek times. Hippocrates once commented on the prescence of some women, who had strange hair, were larger, and were not able to bear any children. He didn't know why they couldn't, just something he obeserved. Now, we believe that this was PCOS.

 

If you've been regular since forever, I don't think you ahve it. I've been irregular since I was 11 (I got my period then) and it's been horrid since. I'm "apple shaped" with my weight, it collects in the middle. I have a lot of problems with ovarian pain, weird soft hair on my chest, stuff like that. Honestly, getting my hormones checked out (I went to an endocrinologist) and finding out the problem was the best thing ever.

 

Anyway yeah, I doubt you have it, OG.

[OptomisticGirl]

I know, and I know I probably don't. Control freak in me though, lol.

 

Yeah, I have always had a period since i started when I was 10 and really the only sympton that got me scared was the weight thing, that's were all my weight has gone, my stomach. I don't have any period pain though, aside from cramps. I'm flipping out over nothing, I know. Couldn't check for it anyway until I'm in England.

[Fudgie]

Even if you DID have it and caught it in England, you'd be way better off than most women. Many I know are not diagnosed until they are in their 30s and trying to have kids. By then, many are VERY, VERY overweight and it's not good at all.

 

But yeah, I doubt you have it. I think losing the weight would allow you get pregnant more quickly and more healthy too!

[OptomisticGirl]

Yeah, I def. found my desire to lose weight for real now. Tues. before the Christmas party I'm going to join the hospital gym. $20 a month there is no reason for me not to and I think if I just cut back on eating too huge of portions and exercise, it'll help.

[Fudgie]

Try out some calorie counters on your phone (I have an Android one too and there are sooo many free ones out there!) and count EVERYTHING that you put into your mouth, not including water, calorie-free drinks (this will encourage you to cut back on soda), sugar-free gum, and toothpaste.

[OptomisticGirl]

I hate counting calories. >.

[Fudgie]

Me too! It sucks.

 

But if you do it, not keeping a "limit", you WILL eat less because you will become more conscious about it.

 

See, the apps allow you to just search for food so you don't even have to look the packags. The one I have even includes all these brands and fast foods so it's sooo easy. The only time I look at packages for nutrition info is to check the sugar content and the protein content.

[OptomisticGirl]

Yeah, im using the one cslled my fitness pal. Not too bad. Is losing a pound a week a reasonable goal?

 

I also signed up for the gym today. So now that im paying for it, Ill use it because its who i an, lol. I'm going to start sat before work.

[OptomisticGirl]

Yeah, im using the one cslled my fitness pal. Not too bad. Is losing a pound a week a reasonable goal?

 

I also signed up for the gym today. So now that im paying for it, Ill use it because its who i an, lol. I'm going to start sat before work.

[sherryberrypie]

I was a carb hound today Bagel and coffee for breakfast, then chili, a bun, and a donut for lunch (with another coffee). But, I can still wear my blazer that I wore all summer, so I don't think I've gained any weight!

[OptomisticGirl]

I didn't do too bad today. About 2,000 calories. Going to take some discipline mind you.

 

I'm looking forward to the gym though. It's 30 mins away though (As is work) so I'll only be going on the days I work for an hour or so before work to conserve gas. They have some classes there but most are in the morning and it just makes no sense to drive 30 mins there, an hour class, 30 mins back, and then go back to work later on in the day.

[Circe]

Yeah, im using the one cslled my fitness pal. Not too bad. Is losing a pound a week a reasonable goal?

 

 

Losing 0.5% of your body weight per week is a safe and reasonable goal

[Fudgie]

2k a day isn't bad at all.

 

I'm at 1500 a day or so. It's not too bad.

 

You're doing great!

[OptomisticGirl]

Yeah, I think the app said to lose a pound a week it has to be around like 1700 calories. I know I went over it, lol

 

I didn't get to bed til 4 am and just now woke up, had no alarm set or anything. Yet again I have woken up feeling blah.

[OptomisticGirl]

My stuff to scrapbook our NY trip arrived today. Yay! I can somewhat get started on that now.

 

Talked to CS after he got home. It's snowing there (And real snow, not like what we get ) and he sent me a video of it. We were suppose to do date night tonight and watch a movie but we kind of determined that a little late and we can't find a movie that plays instantly on my Netflix that he either has or wants to watch. Go figure.... so I think we are going to try to shoot for next Tues or Wed to watch a movie, maybe split it up to both nights since he has to work. I'm off those days (yes!!!!!!!) but I have the department Christmas party on Tues. Wonderful. Still have to get my secret Santa co worker a gift and the only thing she told me she liked was Christmas stuff. Well...

 

I'm super ready to order my wedding dress. This is the one I'm leaning heavily toward:

link removed

 

You have click on a different color to view the dress because for SOME reason, Amazon thought it brilliant to advertise a white dress on a white background. Go figure.

[Fudgie]

Ooohhh date night with movies over the internet? B and I sometimes do that. Isn't that fun?

I was wondering...what if you shared your netflix password...could you BOTH watch an instant movie at the same time together? Not sure if you can.

[civilservant]

Netflix dosent exist in the UK.

[OptomisticGirl]

It is. We also do it over the xbox while on the phone or on xbox live together.

No, he can't get Netflix over there, apparently it's only an American thing. Go figure. The instant movie wouldn't be a problem, he could just download it but the problem is currently finding something we both like ON instant. Gr.

[Fudgie]

Ohhh that stinks...so a UK user couldn't log in via Netflix to watch. Bummer!!

[OptomisticGirl]

^It is. Would make live simplier, lol

 

 

*sigh*

 

I had another one of my moments today. Being in my head sometimes is not the best place to be. I get in these moods and it's hard to jump right back out of it once I'm in it. And once I'm in it I just keep at it and at it until the mood for whatever reason or another, dissapates and then I'm left feeling like poo because of the way I acted during that mood. I swear I should have been on some form of medication as a child, no lie. It is not normal for a person to act like this. And for the most part I have that under control but every now and then something will happen, usually something small and in now way related to the mood, and it just snowballs. Like today.

 

I completely snowballed a mood on CS. No idea were it started, what gave it ammuniation, but it happened. And I just kept going on, and on, and on, and on until it became an argument. And right at the point I realized I had hurt his feelings was when I the poo feeling started. It's like there is this really big gathering of emotions when I get in one of these moods and I just keep going and going with it and the fall from that mood is like a spiral downward. It sucks. The angerier I am during that mood the more like poo I feel as I'm coming down. Like right now I feel like complete and utter poo. Why do I keep saying the word poo?!

 

Anyway, I was like this with my ex only much, much worse. And that was tied in to the trust issues I had with him over him cheating on me multiple times, it was, but I think to some degree it's also a basic of who I am. I mean, I wouldn't do it if I weren't already doing it before my ex, right? Maybe it was just never as pronounced as then. Either way I swore when CS and I started dating I wouldn't become that person again, that person that picked over every little detail or let it bother her to the point of creating one of these moods. Well, I"m doing it again, and in alarmingly more frequency. Still not as bas as I did when I was with my ex but still, it's more than I want to be doing it. And who gets caught in the dead center of these mood swings? CS.

 

And it really is a testemant to how much the man loves me I suppose. Even during the height of one of my moods (which we have jokingly nicknamed 'crazy OG' moments although to some degree it really isn't joking) he's still hasn't thrown in the towel although God only knows how many times I have pushed and pushed his buttons. He never pushes back or loses his temper. Never has thrown his hands up and quit, he's always stood right there in the middle of it, weathering the storm that is me and after I have blown all my hot air out still loved me, no matter how much of a witch I was to him.

 

He really is the only man that could put up with me for the rest of our lives....

 

So while I feel like poo now I also know I'm loved, uncondtionally, by an awesome man who loves me not only during the good times but even during the bad. I guess that is why I have faith we will make it through anything, and how I know we will survive when most others who doubt us will fall by the wayside. As well Jasper knows mommy feels like poo. The entire time we were arguing he sat at the end of the bed, and once we hung up Jasper stalked over to me and laid down next to me and kept nuzzling my arm.

 

Gah, I love both my boys.

[OptomisticGirl]

FML.

 

So my mom took my car to the mechanic today to fix a leaky hose on it (cost me $30). Apparnelty while fixing it they realized I was leaking anti-freeze out of the plastic side of my radiator which means there is a crack in it somewhere. In the end it would cost more to replace just the side of the radiator because by the time I do that, I'll have to replace the other side as well so the cheaper route is just replacing the whole radiator. The mechanic charges $60 alone to do the job, not counting what it's going to cost me for the part. Sooo yeah. I'm a little ircked right now because despite the fact he said I could just keep anti-freeze in it and everything would be okay, it's got to be fixed, preferably by the time CS comes due to the amount of driving my car will be under. Which means what I was going to spend on my dress, now has to go toward this.

 

This is why I never make a determined decisions because the second I do, something comes up that makes it so I CAN'T do it.

 

F.

[Circe]

I used to have mood swings too - I think it was mostly a defence mechanism - pushing people away so I didnt get hurt again and keeping a big wall around myself. But you really can learn to unlearn that stuff. It takes a bit of time but it's really worth doing. CS sounds like my H in the sense that H too never takes a bad mood out on me or gets angry at me - but my fear was, that unless I acted the same way in return, some day I'd teach him to be like me .. and I didnt want that. So instead, I taught myself to be more like him. It's still not easy but these days I know that when I'm in a bad mood - it's the mood and not him and I can force myself to acknowledge that and watch what I say. Usually, I'll just let him know that I'm feeling like crap for X and X reason (usually dumb reasons but nonetheless) and turn my bad mood into a playful bad mood - so it can be defused really easily. I'm sure you'll find something that works for you and the fact that you can recognise it and know that it's not something that is 'ok' - because it does hurt him and make you feel bad at the end of it all - which means you will work on it and overcome responding that way. It won't happen overnight but I think in time you will stop doing it. It's not one of those things that you can swear you'll never do - and then keep that promise because its become a habit of behaviour (at least, it had with me) - that I had learned over time and could only unlearn over time - so don't beat yourself up too badly when you revert to a certain kind of response or behaviour that you regret.. if you keep working on it and don't give up (and by that, I mean, don't say "well this is just me, thankfully he deals with it so its ok") then I'm certain you will be able to teach yourself not to react that way or take things out on him when feeling crap..

 

I think it's great that you see and appreciate all his great qualities and clearly let him know that too. It's so important to communicate everything they do which is wonderful and which you love about them..

[Circe]

That sux about having to pay the extra money for car repairs.. if you do go with that white dress though - it is an absolute stunner - I would pick that dress if I can redo mine