OptomisticGirl Posted July 26, 2011 Author Share Posted July 26, 2011 I slept very poorly. Mom woke me up at like three to go in her bed and sleep and listen for T. Apparently she had to meet my step dad to pick some chicken up. I kept waking up and every time I did I could feel the pain of a headache. T woke up at 830 and I finally went back to my own bed. Woke up just now and can still feel that headache coming on. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OptomisticGirl Posted July 26, 2011 Author Share Posted July 26, 2011 I just relized I have my rep button back and I am going crazy with it, lol Also, I have the world's best fiancé. Ever. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OptomisticGirl Posted July 27, 2011 Author Share Posted July 27, 2011 Didn't think I would make it to the gym tonight. A migrain hit me about 6 when me and some co workers had lunch. If I had been getting off then I wouldn't have made it but I took some medicine, put my glasses on and took my hair down and it managed to disappear. I'm here now on the treadmill trying not to laugh at my silly co workers, lol. I really like our night shift crew now. Could be because it's all guys except me and I have just always naturally made friends with guys easier. That and all my women co workers are older than me - 40+ - so it's hard to form a friendship there. More of a mothering relationship. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OptomisticGirl Posted July 27, 2011 Author Share Posted July 27, 2011 1.51 miles, 30 mins, 222 calories. I'm very sweaty, lol Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OptomisticGirl Posted July 27, 2011 Author Share Posted July 27, 2011 Our baby image removed Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Firiel Posted July 27, 2011 Share Posted July 27, 2011 So cute! I have kitty fever... I want one so bad right now!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OptomisticGirl Posted July 27, 2011 Author Share Posted July 27, 2011 They def make good companions. It's 9 am and I am up. why? To work a 12 hour shift. ugh. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OptomisticGirl Posted July 27, 2011 Author Share Posted July 27, 2011 Is so ready to be off so I can go to the gym and then home to sleep. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
magnoliatree Posted July 27, 2011 Share Posted July 27, 2011 Cute kitty! I wish I had one! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OptomisticGirl Posted July 28, 2011 Author Share Posted July 28, 2011 An old friend once told me that happiness eludes me. At the time it did. I was with my ex when she made that statement and it was very much the truth. Whenever I thought I had over come the cheating and was happy (or, what I thought was happiness) he did something that ripped it all rightout from underneath me and I was once again left to stand back up and pick up the pieces. Over and over again, it was a vicious cycle. It was a cycle I let myself be a part of and over time I accepted the fact that yes, happiness eluded me. I came to a point were I subconsciously fought not to be happy because if I was I knew that all too familiar feeling would come back and it would be ripped away again. I would land right back on my butt and have to start all over. It was just easier to complain and make problems of every little thing and push that happiness away then to embrace it knowing it wasn't going to last. I didn't end our relationship short term - he broke up with me - but long term I ended it by making the most mature decision of my young 21 years. I walked away. I still remember that moment. We lived together so after we broke up we were both still in the apartment. Of course being the dumpee I begged and pleaded and cried for us to make it work. For the first time in our relstionship he stood his ground to me and said no. I was sat on our bed, crying after a vicious row with him when he came back in and said he would stay until I found someone to move in to take his place. And in that moment, I knew. I knew if he stayed and I stayed, we would get back together. It was the cycle of our relationship and unless one of us ended it we were going to repeat it. So I did. I called my uncle to come get me the following morning and I will forever be grateful that he showed up. Something about having - at the time - the only man I trusted and respected standing there gave me courage that I was doing the right thing, that maybe, just maybe, happiness didn't have to elude me. When I shut that apartment door for the last time I knew I wouldn't be back. At least, not in the way I had been. I did go back with some friends of my uncles to pack my stuff and store it but my ex wasn't there. The day I left that apartment I felt a huge weight come off my shoulders and although I was still hurting, I knew I had done the right thing. What I didn't know was that happiness was just around the bend. Being with L is a world of difference then being with my ex. More importantly, I'm not the same person I was. I still refert back to that person who pushes away happiness at times, afraid of the other shoe falling or the rug being ripped out from underneath me. Once you have a emotional mindset it's very hard to change it. But luckily I found one of the most patient men in the world to love me. Through all my pushing and complaining he's still stood there, showing me happiness is there no matter how hard I try to protect myself against it. And over time he's slowly chipped away at those defenses. I wont say I won't ever not revert back to that as it's really been a pattern my whole life - divorced parents, sexually abused, emotionally abused - even before my ex happiness eluded me. But with L I know it's there to stay. There is no surprise boot falling or rug ripping out from underneath me. It's just him. Remember back when we were suppose to get married in Feb? How I was having such trouble writing that letter to him? I have no trouble writing it this time and I think it's because I'm at a happier place. Not to say I wasn't happy before Feb but the whole Feb thing really taught me that while the universe can throw me curve balls and even rip the rug out from underneath us both, I still have him. And that's a security that only could be taught to me by canceling not only my wedding but our trip to see each other. So I guess I owe the universe a thank you, although I still maintain it could have been done in a less obvious way... So no, happiness no longer eludes me. whatever happens, however we end (divorce or death) the one thing L has taught me is to let go and embrace happiness. So I am. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sherryberrypie Posted July 28, 2011 Share Posted July 28, 2011 That's beautiful, OG. I really can relate as well! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OptomisticGirl Posted July 28, 2011 Author Share Posted July 28, 2011 Thanks Sherry. I went into writer mode there a little bit, lol. On a less sappy note, the book I ordered arrived! I have actually read this book like a million times - Belgarath the Sorcerer by David Eddings but I love this series it's in. My uncle gave me the first 2 books for my 13th birthday - the one I ordered is like a prequel - but by far one of the funnier ones. L is a Lord of the Rings fan like me but he's never read a fantasy novel other than LOTR. I def want him to at least give this series a shot because I love it so much. The main character reminds me a lot of him, actually. Very sarcastic. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sherryberrypie Posted July 28, 2011 Share Posted July 28, 2011 Yay! I hope it's good I've been trying to get into Bronte and Eyre, as well as some fantasy (game of thrones) but I just can't seem to do it. I am reading this great book about a woman in a Russian labour camp in '33 though. Think I'm going to go pick that up now Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OptomisticGirl Posted July 28, 2011 Author Share Posted July 28, 2011 It is. Has all the magic, wizards, and what not that I need, lol. It's def one of the series that influenced my own novel world as I have constructed it over the years. I really can't wait to get L's old lap top so I'm not confined to a tower unit to write on. I was making some good head way in just free writing on my novel but this wedding has completely taken over all my free artistic time. It'll be nice to be married and not have to worry about getting something or another done, I can just pull out my novel or scrapbooking stuff and smile like an idiot for hours, lol. Is it a true story book Sherry or is it one of those set in the period fiction ones? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OptomisticGirl Posted July 28, 2011 Author Share Posted July 28, 2011 I'm exhausted. Long day at work (12 hours) plus my 30 minutes at the gym. I have ate and done my socializing on here and facebook. I'm going to brush my teeth, feed Jasper before he drives me bat crap crazy, and snuggle down with my new book before hitting the sack. Last day of work tomorrow -woohoo! - although it's still up int he air if I'm working Sunday morning on my day off. Boo. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
greywolf Posted July 28, 2011 Share Posted July 28, 2011 It is. Has all the magic, wizards, and what not that I need, lol. It's def one of the series that influenced my own novel world as I have constructed it over the years. I really can't wait to get L's old lap top so I'm not confined to a tower unit to write on. I was making some good head way in just free writing on my novel but this wedding has completely taken over all my free artistic time. It'll be nice to be married and not have to worry about getting something or another done, I can just pull out my novel or scrapbooking stuff and smile like an idiot for hours, lol. Is it a true story book Sherry or is it one of those set in the period fiction ones? I've always wanted to write a book, but I think it's just one of those things that I have to accept that I have no talent at it... >_> Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
90_hour_sleep Posted July 28, 2011 Share Posted July 28, 2011 Thanks Sherry. I went into writer mode there a little bit, lol. On a less sappy note, the book I ordered arrived! I have actually read this book like a million times - Belgarath the Sorcerer by David Eddings but I love this series it's in. My uncle gave me the first 2 books for my 13th birthday - the one I ordered is like a prequel - but by far one of the funnier ones. L is a Lord of the Rings fan like me but he's never read a fantasy novel other than LOTR. I def want him to at least give this series a shot because I love it so much. The main character reminds me a lot of him, actually. Very sarcastic. funny how that stuff stays with you, eh OG. i've never had much interest in re-reading anything...but i'd probably do that entire series again. great stuff. thinking i was probably 13 my first time too. haa! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
90_hour_sleep Posted July 28, 2011 Share Posted July 28, 2011 I've always wanted to write a book, but I think it's just one of those things that I have to accept that I have no talent at it... >_> i think you'd be right at home with a book of proverbs, greywolf. just a feeling though. short and sweet. always clear and to the point. there's ALOT to be said for that. at least...in my book. *shrug* Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OptomisticGirl Posted July 28, 2011 Author Share Posted July 28, 2011 funny how that stuff stays with you, eh OG. i've never had much interest in re-reading anything...but i'd probably do that entire series again. great stuff. thinking i was probably 13 my first time too. haa! You have actually read The Belgaraid series? I have to say I"m shocked. Most people have no clue what series I'm talking about unless it's main stream fantasy like Lord of the Rings. I left all my books in the apartment when I moved out - not on purpose, just didn't grab the box - and it just isn't worth it to contact my ex over so I'm just rebuilding my library back up. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OptomisticGirl Posted July 28, 2011 Author Share Posted July 28, 2011 i think you'd be right at home with a book of proverbs, greywolf. just a feeling though. short and sweet. always clear and to the point. there's ALOT to be said for that. at least...in my book. *shrug* I agree, a book of proverbs sounds great for you GreyWolf. For me, I am my own worst critic. I have wrote 16 chapters and deleted it all but I think it ties in with my form of OCD. When I try to write on this novel I try to write as if it's the final draft, as in I do no editing on it. And you just can't write like that. It's something I have to break myself from and try to free write and go back and edit it. Write a scene from like the end of the book instead of trying to do it all from the beginning to end. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
90_hour_sleep Posted July 28, 2011 Share Posted July 28, 2011 You have actually read The Belgaraid series? I have to say I"m shocked. Most people have no clue what series I'm talking about unless it's main stream fantasy like Lord of the Rings. I left all my books in the apartment when I moved out - not on purpose, just didn't grab the box - and it just isn't worth it to contact my ex over so I'm just rebuilding my library back up. the belgariad...the mallorean...belgarath the sorceror...and polgara the sorceress. i'm the youngest in a family of complete fantasy NUTS!! i just kind of picked away at the stuff after everyone else had. ever read anything by guy gavriel kay? he's got some really good stuff. recall a similar sort of feeling with his books as i did with the david eddings. tad williams was another one. ''memory, sorrow, and thorn'' Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OptomisticGirl Posted July 28, 2011 Author Share Posted July 28, 2011 the belgariad...the mallorean...belgareth the sorceror...and pologara the sorceress. i'm the youngest in a family of complete fantasy NUTS!! i just kind of picked away at the stuff after everyone else had. ever read anything by guy gavriel kay? he's got some really good stuff. recall a similar sort of feeling with his books as i did with the david eddings. tad williams was another one. ''memory, sorrow, and thorn'' This is awesome! Seriously, even the most fanatic fantasy junkies I Know look at me like 'eh?' when I ask them about this series. This just made my night. I grew up around D&D so fantasy was like my barbie dolls growing up, lol I haven't read Polgara's yet. That's the only one but when I re read it I like to start from the prequel and go forward. I actually don't have the belgariad but I restocked my mollorean volumes with those multiple books in one book. I haven't read anything by either of them. Have you ever read Terry Brooks? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
annie24 Posted July 28, 2011 Share Posted July 28, 2011 I was in the scrap booking section of joanne's today and i thought of you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
90_hour_sleep Posted July 28, 2011 Share Posted July 28, 2011 This is awesome! Seriously, even the most fanatic fantasy junkies I Know look at me like 'eh?' when I ask them about this series. This just made my night. I grew up around D&D so fantasy was like my barbie dolls growing up, lol I haven't read Polgara's yet. That's the only one but when I re read it I like to start from the prequel and go forward. I actually don't have the belgariad but I restocked my mollorean volumes with those multiple books in one book. I haven't read anything by either of them. Have you ever read Terry Brooks? lol. this feels like a missing piece of the OG puzzle, yo! new understanding. pretty sure i've got the whole collection in a box around here somewhere. lol...you want em? kinda sad actually. should really get around to letting them go. books are like instruments...they're meant to be engaged! actually...i don't think i've read any terry brooks. i know my dad has...and my mom as well. we actually had a cat named after one of the characters (a cat character!). ''edgewood dirk''...we just called her 'edgy' aw...good memories. what about ''the wheel of time''. i got five books in and quit. lol. apparently it's for only the most hardcore fantasy nuts. you oughta give it a try, OG. sounds like you might fit the bill. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OptomisticGirl Posted July 28, 2011 Author Share Posted July 28, 2011 I was in the scrap booking section of joanne's today and i thought of you. Awww. I want you to know every time I see a cake I think of you, no lie. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.