Circe Posted April 7, 2011 Share Posted April 7, 2011 I don't know.. I totally agree that if you could just see the positives of any situation and let the negatives slide we'd all be happier but sometimes its pretty hard to do. It is great to have a rent free place to live. Some parents wouldnt allow it after a daughter/son turns a certain age. But there are also plenty of parents who wouldnt care what age their child was - the home would always be open (even cost free). It's good not to be on the worst end of the spectrum .. but OG had to leave home so much earlier because of her mum choosing to overlook some pretty enormous issues - once that becomes part of the relationships its got to be hard for other things not to pile up and you end up feeling (wrongly or rightly) like your mother favours the other sibblings more. [For what its worth OG I think your mum loves you to bits and is proud of you and thinks she doesnt need to do as much for you because you can take care of youself - but I can completely see how it would be really hard not to have your feelings hurt given all the history and the stress of being in this pre-wedding period.] As for Bachelorettes - they aren't necessary but they are part of the tradition of it all for most people, I thought? You cant really help what you've been brought up to see as part of a tradition. I mean a wedding reception isnt necessary but many people see that as part of the tradition. Walking down an aisle isnt necessary. The first kiss isnt necessary.. but if you see that as being part of what the wedding experience is, its got to be hard to put that aside. And as for the Bachelorettes - I think you should hint something to your best friend who, it sounds from what you've said, would be happy to do something. Say something like "I dont want to put you out for the bachelorette at all - Id be really happy to just stay in with you and have some cocktails" - it kind of reminds her that Bachelorettes organisins is traditionally her role but that she need not go to any great expense or trouble - just do something to mark the occasion.. And on the babysitter stuff.. if it was her mum's baby I'd agree with you totally Batya but its her sister's baby. The amount of baby sitting OG's mum does - you'd think it was her baby. Surely its the mum's responsibility to look after these issues. Why do special events for OG have to be rained on because of a responsibility (looking after Tyler) that truly belongs to OG's sis not OG's mum? I don't know.. I agree its best to look at the positive side of things but also think sometimes, deep inside - you can't help but being annoyed by this stuff and have to vent. And venting is what ENA journals are best for Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Circe Posted April 7, 2011 Share Posted April 7, 2011 My Ipad arrived!!! *does dance* OH MY GOD!!! I'm soooooo happy for you - I was hoping it was just delayed in the mail (these things take forever.. esp when you are waiting for them) - I'm SOO pleased you got it - and really excellent timing too. You'll have it for the 8th now.. and the card too!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Circe Posted April 7, 2011 Share Posted April 7, 2011 Good for you! My mother didn't see it either. I was 19 when my sister got married, 21 when she had her first child, lived at home till I was 28 and I so often felt like a second class citizen because I was single and didn't have children. Thats a bit upsetting I guess being an only child I can never hope to understand any of this.. but I'm curious - whats your mum's relationship with you now that you have a child and a fairly young one at that? Has she changed completely or is the "second class citizen" thing too deeply entrenched now? [i know you've learned to deal with it and accept it for what it is - but I'm still curious if she's changed her attitude or not..] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Circe Posted April 7, 2011 Share Posted April 7, 2011 Good work on the eating!! - when will the bridal portrait photos be sent to you? Will you put them up on the blog? I can't wait to see them! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SayWhen Posted April 7, 2011 Share Posted April 7, 2011 Is there any way you can cut your soda intake down to one glass a day? Three glasses is excessive for a healthy diet...ideally you'd cut out all soda but I know that's hard to do when you're used to having it. Maybe try having some seltzer drinks in place of the soda? Other than that it seems like your diet is pretty good Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted April 7, 2011 Share Posted April 7, 2011 Thats a bit upsetting I guess being an only child I can never hope to understand any of this.. but I'm curious - whats your mum's relationship with you now that you have a child and a fairly young one at that? Has she changed completely or is the "second class citizen" thing too deeply entrenched now? [i know you've learned to deal with it and accept it for what it is - but I'm still curious if she's changed her attitude or not..] Very interesting question (and, OG please don't think I'm going too off topic -this might be interesting to you and I hope it is). By the time I got married and pregnant my sister was divorced and her children except one were basically grown (and the youngest, almost). So the whole dynamic has changed- I'm the only married daughter and the only one with a young child. But...my parents are elderly now and we live hundreds of miles away (while my sister was married/new mom she was an hour away from us and my mother could stay over and babysit). But yes it's changed in that my mother wants to hear every detail about her grandson (and believe me I want to tell her -she and my sister and in-laws are the only people who hear the details because as much as all this seems fascinating to me I am quite aware that 99% of it would be boring to anyone else) and it's obvious she's thrilled and relieved that I finally got married (and no one could believe I was able to conceive/have a child that late in life). I am sure also that it's not just because I married but because she adores my husband and always has. My sister is not "second class" but it would be easier to analyze this if she was still married and had younger children. I also don't feel that sense of competition I did many years ago (and I think that was triggered by the differential treatment). I had several intense and sometimes angry conversations with my mother over the years over the comments she made comparing my sister's "ability" to commit and marry in her 20s, and about the "second class" stuff. She didn't see it that way but of course her views on marriage/motherhood are so entrenched I can't really blame her. I will say they were extremely proud of my career accomplishments and friends of mine have been subjected to far far worse comments from their parents about their single/childless statuses in their 30s and beyond. My issue was more the second class treatment than the comments. Having said all that and despite all that my sister, mother and I are extremely close and always have been. In hindsight..... I don't think I gave enough importance to how hard it is to be a new mom (and my sister had 3 children a few years apart and then a fourth some years later) and how much support my sister needed from our mother. I didn't get the practicalities of it like I do now, and that, combined with the thoughtless comments about my singledom and the comparisons blinded me to anything but "this is because I don't count as much since I'm single". Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SayWhen Posted April 7, 2011 Share Posted April 7, 2011 Maybe I'm abnormal but I don't find weddings to be as wildly important as other women do. I've put some focus on my upcoming wedding but our engagement has largely been used to focus on our relationship transforming from that of an engaged couple to that of a married couple. I believe that a lot of individuals get so wrapped up in the wedding that the marriage isn't considered as seriously as it should be. I definitely understand why you're upset about your mom not making it to the bridal portrait session, but she is showing support through coming to your wedding (which I'm sure you are very appreciative of). I'm not even getting bridal portraits done...nor did I have a bachelorette party. We had a nice dinner together with a large group of friends at the place where my fiance proposed. It was excellent, and we celebrated together rather than separately which was important to both of us because it is our marriage...why is there a "need" to have one last night of being "single"? It's always been an odd concept to me, though I have gone to bachelorette parties before to show support for my friends. Just focus on the things that are going well for you, and how so many individuals are supporting you in a variety of ways...and of course use ENA to vent . Forgive typos...on my iPhone. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OptomisticGirl Posted April 7, 2011 Author Share Posted April 7, 2011 I am sooooo jealous of the iPad! Is typing really difficult on it? Because I'd imagine the keypad is a bigger version of the one that's on the iPhone which I thought must be really hard to type much on? It's not really difficult no, just takes some getting use to. Good work on the eating!! - when will the bridal portrait photos be sent to you? Will you put them up on the blog? I can't wait to see them! I'll have them done May 16th - that's the day I'm shooting for at least but yeah, as soon as they arrive I'll throw them on photobucket and post a link both on here and on the blog - and a few on the blog itself of course. Is there any way you can cut your soda intake down to one glass a day? Three glasses is excessive for a healthy diet...ideally you'd cut out all soda but I know that's hard to do when you're used to having it. Maybe try having some seltzer drinks in place of the soda? Other than that it seems like your diet is pretty good I have been only having one a day but I had a migrain all day at work so when I got home I just went straight for it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OptomisticGirl Posted April 7, 2011 Author Share Posted April 7, 2011 She def. does love me, I agree. And we bicker so often because we are so much alike. When I was living in my home town an hour away we would always talk once a day by phone, usually more than once but always once a day. Almost never fought. I moved in and it's like walking through a battlefield sometimes, lol! I think that comes though from the fact that her and my dad divorced when I was 8 so while I can kind of remember living with her before that I really can't so this time in my life is the first time living with mom that I can remember. I really don't see it as a tradition - I didn't have one before our Feb. 16th none wedding - but it was also a different kind of wedding, you know? If we are doing this fairly medium sized wedding I want to do all the things you are suppose to do - minus the bridal shower since I can't bring the stuff over with me. I may have to. I'd like to have my BM and the friends I know from her and my uncle there but getting everyone schedules to mix like that... ugh. We may just have to do 2 separate ones, especially since everyone has kids. And I think that's the crux of it. I love Tyler to death and mum nor I mind baby sitting him (although mum does most of it since I work a full time job myself obviously) and someone has to watch over the little Munchkin while my brother in law and sister work but yeah, during moments like the other night that's how I felt: my needs were being pushed down. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OptomisticGirl Posted April 8, 2011 Author Share Posted April 8, 2011 It's my birthday!!!!! And I'm spending it burning my fingers on a hot glue gun, lol Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
annie24 Posted April 8, 2011 Share Posted April 8, 2011 happy birthday!!!!!!!!!!11 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fudgie Posted April 8, 2011 Share Posted April 8, 2011 Happy Birthday OG!!! Okay so besides burning your fingers on a hot glue gun, what are you going to do for it? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OptomisticGirl Posted April 8, 2011 Author Share Posted April 8, 2011 Nothing pretty much. Eat cake, watch a movie with L... That's about it. Exciting life, I know. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fudgie Posted April 8, 2011 Share Posted April 8, 2011 Sounds like a pretty good birthday to me! lol. Eating cake...watching a movie. Sounds like something I would do with B. In fact that's what we are going to do for his birthday, which is coming up in May. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SayWhen Posted April 8, 2011 Share Posted April 8, 2011 Happy Birthday, OG! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OptomisticGirl Posted April 8, 2011 Author Share Posted April 8, 2011 I really don't like to go out and party, ya know? I'm comfortable staying in and doing nothing. Plus it's my three day weekend off, woohooo! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OptomisticGirl Posted April 8, 2011 Author Share Posted April 8, 2011 To me it's not a last night of being sinlge but just a night for everyone close to bride to celebrate the fact she is taking this step. If I mention anything to my BM about it I will def let her know my idea of a fun party is sitting at home, drinking, and watching chick flicks. Or even horror flicks. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OptomisticGirl Posted April 8, 2011 Author Share Posted April 8, 2011 I'm keeping L's music on here instead of importing mine - he has a much larger range of music anyway - and I just came accross a Brittney Spears song. Oh hunny. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sidehop Posted April 8, 2011 Share Posted April 8, 2011 It's my birthday!!!!! And I'm spending it burning my fingers on a hot glue gun, lol Happy B-Day By the way I loathe shipping via Royal Mail!!! It's only one flight away from here and took about the same time to get a small package from the UK Had I spent extra $4 via FedEx air, it would've been delivered in two days image removed Customs I tell you... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted April 8, 2011 Share Posted April 8, 2011 To me it's not a last night of being sinlge but just a night for everyone close to bride to celebrate the fact she is taking this step. If I mention anything to my BM about it I will def let her know my idea of a fun party is sitting at home, drinking, and watching chick flicks. Or even horror flicks. Isn't that what a wedding reception is supposed to celebrate? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SayWhen Posted April 8, 2011 Share Posted April 8, 2011 If you want a bachelorette party, I hope you have a wonderful time and that your friends come through for you to make it everything you want. I'm not saying there's anything inherently wrong with having a bachelor/bachelorette party...I just personally do not see the appeal. My fiance and I are taking the step of marriage together, and thus we celebrated together. I realize with you and L that's not really an option due to the distance, so perhaps a bachelorette party does make more sense in your situation. I hope you're enjoying your b-day! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OptomisticGirl Posted April 8, 2011 Author Share Posted April 8, 2011 Happy B-Day By the way I loathe shipping via Royal Mail!!! It's only one flight away from here and took about the same time to get a small package from the UK Had I spent extra $4 via FedEx air, it would've been delivered in two days image removed Customs I tell you... Yeah, we def learned our lesson with shipping big items over. Lol Isn't that what a wedding reception is supposed tocelebrate? Usually most of the guests you invite to a wedding aren't the people who you would want to get tipsy with - aka, grandma. If you want a bachelorette party, I hope you have a wonderful time and that your friends come through for you to make it everything you want. I'm not saying there's anything inherently wrong with having a bachelor/bachelorette party...I just personally do not see the appeal. My fiance and I are taking the step of marriage together, and thus we celebrated together. I realize with you and L that's not really an option due to the distance, so perhaps a bachelorette party does make more sense in your situation. I hope you're enjoying your b-day! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OptomisticGirl Posted April 8, 2011 Author Share Posted April 8, 2011 If you want a bachelorette party, I hope you have a wonderful time and that your friends come through for you to make it everything you want. I'm not saying there's anything inherently wrong with having a bachelor/bachelorette party...I just personally do not see the appeal. My fiance and I are taking the step of marriage together, and thus we celebrated together. I realize with you and L that's not really an option due to the distance, so perhaps a bachelorette party does make more sense in your situation. I hope you're enjoying your b-day! Neither of us see the appeal of getting slobbering drunk during one or going to strip clubs. I have nothing against strippers but L and I have the limitation of no lap dances from anyone else and what else are you suppose to get when your buddies get you a stripper? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HeartGoesOn Posted April 8, 2011 Share Posted April 8, 2011 Happy Birthday, OG! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted April 8, 2011 Share Posted April 8, 2011 Yeah, we def learned our lesson with shipping big items over. Lol Usually most of the guests you invite to a wedding aren't the people who you would want to get tipsy with - aka, grandma. I had no idea you meant celebrate as in get tipsy or drunk. No problem in defining it that way of course. If you want that kind of party/night by all means have it -I was just confused by your description of it as something more general that most people do to celebrate with the bride. I've seen many bachelorette parties to celebrate the last night of being single with the strippers or flirting/going dancing with other men -I personally find that silly- but I've never heard of the tradition of people going out before the wedding to celebrate the bride other than bridal showers or perhaps engagement parties. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.