Insecure

[danimal77]

Even though I am not Muneca,

 

I think that's a good idea. Wait it out for as long as you can and just when you think you can't wait anylonger, wait it out some more. It will do wonders for your situation. It conveys respect both for him and for you.

 

Dan

[benevolent]

I agree with muneca with this one blackcat. For one, do you think you put too much too soon in a relationship that was only 3 months long? Based on the negative comments that you made about it, he doesn't sound deserving of you at all. A relationship of that time frame should involve some of the best and exciting times of this new found relationship and not associated with comments such as "his fear of commitment and relationship issues, indifference, etc.."

 

You remind me of a friend of mine who was in a similar situation and all she could talk about was how much of a jerk her ex was. We would argue constantly about why she would even consider going back to him. It wasn't until one day that she fessed up and said that she didn't think she would ever be loved again. Despite how horrible he treated her, she allowed her lack of esteem and closemindedness to dictate her emotions. She came very close to going back to him and we all talked one night to see if this was the right decision. She countered every comment and question made by us and defended this guy to the very end for what reason we can't explain. In any case, she decided to listen and not make any effort to contact him and in time she felt better about herself and we could see an obvious change. In talking with her about this many months later she felt much better about her decision and knew that she would be miserable (and keep it inside) if she went with her initial impulse.

 

Have you asked yourself to list what were the plusses and minuses of him? If so, have you HONESTLY answered these questions. The answers may surprise you. I think what a lot of us tend to do is hold on to the hope or idea of what could be when in fact we tend to not look at the facts.

Sure it is nice to think that we can win them over at some point, but don't you think that you are just fooling yourself and are really preparing yourself for failure when you don't focus on you instead? I think it is much better to grow and evolve as a person and learn the lessons from all of this rather than to scheme and plot for ways to get your ex back.

 

I think what you and all of us deserve is a genuine love in which someone, including your ex, realizes that they want to be with you regardless of your flaws, because they are in love with you and because they choose to be with you.

 

I think once you allow you to be "you" again and evolve, is when the chances of finding true happiness become more realistic.

 

Good luck

[blackcat21]

Benevolent-

Ok, this guy was not a jerk. I am not saying he is a jerk. Just that I want to be with him again. He was like my best friend, and even if we never get back together as b/f and g/f, I want to be his friend again in the future once things have cooled off a bit. He has always been considerate of me and my feelings. He just has had very little experience with being close to a person romantically.. I have been with someone who has treated me badly before, and I know what that feels like, this wasn't it. Its true that hes not perfect, but I always felt like I could trust him and I'm really not the most trusting person out there.. I really believe he just got cold feet. Maybe I put too much too soon into this relationship, but then so did he too. And I've even told him this, I think thats where everything started going wrong.. we went too fast with things, and he being really inexperienced with things got scared off.. he even told me this in so many words. It did annoy me that he backed off so soon after all the infatuation phase.. but I think he got scared.. The worst part of this relationship was the breakup. I'm notsittinghere with my life on hold for him, but I can't lie that hes been on my mind and yes I would like another chance with him. If someone else came along, and I liked them, sure, I'd go out with them.. but as it stands, no one has. .. I get what you are saying though. I will make a list of the pros and cons. But I really don't think I am putting myself in that position that you describe, bcI've been in that spot before, and I don't recognize this as it..

thanks for the advice though and I will make a list.