Reasons for infidelity

[maelstrom]

My husband is unsupportive, secretive, withholding, and selfish. He has gambled, cheated, uses porn excessively, and is a liar. We have a very unhealthy relationship because I believe we are both unhealthy people. He has stated he does not think he has a problem, that it's all my problems and if I fix myself we will be fine. I do not agree and I think if I manage to fix my problems, I will not want to deal with him any more.

[iamaperson]

Why are you waiting to 'fix' your problems to leave him? I don't think being surrounded by toxicity is going to help you heal. Akin to a recovering alcoholic needing to weed other alcohol users and abusers out of their life, you may have to remove this person, who emotionally abuses and berates you, from your life in order for you to attain a state of emotional well-being. Don't wait until you're 'better'. Leaving him will be hard either way, but waiting to leave him will be even harder.

[maelstrom]

Yes, but it worked out that I discovered his infidelity while he is deployed to Afghanistan and I promised him I would wait until he gets back to decide what we will do. I feel that the situation is both our faults and I don't think it's fair to tear apart his life while he's at war. The good thing is I don't have to see him at all so I have plenty of space to work on myself.

[iamaperson]

Yes, but it worked out that I discovered his infidelity while he is deployed to Afghanistan and I promised him I would wait until he gets back to decide what we will do. I feel that the situation is both our faults and I don't think it's fair to tear apart his life while he's at war. The good thing is I don't have to see him at all so I have plenty of space to work on myself.

 

Ah okay. That makes a lot of sense.