imapiekindaguy Posted July 12, 2010 Share Posted July 12, 2010 i have a history of depression, self harm, and attempts of suicide.. thought i'd give a little background there.. recently, i've just felt so empty and alone, nothing seems to matter anymore, i can't feel anything, I can't express anything, i'm just like a dead person, but i'm still walking around... my girlfriend left me because i started acting this way, and i can't say i blame her, cuz i just stopped caring about everything.. i started cutting myself again earlier today, after five months of holding back.. and i can't feel it, i bleed but that's all there is no pain and it's scaring the hell out of me.. i just want to end it all, i can't live like this, i'm just empty and i can't see any way to make it better.. i've been up for two days, i can't go to sleep, my body just won't shut down.. i want to kill myself and i know it's wrong i just need some help so i posted this but there's probably no one awake so it's worthless,, i just want to die...... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
amipushy Posted July 12, 2010 Share Posted July 12, 2010 Thats the problem with depression... it fills you with negative thoughts and bluffs you into thinking there is no way out..which is so bl**dy depressing!!! Don't let your depression do your thinking for you.. Understand that it is your depression talking and don't let it talk you out of your right to live and be happy. When you get those little moments of clarity where you know that it is the depression making you think and feel that way (at first you won't even realise you are getting those moment but you are so watch out for them) and cling to those clear moments and write down your clear thoughts and keep them for when you sink back down again. They will help you. Also, you NEED to speak to a doctor. Make an appointment and do it today! Nobody has to live with that, don't make it your choice. If you don't get the advice support from that doctor, find another one. NEVER, EVER give up on finding the way out of depression.... because there is a way out and you don't have to kill yourself to find it. I promise. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
andi8172 Posted July 12, 2010 Share Posted July 12, 2010 ive been where you are still am in some parts but what i did i emailed how i felt when i was at a low point i emailed my doctor and my counsellor so once it was done there was no going back no hiding and it was helpful because when i saw them i wasnt at the same point of course i regretted opening up but i think they understood me better maybe give this a try whats the point ingoing to see someone when youre on the up? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
daniella_xx Posted July 14, 2010 Share Posted July 14, 2010 i am the opposite to you..all i want to do is sleep and never wake up cus i am so sad Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sand dollar Posted July 15, 2010 Share Posted July 15, 2010 DONT GIVE UP HOPE. No need to ever be lonely I AM HERE AND MANY OTHERS I would like to be your friend!!!! Tell us everything that s bothering you.PLEASE I am praying for you.PLEASE do so too, Love and hope to you Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
doityourself Posted July 15, 2010 Share Posted July 15, 2010 imapiekindofguy- I have been where you are, its the scariest place to be when you feel nothing and cant see a step in front of you. Have you ever see a doctor for your depression? For your cutting? Reach out to someone and let them know how your feeling, what your thinking. How old are you? Come back on and talk to us, so we can help you understand that sometimes life is really hard and sometimes it really sucks but it does change, it can change..... Help us understand whats been going on lately so we can give you better advice. Dont hurt yourself, fight those urges, and if you feel that your at that point then you need to go to the hospital. Call 911 and tell them what you going to do. They will come to help you. I hope that your today has been a better day. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
imapiekindaguy Posted July 18, 2010 Author Share Posted July 18, 2010 i've seen doctors, takin medicine, been put in the hospital by my parents, but nothing helps... no one around me listens anymore.. and i'm 18, by the way i just have these cycles of depression, every 2 or 3 months it hits pretty bad and i feel kinda like this.. except it's a lot worse now.. i can hardly get out of bed anymore, i just have no drive for life. my parents don't understand, they think i'm being "melodramatic", my girlfriend left me (as i think i said a few days ago..), my friends won't even talk to me anymore, i just don't know what to do. i'm really... just done. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
doityourself Posted July 19, 2010 Share Posted July 19, 2010 Depression is a horrible disease. It will make you feel like a yoyo most days. Look at it like a job, you have to get up and do things for yourself to make yourself feel better. Workout, drive some of those negative thoughts away, realize that this is your life, you want something change then you have to change it. Nobody is going to fight for you, you have to step up and do this yourself. Take a minute, write out everything that is bothering you, then start working on it like a list. Just like you were at your job, first get out of bed, what would be your next step? Then go like that until your able to control your thoughts and live your life everyday. Plus keep coming on here and talking, it works to open up, to get it out. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
andi8172 Posted July 19, 2010 Share Posted July 19, 2010 okay my counsellor told me we cant stop you wanting to kill yourself but we can control it and that could be the only thing i understand from them.depression will eat your life away until youre 20 years down the line thinking i cant go on like this people who dont know depressed will call you everything but depressed theyll tell you what you got to be depressed about ,because they dont understand,probably even some therapists have only read about it.but youre on here so youre calling out for the right direction it aint easy but consider us as a support group because someone else told me about this post so you see we do want to help.....I was at the surgery today for my self harm and was introduced to a girl who had also cut herself the scars she showed me scared the crap out of me i may hopefully never cut again the lady had no unbroken skin left on her arms and yet she was walking round as if nothing was wrong and yes i felt so sorry for her even the docs stopped helping her because she wouldnt stop until she found a good doc!try looking up self harm pics on internet to start with and maybe if your parents put you in that hospital it was because thats all they could think of to help and thats their way of caring .write everything youre feeling down and post it to your doc because once youve posted it theres no going back but be brutally honest,they cant help if you tell them on a good day just say the word and ill try to pm you when i see you online.......... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Calii Posted July 20, 2010 Share Posted July 20, 2010 i'm at the same exact spot you are. the emptyness and thoughts are taking over my life i just want it to end. ive lost my job, my boyfriend, my apartment and my friends because of it. noone i talk to seems to understand and think im just being dramatic but i really cant control it anymore. i have nothing left and it feels like i wont ever be able to pick myself up. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
andi8172 Posted July 20, 2010 Share Posted July 20, 2010 the same goes for you calii,talking on here will help so tell us more and we can all help oneanover there are a few things i do now i never thought i could do,even a simple good morning gives me a lift! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sand dollar Posted July 23, 2010 Share Posted July 23, 2010 Its time to get a new gorlfriend and new friends. Those that leave in times of trouble need to be replaced. Try 12 step meetings. great people and new friends and great women. Im praying for you, please do so too. You can come back. Write it out here and seek therapy and help from as many sources as possible. Sending love and hope!!!! Write if you like Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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