savignon Posted July 10, 2010 Share Posted July 10, 2010 If my boyfriend told me to f off about a pasta salad I made for him it might be the last thing he said to me. I wonder why he feels he can talk to you that way without taking responsibility for his childish and belittling behavior? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
liz22 Posted July 10, 2010 Author Share Posted July 10, 2010 This morning when he got up he acted like nothing happened. He didn't bring it up. He just called me from work and asked what I wanted to do for dinner tonight. I told him I don't know but I'm definitely not going to be making dinner tonight after what happened last night. He asked why, and I told him because he criticized my dinner and said I didn't put any effort into it. Do you think this was the appropriate thing for me to say?? I tried to stand up for myself. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sparkly Eyes Posted July 10, 2010 Share Posted July 10, 2010 This morning when he got up he acted like nothing happened. He didn't bring it up. He just called me from work and asked what I wanted to do for dinner tonight. I told him I don't know but I'm definitely not going to be making dinner tonight after what happened last night. He asked why, and I told him because he criticized my dinner and said I didn't put any effort into it. Do you think this was the appropriate thing for me to say?? I tried to stand up for myself. Yes it was. What did he say? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DN Posted July 10, 2010 Share Posted July 10, 2010 This morning when he got up he acted like nothing happened. He didn't bring it up. He just called me from work and asked what I wanted to do for dinner tonight. I told him I don't know but I'm definitely not going to be making dinner tonight after what happened last night. He asked why, and I told him because he criticized my dinner and said I didn't put any effort into it. Do you think this was the appropriate thing for me to say?? I tried to stand up for myself. I agree and would also like to know what his reaction was - was it another hissyfit? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
savignon Posted July 10, 2010 Share Posted July 10, 2010 And throw in the part about him telling you to f-off and that it's entirely unacceptable for him to talk to you like that whether or not the pasta salad is up his alley. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
liz22 Posted July 10, 2010 Author Share Posted July 10, 2010 I think he was surprised I said it. He said that he would have to figure out something then for dinner. He didn't have another fit, but he just sounded like he didn't know what to say. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pilotgirl Posted July 10, 2010 Share Posted July 10, 2010 He obviously doesn't give a crap about you or your feelings. I know what it feels like to work hard on something for someone else, and have their reaction be not just critical but cruel. It's like a kick in the face. On top of that, what he said afterward is totally out of line. If you put up with that kind of treatment, and ignore it or hope it goes away, what you have done is you have trained him to think that that kind of talk and action is ok and he can get away with it without consequences. He will test that line again and go further next time. Don't let it slide because it isn't about salad. It's about respect. You respected him enough to do a favor for him, and he had zero respect for you. Even if he didn't like the salad, the respectful thing to say was, "Honey, I can see you tried really hard to kick this salad up a notch but...I really like it the old way. Thanks for making it though, you are the best." I'm so sensitive that I'd still feel a little hurt even at that. I'd feel like maybe I shouldn't be creative in my cooking anymore and just do things the expected, safe way. Abuse takes many forms, and starts out in small, subtle ways. If it hurts, then something is wrong. You can choose to address it or ignore it, but I'd suggest addressing it because nothing involving respect resolves itself by ignoring it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Miss Firecracker Posted July 10, 2010 Share Posted July 10, 2010 I think he was surprised I said it. He said that he would have to figure out something then for dinner. He didn't have another fit, but he just sounded like he didn't know what to say. You really have to let a man know your limits early on. Don't let him think for a minute you will tolerate his abuse. My husband is very careful about complaining about my cooking. If he did, I might feed him a frog sandwich. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
liz22 Posted July 11, 2010 Author Share Posted July 11, 2010 Thanks so much for everyones help! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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