Social Anxiety, Loneliness, and Life

[SA_Guy99]

John,

 

I am in the same kind of situation you are. Go find the book called "The Secrete" and honestly read it. Its all about the law of attraction. It really works. Once you start paying attention to it you will see it effect your life in so many ways. Keep your head up buddy.

 

I'm sorry, but The Secret is garbage. It teaches you that you can wish for more money and you'll start getting cheques in the mail. It teaches you that you can think cancer away if you get it. Positive thinking is good, but The Secret is just a scam.

[Starsmith]

Parts of The Secret are garbage. But it might still be worthwhile to read it. You might find the Emotional Freedom Technique or EFT tapping stuff helpful for your situation. "Even though I feel _____________ and it causes _____________ to happen, I completely accept myself." Or something like that. Not so sure about it curing cancer (although the positive thinking might have a good effect on healing in general), and it's probably not going to cause checks to mysteriously be sent in the mail. still, you may get some concepts that are helpful tools. There are videos on youtube about EFT tapping.

 

Recognizing what is going on as it is happening may have to come before you can actual act/react/think differently. Don't beat yourself up if it doesn't all come at once.

 

There Is a Hole in My Sidewalk

Autobiography in Five Short Chapters

By Portia Nelson

 

Chapter One

I walk down the street.

There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.

I fall in.

I am lost…I am helpless.

It isn’t my fault.

It takes forever to find a way out.

 

Chapter Two

I walk down the street.

There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.

I pretend that I don’t see it.

I fall in again.

I can’t believe I am in this same place.

But, it isn’t my fault.

It still takes a long time to get out.

 

Chapter Three

I walk down the same street.

There is a deep whole in the sidewalk.

I see it is there.

I still fall in…it’s a habit…but,

My eyes are open

I know where I am

It is my fault.

I get out immediately,

 

Chapter Four

I walk down the same street.

There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.

I walk around it.

 

Chapter Five

I walk down another street.

 

 

Giving up won't give you any good result at all, but with time your efforts will. Keep doing the positive things you started and remember, "The impossible just takes longer." I also like, "If you think you can or you think you can't, you are right." Sometimes your thoughts create your situation through your behavior....people notice behavior, but they can misunderstand it too. I contacted someone through facebook that I knew 12 years ago. I told her I'm trying to improve myself and I wanted to know how she perceived me back then. She said she felt so awkward that she didn't notice I felt awkward, too. She thought I didn't like her. Something about my behavior caused people to think I didn't like them, so they kind of ignored me. It explains so much. I didn't get any attention from them, and it made me feel more awkward. It was a downward spiral.

 

Sometimes when I catch myself in a mistake, I mentally hit a 'reset' button to not let the mistake snowball and get bigger and more harmful. Maybe a mental reset button would help you sometimes.

[-John-]

Thank you very much, SA_Guy and Starsmith.

 

I like the mental "reset button" idea. Thanks.

[surfNski]

Well, I can relate to a lot of your story. I was raised by a single mother who is still single, I was an only child who was moved around alot never settling anywhere, not many friends, all the women in my life with the exception on one have just been something to fill the lonlieness. I was always very shy and reserved, not very attractive to the oppisite sex. Somewhere along the line I got sick of it and decided I cant live the rest of my life like this. I didnt want to live the rest of my life scared and wondering what I could have done better.

I was a highschool dropout so went back to school, got into college, picked a profession that would make me interact with people all day. I joined sports clubs, I challenge myself everyday to talk to people, to speak up, and stand out. If it scares me then thats a sign I am on the right track.

 

Now, I am still in school and have gotten into one of the most difficult programs to get into, I am not the smartest in the class and struggle a bit more then the other students but I work harder than them too. I am the first to volunteer for anything, I always am the one who stands up in front of the class to speak. I am now known as the outgoing, fearless guy, who others look to when they are nervous. Just today my professor told me all the other students look to me to lead them and thats in a class of overachievers.

 

I still struggle with making friends and am shy around attractive women. I am still lonely but thats because I lack many of the skills people take for granted. I am still awkward but I keep moving foreward and it does get better. I have succeeded in being more outgoing and I will succeed with more women its just a matter of keeping at it. I have lots of bad days and lots of setbacks but its possible...

 

You can do it man, just face the fears, if your scared you know thats the direction to go in.

[-John-]

Thank you for sharing your story, surf. Those are some very encouraging things to hear.