annie24 Posted July 5, 2010 Share Posted July 5, 2010 I just really like him as a person in general. I want to continue our friendship if it suits him. I really enjoy our conversations like I would any other guy whose my friend. I think I can learn from him as you do with all friendships. Like I said we may never talk to each other again as this week ends, but he really did impact my life for the little time I've known him. I would hate to stop talking to him so soon. What i would say is that you can't have a true friendship with him given his position and your position. I don't know what university you are at, but some institutions have very strict rules against fraternization. If he is your professor, he has control over your grades, probably some influence with other professors. There's an imbalance of power in this situation. Personally, I don't think you should be too flattered. I'm sure you are an attractive woman and all, but if he is telling you look good, he is probably telling that to any girl who comes into his office hours wearing a tank top. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kimberrr Posted July 5, 2010 Author Share Posted July 5, 2010 What i would say is that you can't have a true friendship with him given his position and your position. I don't know what university you are at, but some institutions have very strict rules against fraternization. If he is your professor, he has control over your grades, probably some influence with other professors. There's an imbalance of power in this situation. Personally, I don't think you should be too flattered. I'm sure you are an attractive woman and all, but if he is telling you look good, he is probably telling that to any girl who comes into his office hours wearing a tank top. I don't go to this university full time. I'm only here for a short amount of time so that wouldn't be an issue. I don't wear tank tops. I take pride in my dress and appearance everyday. But we'll see how it all ends this week. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kimberrr Posted July 5, 2010 Author Share Posted July 5, 2010 Thanks for all the advice everyone you've all been so helpful. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
annie24 Posted July 5, 2010 Share Posted July 5, 2010 I don't go to this university full time. I'm only here for a short amount of time so that wouldn't be an issue. I don't wear tank tops. I take pride in my dress and appearance everyday. But we'll see how it all ends this week. What i'm trying to say is that if a professor is a married man with a child, and also is flirting with his students (no matter what she is wearing), this is probably something he does all the time. He probably has a different "pet" each semester. New semester, new favorite girl to flirt with. Next semester, it will be someone else. Meanwhile, he is damaging his reputation in the department. I work in academia as well. I know how these things go. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MalibuOne Posted July 5, 2010 Share Posted July 5, 2010 We've only talk. Nothing further. That's not hurting anyone. Again, you are minimizing behavior you know to be morally wrong. You don't want to be friends with him. Your posts are full of references to the romantic nature of your encounters. I find it cute when he calls me doll he like whispers it in a low tone for me to hear only. You "want to see how far it will go"; it makes your day because he said you're "looking good." Imagine that your dad behaved like this man (and I use that term VERY loosely here) toward a girl who is much younger than your mother. How would it make your mom feel? You? You think your dad sniffing around after a sweet young thing is okay? You minimize your part in this because you selfishly don't want to give up how it makes you feel. That kind of immature behavior is going to not only cause you heartache down the road, but it could very well destroy the family of the man you're with. I hope it's worth all that to you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted July 5, 2010 Share Posted July 5, 2010 I just really like him as a person in general. I want to continue our friendship if it suits him. I really enjoy our conversations like I would any other guy whose my friend. I think I can learn from him as you do with all friendships. Like I said we may never talk to each other again as this week ends, but he really did impact my life for the little time I've known him. I would hate to stop talking to him so soon. If you want to be friends with him tell him that and tell him that you are interested in meeting his wife and family for lunch one day so you can get to know his family, too. If he flirts with you tell him that you don't feel comfortable with that kind of conversation and ask him if he thinks you two can be friends once the class is over and the exams are all graded. I don't believe for a minute that your focus is to be friends with him - otherwise you would have told him already that you weren't comfortable with his flirting which was not "harmless" and you would have had no interest in seeing how "far this can go" - that's not an interest in friendship, it's an interest in a flirtation. It's fine to flirt that way with friends but not people who are married, especially those with families. Being friends means being supportive of that person's life situation and your behavior is potentially damaging to his marriage and family, just like his is. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
annie24 Posted July 5, 2010 Share Posted July 5, 2010 yeah, i was thinking the same thing. when i have male friends, i usually invite their gfs or wives out with us! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted July 5, 2010 Share Posted July 5, 2010 yeah, i was thinking the same thing. when i have male friends, i usually invite their gfs or wives out with us! I don't always but I would in a situation where it wasn't clear what the man's intentions were and I would the first time or first few times we all get together. If the OP has changed her mind and is now serious about wanting a platonic friendship with her married professor, she can make sure he gets that message loud and clear by having the kind of short conversation I suggested. It's unclear to me whether the OP has changed her mind or is simply trying to justify the continued flirtation by labeling it a "friendship". Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
randomgirl59 Posted July 6, 2010 Share Posted July 6, 2010 I never said I wanted to date him. It's just a crush...I would like to see how far it goes, but I'm not trying to be serious about it. I just want to know how far would he go. He does respect me for my intellect I think that's why he finds it so easy to talk to me. You don't find many older people willing to talk to a younger person and one to actually take them serious. Yea..right. Because those that respect other's intellects call them "doll" and "sweetie" and comments on their appearance. Sorry to say, but he doesn't respect you for your intellect, he sees you just another cute student. Additionally, if he genuinely enjoys your company as a person and for your intellect and conversations together, I dont see the need for him to flirt. Seems to me he's just trying to get you to put your guard down. I hope his wife finds out what a sleaze he is. You're also being rather selfish and still dont seem to realize what you're dealing with. Not only is he your professor, but married with kids too. I had a crush on one of my professors in school who wasn't married, and even then I wouldn't even dream of pursuing him. Student/teacher relationships are frowned upon for a reason. Have some more respect for yourself...do you really feel that thrilled that some married guy with kids is giving you attention? Are you really that indifferent to all the pain you and him could cause his wife and kids if you continue this? put yourself in their shoes, how would you feel? I really dont understand how some women are so starved for validation from men that they will abandon both self respect and common sense..not saying that this is 100% what's going on with OP's situation, but it definitely relates. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kimberrr Posted July 8, 2010 Author Share Posted July 8, 2010 Well it's not and over with now! I am so sad tho! Today was like the best day with him I learned so much about him. I'm really am going to miss our conversations. I really hope he keeps in touch like he says. *Sighs* Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted July 8, 2010 Share Posted July 8, 2010 Well it's not and over with now! I am so sad tho! Today was like the best day with him I learned so much about him. I'm really am going to miss our conversations. I really hope he keeps in touch like he says. *Sighs* Yes, maybe he will invite you to a bbq at his house so you can meet his wife and child and learn more about what is important about him - i.e. his family and family life (even though he obviously doesn't value it, or else he wouldn't risk playing with fire with you and the others he flirts with). Maybe he'll keep in touch so that he doesn't have to stop having his ego stroked by you until school starts again and he can lavish his attention on some even younger and possibly prettier girl. Hopefully by that time you will have refocused your energies on finding someone who is single and available to date you - but my question is, will you wonder, even a little bit, whether your SO or, later, husband, is flirting with the pretty young girls he meets wherever he is? I mean if this guy can do it why not someone else, right? I didn't worry about such things because I decided to avoid flirting with married fathers - do that enough and you'll start to worry a bit - or maybe more than a bit - become jaded - and jaded is kind of a turn off to most men. Just give it some thought before you "sigh" about him keeping in touch with you, ok? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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