DN Posted July 1, 2010 Share Posted July 1, 2010 The problem with this approach by the pastor is that he has caused far more harm than good. He is playing with people's lives here and quite obviously isn't anywhere near qualified personally and professionally to do so. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pumpkinmoon Posted July 1, 2010 Share Posted July 1, 2010 WW, I've said it before and I'll say it again, he has never been any good for you. Look at all he has done to you since, all this stuff you have found out, and here you are devastated but trying to help him. If anything, you are the one who deserves support through all of this. Not him. Whether he is a religious man or not makes no difference, he is still a man and he is scum! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MsDexter Posted July 1, 2010 Share Posted July 1, 2010 The problem with this approach by the pastor is that he has caused far more harm than good. He is playing with people's lives here and quite obviously isn't anywhere near qualified personally and professionally to do so. I agree. But the thing with that is I think people in church assume as it is coming from a pastor it must be something from God. It's almost like pastor becomes more then just a human being who can make mistakes, but like what he says must be how it is. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Crazyaboutdogs Posted July 1, 2010 Share Posted July 1, 2010 Sounds exactly like my ex's church and here I am crying about him lol he was told how being with me is not what God wants and he said God told him too. Do you realise sometimes though by doing what the little community wants you to do is not always good for you. Yep...in my religion the religious institutions promote the notion that "single is bad..the only worthwhile thing in life is being married" so people will get married simply to conform to the dictates of the religion whether or not they actually love the person. It reminds me of the words from the Rush song "Subdivisions"...."conform or be cast out". Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MsDexter Posted July 1, 2010 Share Posted July 1, 2010 Yep...in my religion the religious institutions promote the notion that "single is bad..the only worthwhile thing in life is being married" so people will get married simply to conform to the dictates of the religion whether or not they actually love the person. It reminds me of the words from the Rush song "Subdivisions"...."conform or be cast out". Yeah but I think the reason it makes sense is that people think it has to be coming from God through these people in church but sometimes we can be just too judgemental and well human that it has nothing to do with God but just purely coming from us, it could be jealousy talking you never know. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Miss Firecracker Posted July 1, 2010 Share Posted July 1, 2010 Well I think the OP needed to make up her mind. She friendzoned B but then gets mad that he likes another woman? If she really only saw him as a friend, then why does it matter how much he loves her and if he likes other women. I think the issue is that the OP wanted B to like her and be her friend at the same time--she wanted the cake and eat it too. I completely agree. This treatment would baffle any man. He has been dangled around like a puppet. Do this and you MAY win me, eventually. Do that and just maybe we will see a movie. Don't do this anymore and who knows what the future may hold for us. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blue Spiral Posted July 1, 2010 Share Posted July 1, 2010 LOL...you have no idea. No, it's not just that at all. Unless he's actually having intercourse, I don't think he can be a sex addict. If he's doing that, though, he very well could be. But unless your pastor has a clinical degree, he isn't capable of making an official diagnosis. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
peanutbutterandjelly Posted July 2, 2010 Share Posted July 2, 2010 LOL...you have no idea. No, it's not just that at all. He coerces women to do certain things for him as he masturbates in front of them when they aren't looking and even when they are. He solicits innocent young girls. He's done a lot more than I wrote here. He himself knows he has a sexual addiction. No, it's not just masturabting. Everyone does that. You have no idea. If this is true, I assume the pastor knows that he is preying on young girls since he seems to know about everything else. And he still allows him in the church? I'm sorry, but something does not seem right there. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WomanWriter Posted July 2, 2010 Author Share Posted July 2, 2010 The problem with this approach by the pastor is that he has caused far more harm than good. He is playing with people's lives here and quite obviously isn't anywhere near qualified personally and professionally to do so. You cannot make that judgment. The pastor has a degree in psych. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DN Posted July 2, 2010 Share Posted July 2, 2010 You cannot make that judgment. The pastor has a degree in psych. Perhaps he missed class the day they taught ethics because what he has done is against all good practice. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Crazyaboutdogs Posted July 2, 2010 Share Posted July 2, 2010 You cannot make that judgment. The pastor has a degree in psych. There are many people with degrees in Psych that give bad counselling advice..based on their own prejudices and emotional issues. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
peanutbutterandjelly Posted July 2, 2010 Share Posted July 2, 2010 any idiot can get a psych degree. having a degree in psychology does not mean you can diagnose someone! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FootofGod Posted July 2, 2010 Share Posted July 2, 2010 So his only crime is masturbating? Because he thinks about women and masturbates--he has a sexual addiction?... If this is a crime, chain me to the wall because I deserve a life sentence! Just be sure to leave one of my hands unshackled Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WomanWriter Posted July 2, 2010 Author Share Posted July 2, 2010 Oh well, I didn't expect many good replies. I don't really care if you agree with me but I have a right to feel the way I feel whether you agree or not. It doesn't matter, what I feel is what I feel. So that's it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Miss Firecracker Posted July 2, 2010 Share Posted July 2, 2010 It doesn't matter, what I feel is what I feel. So that's it. Yes, same here. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fuddiduddy Posted July 2, 2010 Share Posted July 2, 2010 Oh well, I didn't expect many good replies. I don't really care if you agree with me but I have a right to feel the way I feel whether you agree or not. It doesn't matter, what I feel is what I feel. So that's it. I agree with you WW. Maybe the Pastor, through noble intentions, did go overboard and the whole thing turned into a mess. Still, I don't find it all that surprising that you'd be devastated by what u heard. I really dont. I think a lot of people would be hurt--this based on how I interpreted your story. As I re-read your post, it sounds like his sister was simply disclosing your ex's cheating that occurred during your relationship, which came as a surprise to you? Is that correct? And his sexual addiction, real or not, doesn't seem to be your primary concern, right? (I haven't reviewed your old threads so I'm unknowledgable as to your situation). At any rate, feel what you feel. Love is the one aspect of humanity that is not bound to the rules of logic and rationality. Everyone knows this but I think some of my fellow ENA'ers have temporarily forgotten it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FootofGod Posted July 2, 2010 Share Posted July 2, 2010 Oh well, I didn't expect many good replies. I don't really care if you agree with me but I have a right to feel the way I feel whether you agree or not. It doesn't matter, what I feel is what I feel. So that's it. Yes, feelings are always right and always leads us to sensible, informed decisions, especially when we regard them with such an assured attitude, and especially after a traumatic experience Not that it's not okay to be hurt or anything - you definitely shouldn't lie to yourself about your feelings. But don't just take them as the be-all end-all factor of truth. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Crazyaboutdogs Posted July 2, 2010 Share Posted July 2, 2010 Of course you are entitled to your feelings...feelings can be rational or irrational but they are part of you. However, along with feelings there also needs to be some introspection so that the feelings can be put into perspective. Sometimes we also need to think about situations and circumstances so that we can make sure that the feelings of pain and disappointment don't cloud what is really going on. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ms Darcy Posted July 3, 2010 Share Posted July 3, 2010 What is a "good" reply? What I'm reading is that people have doubt about the ethics of your pastor's actions, the substance of your ex's addiction, and unsure of why you are devastated when you dumped him. I think these are good questions. I think my real question, let us say that it was ok for your pastor to have the intervention and let us say that he does have a sexual addiction. I think you need to think very deeply about this question: Why is his problem about you? I understand that you are hurt. Your feelings are your feelings. But for you to get involved in an intervention with an ex - who you left and have many expectations of - is, well, sorry to say it but selfish. You are not a part of his healing. He needs to do that on his own. And I think if you are going to be loving to him, you will avoid these interventions and confrontation. Interventions are only supposed to be from certain parties, and having a recent ex (especially given your history together) is detrimental to him. I'm sorry you are mired in a mess. And a mess it is. But you didn't walk away from it when you dumped him. You should walk away and stay away this time. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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