Hell_On_Heels Posted June 29, 2010 Share Posted June 29, 2010 They can do a lot of damage with the things they throw out there, huh, Shoe Fairy? He was the person closest to me, so I thought he would know me better than anyone else. When he accused me, I wondered if it was true. It took me weeks to realize he is projecting his problems on me. (He asked for the divorce Apr 19.) I think my turning point was when I was on my way back to our town to go to therapy together and possibly reconcile. I was in the car and he was yelling at me on the phone. Yelling, "You are an angry person!!!" He's yelling and *I'm* the angry one? That conversation - yelling session, really - made me look at everything all over again, specifically myself and what he was trying to pin on me. He can't admit any wrong, and doesn't. It's completely my fault, and he is the victim. I can't respect that, or love that. I expect your experience is much the same. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MsDexter Posted June 29, 2010 Share Posted June 29, 2010 I don't think there is going back in my situation but some days my heart says worth trying if it did happen my brain says it's stupid and it wouldn't work. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pumpkinmoon Posted June 29, 2010 Share Posted June 29, 2010 Pretty much. He hardly ever shouted at me. Just wouldn't talk. If I tried to talk to him about something, he would say that I was accusing him of cheating, when in fact I have never accused him of doing that. He evn used to say to me that I made him feel guilty even though he was telling the truth. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pumpkinmoon Posted June 29, 2010 Share Posted June 29, 2010 I don't think there is going back in my situation but some days my heart says worth trying if it did happen my brain says it's stupid and it wouldn't work. You can always decide that if it ever happens. I think it's good that you think there is no chance though as it will help you move on. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MsDexter Posted June 29, 2010 Share Posted June 29, 2010 You can always decide that if it ever happens. I think it's good that you think there is no chance though as it will help you move on. Yeah I believe it won't happen and it kind of feels like a good thing maybe it's for the best but sometimes it really hurts Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hell_On_Heels Posted June 29, 2010 Share Posted June 29, 2010 My therapist says that it hurts when we are only looking at the good times. We have to force ourselves to remember the unhappy times, too. Sounds kinda sick, but it works. Shoe Fairy, you and I deserve soooo much better. And we're gonna find it Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pumpkinmoon Posted June 29, 2010 Share Posted June 29, 2010 Yeah I have been forcing myself to think of all the bad. Silly thoughts keep creeping back in though. I'm actually sick of feeling like this now. I know the relationship was bad, I felt more anxious in it than I do out of it. I do worry about the future though and just not finding anyone I like. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hell_On_Heels Posted June 29, 2010 Share Posted June 29, 2010 This sounds so trite, but it's still true. The future is whatever we make of it. We have to think positive and picture ourselves doing wonderful things, feeling happy, accomplishing goals. This is our time - anything we do or anything we add to our lives that makes us feel good about ourselves is another step closer to happiness and another step away from pain/misery. And it's freaking HARD!!!! But it IS our time. Take a dance class, or learn to horseback ride, or join a new club, or volunteer. Anything that will put you in contact with new people and give you new fun experiences. In time, when we feel happy with ourselves and our lives just as they are, someone new will come along. And we'll be ready to open our hearts to them, if they are deserving of us. I'm lecturing myself as well as you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pumpkinmoon Posted June 29, 2010 Share Posted June 29, 2010 Thanks Heels That really helped. In my head I know that these silly thoughts are just coming to me because I am in this situation right now. I was talking to my mother and she couldn't believe I had the silly thought of not meeting someone else. She said she can tell me 100% that I will. I kinda believe her lol I don't even want anyone right now but if I could just know that someday it will happen and that I will be happy, then I could deal with this much better. But yes it is so hard. I know that this won't last forever though. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MsDexter Posted June 29, 2010 Share Posted June 29, 2010 I was talking to my mother and she couldn't believe I had the silly thought of not meeting someone else. She said she can tell me 100% that I will. I kinda believe her lol I don't even want anyone right now but if I could just know that someday it will happen and that I will be happy, then I could deal with this much better. But yes it is so hard. I know that this won't last forever though. Your mother is right and you should believe her I feel exactly the same I don't want anyone else for few good years lol but the thought of NOT finding someone is obviously getting to me every now and then. And people assume because I am young I houldn't even think that way but I can't help it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Belle Posted June 29, 2010 Share Posted June 29, 2010 He's getting random tattoos everywhere and has grown out his goatee. He looks repulsive. And old. I know that is catty, but it's also true. He's just yucky looking. I would think that would be a really good thing for getting over someone. Their outside may start to match their inside and if it isn't pretty, it's not appealing to have back. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hell_On_Heels Posted June 30, 2010 Share Posted June 30, 2010 Thank you, Belle. I really do feel like a witch for feeling that way about him, but - super yuck! LOL I saw a recent picture of him, and he looks so angry. Psycho, drug addict angry. It's very disturbing. I then looked at a wedding photo of us, and he doesn't look like the same man AT ALL. I wonder how other people see him? ...... so you're saying this is a Dorian Gray kinda thing? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
intolerable Posted June 30, 2010 Share Posted June 30, 2010 Your mother is right and you should believe her I feel exactly the same I don't want anyone else for few good years lol but the thought of NOT finding someone is obviously getting to me every now and then. And people assume because I am young I houldn't even think that way but I can't help it. I've been single for almost two years, though it's because of choice. And I haven't met people I'm attracted to the way I was attracted to my ex, and sometimes the thought of not meeting anyone scares me too. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
iBroken Posted June 30, 2010 Share Posted June 30, 2010 This is a really helpful thread and I agree that it is all about seeing it for what it is. When things were not going well or I wasn't happy I used to say to myself "remember what it was like when he broke up with you, so be happy with what you have got". I used to think the same thing! My ex hadnt mistreated me (until the end when she could not respect my privacy and boundaries), but sometimes, she would do thinks that would irk me and I would say "Dont get annoyed. Remember what it was like without her. I want to be annoyed by her" Crazy.....and I feel that way to a degree However, she crossed one too many lines ](*,) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MsDexter Posted June 30, 2010 Share Posted June 30, 2010 I've been single for almost two years, though it's because of choice. And I haven't met people I'm attracted to the way I was attracted to my ex, and sometimes the thought of not meeting anyone scares me too. Would you say being single helped you figure out what you want from your future? I want to figure out what I really want from life I didn't get to do that because I got with him as soon as I turned 18 and been with him well 22 in 10 days so you know I feel like I didn't get to really know what I want to do I already had plans for the future as his wife and all so now I have to create a new 1. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pumpkinmoon Posted June 30, 2010 Share Posted June 30, 2010 I used to think the same thing! My ex hadnt mistreated me (until the end when she could not respect my privacy and boundaries), but sometimes, she would do thinks that would irk me and I would say "Dont get annoyed. Remember what it was like without her. I want to be annoyed by her" Crazy.....and I feel that way to a degree However, she crossed one too many lines ](*,) So did he, sooo many lines. If just goes to show how warped we were. Thinking they were almost above us and we deserved no better. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
1guygirl Posted June 30, 2010 Share Posted June 30, 2010 sounds like peeps have been with a view nasty vampires on here. toxic relationships, gas-lighting (denial of facts, crazy making) if their mouth moves, its lying and yes, when they were with us, they somehow looked good, better, and now they reflect the ugliness inside themselves...this isnt no accident cos they would suck every bit of life out of you, all your kindness, generosity, love, compassion, decency...and in return you get lies, rage and contempt. No wonder they look good, while you are left to wither away...but when they leave, they cant feed from you, hence why the tables re-turn. Happened with my ex, he simply is REPULSIVE to look at, not an ounce of his mirroring capabilities redeems him...he is vile inside and out like i said, vampires Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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