IphigeniaSaysHi Posted June 26, 2010 Share Posted June 26, 2010 There are only two games a day on now...before it was much more. The knockout round cuts viewing time down... There is usually a break in between... I'd think he could step out for long enough to eat. It is obvious he's either very intense about this or doesn't want to go. My concern would be the future. This will happen a lot. Could you stand that? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
I_Speak_Jive Posted June 26, 2010 Share Posted June 26, 2010 Frankly, if Sex and the City / Twilight / Confessions of a Shopaholic or any other girly monstrosity based on conspicuous consumption happened to be a live, month-long event that only came on every four years, there would be a LOT more inter-gender understanding in the world. Guys only seem like inconsiderate, selfish oafs re the World Cup because their parners (a) don't get it, and (b) refuse to try to get it, since it doesn't matter to them and is therefore supremely irrelevant. I am gay, so normally whoever I am dating tends to care about the World Cup about as much as the OP, but I do care. Luckily, my partners tend to be not so self-involved that they cannot just shrug their shoulders and give me space for four weeks, instead of making it all about them. They tend to sit down with me and my (straight) friends to watch the game, they hold my hand when my team takes a penalty kick, they hug me when my team loses, they don't understand any of it but they... try. That's another way of dealing with the whole thing. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Citlali Posted June 26, 2010 Share Posted June 26, 2010 But if his country isn't in them then yes, he is being a jerk. Supporting your country is one thing. That's ridiculous. For true soccer fans, the World Cup doesn't end as soon as one's own country is out. It continues. To say this is to not understand a soccer fan at all. Plus, wanting to watch the semi final when your own team is out doesn't make you any more selfish (indeed it isn't selfish at all) than wanting to watch the semi final when your own team is in. If the game starts at 7:30pm, then make your dinner at 5pm. It's no big deal. You knew he wanted to watch. You agreed. It's only every 4 years. He told you about this first before you planned your outing. What it seems you want is to guilt him into not watching the game. That will only make things nasty between you two. This shouldn't be a case of, "I want him to show I am more important". You should be secure enough to know he loves you and isn't "choosing" soccer. There can simply be other things he is passionate about. Don't take it away or he will resent you. Guys only seem like inconsiderate, selfish oafs re the World Cup because their parners (a) don't get it, and (b) refuse to try to get it, since it doesn't matter to them and is therefore supremely irrelevant. This is true to some extent. The irony is that some girls have no trouble MAKING their boyfriends watch things like the Sex in the City movies. I think girls should think about it with something they love in the place of soccer. They might understand. Either way, there needs to be more understanding. Not every second of every day need be spent cuddling and kissing and doing couple stuff. Guys who love soccer love me. Guys who don't still think it's cool I love sports. I win either way. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Siriana Posted June 26, 2010 Share Posted June 26, 2010 but he watches all football, any football, all the time, every year. argggghhhh.... sorry. thats crappy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blue Spiral Posted June 26, 2010 Share Posted June 26, 2010 Wow, the World Cup is only once every four years? I had no idea. That doesn't sound too bad. I'm a big American football fan, so, in the fall and winter, my Saturdays and Sundays are pretty much occupied. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Citlali Posted June 26, 2010 Share Posted June 26, 2010 That a guy watches soccer all the time doesn't make the World Cup any less special. The World Cup is the World Cup. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
browneyedgirl36 Posted June 26, 2010 Share Posted June 26, 2010 Ok, total sports lame-o here. I didn't even know the World Cup was only every four years. I'm American, but I don't even think that's an excuse for my ignorance! I don't watch sports, don't care about them at ALL, and most guys I date, while they may have a passing interest in a sport, aren't the type to be glued to the TV for a sporting event, let alone forego a birthday celebration to watch one. I don't understand the appeal of televised sports, never have, but... That said...if it's a special event, particularly one that happens only every four years...eh...I'd work around it. Yeah, I'd be mildly annoyed that my birthday was lower priority, but as long as he was willing to celebrate my birthday with me at another time, I'd be OK with it. If he's a good boyfriend otherwise, I won't complain. Plus, if it's that important to him, and it's something healthy and not harmful to him or our relationship (as opposed to going out drinking every night, or picking up on other women at clubs)...I'd want him to do it if it made him happy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
konstantine Posted June 26, 2010 Share Posted June 26, 2010 I wouldn't mind him watching every game. It may be a little annoying, but I would do my best to let him be, or go watch with him and make an effort to care. However, on the flip side, I would be really upset that he wanted to skip my birthday for one game that doesn't even involve his team. I think it seems like you have made sacrifices for his obsession for this month, but he is refusing to make any. That's not cool to me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Siriana Posted June 26, 2010 Share Posted June 26, 2010 just an additional info for you who live in states - yes, world cup is every 4 years, but if you are a football fan you have national championships, competitions between clubs on international level - qualifications for European championship, and world championship (sorry for lack of "real" expression - I don't know them....so if you want to watch our football you can watch it throughout the year. So if someone is obsessed with it...well....it's not once in 4 years. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hermes Posted June 26, 2010 Share Posted June 26, 2010 he watches all football, any football, all the time, every year This puts a different complexion on things, Gem. It is not just that he watches the World Cup, but watches football pretty much 24/7. So, if you find it would be difficult for the rest of your life to live like this, then perhaps it is time to re-evaluate the situation. H Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OptomisticGirl Posted June 26, 2010 Share Posted June 26, 2010 Of course the world cup doesn't just end when your countrys team plays, especially for an avid football fan. Just saying to not compromise at ALL on either of their parts is a bit much. OP, does him watching football all the time bother you or is it just because its your birthday? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Firiel Posted June 26, 2010 Share Posted June 26, 2010 If he is regularly attentive despite his love of football, then I would let it go. I know during Olympic years, it takes a whole heck of a lot to tear me away from the TV, and I'm not really even a sports fan. Could you two go out for lunch earlier in the day or maybe plan something for another day? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dragon lady Posted June 26, 2010 Share Posted June 26, 2010 Okay, so it's once every four years. So what? It's a ball game. A birthday is far more important than a sport (unless he was playing the sport, then we might have a point). I think it's pathetic and if my partner did that, I wouldn't be sticking around. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gem90 Posted June 26, 2010 Author Share Posted June 26, 2010 OP, does him watching football all the time bother you or is it just because its your birthday? No, I don't mind him watching football, and I would never stop him from watching it, but yea its my birthday. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DN Posted June 26, 2010 Share Posted June 26, 2010 It is very easy to dismiss someone's hobby or interest as unimportant or trivial. But to that person it isn't either of those things and if someone has been following their sport, or TV series, or whatever with avid interest it is somewhat disrespectful to interpose oneself and say "My birthday should be more important to you than this interest of yours and you should give it up for me". In this case your boyfriend made it clear that he would be warching every game and you agreed to that. To renege on that agreement because "it's just a ballgame" would be very unfair. It isn't "just a ballgame" to him. It is important to him and it is not for anyone else to dismiss his interest as trivial. The birthday dinner with your parents was arranged by you with them and then he was invited - and yet you already knew what was agreed between you and this was not an arrangement in which he had any input. He would be justified in thinking that he was sandbagged by you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dragon lady Posted June 26, 2010 Share Posted June 26, 2010 It reminds me of when my ex said he couldn't afford to get me anything for my birthday (not even a card) and then he went out and bought $150 worth of weed that same day. Apparently it wasn't a big deal for him because he "needed" it and I knew about his smoking habits before we got together. I'm sorry, but I think my birthday is more important than taking one night off from sitting around smoking weed and playing Halo with friends. Yes, I thought his hobby was trivial and no, I don't think I was unreasonable in expecting him to spend the day with me. Missing one game is not going to kill this guy (he can watch it later anyway), but there's a good chance the OP will resent her boyfriend's actions because his hobby was more important than her birthday. If he thinks his hobby is more important, then it goes to show what kind of person he is. It's not like she's asking him to miss the entire World Cup. It's one night. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DN Posted June 26, 2010 Share Posted June 26, 2010 There is a vast difference between smoking weed with friends and being an avid sports fan. Personally, I rarely watch sports but I do have interests and to be told that I have to miss something very important to me associated with it would be less than thrilling. As other people have said, watching it some other time is like eating left-overs or a thriller in which you already know whodunnit. And again - I think it is very disrespectful to dismiss other people's interests and enjoyments as unimportant. Of course not watching one game will not kill him but it won't kill his girlfriend to celebrate her birthday with him at some other time than when the semifinal is being played either. A game lasts about ninety minutes or so - a birthday lasts twenty-four hours. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dragon lady Posted June 27, 2010 Share Posted June 27, 2010 There is a vast difference between smoking weed with friends and being an avid sports fan. Personally, I rarely watch sports but I do have interests and to be told that I have to miss something very important to me associated with it would be less than thrilling. As other people have said, watching it some other time is like eating left-overs or a thriller in which you already know whodunnit. And again - I think it is very disrespectful to dismiss other people's interests and enjoyments as unimportant. Of course not watching one game will not kill him but it won't kill his girlfriend to celebrate her birthday with him at some other time than when the semifinal is being played either. A game lasts about ninety minutes or so - a birthday lasts twenty-four hours. Isn't this exactly what you're doing? My ex loved lighting up and playing video games. It brought him great pleasures. How is this any different to enjoying sports? Just because you think smoking weed and playing video games is trivial, that doesn't mean it was to him. Apparently we shouldn't dismiss that importance. You said so yourself. A birthday may last 24 hours, but the dinner will likely be about 90 minutes too. Celebrating it at another time would be similar to your thriller movie analogy, in my opinion. It's all about the moment and enjoying it with family and other loved ones. Postponing it for a soccer game is just rude. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DN Posted June 27, 2010 Share Posted June 27, 2010 Let's not go to extremes here and compare apples and oranges. The difference between an interest in smoking weed with friends and watching the semi-finals of the World Cup is that the organisers of the World Cup are highly unlikely to take into account the birthday of a fan's girlfriend when scheduling the games. I fail to see how it is rude when it was already agreed that he would watch every game. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Firiel Posted June 27, 2010 Share Posted June 27, 2010 Isn't this exactly what you're doing? My ex loved lighting up and playing video games. It brought him great pleasures. How is this any different to enjoying sports? Just because you think smoking weed and playing video games is trivial, that doesn't mean it was to him. Apparently we shouldn't dismiss that importance. You said so yourself. A birthday may last 24 hours, but the dinner will likely be about 90 minutes too. Celebrating it at another time would be similar to your thriller movie analogy, in my opinion. It's all about the moment and enjoying it with family and other loved ones. Postponing it for a soccer game is just rude. From what I'm gathering, though, your ex's "hobbies" caused you to feel neglected consistently. It wasn't just once a year or even every couple of months when your plans just happened not to fit well with his. This was an ongoing problem. The OP seems (from what I've gathered... I could be misinterpreting it) to be in a fulfilling relationship in general. The issue she is posting seems to be an isolated incident that isn't a problem for the relationship in general. I think that makes it hugely different from what I perceive your past experience to be like (and either of you can correct me if I'm wrong in my assumptions). Maybe it's because celebrating birthdays has always seemed a little silly to me, but I think since she already agreed to let him watch all of the games, since the plans for dinner were made without his input (and he was invited later), and since he can take her out for lunch or breakfast or a midnight snack that day or in any of the days surrounding it, that she should let it go and allow him to enjoy an experience that will come along once in every four years. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OptomisticGirl Posted June 27, 2010 Share Posted June 27, 2010 Very well said. As DN said, each activity doesn't take up the whole day, both of them can compromise. When one doesn't it leads to a big problem, yes. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dragon lady Posted June 27, 2010 Share Posted June 27, 2010 Let's not go to extremes here and compare apples and oranges. The difference between an interest in smoking weed with friends and watching the semi-finals of the World Cup is that the organisers of the World Cup are highly unlikely to take into account the birthday of a fan's girlfriend when scheduling the games. I fail to see how it is rude when it was already agreed that he would watch every game. And I fail to see how it's any different. One may be more socially acceptable, but that's about it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blue Spiral Posted June 27, 2010 Share Posted June 27, 2010 And I fail to see how it's any different. One may be more socially acceptable, but that's about it. I agree, video games are a lot more acceptable than soccer. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dragon lady Posted June 27, 2010 Share Posted June 27, 2010 Wrong. It was a surprisingly fulfilling relationship and I did not feel neglected until the end when he started doing things like that. Anyway, clearly there are a lot of people who don't agree with me. This whole "every four years" thing is still mind boggling to me. All that matters is that both people in the relationship feel the same way and thankfully, the other person in mine does (just asked). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DN Posted June 27, 2010 Share Posted June 27, 2010 Well, apparently both people in the OP's relationship agreed until she changed her mind. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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