orchidrose Posted June 24, 2010 Share Posted June 24, 2010 I think the problem is that I automatically assume that it is something that I said or did that drove them away. Right. That's really easy to assume. But I can tell you that that often isn't the case. Guys who are gonna disappear are gonna disappear no matter what you do. And the ones who do disappear because of something you said or did aren't worth your time, anyway. The guy that you want to be with won't be scared off by something weird that you said or did. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Puddincup Posted June 24, 2010 Share Posted June 24, 2010 It is very easy for people to forget about people that they haven't even met yet. One of the things I read about dating is that you can't take anything personal at the beginning. Without any developed connection established already, you can happily say that it's not you. It's just the process. Don't give up. He is out there. Waiting for you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KH26 Posted June 24, 2010 Share Posted June 24, 2010 I've never done online dating but I agree with what Puddincup's said. From what I'm read on this site, he's probably dating and talking to a lot of women. So it's possible he has sent and received a lot of messages. Maybe it was a spur of the moment thing asking you out yesterday, he might have asked other women out on other nights too. I can imagine being on a dating site must be pretty confusing knowing what you've talked about with who, what you've planned etc. Yes, it is rude of him to agree to something and not reply. But maybe he just didn't seem to think it was that big a deal (which isn't right, I know). As others have said, please don't take it personally. Neither of you have met, don't worry about this one guy. It isn't anything about you, I'm sure. I do understand why you're upset because this keeps happening. But there must be hundreds of people on the dating site, it probably just wasn't to be with this one guy. Please don't give up! You'll learn something from the people who have rejected you, I'm sure. And when you've stuck it out and do meet the right guy for you, all this will be worth it. Sorry if I sound a bit negative, I don't mean to come accross that way. Just think you shouldn't let the guys who flake and reject you get you down. Good luck! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
happyfrank Posted June 24, 2010 Share Posted June 24, 2010 Do you have his number? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
peanutbutterandjelly Posted June 24, 2010 Author Share Posted June 24, 2010 i feel better today. I doubt he forgot he made plans with me. He even told me he wasn't talking to anyone else at the moment. I understand ignoring someones first contact if you're not interested... but he's the one that contacted me. He's the one that suggested we go out on a date. It was all his idea in the first place... If he decided he didnt want to anymore, he should have just said so. I know I can't take it personally, I dont even know the guys that are doing this to me, but it's just really frustrating. I've been trying to do online dating for like 2 months and can't even get a first meetup under my wing, nevermind a first date. I try to keep my hopes up and trying to stay excited about potentially meeting someone so i dont get depressed and jaded about the whole thing and then i get stood up or flaked out on. I know i shouldnt compare myself to other people, but i read these boards and I dont see other girls having this happen to them over and over and over again. Guys keep saying that they wish more girls would talk to them on online dating sites and would do anything to get a date off of one, but that hasn't been my experience at all. I just wish someone would give me a chance. I dont really know what I'm gonna do anymore. I havn't really been on the site much the last couple of days and havn't recieved any messages since last weekend sometime, so I guess that says something. I dont want to stop dating because even though i know im not cut out for it, how else am i gonna meet someone? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
peanutbutterandjelly Posted June 24, 2010 Author Share Posted June 24, 2010 Do you have his number? no i dont have it Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
peanutbutterandjelly Posted June 24, 2010 Author Share Posted June 24, 2010 lol, as soon as I post here that I havn't gotten a message since the weekend, some guy wrote me. Now I don't mean to be picky, but all he said was "hi". He couldnt find one thing in my profile to message me about? Also, the first line in his profile says, "I won't lie, I am mentally unstable." I dont think I'm gonna be replying back to him. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cheetarah Posted June 24, 2010 Share Posted June 24, 2010 lol, as soon as I post here that I havn't gotten a message since the weekend, some guy wrote me. Now I don't mean to be picky, but all he said was "hi". He couldnt find one thing in my profile to message me about? Also, the first line in his profile says, "I won't lie, I am mentally unstable." I dont think I'm gonna be replying back to him. I know you said that in jest, but I think you SHOULD be more picky. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
peanutbutterandjelly Posted June 24, 2010 Author Share Posted June 24, 2010 yeah, definitely. im done wasting my time with people who can't even write a sentence to me. i feel like a guy really wants to get to know me, he will spend time on his message. the guy who flaked out on me yesterday sent a really nice, personal message that really caught my attention though. thats one of the reasons i wrote back. so i guess you never can tell. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BriarRose Posted June 24, 2010 Share Posted June 24, 2010 What site are you on? Have you been on the same site all this time? I would suggest EH. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Puddincup Posted June 25, 2010 Share Posted June 25, 2010 I hated EH although I have heard that it works for some people. I think all the sites work for some and not for others. I was with a guy friend of mine (just a friend) and he was looking at match and decided to email a girl and all he wrote was "Hi, how are you?" and I told him that wasn't enough. He said that there is no point in writing out a big thing until you get a response back. He also defended "winking" which I really don't like. I mean, how lazy can you be? Again, he said that it's like smiling at a girl on the street. You don't start a conversation until she smiles back. So maybe the guy who emailed you is like my guy friend who is a great guy. Just saying. Also, maybe his "mentally unstable" comment was a joke. It's a bad joke for a dating site but some guys (women too I'm sure) don't have a clue how they come accross in their profile. A few guys who had horrible profiles and horrible pictures, I wanted to email them to help them fix up them up! Not that I wanted to date them, but their presentation skills were awful. Doesn't make them bad people though. Again, just saying. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
peanutbutterandjelly Posted June 25, 2010 Author Share Posted June 25, 2010 ive been using okcupid. I really can't afford a pay site right now, but I guess I should stop complaining... i obviously have other options. that dudes profile just got worse and worse as it went on. i like to give people the benefit of the doubt most of the time, but it just came off as really creepy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted June 25, 2010 Share Posted June 25, 2010 I don't think you should be expecting to be asked out on a date by a complete stranger you haven't even spoken by phone with. It's a first meet, to see if you should go on a date in the future, and delaying it to "get to know him better" by typing back and forth just doesn't make a lot of sense. I would screen over the phone - one phone conversation - to make sure that it is safe to meet him and that you think you might have enough to talk about over a 45 minute cup of coffee - so yes I would screen out the people who describe themselves as mentally unstable, who use sexual innuendoes, who seem depressed or hostile - but whether or not you want to go on a real date should be decided only after you meet in person, in my opnion. From what I heard free sites do not attract the same caliber/type of people (people who want to find a relationship as opposed to casual sex) as pay sites. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
peanutbutterandjelly Posted June 25, 2010 Author Share Posted June 25, 2010 ^yeah, I get what you're saying. That was actually the plan, we were just going to meet up for coffee. We actually didnt email very much back and forth at all. We sent maybe liike 5 messages back and forth, he asked me to meet, we set up a time and he asked me about a place, and then just disapeared. We werent extensively talking online or anything. I find it odd that a lot of these guys never ask me for a phone number or send me theirs. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BriarRose Posted June 25, 2010 Share Posted June 25, 2010 ive been using okcupid. I really can't afford a pay site right now, but I guess I should stop complaining... i obviously have other options. that dudes profile just got worse and worse as it went on. i like to give people the benefit of the doubt most of the time, but it just came off as really creepy. Then save up until you can afford it. It's about $30.00 a month. You seem to be meeting very poor quality men on that site and are feeling badly about yourself because of it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cheetarah Posted June 25, 2010 Share Posted June 25, 2010 milkandhoney, I would totally suggest experimenting with a pay site when you have a few extra dollars. I haven't had a whole lot of experience in the online dating world, but notice I find more like-minded individuals on pay sites. When you don't have to pay, people tend to be more nonchalant and 'whatever' about things. When you pay, you're like "Screw this farting around, I just paid 30 bucks, I'm going to make it work for me". And most other people tend to share that same attitude. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
peanutbutterandjelly Posted June 26, 2010 Author Share Posted June 26, 2010 yeah, i definitely agree. I'm not gonna worry about it anymore. I'm gonna keep the profile up, but not obsess over it. Maybe eventually get on a paid site if I am still having trouble meeting guys 6 month from now. I'm young and people like me in real life. It's their own problem if they stand me up or flake out on me and dont find out what a cool person i am. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
peanutbutterandjelly Posted June 26, 2010 Author Share Posted June 26, 2010 ha! i get a message in my email that says that I have a new email on the dating site. I go read the message and the guy basically says that he likes my profile, has the same interests and knows he is far away, but he always like new friends even if they are out of state! I figured he was in the next state over, but it turns out he is like over 1000 miles away! BUT he's really attractive. Do people like this just want to be online friends or are they hoping for something to develop online and move to real life or something? Cause I dont do the long distance thing. I'd probably chit chat with him just out of boredom, but I dont want to lead the guy on. He did say for friendship though. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pnt8rshs Posted June 26, 2010 Share Posted June 26, 2010 Milk and Honey, Sure, maybe talk to out of state guy. As friends. But think nothing of it. You have to put less emphasis on each email/message you get. 98% of then are going to be duds! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BriarRose Posted June 26, 2010 Share Posted June 26, 2010 ha! i get a message in my email that says that I have a new email on the dating site. I go read the message and the guy basically says that he likes my profile, has the same interests and knows he is far away, but he always like new friends even if they are out of state! I figured he was in the next state over, but it turns out he is like over 1000 miles away! BUT he's really attractive. Do people like this just want to be online friends or are they hoping for something to develop online and move to real life or something? Cause I dont do the long distance thing. I'd probably chit chat with him just out of boredom, but I dont want to lead the guy on. He did say for friendship though. M&H, you need to start using your head and not let your desires cloud your judgement. 1,000 miles away? Come on ,now. You need to ask yourself what it is you really want. I am not sure you know. Do you want a bf? Do you just want to date lots of people and not be in a relationship right now? If you want a bf, I would suggest getting off that site, joining a quality site and not wasting your time on any more 18 year olds, men who are not local, men who don't respond to you, etc. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
peanutbutterandjelly Posted June 26, 2010 Author Share Posted June 26, 2010 i know. im not gonna write back to that guy. This probably sounds completely pathetic, but I just get so excited when a guy actually writes to me on there. I guess i feel like i have to lower my standards because i cant get a date at all! I've been trying to get a date for 2 months! I dont want to jump into a relationship right away, I want to date a few guys first and just get back in there, but it's been really really hard for me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BriarRose Posted June 26, 2010 Share Posted June 26, 2010 i know. im not gonna write back to that guy. This probably sounds completely pathetic, but I just get so excited when a guy actually writes to me on there. I guess i feel like i have to lower my standards because i cant get a date at all! I've been trying to get a date for 2 months! I dont want to jump into a relationship right away, I want to date a few guys first and just get back in there, but it's been really really hard for me. It doesn't sound pathetic at all, I do understand. Well, I will say it once more that I think you are on a site that does not appear to have people of very high quality, based on your threads and the experiences you have had with them. I just don't want you feeling badly for yourself because you happen to meet some loser guys from a low-quality dating site. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cheetarah Posted June 26, 2010 Share Posted June 26, 2010 milkandhoney, If you feel like you need to lower your standards, believe me that people can sniff that out a mile away. You are presenting yourself as desperate. Desperation attracts nothing good. I don't think you're pathetic, at all. I do believe you have to stop putting so much stock into a message or two, and your stock in a guy just because you're afraid that there will be a big gap until the next. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
peanutbutterandjelly Posted June 26, 2010 Author Share Posted June 26, 2010 milkandhoney, If you feel like you need to lower your standards, believe me that people can sniff that out a mile away. You are presenting yourself as desperate. Desperation attracts nothing good. I don't think you're pathetic, at all. I do believe you have to stop putting so much stock into a message or two, and your stock in a guy just because you're afraid that there will be a big gap until the next. i may sound desperate on here, but i really dont think i am coming off as desperate online in my profile or when I am responding to messages. I see a lot of girls profiles and they are extremely negative, have a list of what they want/dont want, talk about past relationships, etc. I dont do any of that. My profile is very positive and I am very friendly when I talk to people. I'm actually a pretty happy, fun loving person in real life, but when I post on this forum, it doesnt seem that way! lol Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
peanutbutterandjelly Posted June 26, 2010 Author Share Posted June 26, 2010 It doesn't sound pathetic at all, I do understand. Well, I will say it once more that I think you are on a site that does not appear to have people of very high quality, based on your threads and the experiences you have had with them. I just don't want you feeling badly for yourself because you happen to meet some loser guys from a low-quality dating site. there definitely seem to be some quality men on there which is why I have been sticking around. The problem is that the men that I message don't respond and the men that are messaging me are turning out to be losers. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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