rach213 Posted June 18, 2010 Share Posted June 18, 2010 hi all, ive been with my guy for nearly 5 months now and hes just so selfish. For example he rarely thinks about how things affect me and gets very wrapped up in his own life. I had a minor operation last week and yes he checked i was ok but after he has initially checked i felt ok he seemed to forget id been in hospital and became more interested in his cycle race this weekend. Has anyone been with anyone who is very selfish and what can i do to make him realise? Thanks Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
iBroken Posted June 18, 2010 Share Posted June 18, 2010 You cant Selfish people dont pay attention to their surroundings. It never changes Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WomanWriter Posted June 18, 2010 Share Posted June 18, 2010 Yeah, I never knew what to do. I would talk about it (never actually called them "selfish") but they never caught on and it was always about them. I don't think people like that change. The world revolves around them. I know how you feel, though, because my last ex liked to make jokes when I was trying to be serious...very insensitive. He didn't remember his friend's birthday, didn't reply to emails unless he wanted a favor from people, and never really responded to anything I said except to change the suibject! All the talking in the world doesn't help them see what they are doing. It sucks. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rach213 Posted June 18, 2010 Author Share Posted June 18, 2010 Sometimes he is attentive and asks questions about how my days has gone etc... but then suddenly its like a light bulb switching off and bang hes becomes selfish! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
itsallgrand Posted June 18, 2010 Share Posted June 18, 2010 Staying with someone who is disproportionately selfish will only drive you crazy. There is nothing you can do. It's a personal choice on their part, and sometimes it's an indication of things more serious even than regular old selfishness - like emotional problems, trouble with intimacy, mental illness, abusive tendencies, character and moral problems, all kinds of ugly stuff. Trying to change them will do this, I can tell you from experience: flare up your own insecurities, eventually making you feel hopeless when your efforts are ignored/rebuffed/make no change, and they can cause the 'selfish' person to resent you and treat you poorly. They have to deal with it themselves. Only thing you can do is not put up with behavior that isn't good for you. A lot of times, it means having to detach from the person who is so wrapped up in themselves. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
top bloke Posted June 18, 2010 Share Posted June 18, 2010 Selfish people never change.They are like leeches sucking the life out of people. You say you had minor surgery? It makes me wonder how minor? If you need a carer while you recover then he is being selfish. If it was very minor then I dont believe he is being selfish. It really depends on the severity of your surgery which you say was minor. If that is the case then perhaps you are too demanding? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Crazyaboutdogs Posted June 18, 2010 Share Posted June 18, 2010 Selfish people never change.They are like leeches sucking the life out of people. You say you had minor surgery? It makes me wonder how minor? If you need a carer while you recover then he is being selfish. If it was very minor then I dont believe he is being selfish. It really depends on the severity of your surgery which you say was minor. If that is the case then perhaps you are too demanding? I agree with all of this. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ItRainsItPours Posted June 20, 2010 Share Posted June 20, 2010 selfish people can change. it doesnt happen often but I've seen it. I've been best friends with the same guy since we were 11. I love him like blood but he can be a bit selfish at times. he's now in his first LTR, talk of marriage the works, and after about one year is depression and anxiety flared up. him over medicating himself helped speed that process along too. so he would just torture his girlfriend with his selfishness. and shes just about the sweetest and nicest girl ever. the type that makes your guy friends temporarily stop thinking about chasing every pretty face and "want a real girlfriend". so anyway they were real bad for along time because he was ridiculous. whatever he did wrong and she called him out on it he'd just reply "why cant you just understand Im going through a rough time". sounds pretty hopeless right? I thought so. but she stuck by him through all that crap and made a sort of project out of him. got him to get his psychiatrist to cancel his perscriptions and she got him healthy again. now they're in a balanced relationship and are very happy. so long story short a selfish person is not condemned to being a tool forever. it takes alot of patience that most people dont have. you'vd got to decide if that person is worth the effort. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lostgirlaus Posted June 20, 2010 Share Posted June 20, 2010 I'm in the exact same boat as you, my boyfriend is like that too. He doesn't realize how his actions will affect me and others around him. He becomes so self absorbed sometimes and rarely ever opens up to me. I have no idea what can be done, I've asked my boyfriend to talk to me about his problems and he said he'd try... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.