lostgirlaus Posted June 18, 2010 Share Posted June 18, 2010 So apparently my last thread made me seem like I'm controlling my boyfriend but I assure you, it's quite the opposite, he has ME whipped lol. He has mood issues, he changes moods at the drop of a hat. For about a week he's been depressed and really distant, I asked his friends and they said the same, but with some others he seemed fine. He wouldn't say "I love you" to me for a week, and he told me he needed a break from everything at the moment (he leaves for an overseas trip tomorrow and has been working extra a work which is also stressing him). We had a fight about how he never asks me anywhere, I also have to invite myself even if it's just to his house and how I feel like I'm imposing myself. Everytime we fight he manipulates and guilt trips me, he puts words in my mouth and makes me seem like the bad guy. I end up apologizing even when it's not my fault because I don't want to lose him. He told me he doesn't know how he feels about us anymore. Last night I told him I was coming to see him today before he leaves for his trip. I haven't seen him in two weeks, and I was planning to wait til the end to prove to myself that I could do it, but I realized I don't want to wait two more weeks for him like this, not knowing where we stand. He said it was ok for me to come, and then he changed his mind. He did this repeatedly for about 3 hours. Finally he called me and broke down, told me he had been an * * * * * * * and he was sorry for all that he put me through and loves me. Here's the kicker, there is a girl at work who has claimed herself his "bestie". He tells her everything now apparently, and they've only been "besties" for 2-3 weeks. I'm pretty sure she likes him, and I have a very strong feeling he'd never cheat on me and his friends have told me so too, but I get the sense he likes her too. He mentioned she hugs him at work when he's upset and he also said this to her last on msn which he mistakenly sent to me : she's gotta get over the fact im not always going to be with her, im still young He also implied during our fight he did not want to see me because he was going out for drinks with a girl from work. We finally agreed I'd see him tonight, and that girl will be there tonight. How do I deal with this? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PoisonIvy Posted June 18, 2010 Share Posted June 18, 2010 I've not read your other threads, but he sounds like a jerk. I've been with someone with similar behavioral problems and he didn't change. I would save yourself grief and dump him, unless working on the relationship is worth it to you. It sounds like he's going to have to do a major personality overhaul, which only works if he wants it; even then, no guarantees on lasting effects. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lostgirlaus Posted June 19, 2010 Author Share Posted June 19, 2010 I've not read your other threads, but he sounds like a jerk. I've been with someone with similar behavioral problems and he didn't change. I would save yourself grief and dump him, unless working on the relationship is worth it to you. It sounds like he's going to have to do a major personality overhaul, which only works if he wants it; even then, no guarantees on lasting effects. Yeah he can be a jerk at time and I think he has some personality issues, but the good times with him make up for the bad. I can't seem to bring myself to break up with him, maybe it's just not that time for that now. Thanks Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cancer Posted June 19, 2010 Share Posted June 19, 2010 I think that he wants a three some why else would he want you to meet the girl that's consoling him. men are what ever we allow them to be or get away with! Go and see if she is just a friend or what else he wants from you! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
_Asti_ Posted June 19, 2010 Share Posted June 19, 2010 What's with the "Im still young" comment? Makes it sound like he's going to get out and around and still has alot of dating left to do? Having a female friend is ok. Being physical with them is not ok. I'd definitely be worried about where this is headed..as it seems there's a direct relationship between how close he's gotten with this girl, and how less you've seen of him. This guy doesn't seem worth it. He's putting you through alot of BS. And his actions and behaviours are quite shocking. His new friendship would have me concerned because it doesn't seem like a typiacl friendship. The poor treatment has increased since she came into his life. Red flag. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lostgirlaus Posted June 19, 2010 Author Share Posted June 19, 2010 What's with the "Im still young" comment? Makes it sound like he's going to get out and around and still has alot of dating left to do? Having a female friend is ok. Being physical with them is not ok. I'd definitely be worried about where this is headed..as it seems there's a direct relationship between how close he's gotten with this girl, and how less you've seen of him. This guy doesn't seem worth it. He's putting you through alot of BS. And his actions and behaviours are quite shocking. His new friendship would have me concerned because it doesn't seem like a typiacl friendship. The poor treatment has increased since she came into his life. Red flag. I talked to him last night and he says he doesn't remember much of our convo from that night because he was drunk. He had told me this before we started talking and I know that's no excuse for saying those things. I told him that something he said bothered me but I didn't want to bring it up because he was leaving to go overseas this morning and I wanted him to leave on a happy note. He said he felt really bad about whatever he said and didn't mean it, loves me etc. I'm fine with him having female friends but this seems a bit weird. He's telling her details of our relationship after only being "besties" for 2 weeks. He said he talks to her when he's upset so maybe he feels weird talking to me about it I asked him to talk to me in the future and he said he'd make an effort. We never did end up going out for drinks and I didn't meet her. At first I thought it might have been because he didn't want me to see her, but I'm glad we didn't go, I got to spend his last night before he leaves the country with him. He ditched her for me which makes me happy I hope this is a phase that will pass, that'll stop being so close, but all I can do is wait I suppose and see where this goes... I'm not sure if his behaviour is like this because of her or not, because he's done something similar to me in the past before she came along. His behaviour is unacceptable, I know and he does too. He knows he doesn't deserve me but I can't help but stick around... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
_Asti_ Posted June 19, 2010 Share Posted June 19, 2010 Maybe the bigger question here is why do you allow yourself such poor treatment? If you know he isn't treating you right, why do you remain and allow him to continue to behave this way and treat you? If he doesn't feel like he desreves you, why does he treat you so poorly? You sticking around just reinforces that what he's doing is acceptable and that you will tolerate poor treatment. He can continue to do what he's doing because he knows you're going to stick around, so why change? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lostgirlaus Posted June 19, 2010 Author Share Posted June 19, 2010 Maybe the bigger question here is why do you allow yourself such poor treatment? If you know he isn't treating you right, why do you remain and allow him to continue to behave this way and treat you? If he doesn't feel like he desreves you, why does he treat you so poorly? You sticking around just reinforces that what he's doing is acceptable and that you will tolerate poor treatment. He can continue to do what he's doing because he knows you're going to stick around, so why change? I seriously have no idea why I actually stick around. He knows what he's doing is wrong and he hates that he hurts me that way, but doesn't seem to be able to change. I suppose the good times make up for the bad Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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