blanche88 Posted June 16, 2010 Share Posted June 16, 2010 I saw this in someone's thread: I can hang out and get along fine with girls that for whatever reason I am not attracted to or only a little bit attracted to but when there is a girl that I am attracted to enough to want to ask out or date I get super nervous about talkng to her and thus I usually am just pretty quiet which doesn't get me anywhere with a girl I am attracted to. I'm the same way (except with guys) - I feel really self-conscious around guys I'm attracted to, but I can relax/be myself if I'm not attracted to a guy. Is everyone like this, or just shy people? I ask because I have a few male friends I'm not attracted to... I wonder if I'd have more luck with other guys if I could just open up and be myself. It affects me in subtle ways as well, like if I see an attractive guy generally I won't make eye contact or smile like I would at anyone else. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mca1975 Posted June 16, 2010 Share Posted June 16, 2010 I think this is fairly universal yes... I would go into a panic if introduced to a nice looking guy that I was attracted to because I suddenly felt that I had to look my best and "impress", but now I'm older, I don't get like that so much as I accept myself as I am and don't feel that I need to impress, or if I do wish to impress, I am usually pretty confident in that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FathomFear Posted June 16, 2010 Share Posted June 16, 2010 I think the nervousness comes not from your own attraction but from the feeling that the person might be "evaluating" you. For example, I'm a gay man. I don't feel nervous or self-conscious at all around hot/attractive straight guys, but I do have those feelings around other gay men. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cognitive_Canine Posted June 16, 2010 Share Posted June 16, 2010 I only feel that way if I don't feel like they feel the same way about me. If I feel like they are attracted to me (and I can almost always tell) and that they want a relationship, I have little to zero nervousness. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
blanche88 Posted June 16, 2010 Author Share Posted June 16, 2010 If I feel like they are attracted to me (and I can almost always tell) and that they want a relationship, I have little to zero nervousness. I'm the same, actually (so I'm probably not as self-conscious as my initial post suggests)... If I'm on a date with someone or am talking to someone who seems to be attracted to me, I can usually relax to some extent and be myself. When I'm unsure how they feel or they're a stranger, I'm less outgoing/friendly towards them. eg if I were attracted to someone at a party, I wouldn't go up and talk to him and I'd probably avoid his gaze/not look over if I thought he was looking at me. Or if it was someone in class I wouldn't sit down next to him or make small talk, etc. So stupid! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cognitive_Canine Posted June 16, 2010 Share Posted June 16, 2010 I'm the same, actually (so I'm probably not as self-conscious as my initial post suggests)... If I'm on a date with someone or am talking to someone who seems to be attracted to me, I can usually relax to some extent and be myself. When I'm unsure how they feel or they're a stranger, I'm less outgoing/friendly towards them. eg if I were attracted to someone at a party, I wouldn't go up and talk to him and I'd probably avoid his gaze/not look over if I thought he was looking at me. Or if it was someone in class I wouldn't sit down next to him or make small talk, etc. So stupid! Or if I felt like they only wanted sex...I get uncomfortable and confused about my feelings. That makes me nervous and hesitant. Only because I am constantly gauging how they feel and seeing if they want something more. They typically do not but it's hard for me to let go of things like that without having a little bit of hope in the back of my head. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pinkelephant Posted June 16, 2010 Share Posted June 16, 2010 Ya, I think it happens to everyone to an extent. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chelsea13 Posted June 16, 2010 Share Posted June 16, 2010 I think this is fairly universal yes... I would go into a panic if introduced to a nice looking guy that I was attracted to because I suddenly felt that I had to look my best and "impress". That's true, it happens to me from time to time. It's more like the evaluation that makes me nervous. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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