FootofGod Posted June 16, 2010 Share Posted June 16, 2010 Looks to me like you have only things to gain by shedding this piece of garbage. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pumpkinmoon Posted June 16, 2010 Author Share Posted June 16, 2010 Shoe Fairy: Your own OP is all the confirmation you need. What could POSSIBLY be good about this kind of individual? H Just thinking about who he used to be and what could have been. It's hard to imagine or think that this is the sort of person he really is. I have visions of him treating his next gf how he should have treated me and it saddens me. I feel like I wasn't good enough. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
penelope13 Posted June 16, 2010 Share Posted June 16, 2010 Why are you still focusing on what he did/ didn't do, what he might have thought/ felt? You should really only be looking at this whole fiasco from why you did what you did/ didn't do, why you accepted it, how you rationalized everything to yourself. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hermes Posted June 16, 2010 Share Posted June 16, 2010 Don't even go there, Shoe Fairy. I have visions of him treating his next gf how he should have treated me and it saddens me. I feel like I wasn't good enough. People like that do not suddenly become different (leopards do not change their spots). Oh he may well do the "idealization" stuff at the outset, to reel in the person, and then the "real him" will burst out. Although "real" in the context of individuals such as this doesn't have much meaning as all they have is a false self.. They can only objectify the "other", and they can and do inflict a lot of damage. H Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Taikero Posted June 16, 2010 Share Posted June 16, 2010 Just thinking about who he used to be and what could have been. It's hard to imagine or think that this is the sort of person he really is. I have visions of him treating his next gf how he should have treated me and it saddens me. I feel like I wasn't good enough. There is no such thing as the person he used to be or presented to you. That was a facade. Who he really is has been shown to you time and again: A disrespectful, immature, lying little twit who cares not one bit for you other than to use you for convenience's sake. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pumpkinmoon Posted June 16, 2010 Author Share Posted June 16, 2010 I don't know who the real him is. I don't know if it was me who changed him into a monster over time or not. Im not sure. In our first year together, there were issues. He always tried to convince me he was trustworthy not that I ever thought he would cheat. Anyway, he went to london with his mates to watch hockey. It turns out that during that trip, they went out drinking with a group of girls. That was even back then during our first year together. The year that he promised me the world. So was he ever who I thought he was??? I don't know if they actually stayed at the girls house. But there is a picture of him with his top off drinking in a living room of a house which lots of girls present. He never told me about that. He may not have cheated, but it's all the hiding things and keeping things from me. There was also a picture from that night of them all out in a club and one of the girls who was at the house had her arms around him. I can't believe it was all going on way back then! I really have to wonder what happened that didn't get caught on camera. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pumpkinmoon Posted June 16, 2010 Author Share Posted June 16, 2010 There is no such thing as the person he used to be or presented to you. That was a facade. Who he really is has been shown to you time and again: A disrespectful, immature, lying little twit who cares not one bit for you other than to use you for convenience's sake. Twit! I haven't used that word for a while. Brought a smile to my face. You are probably right, but it's hard to accept that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FreedomRing Posted June 16, 2010 Share Posted June 16, 2010 Why are you still focusing on what he did/ didn't do, what he might have thought/ felt? You should really only be looking at this whole fiasco from why you did what you did/ didn't do, why you accepted it, how you rationalized everything to yourself. This...look back at the advice you give to women on here who get treated horribly by their bf's....your advice is sincere and genuine I'm sure, but also hypocritical, no? You have stayed and put up with CRAZY treatment...be good to yourself. You taught your bf how to treat you by accepting his behavior...never let that happen again. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
browneyedgirl36 Posted June 16, 2010 Share Posted June 16, 2010 There is no such thing as the person he used to be or presented to you. That was a facade. Who he really is has been shown to you time and again: A disrespectful, immature, lying little twit who cares not one bit for you other than to use you for convenience's sake. Yep. He wasn't who he presented to you at all. Peoples' true character, over time, shows through, and his definitely revealed itself to you over time. Almost anyone can put on an act, pretending to be something they're not. Some are particularly good at it. It sounds as if he was good at acting at first, but after awhile, he got sloppy and started unwittingly revealing his true self. You are well rid of him. I know it hurts, but what you're mourning here is most likely not the loss of HIM, but the loss of your hopes/dreams about what your relationship with him could have been. It's totally natural to feel this way. Just please, whatever you do, don't let it weaken you to the point where you have selective memory loss and start to block out what he's done or minimize it. If you do, you could end up getting sucked back in by him again, and that would be awful. He really is a wretched person, and you deserve better. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hermes Posted June 16, 2010 Share Posted June 16, 2010 I don't know if it was me who changed him into a monster over time or not Now, ShoeFairy, what on earth would make you think something like that? But of course it is part of the artillery of the "false selves" to make YOU (the other) think that everything and anything is your fault. H Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pumpkinmoon Posted June 16, 2010 Author Share Posted June 16, 2010 It's definitely a mourning of the hopes and dreams. I think a little bit of him too. It's odd though, he isn't a magician who can magically put on an act...He was genuinely interested in me in the beginning and everything he said and did seemed genuine. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pumpkinmoon Posted June 16, 2010 Author Share Posted June 16, 2010 Now, ShoeFairy, what on earth would make you think something like that? But of course it is part of the artillery of the "false selves" to make YOU (the other) think that everything and anything is your fault. H When I met him I was coming out of a 7 year relationship. He had been cheating on me for a year without my knowledge. My now ex was amazing through it. Told me what an idiot my ex was and all that. Said he would never hurt me. I was insecure understandably. And I feel like I drove him to be the person he is now. But as time went on, there was no reassurance. nothing. And all these shady things started popping up and I became more and more insecure. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
penelope13 Posted June 16, 2010 Share Posted June 16, 2010 Is it not possible that while you were dealing with your previous breakup, you weren't really in a frame of mind to see your current ex in a more realistic way? Maybe you were so upset and hurt from the betrayal before that your now ex looked like a knight in shining amor and you didn't even notice/ want to notice if there were things about him that you didn't like right from the beginning. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hermes Posted June 17, 2010 Share Posted June 17, 2010 he isn't a magician who can magically put on an act... No, he isn't ShoeFairy. It comes naturally to people like him. Their whole self is an act. H Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pumpkinmoon Posted June 17, 2010 Author Share Posted June 17, 2010 Is it not possible that while you were dealing with your previous breakup, you weren't really in a frame of mind to see your current ex in a more realistic way? Maybe you were so upset and hurt from the betrayal before that your now ex looked like a knight in shining amor and you didn't even notice/ want to notice if there were things about him that you didn't like right from the beginning. Goodpoint but no way. I never felt as cherished and wanted as I did. He said the sweetest things to me and was always there. He kept nagging me to be his gf. I wasn't ready but I gave in after 4 months. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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