Break up after 5 years

[AndrewJ]

Hi all,

 

Its been a long time since I've posted here, in fact I think it was for advice on how to ask this person out. Ironic.

 

I'm just after some advice on my current situation, ill try and be brief.

 

I've been in a relationship for about 5 years, been together since we were 18 now 23, the last few months I've been really down and questioning whether its right for me, GIGS problems basically. Plus a little bit of agro, which I've been trying to distance myself from, within her family.

 

The relationship was quite weird in that we only saw each other at the weekends where she would come and stay over where I live (with parents). Thats how its been for last 2 or 3 years. I made the decision a few months ago that I would have to break up with her and tried for a while to get rid of the feelings, until yesterday where I finally did it.

 

Here's the part which has knocked me, I've literally been bawling my eyes out since I did it yesterday, and now I'm wondering if I could have done more to save what evidently must have meant so much to me. I've never felt like this before ever and I never thought I would feel this way.

 

I'm now thinking that I should have put way more into the relationship making more time to see her, doing things etc.. Making plans for the future, which I think is possibly one of the things that stifled it so much. It just felt like it was going nowhere, however we could have gotten ourselves a place etc..

I always thought that those things would happen naturally if it was the right thing to do, and the fact they didn't just made it more evident something was wrong. We are both quite passive people, we have never had a proper argument etc. So neither of us would have driven a big change in the relationship like that.

 

Another thing which totally threw me was how well she took it, I was a complete wreck and she was actually comforting me. I think it hadn't fully sunk in yet for her, but part of me thinks the reasons for me breaking up made sense in her mind as well. It was almost like a mutual decision by the end.

 

What I'm basically asking is have I threw something important away which I didn't even realise I felt. If id known I had these feelings while we were together would I have still wanted to end it. An example of how I'm feeling is we were planning a trip to Rome and I was secretly dreading it, however the way I feel now id take her tomorrow!

 

My gut instinct is to wait a bit to get my head together then see how I feel and if I'm still doubting myself then maybe do something about it.

 

Any opinions welcome, I know its hard with such a brief explanation.

[Ms Darcy]

Regret is natural after a breakup. I think what's unfortunate here is that you thought the relationship would progress naturally. Progress does not happen without effort and will. If you were passive, then yes you probably did miss an opportunity to try and build a stronger bond.

 

But you need to give yourself time to really consider your decision.

[somberchic]

The grass is not greener on the otherside! it's green where you water it!

[AndrewJ]

I agree with what both of you have said, thanks for your comments! however I'm stuck at where to proceed.

 

I'm seriously considering contacting her and asking if she wants to meet up so we can talk without all the tears etc.

 

What time frame do you recon, Im thinking not next week but week after, like say 2 weeks. Any ideas?

[Ms Darcy]

I agree with what both of you have said, thanks for your comments! however I'm stuck at where to proceed.

 

I'm seriously considering contacting her and asking if she wants to meet up so we can talk without all the tears etc.

 

What time frame do you recon, Im thinking not next week but week after, like say 2 weeks. Any ideas?

 

Ask yourself:

 

Why do you want to get back together?

Why did you risk the relationship by breaking up?

How are you going to move the relationship forward?

Are you willing to make a commitment if you get back together?

Will you leave again if the recon is not what you thought it would be?